Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources, Spirituality |
There is one thing we can do, that can be challenging to find (especially working parents), but is always available to us if we make it a priority – silence.
If we consider how much time we spend watching television, on our phones, or listening to and taking in other media (podcasts, audiobooks, or music) – we can likely find ten minutes to find some silence.
Silence is one of my favorite things. During the day, if I’m working from home, I rarely have the television on, and, if I have music, it’s music for concentration.
We don’t need to practice meditation to discover solutions to our most pressing problems (although it is beneficial for that). We don’t need to ask every other person in our life for advice. All we need to do is get quiet, silently ask ourselves what our hut (heart + gut) is trying to tell us, and bring awareness to how our bodies respond to the situation at hand that is keeping us stuck.
This concept may sound simplistic, but I feel like I complicated making decisions for much of my life. I struggled with making the wrong decision; thereby, indecision became the natural thing to do. The one thing that changed was I started getting intentionally quiet and started asking myself better questions – digging more deeply into my heart to find the answers.
So, how do we tap into our inner-knowing (our hut)?
There are many resources out there and various ways of tapping into our hearts. Tapping (no pun intended), for example, is one way. Journaling is another way to free-write your way to answers to your most pressing questions. There are lots of journal options out there with journal prompts, if free-writing isn’t your thing. You could also check out the app, Jour: Journal for Mindfulness, if digitally, at your fingertips is a preference.
The main point is to ask, get quiet, and allow what comes to you, being open to receiving guidance from your inner-knowing.
Does this all sound woo-woo to you? Before 2014, I would’ve probably blown this off. But, I was also very disconnected from my heart, too. There is so much wisdom within us that we rarely (if ever) need to look to outside sources. Sure, an in-depth conversation with a friend can spark a thought, idea, or solution. But, nothing replaces connecting to our own heart. That is where our truth is – and no one knows that better than we do ourselves.
Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Spirituality |
Do you know how kids tend to have no filters? Well, maybe it’s about time we adults remove the filters we have around our grief.
Notice how I didn’t say feelings? Yes, all emotions are valid and have value; however, the one I am most concerned about is the feeling of grief. I mean, I am the grief lady, after all! Lol!
In all seriousness, though, this phrase has almost felt like a mantra for me this week. Such as, when I felt myself cower and shrivel a little when I felt my values and integrity were being challenged. Respectfully, I stated my case, stuck to my values, and slept well that night.
Or, in conversation with my accountability group that consists of a beautiful, supportive group of women from all walks of life. This theme popped up for me again as women shared how particular challenges were arising and causing them feelings of grief. Although grief was not the word used, grief is what we feel of relationships that we wish would be/had been different, better, or more.
Also, the courage the women in my current 8-week grief recovery, showed when they shared the truth of their sorrow and pain.
Speak your truth, to me, is not some modern, new personal-development phrase to throw around. When I say it to someone else or when you say it to someone and ask the other person to share their truth with you, you must mean it. Because what is shared back is their truth. And, if you’re not a heart with ears, prepared to hear it, and know what to do with what’s said, then please don’t ask them to share it. And, when someone does speak their truth, thank them for sharing – that’s all you need to do. Don’t analyze, criticize, judge, and by all means, do not compare your story to theirs. Honor their truth with a thank you for sharing and ask if they accept hugs. Hugs are good for the soul; they release the good chemicals in the brain, as do tears. Allow those healing droplets to flow.
Care to speak your truth and need a heart with ears? Speak your truth in recorded audio and email it to me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com. This idea isn’t a challenge or anything, and neither the audio nor the email address attached to it will be used in any other way. Sometimes, we need to give our truth a voice and need someone to hear it – and nothing else. If this applies to you, I’m all ears.
P.S. I shared in this social post that I would share what’s next for me this next year in this week’s blog post. Between the time of that social share and sitting down to write this week’s blog post, I felt this topic was what I needed to write, rather than a reflection-of-the-year post that I thought I would write. At any rate, know that I will share a blog post probably next month, I think, where I will do a recap of the year and what I see for 2020. We will soon enter an entirely new decade – are you ready for it? I personally can’t wait! xx
Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Spirituality |
Grab a piece of paper and a pen and write out these two questions:
Where / who were you at this exact time a decade ago?
Who have you become?
