Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this special solo episode, I announce my decision to take a sabbatical from Grieving Voices and reflect on the nature of change, the power of asking “why,” and how letting go can create space for new growth. I share my personal journey of questioning the routines and commitments that no longer serve me and the surprising sense of relief and excitement that came with making this decision.
Key Points
- Change is inevitable and often reveals our true nature and patterns
- The connection between grief and the disruption of familiar patterns
- How asking “why” questions can help us identify people-pleasing behaviors
- The importance of evaluating where we put our energy and time
- Why I’m taking a sabbatical from the podcast after 5 years
- Finding relief and expansion in letting go of self-imposed expectations
- All episodes will remain available as a resource for the grieving community
A heartfelt thank you to all the listeners, guests, and supporters who have been part of the Grieving Voices journey over the past 5 years. Your participation has helped change the narrative around grief, making it something we can discuss openly and honestly.
As I embrace this change, I invite you to consider what changes you might resist in your life. What might be possible if you leaned into that change instead? What “why” questions might help you uncover your own path forward?
RESOURCES:
Embracing Change: A Necessary Part of Growth
Change is one of life’s few certainties, yet it often brings discomfort, uncertainty, and even grief. Whether we choose it ourselves or it arrives unexpectedly, change challenges us in ways that shape who we are. It forces us to confront what no longer serves us, re-evaluate our priorities, and step into the unknown.
For years, Grieving Voices has been a space for open, heartfelt conversations about loss, healing, and personal growth. Every episode has carried the mission of normalizing discussions around grief, helping others navigate their emotions, and creating a supportive community. But just as grief teaches us that life moves forward, so too must this journey evolve. It is with deep reflection and intention that the podcast is taking an open-ended sabbatical—an opportunity to pause, reset, and make space for new possibilities.
This decision did not come lightly. Stepping away from something familiar, especially something built with passion and purpose, can stir up conflicting emotions. There may be grief in letting go of expectations or routines, but there is also freedom in allowing change to unfold naturally. Sometimes, asking the right questions—Why am I holding onto this? What is truly aligned with my heart?—leads to answers that bring clarity and peace.
But make no mistake—this is not the end. The conversations around grief and healing will continue in new and exciting ways. The past five years of episodes remain a resource for those who need support, and the space being created now will allow for fresh inspiration, deeper connections, and innovative ways to serve the grieving community. This is a time of transformation, and what comes next may be even more powerful than what has been before.
As this chapter pauses, consider what changes you may be resisting in your own life. What possibilities could open up if fear was replaced with curiosity? What new beginnings are waiting just beyond the uncertainty? Growth is never easy, but it is always worth it. And when the time is right, this journey will continue—stronger, brighter, and more meaningful than ever before.
Stay connected, stay open, and trust that the best is yet to come. 💛✨
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to grieving voices. I am your host, Victoria Volk, and today’s episode is going to be a little different. It’s a solo episode, which I haven’t recorded since the end of December before the New Year. And I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately and how it shapes us, how it challenges us, and ultimately how it helps us grow. And as the staying goes, the only certainties in life are death, taxes, and I would argue to add change. Change is inevitable, and sometimes we initiated ourselves and sometimes it’s thrust upon us by others. In either way, it often feels uncomfortable, even unnerving. It’s also fascinating how change brings out the true colors in in other people, including in ourselves. When change is on the horizon, we often revert to what we know and what we’ve been taught and how to deal with uncertainty. Grief is essentially a change in or an end of a familiar pattern of behavior. So imagine if you and a friend went to lunch every Friday and spoke or spoke on the phone every Sunday, and then suddenly that pattern stopped. Those days would feel different, wouldn’t they? We take these patterns for granted until they change. When someone else’s changes impact us, we have decisions to make. We might feel anger or sadness, but allowing ourselves to be swept away by those emotions isn’t where we want to end up. And sometimes, change becomes the byproduct of asking ourselves or others better questions. It’s I’ve always been that why kid, you know, the kid that always drives everyone nuts asking why, why, why? And if you’re going to tell me what to do, then you best tell me why I’m doing it too. I need reasoning behind my actions or behind actions someone else tells me to take and that questioning nature has served me well when it’s directed outward. It’s also obviously backfired because I can be viewed as sometimes a negative Nancy or a naysayer or a questioner. Right? Like just like someone questioning authority. But lately, I’ve been turning those those y questions inward. Not lately, I guess throughout my life obviously because it can be a detriment to me too. But the y questions I’ve been asking myself are Why do I continue certain weekly routines? Why do I put energy into things that don’t light me up? Why am I still doing things that exhaust me? I have the gate of doubt in human design in my human design, which is gate six three, I am the natural skeptic. When I recommend something you can count on the fact that I vetted it thoroughly, but I’ve learned that when I turn all those questions toward myself, as self doubt, like questioning myself, that’s when I’m self sabotaging. So with all that context, I wanna share something important with you today. And this may cause some grief for some of you. And I had my own period of grief coming to this decision. This will be my final episode for a to be determined, amount of time. I am taking a sabbatical from grieving voices. I haven’t decided if this pause will last a few months or maybe weeks or be permanent. I am leaving that open because I want to honor whatever emerges during this time away. And I want to be clear that all episodes will remain available. Our work together over these past five years isn’t disappearing. It will continue to be a resource for those navigating grief just as as it has always been. When I asked myself why I’ve continued producing the podcast week after week, many of my answers stem from people pleasing tendencies, especially as of late, So I’ve been telling myself I had to reach the five year mark in two hundred and fifty episodes. But when I asked myself, why? Why does that matter? Who does that matter too? I couldn’t come up with a reason that truly resonated with me. Each episode requires about five hours of energy between recording and working with my virtual assistant not to mention the financial investment. That’s energy not going toward people who matter most in my life. The creative projects brewing within me or simply having the space to just be. For the past five years, I’ve poured my heart and soul into changing the narrative around grief working toward a world where we can talk about grief like we talk about the weather. I’m profoundly grateful to everyone who has joined me on that mission. Guest who have shared their stories, listeners who have opened their hearts in the community we’ve built together. When I finally told a friend, my decision to pause the podcast and I set it out loud, It was as if this wave of relief washed over me. I felt this pressure release and I experienced expansion and excitement in that moment. I am excited about what this change could mean. The sabbatical is an opportunity to give myself the energetic time and space to be in creative flow with whatever comes up. I might even start blogging again. I might develop new ways to serve the the grieving community, or I could rest and replenish my creative well. The beauty is in the not knowing. Imagine how different our world would be if the seasons never changed. Change is necessary for our growth and our evolution, and it helps us discover what we’re capable of even when it feels uncomfortable or painful. I want to express my deepest gratitude to each of you who has listened, shared, commented on, and supported this podcast. Together, we’ve created something meaningful that has touched lives and opened hearts. That doesn’t end with the sabbatical. It simply retransforms. And if you’d like to stay connected during this transition, you can find me through my newsletter or on social media. And I’ll be sharing updates there as as they emerge. And you can check out the show notes for links to connect in that way. And as we part ways for now, I invite you to consider the changes you might be resisting in your own life. What might be possible if you leaned into that change instead? What? Why questions might help you to uncover your own path forward? Thank you for being on this journey with me until our paths cross again, whether he or elsewhere. Remember that your grieving voice matters, your grief matters, And change while challenging can lead to beautiful new beginnings. With deep gratitude and so much love, this is grieving voices signing off for now. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love. From my heart to yours, thank you for listening. If you like this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being a hurt with years. And if you’re hurting, know that what you’re feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
On this Christmas Eve episode, I extend warm, festive greetings to all listeners, no matter how you celebrate. Inspired by my recent newsletter, The Unleash Letters, I reflect on the past year’s experiences and energies while looking forward with hope to 2025.
