Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Reiki, Resources |
For me, 2019 was my year of focusing on my mental health. I’ve continued to do so in 2020, ensuring I am checking in with myself. It is so important that we can recognize when we’re not quite feeling right.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month and how fitting, for the times we all find ourselves in, and, with Mother’s Day right around the corner. I know for myself, my “mom brain” has not felt like itself many times since quarantine started. My thirteen-year-old daughter has been telling me that “this is going to be the best Mother’s Day ever!” I have no idea what she has up her sleeve, likely along with her sister, but I do look forward to it! I’m sure my son has made no plans – in typical teen-boy fashion. Just to give you a glimpse into the banter that is pretty typical in our home, I had said to my daughter: “So, if it’s the best Mother’s Day ever, does that mean I get the whole house to myself for an entire day?” Without skipping a beat, she replied: “You’re not that lucky!” Lol! Awww well, after seven weeks, does it even matter anymore? Well – yes, yes, it does.
Our mental health can leave us feeling as though we’re in the middle of a mental tornado, stuck drifting out at sea, or surrounding by flames. Or, we can feel like we’re floating on our backs, sailing, and feeling the warm sun on our skin, our thoughts drifting and passing through the mind. I don’t know about you, but the latter sounds pretty much like an oasis.
And, here’s the thing – yes, some contributing factors within the mind are beyond our control. However, so much of what manifests within our bodies in illness or dis-ease, are a by-product of our emotional climate and not necessarily our mental environment, and there’s a difference. More often than not, it is grief that clouds our mental game with emotional clout. We have thought patterns and beliefs that become so engrained; we can’t imagine our life without them. We become so accustomed to the negative self-talk, bouts of anger, and personal judgments, that to imagine a fulfilled and joyful life seems like a dream that’s meant only for other people. Or, we believe that – if only we were wealthier, skinnier, faster, more beautiful, etc., that we would find happiness.
This past year, for me, has felt like a real-life coming of age book, full of challenges, personal triumphs, and some regret, too. In a lot of ways, I still feel like there’s lots of mental growth that needs to happen. Just today, I realized how much emotional gunk I’ve worked through the past year. I found hope in The Grief Recovery Method that helped me move forward in a significant relationship in a healthy way, not to mention, work through many other relationships using the tools I learned, too.
Additionally, I experienced flashbacks to a traumatic experience I had long buried that came up during, of all things, my reiki levels I & II certification. And, it’s still an ongoing process of healing through the utilization of new tools I will forever have in grief recovery, as well as through reiki. During my reiki master training, I experienced even more healing of that traumatic experience. Grief recovery and reiki have been the perfect blend of healing modalities that have allowed me to process my emotional blocks in a healthy, productive, life-changing way.
The progress of my healing was brought to light this week. The accountability group I joined six months ago met online for our last official call. We come from all walks of life, with varied backgrounds and challenges. What these women shared with me was how, from when they first met me, there was this negative aura around me. And, since that time, I’ve turned into Pollyanna (i.e., an excessively cheerful or optimistic person). What was shared, took me a couple of days to process and digest; because, on this call, we all shared how we see each other, what we love about them, and where they shine. It can feel uncomfortable to have a bunch of women shower you with compliments; it’s not something we typically experience, right? But, it was in their sharing that I recognized, for myself, how far I’ve come in my healing. Just as hurt people hurt people, healed people help others heal, which is why it’s so important that I make my mental health a priority. In doing so, I am at my best, so I can hold space for others in their healing.
How I Make My Mental Health a Priority
Not long ago, I had a session with a healer. She shared how sadness was the emotion that came up during the session, which wasn’t a surprise to me. As we talked, I shared with her that sorrow (i.e., grief) is one of the feelings that’s always been present in my life. She felt it came up for me even before my dad had passed away when I was eight. And, as I reflected, my earliest memories of myself are me hiding to cry, under my bed, in the linen closet, even the kitchen cupboard. I did not dare cry or, I would be given something to cry about (as children are often told). And so, like many children, I grew up hiding my sadness, and even as I sit here and write this today, I often find myself doing the same at the older, wiser, and more evolved age of forty-one. Our child wounds run deep, friend. And, it takes inner-work (i.e., action) to pull those weeds up from the root.
I’ve found myself led toward healing modalities that have equipped me with tools and education I can utilize on an ongoing basis and share with others. I don’t believe that’s a coincidence. Since my mid-twenties, being of service and aligning that with my skills and education has been burning in my heart. And, everything I’ve learned this past year has positively impacted every aspect of my life – more than I imagined.