Give yourself some time to reflect and write out your responses.
These two questions (and more – asked in a mastermind I am in) had me nearly in tears because I look back at that time with a lot of sadness when it should have been the most joyful time of my life. Instead, I reflect and feel how anxious, exhausted, and overwhelmed I was. I was a new-ish mom of three, raising them mostly as a single parent due to my husband’s job at the time, and thinking I could be super-woman and start a business at the same time: not to mention, and work nights. I look back, and the phrase that comes to mind is I was bat-shit crazy — determined as well, yes. But it takes at least a slight level of crazy to think that I could do it all and still retain balance (What the heck is that, anyway? lol!) and my sanity.
We rarely take the time the time to reflect on the person we once were. It’s a shame not to celebrate the growth we’ve experienced along the way. Not to mention, the healing that’s taken place, the layers we’ve shed – only to become more of who we are and always were. The child in all of us screams to express himself or herself, and we forget, don’t we? What it’s like to love without judgment, cry without caution, and express ourselves without self-doubt and fear.
Who you want to be is who you once were. You already were that person as a child — our childhood’s hold all the keys and clues to our adult selves. As a kid, I was curious about the spiritual side of things; astrology, palm reading, etc.. I’m finding my way back to my curious nature, that I had lost sight of while I was knee-deep in diapers. And, after years of life without faith, then finding it again, and feeling a spiritual connection, so many shifts have taken place in my life. What is happening for me presently, is that the more I am connecting to that part of me, the more healing I am experiencing on a deeper, more connected, and spiritual level. So, to some, I probably sound pretty woo-woo right now. And, that’s fine. I can only tell the truth about myself, and your spiritual path is yours and yours alone, too.
While grief recovery opened me up to healing, becoming holy fire reiki certified has deepened my healing in a way I can’t quite even explain myself yet. I had quite the experience at my certification training. I know I will be taking the next level of master training next year, too. I’ve found listening to my intuition hasn’t steered me wrong and has led to some incredible experiences. Why stop now?
Looking back and reflecting on how we see our past selves can bring up a lot of feelings, which is good. It’s in the feelings that we will find what needs healing. And, it’s in feelings that we know more clearly what it is we don’t want, so we can yes to more of what we do.
So, who do you want to be?
Grief, Spirituality |
Since becoming certified in grief recovery seven months ago, I’ve had several conversations revolving around the topic of faith/religion as it relates to the grief recovery program I facilitate.
We Resist What We Don’t Understand
To my surprise, I’ve been met with resistance by various church organizations that were either disinterested in what I had to share or outright declined in allowing this program into their parish. I do understand the feeling or need for clergy to “protect” their parishioners from a non-faith-based program. Grief recovery is not based on religion, though, so anyone can participate without feeling judged, criticized, or analyzed. And, speaking for myself, at one point in time, I rejected God because I blamed Him. So, in this regard, it’s a beautiful thing that it’s not faith-based.
How does someone who’s struggling with their relationship to the Lord go deep within themselves and challenge those thoughts if, at the same time, religion is a part of the curriculum? In short, they can’t – and they won’t; therefore, healing is compromised.
Can Faith Alone Heal the Past?
There are times when people with great faith share their stories of grief with me. They will share that it is their faith that keeps them going. I applaud that, and I am happy for them! And, for those that had a firm foundation of faith, this truly is a beautiful thing. And still, as they share their hurting heart with me, their eyes well up with tears as they speak to the pain that still exists. Their lives may not be as fulfilling as they wish it would be, and they continue to struggle in ways that go unseen to those around them.
What I see is a hurting heart that clings to an emotionally incomplete past. Sometimes, all the prayer in the world can’t help to ease the pain of the fond memories that, instead, turn to sadness. That is what it means to be incomplete. The message I know that needs to be shared is that there is hope.
There is a path laid out for you that will guide you in navigating what is incomplete. There are action steps outlined for you that will move you through your pain. It’s not about forgetting; it’s about feeling empowered and having the ability to share a new story moving forward. It’s not about forgiving to condone, rather, forgiving to let go.