I discuss the power of self-reflection as a healing tool—especially for those grieving—and encourage everyone to consider what energies from 2023 they carried into 2024 and how these might impact their future.
I’ve experienced a shift in my beliefs about unseen spiritual support, which has renewed my excitement and inspiration for the future. Trusting oneself and having faith in a higher power can truly spark personal growth.
Setting intentions is crucial; it helps us tackle challenges head-on and transform our lives into ones filled with freedom and fulfillment. We can quickly change perspectives by addressing obstacles directly, grounding ourselves, and reframing our thoughts. While conflicts are inevitable when engaging deeply with others, viewing year-end as a new beginning allows us to harness energy shifts for personal growth.
I invite you to reflect on what didn’t work in 2024, consider changes you’d like to make for 2025, and explore my website for services that meet where you are at like the energy healing membership, meditations, or the Do Grief Differently program—with an exclusive limited-time discount available!
My goal is to meet you wherever you are on your journey by helping you take control of your energy and potential. As I close this episode with hope for 2025, remember that unleashing your heart unlocks your life’s true potential!
RESOURCES:
- The Unleashed Letters Newsletter
- Energy Healing Membership
- Do Grief Differently (10% off for two individuals for January or February start date)
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embrace the Holiday Spirit with Grieving Voices
As we approach the end of another year, it’s a time for reflection, gratitude, and setting intentions for what lies ahead. In this special Christmas Eve episode of the Grieving Voices podcast, listeners are invited to pause and reflect on their journey through 2023 and how they can step into 2024 with renewed energy and purpose.
A Season of Reflection
The holiday season is often seen as a time of joy and celebration. However, it’s also a period where emotions run high—especially for those who are grieving. The host acknowledges this duality by extending festive greetings while recognizing that everyone’s experience during this time is unique. Drawing inspiration from The Unleash Letters, their biweekly newsletter filled with personal reflections and resources, the host encourages us all to take stock of our emotional landscape.
The Power of Self-Reflection
Self-reflection isn’t just about looking back; it’s about understanding how past experiences shape our present selves—and ultimately influence our future paths. For those dealing with grief or other life challenges in particular—self-reflection becomes an essential tool for healing because it allows us not only recognize but also release pent-up energies holding us back from growth opportunities waiting around every corner!
In fact—as highlighted throughout today’s episode—the act itself requires immense amounts both mental physical strength which makes sense why so many people find themselves drained exhausted after engaging deeply introspective work like journaling meditation etcetera…
Trusting Yourself & Higher Powers
One key takeaway shared was trusting oneself alongside greater forces beyond comprehension such spiritual entities which may offer unseen support along way! This belief shift brought newfound excitement anticipation heading into upcoming years including potential breakthroughs transformations awaiting eager individuals ready embrace change wholeheartedly without fear hesitation whatsoever!
By fostering deeper connections within ourselves others universe at large—we unlock doors previously thought closed forever opening up endless possibilities once unimaginable before now suddenly tangible reality ripe exploration discovery anew each day passes bringing fresh insights revelations aplenty wherever turn next no matter path choose follow down road less traveled more familiar territory alike…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello friend. Thank you for tuning in to this Christmas Eve episode of Greeting Voices. If you’re listening today on Christmas Eve, or Christmas Day, Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah however you celebrate, marry all the things to you and yours. And if you don’t celebrate, that’s okay too. Thank you for listening. Today’s episode is inspired by my last newsletter, which is called the unleashing letters. It comes out every other Wednesday. I will put a link to it in the show notes in case you’re interested in joining me biweekly in your inbox. It’s my place where I share a little bit more personal things and what’s happening, work wise, business, personal, all of the things, my thoughts, I share resources that I come across. It’s kind of a hodgepodge of of things sometimes But my last newsletter, I felt like was maybe too good not to share on the podcast. And so that is what inspired me to bring to you today Basically, my last newsletter to you here on the podcast. So if you like what you hear today, maybe you’d like to join my newsletter. Now I’ve been thinking a lot about this past year, the lessons I’ve learned, which will come in the next episode of grieving voices. But really about the energy. The energy that I feel maybe I I don’t wanna say this. Like, the energy that I embodied the most in twenty twenty four. And for me, it was just laying the foundation of what’s to come because I have a lot of hope of what’s to come for me business wise, personally, I’m looking ahead to twenty twenty five with a lot of excitement and enthusiasm and enjoy and Yeah. So I think this year was really about preparing myself energetically to to really receive all the goodness that I feel is just waiting for me. In twenty twenty five. And if you’re listening to this and you’re grieving, maybe you just lost a loved one. I’ve heard some really sad stories as of late, local to me, people that I’ve I somewhat knew who have passed way before their time. And so maybe this is not the episode for you today, and that’s okay. But at the same time, I think if self reflection can be an amazing healing tool for us, it can help us bring something to our awareness that helps us shift our perspective of things. That can be healing. So in that case, maybe this episode is for you. In any rate, turn this off when it doesn’t feel aligned. Keep listening if it does. But the highlights of the newsletter were pretty much, like, talking about I I mean, I can talk about I can spend things around to be about grief and a lot of my newsletter was about grief. And the energy that grief expands. But his grief expands a ton of energy to both hold in our bodies, but also to release. And we can release grief through breath work or body work, like energy healing, raky, biofuel tuning, like I offer somatic practices, shaking, tapping, even dancing, or other healing modalities that freeze the stagnant tangled energy that allows for allows for our energetic flow. So in a nutshell, Releasing and working through the energetics of grief is a good thing. And so if you are grieving and you’re listening to this, the worst has probably already happened. Is what is one small step you can do today for you to hold your heart with light and love? What is your heart asking of you right now? And I bet if you take a moment to be still and turn off the noise and distractions, you just might get your answer. When you think back on twenty twenty four, what did you energetically take into twenty twenty four from twenty twenty three? Was it heartbreak? Maybe what you’re feeling right now is a little bit of old pain. Is it decades old emotional pain and anger? Is it a longing or a desire burning inside that hasn’t come to fruition? What was the energy you took into twenty twenty four? And are you still holding onto that energy and taking it into twenty twenty five? What can you do or try that could contribute to twenty twenty five being different and not more of the same? Is it time for brave action? There is this unseen force and energy that has your back in mind. And up until very recently, I struggled to believe that this was true for me. I never questioned this being true for others, but my monkey mind always questioned because I very much am a questioner and a natural skeptic. And I was skeptical that the insights and messages that would drop into my mail slot, I’d like to call it, were made up by my monkey mind. But that all changed, actually only within the last month and a half or so, with a meditation that was like the flip of an energetic light switch. Now I fully believe that God angels spirit guides, saints universe, whatever you wanna call it, that there’s something we can’t see Although some people are gifted in that way to see, but that is far more intelligent than we ever will be on this physical plane and in our physical bodies with all of our logic and ego getting in the way. But that support is just waiting for us to knock on the door, waiting to be recognized and acknowledged. And now that I have experienced it fully for myself, I can’t unfreeze what I now know, that I am supported. And so are you? And feeling energetically held in this way has made my December twenty twenty four explode with excitement and buzz and inspiration. It has been as if the floodgates of what’s possible have opened up. Going into twenty twenty five, I feel a theme for me to share is self trust, and trust in something greater, and helping others cultivate that within themselves. Imagine the hope that can come from learning how to trust yourself and in something greater. It has certainly ignited a lot of hope in me. I’m as much a realist as I am a dreamer. Life is gonna life. Things don’t always go as we plan. Energetically finding ourselves in these situations can flip our lives upside down and rightfully so for a