These days, with grief recovery, reiki, meditation, journaling, exercise, and self-help books, I’ve found myself feeling more like myself. I remember when I was trying to find a way to be of service when my kids were little. I worked overnights as a certified nursing assistant in a nursing home when I was pregnant with our second, and later transitioned to home healthcare. I honestly wouldn’t have had to work at that time, but for me, it was essential to feeling like I was of service in a way that didn’t include diapers and breastfeeding. Later, I would choose entrepreneurship. And, thank goodness I did; it laid the groundwork and foundation for what I’ve created in my life today.
My Message To You
My message to you today is this: I am no one special. There is nothing extraordinary about me. I put my pants on the same way as you. I struggle with the very same things as a parent, mom, spouse, etc.. I have days I know I’m not being patient or have had unkind thoughts. This is what it is to be human.
All that said, what I am now, that I never felt as strongly as I do today is: empowered, confident, and very intently sure of my inner-knowing. Discovering these qualities within myself had taken years of excavating (when I started digging into my emotional wellness in 2014). But, only because I hadn’t discovered grief recovery until 2019. My growth this past year has been ten-fold. And, you know what – it can be for you, too.
You may not identify yourself as someone grieving. And, had someone asked me in 2014 or even as far back as 2001 (when my life was going off the rails) if I was grieving – I would have said “no.” Looking back, I know my emotional state, and my behaviors (especially after having children), were textbook for someone grieving. I was not practicing self-care (often not showering for days), had regular, angry outbursts, found myself pouring myself into entrepreneurship, which was a preoccupation for being present. I also sought help from a physician during that time who simply thought a pill was the cure. For many, many years, even after trying therapy, too, I felt like I was on an island. And, I felt like there was something wrong with me.
Once the health issues started in late 2013, which carried on through the years without resolve, I felt like I was “crazy.” I understand why people resort to going from doctor to doctor to doctor – hoping one will finally listen or do what is necessary to find the issue. And, you know what? I’ll let you in on a secret. Not a single doctor ever asked me: “What happened to you?” Not one doctor asked me: “How did you get here, to this point, in your declining health?” Not a one. Why? Because physicians are not trained, therapists. And, physicians are not educated in grief in medical school either. And, likewise, unless a licensed therapist seeks further education on grief on their own, traditional schooling does not include it. It’s why there are dozens of licensed therapists who sought certification with The Grief Recovery Institute.
Changing the Conversation
The collective conversation around mental health needs to change. It is my mission to spread the message that we start talking about mental and emotional health (i.e., grief) like we do about the weather. I am very honored and proud to now offer a way to spread this message. As one of around 150 advanced grief recovery method specialists in the world (and the only one in ND), I feel like I can offer something very special to North Dakotans from the comfort of their own homes, and also, to anyone – anywhere.
The question to ask yourself is not what it costs you to take this action. The better question to ask yourself is: “What does it cost me, in my life, to not take action.”
If you’re willing to invest years, time, and money into therapy and anything and everything else under the sun and have yet to get results, why not consider this? I urge you to get in touch with me. Could I sell ice to an Eskimo? Sure. I’ve sold Kirby vacuum cleaners. However, if the Kirby would’ve been grief recovery back when I was going door-to-door, I wouldn’t have needed to sell Kirby’s in the first place. You discover so much more going through this method than I can even put into words.
If your gut is nudging you to contact me as you read this – listen to that whisper. Our guided intuition will never steer us wrong. Having the ability to understand and have that inner-knowing has been one of the many gifts I’ve received from doing this work on myself. Reach out to me via email at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com with any questions or book a free consultation HERE.
This blog post goes out to all of those who are struggling with emotional and mental illness right now. Not to mention, all the mamas, the desire-to-be-mamas, and the earth mamas of angel babies this Mother’s Day. I know it’s not a joyful occasion for so many and my heart is with you.
Mind your mind, but first – listen to your heart.
P.S. Resources:
- My website – there are many articles on my blog about grief, and there is also access to free, educational PDF’s like The Free Guide for Loss
- The Grief Recovery Institute
- Suicide Prevention Lifeline – 1-800-273-8255 – if you’re thinking about suicide or know someone who is
- Crisis National Suicide Prevention Hotline – 1-800-273-8255
- 24/7 Crisis Counselor – Text “HOME” to 741-741
- Better Help – affordable, private, online counseling
- FirstLink211 – an online resource specifically for ND and parts of MN
Grief Stories, Growth, Living Unleashed |
There are moments in life where we feel like we disappointed someone or even ourselves. It could be by not living up to our potential, not keeping a promise, or also feeling as though we let someone else down.
So, what do I mean by “fail up?”