The Student and the Teacher
There’s a saying that when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I do believe He can be the path of redemption in a lot of ways. In the storm of grief, however, we can quickly lose our way. When we are ready, and our hearts are open, there can be grace, encouragement, and healing found in Him. All that said, the world around us can be cruel and in our upbringing, which may have been dysfunctional, we’re not taught how to deal with our grief and sadness in healthy ways. So, when the wounds run so deep that faith alone can’t erase, we must sweep our side of the street; doing what needs to be done so, He can fully enter our hearts.
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. – Psalm 147:3
Sometimes, suffering itself is the teacher. We know we need something but aren’t sure where else to turn or what more we can do. God knows how to use everything to bring us closer to Him – even painful things. I very much relate to this. Even still, there is always room for improvement in our spiritual life, and for me, working on healing my past is the only way I can fully live in the present, and strengthen my spiritual life.
Grief recovery is not faith-based, but it is (from my experience) a faith-inducing, spiritual experience. One that I believe God would never frown upon if it meant another soul found their way home – to themselves and to Him.
Grief, Grief Stories, Growth, Spirituality |
I want to share a passage today that I recently read that resonated with me so very much. As of late, I’ve been thinking about this very thing; looking back at my life as I recently shared my loss history graph during a One-on-One grief recovery session.
In case you don’t know, when you go through the program I facilitate, I always, always go first – meaning, I share my losses, grief, and heartache – first. It’s been twice now, sharing my loss history graph, and each time, I have been made aware of what I need to work on healing currently. Such was the case this very week. The process of healing is ongoing. The more you utilize this program, the more whole your heart becomes. I’ve said it before, and I’ll repeat it (and again and again): this program is the gift you give yourself that keeps on giving.
Read this message, I share with you today and know I believe this to be true with every fiber of my being.
Every challenge, every gief, every heartache brings a deep hunger and a well of tears. The emptiness inside us reminds us that our ultimate hunger, and our ultimate source of nourishment, is God alone.
If you are in a time of struggle or pain, know that this is not random; it isn’t heartless or without purpose. No matter what it is, no matter how big the chasm of your broken heart, God is with you. He has a plan for you. He will redeem and repurpose every bit of your ache for something greater than you could ever imagine. If that sounds unfathomable or impossible right now, all the better. Because when you get to the other side of this, you will be amazed at what He was doing for you behind the scenes.
Watch, wait, and wonder. – Kristen Armstrong
There was a time when I had lost all hope. I had rejected God and faith altogether for many years. In fact, I blamed God (and others, but God was a biggie). How angry and sad I was. It wasn’t depression. It was grief; a profound weight I had been carrying for many, many years that continually got heavier and heavier with every subsequent emotional loss I experienced. I had experienced a loss of self-worth, loss of trust, loss of faiths…loss of hope. Until one day, I decided to say a prayer. I had no idea the work He would do behind the scenes. And even still, looking back on my life this week during the One-on-One session, I know everything changed when I decided I was ready. My life turned around when I started to sweep my side of the street and allowed God in to do His work within me. And, it’s been a relationship-in-progress ever since. Do I falter? Yes, I’m only human. Do I feel conflicted at times? Of course.
However, this week I was reminded there have been greater powers at work in my life. I would be an alcoholic, likely a single mother, and I can confidently say, I wouldn’t be doing this meaningful work either or have the family I have – had I not deeply desired and asked for more. I never imagined I’d have a blog about grief for a business that helps others navigate their emotional pain. No – I am where I am because I became open to receiving and had the willingness to do my part.
Watch, wait, and wonder. I wouldn’t have believed you if you had had a crystal ball and told me in 2002 where I would be and what I would be doing on September 13th, 2019. It would have been unfathomable and felt impossible to me then.
We don’t know what we don’t know. And life has a funny way of proving it to us time and time again. So, wake up to your potential in this one life you’ve been given – it’s waiting for you to do your part. Begin a quest, for your heart, to discover who you are, why you do what you do, what got you to where you are and demand more for yourself so you can give and receive – fully and wholeheartedly.
What feels unfathomable and impossible today – give it to God and then decide you’re going to do your part; making the commitment to show up for yourself every single day. He’s been patiently waiting for you to be ready.
And when the time is right, and healing is calling your name, I am here for you, too.
P.S. Liked this post? Share it with a hurting heart that could use this message today. And, did you know I share more personal stuff in my newsletter? I do! My favorite peeps get the inside deets. 😉 Sign up below or here and each Wednesday, starting next week, you’ll receive The Unleashed Letters – written with love from me to you.