period of time. However, one thing I’ve learned about myself is that this past years that my rebound time from challenges like these is much shorter than it used to be in years past. When I can get out of my own way, set my monkey mind straight and get grounded and centered within myself, my perspective shifts so much more quickly. I become more reflective sooner. Therefore, I’m not ruminating and stewing on crap I can’t control or have the power to change in my favor. And although it is painful in the process, I’ve learned that the god angels, spirit guides universe, whatever you want to call it are simply making more room and space for what is meant for me. As long as I do my part and energetically step up to the plate, and I believe that’s true for you too. If we acknowledge the suck in the situation, set an intention with the might with our energy for what is in the highest good for ourselves and everyone involved, and release attachment to any certain outcome. Twenty twenty five can be an amazing year. And energetically, we can feel free. We will forever have conflict in our lives as long as we are in relationships with others and I can’t wait to share more about what twenty twenty four has taught me in an upcoming episode next week, but energetically, get grounded and centered within yourself. And trust, and you will see how the world just seems to rearrange and sort itself around you. Like a dear friend of mine says, metaphorically speaking, of course. The trash just seems to take out itself. We just so easily get in our own way because we’re afraid of uncertainty. We have fear of change because we latch on to pass stories or beliefs that have been passed down to us through generations or the lives that we told ourselves or others told us about ourselves that we accept as our truth. For example, did you grow up in a home with a lack mindset where the your parents and your household were just believed there was just never enough or you were just barely enough or you were just scraping by Or did you have to prove your worth by doing? These are stories that we hold on to that we bring into adulthood. This is the energy that you’re holding on to potentially. And bringing into your present day. What if instead of looking at the end of twenty twenty four as an ending, we looked at it as a new beginning, an invitation to a new beginning. Every single day there’s a sunrise and a sunset. It were given an opportunity every day to start with a clean slate. There’s never a perfect time or a perfect year and the future isn’t guaranteed. And we waste a lot of time, dwelling, ruminating, stewing, procrastinating, holding ourselves back, and allowing our ego and logical mind to get in the way. Which is skewed by our perception of our past experiences and how we see the world. One of the fastest ways we can shift our energy, our perspective, our thoughts around the challenge in the moment or whatever we’re thinking about or struggling with is to ask ourselves better and deeper questions. And so I just want you to think about twenty twenty four And ask yourself, what isn’t working? What hasn’t been working about twenty twenty four? And if I gave you a magic wand, and I could shift your energy and change your energy today, Where would you put your energy to first? What would be the first thing that you would want to change? This is a baby step towards self awareness. To bring to light, that which you wish to shift your perspective around and take action. So if you are ready to do so and go into twenty twenty five with new energy or call in new energy into your life. I invite you to take a look at my website, the onlychart dot com, have a look at the different services I offer. I can meet you where you’re at, whether you’re just starting to peel back the layers, maybe energy healing work is for you. I’ve got meditations on there. I just launched my energy healing membership, which is forty nine dollars a month for founding members. We meet live twice a month. There’s three different modules currently in the membership, plus resources I’ll be adding and I’ll continually be adding to it. And you have access to the energy healing sessions. However, many times a month you want to engage in them and participate. Or if you’re ready to dive deep, into the stories that you’re holding on to. Maybe do group differently is for you. I like to call do group differently, the gift that keeps on giving. And so for two people, I will be offering ten percent off do grief differently, which is a savings of a hundred and sixty dollars for January or February twenty twenty five. So if you’ve been considering the program, hit up the link in the show notes to inquire. And for those that decide to move forward, I will give you that coupon code. And again, it’s good for two people, for January or February start dates. For twenty twenty five. I believe in that program with all of my heart. It changed my life and I’ve seen countless other lives changed and transformed because of it and relationships made stronger because of it. So I’m excited to offer two people ten percent off that program to help you get out of your own way in grief and in life. If you’ve already done a lot of energy work, personal healing, development work, maybe you’re just ready to fulfill your full potential to really lean your energy into allowing yourself to fully become unleashed from whatever it is has its grip on you. Then maybe you map is for you. Again, I can meet you where you’re at, and I’m telling you I’ve walked the walk. I’ve probably been where you are. When you grow up with grief, it it feels like that. Life can feel like a grind, but there is a way to make peace with your past. To move forward, to shift your energy, up level your energy, raise your voltage, so you feel like you have a sense of vitality. You can do the things that you enjoy doing. You feel a creative spark, you feel inspired. And along the way, if you trust in yourself and trust that you are supported, that’ll take you leaps and bounds. Further than I think even I maybe even I feel as possible as I sit here right now. I hope this episode was inspiring. I hope it was leaving with a sense of hope. For twenty twenty five. Check out the show notes for any links. If you’re interested in the energy healing membership, my newsletter, I’m here to support you in whatever way you need. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this final episode of the Holiday Grief Series, I explore the power of reflecting on our past, especially when dealing with grief during the holiday season. It’s about facing those tough memories head-on, much like a buffalo charges through a storm to find peace faster. By confronting these feelings directly, we gain insight into ourselves and can make better choices for our future.
Reflecting on history isn’t just personal; it applies to society, too. Understanding past events helps us break negative cycles and create positive change. As we look back at 2024 and beyond, self-awareness becomes key in shaping who we want to be.
I share my own journey of growth—much like committing to fitness—and how it’s similar to emotional healing. It takes dedication but leads to powerful inner transformation.
The main takeaway? Embrace your past so you can rewrite your story going forward into 2025. Let go of perfectionism; focus instead on progress over time. Remember that you’re unlocking your life’s potential by opening your heart.
I’m here for anyone ready to embark on this transformative path and encourage you all to spread this message of hope and empowerment to others who might need it, too!
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing the Past for a Brighter Future
The holiday season often brings with it a mixed bag of emotions. For many, it’s a time of joy and celebration, but for others, it can be a poignant reminder of loss or emotional pain. In this fourth episode of our holiday grief series, we delve into the transformative power that lies in reflecting on the past—particularly during such emotionally charged times.
Facing the Storm Head-On
Imagine being like a buffalo facing an approaching storm. Instead of running away from it, you charge straight through to emerge quicker on the other side. This metaphor perfectly encapsulates how confronting painful memories head-on can lead to personal growth and healing. By directly addressing these experiences, individuals gain deeper insight into their motivations and actions.
This process is not just about reliving old wounds; rather, it’s about understanding them so that they no longer hold sway over your present or future decisions. The journey through one’s past allows for closure by resolving lingering emotions and ultimately leads to living a more peaceful life.
Learning from History
The importance of reflection extends beyond personal experiences—it applies to historical contexts as well. Societal progress hinges on understanding past events to avoid repeating mistakes while creating positive change moving forward.
As we approach 2024’s end-of-year reflections (and look ahead towards 2025), consider what lessons history has taught us both individually and collectively—and how those insights might inform better choices going forward!
Commitment & Growth
Personal development requires dedication akin physical training regimes: persistent effort yields substantial inner gains over time! Our speaker shares parallels between their fitness journey alongside broader endeavors involving emotional/spiritual growth—emphasizing commitment necessary achieving meaningful transformation within oneself too!
Upcoming collaborations include figures like Amanda Popovski via Instagram platforms plus newly launched energy healing membership opportunities available now! Letting go perfectionism embraces iterative improvement processes vital venturing new projects successfully together alike!