Fail Up is simply this: when the feeling of a letdown, disappointment, failure, etc. creep in your heart – do something right then that will move you forward and create momentum.
I’ve learned a lot about the concept of “fail up” since I got certified in the grief recovery method and offering the programs I am certified to facilitate. You see, grief recovery services aren’t exactly like the Black Friday shopping years ago where people would line up for hours upon hours, nearly kill (or literally – I’m sure it happened) each other for, or save money toward either. My point is, is this is a service people generally have to warm up to receive and likely don’t know it exists. Which is why I talk about it 80% of the time on social or to anyone who will listen!
This is not an easy-peasy business to build. And I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But, boy, did I experience it fully and left my experience wholeheartedly believing in it! So, when I have days where I feel like everything I’ve tried has failed, or I feel like I’ve disappointed someone, I remember why I got into this work in the first place. I also remind myself of this beautiful lesson in perseverance (i.e., “failing up”), taught to me by my mentor, Sandi. And I grab my paper and pen, and I start brainstorming, journaling, and work myself through the emotion of it and continually grab onto the next best feeling I can. And, I always land back on hope.
Hope is what got me here in the first place. I had hope that I would find relief in my grief when I discovered the Grief Recovery Institute a year ago in January. I had faith that it would transform my relationship with my grief and enable me to live in the present more fully. I had hope of getting out of the rut, that I felt, grief was keeping me in all my life. I believed I was meant for more and that there was more to life than feeling like emotional garbage day in and day out.
Hope.
It got me here and it still, regularly, gets me out of my headspin of feeling failure to the point it paralyzes me.
Fail up and hope go hand-in-hand. Because without hope, I don’t know that I would take the actions needed that enable me to fail up in the first place. What I offer is more significant than myself. It feels like a movement. My pity parties aren’t near as long as they used to be in my earlier entrepreneurial years. I thank the good Lord for preparing me for this time in my life. My photography business gave me so many skills and knowledge that I utilize daily. I feel like I’m above the curve-ball. And finally, my heart has caught up to my purpose, and I feel aligned.
I can tell you, I’ve failed up a lot; there were a lot of stepping stones over the years. Perhaps look at the times you feel you failed and apply this message and see if you can’t begin to look at things from a different point-of-view.
Fail Up, friend. And never lose hope (my favorite-est word in the world).
Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
The fog has been relentless here lately. It got me thinking about how it’s nearly impossible to see ahead when it’s so thick, especially in the darkness, and despite headlights to guide us on our way.
Growth is a lot like this. We don’t know what we don’t know. When life is feeling challenging, it can be outright painful to even look ahead to the future. During the hard, growth days, in the releasing and letting go of what’s no longer serving our higher good, that’s when the fog begins to lift. We start to see more clearly. We are able to look in the rearview and see how far we’ve come, too.
I don’t believe we ever graduate from “growth college.” It’s not something in which we can earn a Masters or PH.D. degree. It’s through the school of hard-Knox life where we learn as we go. There isn’t some end-point we all should be striving to achieve.
If we can accept that growth is a forever ongoing process and that we never truly reach enlightenment (unless you’re Buddhist), we then can savor the process of discovering and uncovering all the layers that have created and shaped us.
The fog has lifted here in the great plains. Despite not seeing the sun for several days, I know it’s there. Isn’t that funny? We have faith and trust that the sun is there, even when we can’t see it. And yet, we don’t trust and have faith in ourselves that we too, have a light within us that, no matter how thick the fog may get, can light the way for us – even in the darkest of days.
P.S. My B.F.F. shared this Kindness February Calendar (<— click for immediate download) with me. I love it so much; I thought I’d share it with you. Spread your light, friend; with all the darkness and fog out there, we need more of it.
P.P.S. Info on my FREE talk tomorrow and the upcoming 8-week Grief Recovery Group! 🙂 PDF LINK to TALK and PDF LINK to Group
Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Spirituality |
Who misses their own business anniversary? This gal.
Who got to celebrate with a great group of ladies two days late over the inter-webs? This gal.
It’s all good.
I feel as though I’ve walked a thousand miles this past year. Nothing near what Jesus accomplished, but hey, it was totally worth it. I’m sure Jesus felt his 7,300 miles (20 miles per day, on average – I Googled it) was worth it, too.
Anything challenging is often what we most need and, also, what we find is most worth it to us in the end. Isn’t that the truth?!
I launched The Unleashed Heart, LLC January 8th, 2019. So, my business is officially no longer a baby and is now a toddler! Lol! Hopefully, there aren’t too many temper tantrums on the horizon, but I expect some along the way. If I think about her (my business) as a toddler, resistance is bound to happen. But, if 2019 prepared me for anything, it laid the foundation for allowing. There doesn’t have to be a tug-of-war, power struggle always going on. I get to choose to be proactive and allow, or armor up and resist.
