When you think of your treasures as being your time, money, feelings, beliefs, how do you want others to treat them? How do you want others not to treat them?
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
Think of your heart as the home of your treasures. Wouldn’t you value your treasures and do all that you can to keep them protected?
It is the things we don’t value that we don’t worry about guarding. However, if we think about the treasures of our heart as a bank, we’d have the security around our bank pretty tight, right? At least, much tighter than that of a junkyard.
What happens though, if we’re raised not knowing or believing this? What if we grow up not feeling treasured? What if we are victims of sexual abuse? What happens to us when traumatic childhood experiences impact our treasures?
We neither grow up knowing what it means to feel treasured, nor do we know how to treat our treasures moving forward. Our boundaries are trampled on, and we do not learn or know how to positively create and enforce personal boundaries.
What do you think happens to the soul and heart of someone who doesn’t protect their treasures?
Think about all the scenarios where your time had been taken for granted, where it was assumed you would “take care of it” because well, you always did. Think about all the relationships you’ve gone through, only to find yourself time and time again, with someone who continues to participate in self-destructive behavior. Only, it’s not self-destructive, because being with that person impacts you, too.
How about when our beliefs and values are criticized? We often find ourselves giving in to others and conforming to the beliefs and values of others, too, because we haven’t learned how to speak up for ourselves. We may not even know what we value and believe. Or, may think things about ourselves that are not true, too.
Let the Past Be a Teacher
We must recognize when our treasures are being invaded and take steps to learn ways to enforce boundaries around our hearts. Every transgression against us can leave an imprint that may take years (or decades) to erase. Making our hearts a priority in well-being changes the game of life – it changes our lives.
We often learn through traumatic childhood experiences that giving, giving, giving is expected – there’s something within you for the taking. But what do we learn to give ourselves during those years? Not much. It isn’t until adulthood, where all the awareness of what was lost comes to light – and where healing needs to take place.
I’ve gained much awareness about boundaries that I did not have growing up. This awareness has taught me exactly where boundaries were necessary for my well-being. Taking time for ourselves isn’t selfish. And, speaking up for what is not okay with us, enables us to become more confident. There is so much power in boundaries — which are less about control and more about self-love.
In what ways do you recognize that your time, money, beliefs have been disregarded or lost altogether through boundary inflictions? In what ways have you ignored your established boundaries for the sake of others?
I’m not saying to close up your heart; quite the opposite. You see, when we learn and establish boundaries for ourselves, we give from a place of freedom and love, rather than from a place of guilt or fear.
Need a little help as I did in the boundaries department? I highly recommend the book Boundaries. It is an eye-opener. It was also the perfect follow-up to the internal work I’ve done (and continue to do) in grief recovery. You can find Boundaries on Amazon or with the companion workbook here.
As we get ready to flip the calendar to another year and another decade, what do you wish would be there for you? Perhaps some boundaries to guard your treasures? You don’t have to wish, my friend. The beauty of moving into 2020 is that knowledge is always within reach; education is literally at our fingertips. There are so many resources out there for growth; it’s mind-blowing if you think about it. We are living in a time of great fortune, because, how fortunate are we to have the access that we do?
There is no excuse not to grow these days. And because growth is a conscious choice, I challenge us all to think about the areas of our lives where growth is necessary to our happiness. I have several books on my shelf to choose from to read next (I just finished Boundaries, yay!) and I’m having quite a difficult time deciding. But one thing I know to be true is this: I do not regret choosing growth. Grief recovery work, and other means of growth, have directly impacted all areas of my life. I feel so darn good about going into 2020, which is a stark contrast to how I was feeling going into 2019.
How about you? In what areas of your life do you want to grow in 2020?
Onward and upward, friend. If you want to grow in your heart and release and let go of the pain that is holding your heart back from growing, you know where to find me. <3