Ultimately though message remains clear throughout entire discussion here today: looking back helps identify behaviors shaped previous experiences empowering rewriting personal stories anew again tomorrow instead…
In closing remarks offered gratitude shared reminder embracing heart leads unleashing life fullest potential possible always remember sharing messages benefit others who may need hear same truths themselves someday soon perhaps?
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: This is Victoria of the unleash tarte dot com, and you’re listening to grieving voices. A podcast for hurting hearts who desire to be heard, or anyone who wants to learn how to better support loved ones experiencing loss. As a thirty plus year grieber, an advanced grief recovery method specialist, I know how badly the conversation around grief needs to change. Through this podcast, I aim to educate Grivers and non Grivers alike, spread hope, and inspire compassion toward those hurting. Lastly, by providing my heart with ears and this platform, griefers have the opportunity to share their wisdom and stories of loss and resiliency. How about we talk about grief like we talk about the weather? Let’s get started. This episode is sponsored by Do Grieve differently, my twelve week in person or online program that helps grieving who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. In do grief differently, you learn new tools, education, and a method you can utilize the rest of your life. In this program and with my guidance, you remove the pain of grief. The sadness will always be there because even in complicated relationships we love, but it’s the pain of grief that keeps us stuck. Are you ready to do grief differently? Check out my website w w w dot the unleashtart dot com to learn more. Hey. Hey. Hey. Thank you for joining me today. This is the fourth episode of my holiday grief series, and I’m gonna talk about why we need to look at our past. It is a theme that has been coming up in conversations lately. Different guesting opportunities I’ve had. I’ve in December, I’ve been in full on creation mode and just having a lot of conversations too. And this has really just come up a lot. And so I figured it was a good topic for me to add and kind of the end cap of the holiday grief series. Because if we really think about our experiences and let’s say you’re grieving right now, you’re listening to this and you are not looking forward to the holidays coming up and you’re thinking about the past and it’s painful. And you do what you can to stuff it down and bury it and just push through and just you just wanna get through the holidays. Like, that’s your goal. It’s just to get through. And yet, the holidays will come and go. And the festivities will be over, and you will be sitting with yourself. And the past might come up again. In fact, it probably will come up again. Those old emotions the feelings, the pain, the reminders, they’ll be back. They always do come back like waves in the ocean. Grief ebbs and flows and hits us when we least expect it. But there’s something that happens when we look at the past and we address it and we act as a buffalo. It’s one of the things that came up in a podcast episode recently with my guest, Chris Cochrane, actually. He had never heard of the I used the Buffalo as an example. And he did not know that the Buffalo will go right head on through a storm. And they do because they realize and know, innately, that it’s the shortest path. There’s a lot of resistance that happens when we try to take the long way around, and it doesn’t do us any favors. We find that All the behaviors that we do to feel better don’t help us to feel better for the long term, and we have a lot of resistance to really looking at the past. Look in the at the past can be a valuable and transformative experience for several reasons. By examining our personal history, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and the present circumstances we find ourselves in. It allows us to uncover the blueprints that shaped our lives, revealing the original intentions and motivations behind our actions. We connect the dots, when we have that self reflection. So when we take the time to reflect on the past, we can learn important lessons from our experiences. We can identify patterns, understand the causes and effects of our choices, and make more informed decisions moving forward. This self reflection helps us grow and develop, and as we become more aware of our strengths, hind our weaknesses, and areas for improvement, our lives improve. And exploring the past can provide us with a sense of closure and healing. By acknowledging and addressing any unresolved emotions or incomplete communications, we can release the pain and find ourselves in forgiveness both for ourselves and others. This process allows us to let go of the burdens that have been weighing us down, freeing us to move forward with a renewed sense of peace and purpose. And when I say purpose, it doesn’t have to be something big. We always think that we have to do these grand things with our our pain. You know, it’s that old hero’s journey that from pain to purpose, from tears to triumph, and it’s true, that can happen. And it does, if we look at the past, it can, if we look at the past. I I would say it does if we look at the past. I’ve talked to enough grievers over four plus years to know that to be true. I’ve experienced it myself. The timeline is different for every single human being. It doesn’t have to take over thirty years like it did for me. The important work that we do is in the looking into the past. That is the work. People ask all the time, well, what’s you know, you gotta say you gotta do the work. Well, what’s the work? That’s the work. Look at it. Head on. Be the buffalo. In addition to personal growth, understanding the past can also be valuable on a broader scale. By studying history and societal trends, we can identify patterns and anticipate future possibilities. This knowledge empowers us to make informed decisions, solve problems creatively, and contribute positively to our communities in the world at large. It’s that old saying. History repeats itself. Right? Like, you would think that we would learn in a lot of ways as a society we haven’t, but there is gold there. There is gold in the past. And ultimately, examining the past is not about dwelling in nostalgia, being stuck in old ways. It’s about gaining insight and finding closure and using that knowledge to create a better future. That’s the work. And that’s what I want to encourage you to consider going into twenty twenty five. What has twenty twenty four shown you? What has twenty twenty four left you feeling at the end of it? How do you feel now? How was the year? On a scale of one to ten, how would you rate twenty twenty four? I would rate mine at a seven, maybe even an eight. And I’m gonna have an episode coming up here in a couple weeks. At the end of the month, I’ll share my reflections and takeaways from the year. So I’m not gonna go into that in in this episode. But this year was a year of laying foundations, getting out of my comfort zone, stretching myself, and Again, I I really think it was a laying a foundation. And I’m gonna be talking about that too on an Instagram live with Amanda Babotsky. She was a past guest on the podcast. And I I can’t say her name when I just say it like normal. I always have to, like, pabotsky. And then that comes out. Right? Anyway, Amanda and I are doing this Instagram live, and we’re gonna be talking about this very thing. Going into twenty twenty five. So I’ll put the link in the show notes. It’s when you you actually listen to the when this episode gets published, it’ll be the next day. So add it to your get a reminder for yourself add it to your schedule and come join us over lunch. It’ll be just a really quick, almost like a micro class or a micro what did you call it? Micro workshop. I’m not sure. Anyway, we’re gonna be jamming out talking about this sort of thing. And but the but the message I wanna leave you with today is the past is where it’s at, really. The past is where it’s at. The worst has already happened. If you’re listening to this and you’re grieving and you are feeling emotional pain and you feel like your life has just been one of suffering. Like, the worst has already happened. So what can you do today? Tomorrow By the end of this month, going into twenty twenty five, what can you do differently to change the trajectory of your coming year? What were you doing in twenty twenty four that wasn’t working? What wasn’t working? What steps can you take to shift that? Is it your perspective that needs to change? Is it your actions? One of the things I’m gonna be sharing on this Instagram live is is when we focus on the internal, the external follows. It’s like so many people are so quick to jump on board for New Year’s resolutions and start going to the gym and within three weeks they give up and it’s it’s a grind. I was thinking about that the other day in the gym. I’ve been at it for fifteen weeks going five days a week. For the most part, there have been weeks that’s been four. But for the most part, I’m lifting five days a week. And I’m seeing the gains now. Because I’m certain to do the workouts that I did week one and two and three and I’m hitting personal bests and I wouldn’t have seen that if I wouldn’t have stuck it out I wouldn’t be where I am. Had I not stuck it out? And so when people see me, they might think, oh, shoot. She’s in shape. She’s looking good. Maybe, I don’t know. Got some muscles on her. I do. I’ve I’ve built some muscles. And but what people don’t see is the grind. The day to day grind and commitment that I have had. That’s what it takes to see change. It takes commitment and it takes shifting your perspective that there’s no quick fix. There’s You gotta put in the work. You gotta put