At the time of the launch, I had created Living Unleashed™ and launched it simultaneously with the website. Two months later, I would set out on an emotional and spiritual experience that I couldn’t have fathomed would’ve changed my life as it has.
This past year has led to some fantastic experiences, opportunities, and friendships that have felt so timely. My heart was cracked wide open in 2019.
Between Grief Recovery Certification, Usui Holy Fire Reiki Levels I & II Certification, The Unbecoming Collective Accountability Group, and the things I planned in 2019 for 2020, I can say 2019 was my exponential growth year.
2019 was the year I:
- Launched a new business (my 3rd)
- Overcame 30+ years of grief
- Booked and took a solo trip (to Austin, TX) for the first time
- Connected more fully to my heart
- Experienced spirituality in a way I had never before (maybe even for me – for the first time)
- Fully believed and embraced that we are physical beings here on earth, having a spiritual experience. I had heard/read this many times before, but this year was the year I feel like I felt it for the first time.
- Helped other hurting hearts navigate their grief and feeling what fulfillment felt like for the first time.
- Felt alignment for the first time – in who I am and what I am here to do
- Experienced Reiki for the first time. Mind-blown. All I gotta say is you have to experience it, and you’ll get a sense of what I mean. It’s bizarre, the most relaxed I had felt in ages, and it’s healing that can’t be seen – only felt.
- Forged new friendships
- Got out of my comfort zone and started speaking in front of people (I hadn’t done that since speech competition in high school).
- Gave up alcohol. So far, so good.
- Felt like I became a wiser parent (Grief Recovery & inner-work helped with this).
- Wrote a blog post every Friday and newsletter every Wednesday for 52 weeks – and counting.
- Started a daily meditation practice – 26 days and counting.
- Gave up on running. I’ve narrowed down my daily preferred body movements to either yoga or a 2-mile incline power walk (and, I swear I burn more calories doing this than I ever did running 2 miles flat).
- Signed up for Usui Reiki Master Certification (I can teach with this certification)
- Had an amazing (first, big) family vacation with those I love dearly
I could probably think of more if I sat here a bit longer, but, for the sake of finishing this post, I’ll stop there.
We don’t celebrate our lives enough. The past year was amazing, extremely challenging, and rewarding. And I honestly cannot wait to see what I can write for my 2nd Anniversary blog post!
So, enough about me. How about you? Have you reflected on 2019, celebrating, and finding the light – even in the darkness?
Growth, for me, won’t stop just because the calendar flipped, and we entered a new decade. I have a feeling this is only the beginning.
Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources, Spirituality |
There is one thing we can do, that can be challenging to find (especially working parents), but is always available to us if we make it a priority – silence.
If we consider how much time we spend watching television, on our phones, or listening to and taking in other media (podcasts, audiobooks, or music) – we can likely find ten minutes to find some silence.
Silence is one of my favorite things. During the day, if I’m working from home, I rarely have the television on, and, if I have music, it’s music for concentration.
We don’t need to practice meditation to discover solutions to our most pressing problems (although it is beneficial for that). We don’t need to ask every other person in our life for advice. All we need to do is get quiet, silently ask ourselves what our hut (heart + gut) is trying to tell us, and bring awareness to how our bodies respond to the situation at hand that is keeping us stuck.
This concept may sound simplistic, but I feel like I complicated making decisions for much of my life. I struggled with making the wrong decision; thereby, indecision became the natural thing to do. The one thing that changed was I started getting intentionally quiet and started asking myself better questions – digging more deeply into my heart to find the answers.
So, how do we tap into our inner-knowing (our hut)?
There are many resources out there and various ways of tapping into our hearts. Tapping (no pun intended), for example, is one way. Journaling is another way to free-write your way to answers to your most pressing questions. There are lots of journal options out there with journal prompts, if free-writing isn’t your thing. You could also check out the app, Jour: Journal for Mindfulness, if digitally, at your fingertips is a preference.
The main point is to ask, get quiet, and allow what comes to you, being open to receiving guidance from your inner-knowing.
Does this all sound woo-woo to you? Before 2014, I would’ve probably blown this off. But, I was also very disconnected from my heart, too. There is so much wisdom within us that we rarely (if ever) need to look to outside sources. Sure, an in-depth conversation with a friend can spark a thought, idea, or solution. But, nothing replaces connecting to our own heart. That is where our truth is – and no one knows that better than we do ourselves.