in sweat. Whether it’s emotional, mental, physical, spiritual, it’s a practice. Whatever area of your life you wanna tackle, it’s a practice. And what do they say? Practice makes perfect. When I’m not going for perfect, I have to let that shit go because there is no such such thing is perfect. And I had to let that go in order to launch my energy healing membership, which just launched actually, and I’ll put the link to that in the show notes. And what I found myself doing is finding reasons to not launch. I was dragging my feet. And I just had to commit. I just had to commit and decide and let the chips fall as they may. I am not gonna get to the place of perfect with it, and that’s okay. I will be tweaking and tweaking as I need. But for you, moving forward and why it’s important to look at the past is because that’s where the gold is. That’s where you can connect the dots for yourself. The behaviors that you’re doing today are greatly influenced by the past. By your experiences that you’ve had, whether it was three months, three years, or thirty years ago. Trust me. And when you start to have the self awareness, when you start doing the work and you have those connections, you start making those brain and body and emotional connections, like, oh, this is why I was doing this. It’s normal and it’s natural. You will find that the things that you’re doing today are normal and natural. You don’t have to be wrapped up in shame and guilt, which only perpetuates the behavior. That’s why it’s important to look at it. So that you can have the self awareness. So you gain new tools and new knowledge so you can change it, so that you can rewrite your story. That’s my message for you today. I hope you consider looking at the past after you’ve listened to this, listen to this again if you have to. And if you decide to Make twenty twenty five your year. I would be more than happy to be the one to initiate you into that transformation and hold your hand along the way. Alright, friends. Thank you so much for listening. I hope this was helpful and inspiring, if anything. And please share it with someone who may need this message today. Stay tuned for next week, it’s gonna be another actually, the next two episodes are gonna be I’m gonna have two more solo episodes. And and then January is all interviews. I have some great guests coming up and lined up already. I’m excited to share those. So yeah, thank you so much for being here. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love. From my heart to yours, thank you for listening. If you like this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being heart with ears. And if you’re hurting, know that what you’re feeling is normal and natural. Much love my friend. Hey there, grieving Voice’s family. I love hearing from you, whether it’s a question, a story, or just sharing what you love about the show. Now, it’s easier than ever. You can send me a text message directly wherever you get your podcasts, Check out the show notes. At the top, you’ll see a message. Send Victoria a text message. Your thoughts and feedback mean the world to me. So don’t hesitate. Reach out today. Thanks for listening and for being a part of my community.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Welcome to the third episode of my Holiday Grief Series! In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked challenges of the holiday season. While this time of year is traditionally filled with joy and celebration, it can also bring about stress and anxiety that lurk beneath the surface.
Key Takeaways:
Understanding Holiday Stressors: I explore various sources of holiday stress, including family dynamics, social pressures, environmental factors, and financial concerns. Whether you’re feeling isolated from loved ones or overwhelmed by family gatherings, you’re not alone in your feelings.
Dysfunctional Thinking Patterns: Discover how specific thought patterns, such as “Shoulds,” catastrophizing, and all-or-nothing thinking, can contribute to holiday stress. I’ll unpack these patterns and provide insight into how to challenge and change them.
Coping Strategies: I share practical tips for managing holiday stress and anxiety. From setting realistic expectations and prioritizing self-care to the importance of sleep and exercise, we discuss how to find balance and peace amidst the chaos.
Creating New Traditions: The holidays are a time for reflection and growth. I encourage you to consider starting new traditions that resonate with your current feelings and allow for personal grace and authenticity.
Embracing Your Feelings: It’s okay to acknowledge that the holidays may not be as joyful as they once were. I talk about the importance of being honest with yourself and others about your emotions and allowing space for grief and healing.
Join me and discover ways to embrace this season with compassion and understanding. Remember, you have the power to shape your holiday experience, and it’s perfectly okay to prioritize your well-being.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Navigating Holiday Stress – Embracing Authenticity and Well-being
As the winter holiday season approaches, many of us eagerly anticipate the joy and warmth it traditionally brings. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that this time can also be fraught with stressors that impact our mental health and well-being. The third episode of our holiday grief series sheds light on these multifaceted challenges, offering insights into how we can navigate them while embracing authenticity.
The holidays often highlight family dynamics in ways that may not always be positive. Whether it’s due to physical separation from loved ones or unresolved conflicts within a large gathering, family-related stress is prevalent during this time. It’s essential to recognize these feelings rather than suppress them. For those estranged from their families or coping with loss, acknowledging loneliness is the first step toward healing.
Tip: Consider starting new traditions that honor your current reality instead of forcing yourself into traditional roles or expectations.
Social Stressors
The pressure to socialize—whether through attending functions or simply writing greeting cards—can become overwhelming for many people. This social anxiety can detract from genuine interactions if left unchecked.
Tip: Prioritize events and activities based on what genuinely brings you joy rather than out of obligation.
Overindulgence Temptations
Holiday festivities often involve indulgent foods and drinks which might lead us down a path filled with guilt afterward—a cycle all too familiar when combined with financial strain caused by excessive spending habits typical around gift-giving seasons!
Tip: Practice mindful consumption; set realistic limits beforehand so as not only enjoy but savor every moment without remorse later on!
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Victoria Volk: Thank you for joining me for this third episode of The Holiday Grief Series. While the winter holidays are traditionally a time of joy and fellowship, The season carries several stresses, some hidden behind the lights and laughter of the season. Rates of depression, substance abuse, domestic strife, not to mention anxiety, worry, and grief all increase this time of year. Holiday stress can be sorted into a few categories. One of them being typical holiday stressors that many of us experience such as family related stressors, Too little family, those separated from family due to geographical distance or serving in the armed forces, divorce or estrangement, often field only and isolated at this time of year. In the first episode of the series covers estrangement if that’s a topic of interest for you. On the flip side of that, you can have too much family, unresolved family conflicts, unrealistic expectations of what the family gathering should be like, and confusion about one’s place in the family can create anxiety about getting together and tension when the family does get get together. It’s a reminder of anniversary dates. Holidays can often bring back memories of the past. Remembering Happier Times may result in grief over what has been lost. Recalling traumatic experiences is bound to dampen one spirits amid all the celebration. Listen to the second up sold in this series where I talk about honoring those we’ve lost during the holidays on four ideas for coping. There’s also social stressors. Shopping in crowds, standing in lines, driving in traffic, entertaining guests by attending social functions creates more opportunities for social anxiety than almost any other time of year. Even writing greeting cards and selecting just the perfect gift may feel like pressure after a while, especially with deadlines. You may be surprised to learn that this one is actually a stressor for me. I love people, but I also love the quiet, and although I love when family comes to visit, it stresses me out. I spend days beforehand cleaning like a mad woman, only for all of the effort to be undone in one day, and just have this feeling like I have to be on energetically. It’s the being on that totally zaps me. That’s why when I take a vacation, I need a vacation from the vacation. And when family leaves, I need a day to regroup and fill my cup again. And I think we’re all at least a little guilty of this neck dresser. Which we do to ourselves, and that is temptations and over indulgent and over indulgences. Eating too much of the wrong foods, drinking alcohol, spending too much money, and generally overdoing it often lead to feeling of out being out of control and then what what happens we feel guilty. And then there’s environmental issues. Traveling a bad weather is always stressful. Compounded by extra traffic and delays. December is also the darkest month of the year with daylight barely lasting eight hours, resulting in a wintertime depression called seasonal effective disorder. And if you have a husband like mine who is the snowflake watchdog and who travels about as good as a two year old, it’s extra stressful when you’re caught traveling in bad weather. But by gosh, we make it home alive because those four wheels are probably not going faster than thirty miles an hour. And another common holiday stressor would be financial issues. When the economy is in the dumps and you or other family members are out of work, You may not have the means to put up your usual decorations, provide gifts, entertain, or even make the meals you have had in the past. This can also also bring with it a lot of feelings of guilt, shame, and grief. This can all potentially lead to stressful thinking during the holidays. Certain kinds of dysfunctional thinking can occur during the holidays that contribute to stress. These consist of the shoulds, or unrealistic demands we place on ourselves and others. It could be catastrophizing where we focus on the worst possible scenario, and it could be all or nothing thinking. Some examples of the shoulds, It really should get the cards done on time, get the shopping done early, get presents for everyone, find the perfect gift for each person, prepare enough food, decorate properly, Go to church. Keep everyone in the family happy. Keep up a happy face. Have plenty of sweets on hand, but don’t eat too much yourself. And keep all the familiar traditions going at all costs. That’s a lot of shoulds. Do you should all over yourself around the holidays? It’s so easy to do. Next, we can catastrophize, and that includes examples like, it would be terrible if something went wrong over the holidays. If I don’t get the perfect gift or if I don’t make everything perfect, then I’ll be criticized. Maybe someone will feel left out so we better do this, that or the other thing, I didn’t get my cards or presents out on time. I’ll look like I don’t have my crap together. My kids need this newest thing or else, fill in the blank. And finally, the all are nothing thinking. If I feel sad at Christmas, I am not being a good Christian. If I don’t decorate for the holidays, I am not being a good neighbor or a grinch. If I’m not as happy as everyone else, I must be seriously depressed. People who don’t go all out for the holidays are just like Scrooge. The holidays will never be as great as they were in the good old days. Thinking or talking about loved ones who are gone will just make the holidays depressing. So far, you’ve probably nodded your head in agreement a few times, maybe even let out an audible. Oh my gosh. Yes. That’s totally me. So how can we flip this script? Here are some tips for coping with the stress of holidays. Speak out balance between what is really meaningful to you about the holidays and what you consider to be your obligations during this time. Decide ahead of time of realistic plan for what you can accomplish this season, including how much you can spend, how much you will decorate, socialize, or indulge. Participate in those activities you really feel up to, Remember, you don’t have to do everything or accept every invitation. Forgive yourself if things don’t turn out perfectly or if you make a mistake. Forgive others if they don’t do it your way or make a mistake. Allow yourself to grieve if you are experiencing a loss. Don’t expect yourself to feel happy every moment. Likewise, don’t criticize yourself for enjoying the moment. This next tip might surprise you, but open your curtains. Especially if you suffer from seasonal effective disorder, you may be want to purchase a light therapy lamp. By Christmas morning, the days already start getting longer again. I personally have pulled out my sunbox lamp a few weeks ago, and I sit by it every morning with my first cup of morning coffee. The long and cold North Dakota winters do affect me and my mood. And using light therapy is supportive of maintaining a natural sight circadian rhythm, which in turn supports the quality of your sleep, which is so important if your body is already overwhelmed by stressors, grief, or both. Here’s another tip that you’ve probably heard a million times, Allow yourself time for rest and exercise. Bundle up and go outside for fresh air even if it’s cold. Physical exercise also helps brighten the mood and increase energy levels. I personally am already devising a plan when winter weather keep me away from the gym. Lifting has become my favorite form of exercise and has been great for my mood as winter has settled in. Equally important is recognizing my body’s cues when rest is in order and listening to the wisdom of my body. Which knows a heck of a lot better than my mind. Our minds are given way too much power friends, tune into your body’s wisdom. It’s always giving you clues. If you’re looking for ways to support your energetic body, I did just launch my energy healing membership by the way. I’ll add a link in the show notes if you want to learn more. But exercise aside, we also know the importance of sleep. Humans also need more sleep this time of year, so give yourself a little extra time. Talking over your stresses and feelings with a close friend, pastor, or professional counselor is a good way to get a handle on stress whatever the season. I’ve also found brain dumping before bed helpful if not taking in all those to do, swirling around in my head and getting them out on paper. I also focus only on one day at a time. I do look at the wake ahead too, but before bed, I look at what’s on the docket for the next day and make sure my priorities are taken care of first. And speaking of writing things down. Writing down your thoughts and reflecting on them can also provide insights into your problems. If you’ve never heard of the five minute journal, it’s amazing for a daily quick morning and evening check-in. I’ll put a link in the show notes. It’s a great start if journaling isn’t really your thing, but it is a nice nice reflective tool. Maybe in all of that reflecting, you realize this next one applies to you. Just take a break from Christmas by putting your mind on other things. It’s okay to play a different kind of music occasionally. Doing things for others may get your mind off your own problems. Have a personal plan for coping with family gatherings. Decide ahead of time how you will approach certain people, what limits you will set on your interactions, what your role will be during the visit, and when to say goodbye. And the final note on coping during the holidays, Challenge the thinking that stresses you. Question the shoulds you place on yourself or that others place upon you. Catch all your all or nothing thinking and look for some middle ground. Avoid catastrophizing when things don’t go well. Is it the worst thing if the holiday wasn’t the greatest? I’d wager to guess that if you’re grieving, the worst has already happened. Remember all of these holiday traditions we hold so dear and try so hard to follow or once just an idea that someone thought would be fun or important to do. Maybe this year you will start your own holiday tradition or maybe Just maybe this is the first season you decide to give yourself some grace. Be honest with yourself and others about your feelings and make it the best it can be with where you’re at. Apologize where you need to apologize. Say thank you but no thanks where you feel you need to, and let go of the expectations of yourself and others too. Until next time friends, be well. Show this with someone who may need it, and remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In Episode 2 of my holiday grief series, I explore the tender journey of honoring lost loved ones during the festive season—a time that often brings a mix of joy and sorrow. As your host, I want to assure you that feeling these emotions is completely normal. Reflecting on my own experiences, I’ve learned that traditional ways of handling grief—like keeping feelings bottled up or avoiding memories—usually don’t bring comfort.
One story shared by a podcast guest really resonated with me; she grew up in a warm but emotionally reserved family when it came to grieving her mother’s death. This episode offers practical ways to honor those we’ve lost. The six ideas shared in this episode are a starting point. Perhaps they will inspire you to think of other ideas. The point is not just to “get through” the holidays but also to embrace the gifts that grieving with others can bring. The ideas shared can support you in cultivating that within your family.
Often, one person in the family has to go first – to initiate the challenging, unknown things and break the mold of the grieving norms we’ve all grown accustomed to. This episode may be just what you need to hear to start to do grief differently.
I emphasize that everyone grieves differently, so it’s important to communicate plans with family members and respect each person’s readiness to participate—or not—in these activities.
Ultimately, this episode encourages us all to find personal ways of remembering those we’ve lost; such gestures help maintain our bonds with them while adding depth and significance—even amidst sorrow—to the holidays ahead!
Please revisit Episode 1 if you’re dealing with estrangement issues too—and feel free to share today’s message widely among friends needing similar support because sharing both love & loss has healing power beyond measure. 💛
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Holiday Grief – Honoring Lost Loved Ones
The holiday season is often painted with broad strokes of joy and celebration, yet for many, it brings a complex tapestry woven with both happiness and sorrow. This duality becomes particularly poignant when we find ourselves missing loved ones who have passed on. Episode 2 of the holiday grief series delves into this emotional landscape, offering insights and practical ways to honor those we’ve lost during these festive times.
Acknowledging Our Emotions
Grief does not adhere to a schedule or calendar—it ebbs and flows unpredictably. During the holidays, memories of past gatherings can intensify feelings of loss. It’s crucial to acknowledge that experiencing such emotions is entirely normal. The episode’s host emphasizes that suppressing grief or avoiding conversations about our deceased loved ones rarely provides solace; instead, embracing these feelings can be profoundly healing.
This concept is illustrated through personal stories shared in the podcast series. One guest recounted growing up in an emotionally reserved environment where expressing grief over her mother’s death was discouraged—an approach that left her feeling isolated rather than comforted.
Practical Ways to Honor Loved Ones
To navigate holiday grief while celebrating cherished memories, consider incorporating some meaningful practices:
- Create a Memory Table or Altar: Designate a space adorned with photos and mementos of your loved one during family gatherings. This visual tribute serves as both a touchstone for reflection and an invitation for others to share their own remembrances.
- Share Stories: Encourage family members to recount anecdotes involving your departed loved one. These stories foster connection among participants while providing opportunities for collective healing—a stark contrast to solitary grieving.
- Cook Their Favorite Dishes: Preparing meals they adored can evoke warm recollections associated with shared culinary experiences—nourishing more than just appetites but also hearts.
- Engage in Charity Work: Commemorate them by contributing positively within communities through volunteering efforts conducted under their name—a gesture reflecting how much impact they had on you personally too!
- Light Candles as Remembrance Rituals: Simple acts like lighting candles at home provide quiet moments dedicated solely toward honoring those who’ve gone before us amidst bustling festivities surrounding us all around…
EPISODE TRANSCRIPTION:
Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Thank you for joining me for today’s episode, which is episode two of four in my four part holiday grief series. Last week, I talked about estrangement, And this week, I’m focusing on how ways to honor those we’ve lost during the holidays. And for many this time of year can be particularly challenging as you navigate the complex emotions of grief and seek ways to keep the memory of your loved ones alive. It’s important to remember that feeling a mix of joy and sorrow during the season is okay, not to mention it’s normal and it’s natural. I want to start this episode by sharing the importance of honoring our loved ones and how doing so can bring you comfort. This was something that was not emulated for me and not something we did as a family after my father passed when I was eight. And I think this is pretty typical for society to do, push forward, get through, and maybe say the deceased loved one’s name, but more than likely not for fear of upsetting another family member. A recent podcast guest whose episode will go live in twenty twenty five expressed how she lived in a household with two families combined as a child in India. Someone was always around and they were always together as a family. However, after her mother passed, despite being surrounded by so much love, she never felt more alone after her mom passed away. Everyone in the family grieved alone, went on their own grief island, so to speak, didn’t express emotions and never spoke of her mother. So she grew to be a teenager and an adult who would do the same because that’s what was emulated and taught by the behaviors of others and her family. I know that was my response too, to stuff, bury, and do my damned just to forget. However, the thing about our shadows is they’re always right behind us. The holidays can often amplify feelings of loss, reminding us of the empty space at the table. Honoring our loved ones during this time not only helps us keep their memories alive, but also allows us to process our grief in a healthy way. The holiday season can be a time to connect with our loved ones, even if they are no longer physically present. By actively remembering them, we can create a sense of connection that transcends their absence. So how can we honor our loved ones during the holidays? Here are some ideas. You could create a memory table or an altar. Set up a special place in your home where you can display photos or souvenirs. Or favorite items of your loved one. This can become a focal point for reflection and remembrance during holiday gatherings. If family members are gathering at your home, consider inviting them to bring something that reminds them of the loved one. Creating a space of remembrance open to all family members to participate can open up dialogue among family members to share in the grief rather than each individual grieving silently alone. You could share stories and memories. Encourage family members to share their favorite stories about the loved one you’re honoring. This not only keeps their memory alive, but also can foster connection and healing among others who are grieving. Quite the opposite of my podcast guest experience and my own. You could cook their favorite recipes, prepare dishes you loved to unloved. Cooking and sharing their favorite meals can evoke fond memories, and create a sense of warmth and nostalgia. You could also participate in a charity or volunteer, honor your loved ones by giving back to the community in their name. This could be through donating to a cause they cared about, or volunteering your time to help those in need during the holiday season. There is a saying that the quickest way to forget about your own pain in sorrow is to help someone else in theirs. Right? Another way you can honor your loved one is by lighting a candle in memory of them, which can be a beautiful and simple way to honor them. You could do this at a family gathering or during a quiet moment of reflection. And finally, incorporate their spirit into new traditions. Consider starting a new holiday tradition that reflects the essence of your loved one. This could be anything from a special toast in their memory to a unique activity they enjoyed. As we explore these ideas, we must remember that grief is a personal journey. Not everyone may be open to participating in the ideas shared. So I would suggest that if you choose to do any of these things suggested and you’re the one hosting, consider giving a heads up to the rest of the family, inform them of what you’re planning to do. The last thing you want to do is make a meaningful experience uncomfortable and awkward because other family members are caught by surprise. May may not be ready to participate, and it’s important to let that be okay. Similarly, if you’re not ready to participate, it is equally important to allow those who wish to express their grief this way to do so. This is how we honor people’s grief and meet them where they are. Ultimately, allowing yourself to feel the emotions during the holidays and recognizing that they are a part of your love for that person can become even more meaningful, when those emotions are shared with others you love. Creating space for both joy and sorrow can be incredibly healing. It’s important to acknowledge that while the holidays can bring moments of happiness, they can also serve as poignant reminders of what we’ve lost. If you find the holidays particularly overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for support. Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding. Online communities can offer a sense of belonging and resources for navigating these feelings. However, it’s important to remember that others beliefs about grief are also expressed in those environments that aren’t helpful and can even be hurtful. For example, one may believe that they will forever feel the pain of grief. And I want to say that although that may feel true for that person, that doesn’t have to be the story you adopt as your own. It is possible to live a life of joy and meaning. So it’s essential to discern the advice others give. Talking to a therapist or someone like myself who specializes in grief may be helpful. These spaces can provide valuable tools and coping strategies as you honor your loved one during this time. Honoring a loved one during the holidays is a powerful way to keep their memory alive while navigating your own grief. Whether creating new traditions, sharing stories, or participating in acts of kindness, each gesture can help you feel connected to your loved one. I thank you for joining me today. If you haven’t listened to episode one of four in the series yet, this is just a friendly reminder to go back and check out episode two twenty two how to deal with estrangement. It is my hope that the ideas shared today inspire you to honor your loved ones a way that feels good to you. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might need it. And remember, you are not alone on this journey. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In the first episode of a four-part series on holiday grief, I discuss estrangement and its impact during the holiday season.
Estrangement, a form of alienation within families, can arise from conflicts over values or unresolved trauma and affects relationships between parents, children, grandparents, siblings, and even extended family members. It often stems from disputes over values, lifestyles, past trauma, or unresolved issues.
The holiday season is typically seen as a time for joy and togetherness with loved ones. However, for those experiencing estrangement, it can heighten feelings of loneliness and guilt. Societal pressure to maintain traditions doesn’t help when your familial bonds are strained or broken.
I offered several strategies to manage these challenges and share some of my journey. I hope to show healing is possible beyond inherited narratives.
I encourage you to explore the truths about family stories passed down through generations. Reconciliation might be an option worth considering if circumstances allow it. Remember, there’s communal support available as we navigate this path together. Please share this episode with anyone who could benefit from our discussion on grief throughout the holiday series.
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Understanding Family Estrangement: Navigating the Holidays with Grieving Voices
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, togetherness, and familial bonding. However, for many individuals experiencing family estrangement, this period can be fraught with emotional challenges. In today’s episode of “Grieving Voices,” the host delves into the complex issue of family estrangement and its profound impact during what should be a celebratory time.
What is Family Estrangement?
Family estrangement refers to a state where alienation or hostility exists within familial relationships. This can occur between various members such as parents and children, siblings, grandparents and grandchildren, or even extended family members. The reasons behind these rifts are diverse—they might stem from conflicting values or lifestyles, unresolved past trauma, or long-standing issues that have never been addressed.
Types of Estrangement
- Parent-Child Estrangement: Often arises due to differing expectations or life choices.
- Sibling Rivalries: Can escalate over perceived favoritism or inheritance disputes.
- Generational Gaps: Differences in beliefs between grandparents and grandchildren.
- Extended Family Conflicts: Misunderstandings among cousins or in-laws.
Challenges During the Holiday Season
For those dealing with estranged relationships, holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness and shame—emotions already simmering beneath the surface throughout the year but exacerbated by societal pressures during festive times.
Emotional Impact:
- Loneliness & Isolation: Watching others celebrate may heighten awareness of one’s separation from family.
- Guilt & Shame: Internalizing blame for fractured relationships intensifies emotional distress.
- Unresolved Trauma: Memories tied to past conflicts resurface more vividly around holidays.
Coping Strategies for Navigating Holidays Amidst Estrangements
To help manage these difficult emotions during such periods:
- Acknowledge Emotions: Recognize your feelings without judgment; it’s okay not to feel ‘festive.’
- Create New Traditions: Develop personal rituals aligned with current circumstances rather than adhering strictly to old ones which may no longer serve you well emotionally.
- Set Boundaries: Clearly define limits on interactions (if any) with remaining connected relatives who might inadvertently trigger discomfort through their actions/words/actions etc., ensuring protection against further hurtful encounters wherever possible!
4 .**Seek Support Networks/Groups/Friends Sharing Similar Experiences : Joining communities facing similar situations offers valuable insights along mutual encouragement needed navigating challenging moments together effectively!
5 .Engage Self-Care Activities – Prioritize self-care practices like meditation/yoga/journaling/exercise aiding relaxation amidst chaos surrounding typical holiday hustle-bustle scenes unfolding everywhere else seemingly effortlessly outside world view alone instead perhaps?).
6 Consult Professional Help If Overwhelmed – Therapy sessions provide safe spaces exploring deeper underlying causes contributing towards strained dynamics while offering guidance healing process itself eventually leading potential reconciliation pathways opening up naturally overtime too maybe someday soon hopefully?
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Welcome to today’s episode of Grieving Voices, where I will explore the complexities of family relationships and the challenges many face during the holiday season. Today, we’re exploring estrangement and its effects on individuals and families during this time of year. Whether you’re an estrangement, an adult child or someone who has distanced themselves from family for various reasons. I hope to provide insights and support for navigating these difficult moments. But first, let’s start to understand estrangement. We need to define it. According to Webster’s or Wikipedia, estrangement is the state of being alienated or separated in feeling or affection. A state of hostility or unfriendlyness, the state of being separated or removed. Going deeper, estrangement can take many forms and it’s essential to recognize the various types of relationships that can be impacted. For example, a parent or child. A parent child estrangement. This is when adult children choose to cut ties with their parents due to conflicts over values, lifestyle choices, or past trauma. Another type of strange relationship is a sibling estrangement. Siblings may drift apart due to rivalry, differing life paths, or unresolved childhood issues. Grandparent grandchild estrangement is another type. Sometimes grandparents find themselves estranged from their grandchildren often due to parental decisions or family conflicts. And finally, extended family estrangement. Aunts, uncles, cousins, and more can also be affected, especially in families with deep rooted issues or disagreements. Understanding the type of estrangement you’re experiencing can help you find the right coping approach, especially during the holidays when emotions run high. And now that I’ve shared some examples of estrangement, let’s move on to the challenges of estrangement during the holidays. The holiday season is often portrayed as a time for family gatherings, joy, and togetherness. However, for those experiencing estrangement, it can be a painful reminder of what’s missing. Some common challenges include feelings of loneliness. The absence of family can lead to profound feelings of isolation, especially when social media showcases happy family moments. Gilt and shame, estranged individuals may struggle with guilt over their estrangement questioning their decisions or feeling like they’ve failed their fam familial roles. Also triggers from past trauma. Holidays can evoke memories of past conflicts or traumas making it difficult to find peace during these times. And there can also be a pressure to conform. There can be this societal pressure to maintain family traditions, even when they’re no longer healthy or enjoyable. So up to this point, you’ve learned what estrangement is, examples of estrangement, and the challenges of estrangement during the holidays. So what do you do about it? How do you manage the emotions and complexities of family dynamics with estrangement? This brings us to strategies for support during the holidays. How can individuals support themselves during this challenging time? Here are some strategies. One, acknowledge your feelings. It’s important to validate your feelings of sadness, anger, or loss. The moment you feel all the feelings building up in you, it’s an opportunity to stuff or an opportunity to unload. And you already know which I’ll say is healthier. By unloading, I don’t mean lashing out of a fit and fit of rage at those provoking the uncomfortable feelings. Instead, unload bikes pressing in a way that does not hurt or harm another person. Screaming into a pillow, journaling or talking to a friend can help process these emotions. And if you’re in a place you can’t process at that moment, consciously and with awareness, Tell yourself that although you can’t express in real time, you’ll park those feelings until you can address them later and then actually revisit those feelings later and do something to feel and process them. Two, create new traditions. Consider starting new holiday traditions that align more with your current situation. This could be spending time with friends, volunteering, or even enjoying a quiet day at home. Three, set boundaries. If you’re in contact with estranged family members, consider establishing clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Four, seek support. Joining support groups are connecting with others in a similar situation can provide a sense of community and understanding. Five, practice self care. Make time for activities that bring you joy in relaxation such as reading, exercising, or indulging in a favorite hobby. And six, consider professional help. If feelings of estrangement become overwhelming, speak with a therapist, counselor, someone like myself, a certified grief specialist who can provide valuable coping tools. In conclusion, estrangement during the holidays can be challenging. But remember, you’re not alone. Many people navigate similar experiences and resources are available to help you through. Whether you focus on self care, create new traditions, or seek support, or prior prioritizing your emotional health. All of these can contribute to healthier, happier holiday experience. And I will personally say that I experience estrangement. There is estrangement within my own family. And it is difficult and it has been difficult over the years. I was also estranged from my father’s immediate side of the family after he passed away when I was eight. They were no longer in my life. And until almost thirty years later, I hadn’t even seen my uncle who was very close to my father or my cousins. And that was very healing for me. You see, sometimes we can get passed down these stories or beliefs that we take on as our own because they’re passed down to us, but we can always choose to write a new story. We can always choose to find a new truth for ourselves. And that’s maybe the challenge today. As if you are experiencing estrangement, there is a time for boundaries, but there might be also a time for reconciliation. Depending on how that estrangement came about. It’s very nuanced. I understand that. But just remember that people share from their lens and perspective, whether it was your parents or your grandparents, I passed down stories. That was their truth. So maybe this holiday season, ask yourself. What is my truth? What do I want to be true for me? I thank you for joining me today. If you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit. And don’t forget to subscribe for more discussions on grief during the holidays as I’ll be continuing this series for three more episodes throughout December. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