P.P.S. Have a question about grief, in general? Email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com, and I’ll answer it here on the blog next week. I will not use personal identifying information – that’s a promise.
Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources, Spirituality |
A while back on Facebook (and Instagram), I shared the difference between grief and loss. Grief is the undelivered communications that keep you stuck and unable to feel joy when you think about the relationship. Loss is about the feelings of missing the relationship and feeling sad they’re gone.
Just as there are differences between grief and loss, there are differences between healing and recovery, too.
Healing versus Recovery
We can experience healing and feel better for a time; however, recovery has long-term effects that healing may not.
Recovery (grief recovery, in particular) encompasses all parts of ourselves; mental, physical, emotional, and may also include spiritual well-being, too. When we feel like we’re healing, we can feel better in these areas as well. However, you may have to utilize several modes of healing that target specific aspects (physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual). Often, the feel-good feelings are experienced only as long as you are participating in those healing practices. Some modes of healing (like meditation) may have a longer-lasting positive influence. But again, they don’t have long-term effects unless you’re continually doing these types of activities in your daily life. For example, a massage feels fantastic for the hour you’re receiving it. It helps heal the muscle tissue and can have you feeling better for a few days afterward. However, once the feel-good feelings wear off, and you go back to your daily life, you’ll be ready for another massage.
Alternative Methods for Healing
Over the years, I’ve incorporated many different modes of healing into my life. For example, EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), an alternative treatment for physical or emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure. People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. For me, it had helped to release emotional energy, especially at the beginning of 2014, when I first began to look for ways to help myself feel better.
In 2014, I also began using essential oils (for aromatherapy and overall health versus chemicals). Since then, I’ve created many different blends for all sorts of things. One mix I use religiously (especially when traveling) is a blend for those times I am having gut issues. I keep it in my purse at all times, actually, and yes – it does help me when I am experiencing bloating/gut ache. I recommend checking out this article that shares both sides of essential oils. Use at your discretion and take what you read with a grain of salt. Aside from personal use, I also use Young Living products for my home, like the Thieves cleaner, for example. Also, because I don’t burn candles for an aroma, and, although I do use wax melts, I like the flexibility of scents I have with essential oils, too. It’s all personal preference, but after five years, I still use them nearly daily.
Over the last few years, I’ve also incorporated meditation into my life. I’ve tried several different apps, including Headspace and Calm; however, my latest favorite is the Insight Timer. I also enjoy reading non-fiction in the arena of personal development and spiritual writings, too. On the topic of exercise, we know it’s good for us in all areas of life. It’s also been one of the areas I’ve often struggled to stay consistent with because I tend to get easily bored. I jump from one at-home program to the next, because, as I’m getting older, it’s become more challenging to find something I enjoy doing daily. I do like yoga, and at one point I could do a tripod headstand. However, I feel like it requires so much time. Or, maybe I see yogi’s doing yoga for an hour or more on the regular and feel overwhelmed by that level of commitment. Probably more of the latter.
When it comes to healing and looking for ways to improve our quality of life, ultimately, we must do what feels good, right? All of the things I’ve previously mentioned have been great at helping me to feel better (for a time), but they didn’t help me to recover.
8 Week Emotional Boot Camp
Grief recovery is a journey you take your heart on just as healing is a marathon and not a sprint. I think of grief recovery as a sprint; there isn’t anything else out there that can take you from feeling chained to the past and emotionally bogged down to emotional freedom. And, in eight weeks, as the Grief Recovery Method can. It may not feel good in the process, but anything good for us isn’t always a walk in the park. Remember my mention of exercise? Consider the Grief Recovery Method your 8-week emotional boot camp. I’ve gone through army boot camp and truth be told – my life was changed by both experiences. However, it’s during The Grief Recovery Method, where I grew in ways I only wish I had known about sooner.
Are you ready for your 8-week emotional boot camp experience? Although you will be pushed and challenged in ways you can’t yet understand, I’m a lot kinder than a drill sergeant. At the end of the eight weeks, you’ll see the fruits of your labor – minus the 6-pack, of course.
Join me in my next boot camp…errr…Grief Recovery group. I’d love to have you! I’m looking for at least four brave souls who are ready to unleash themselves of their past hurt. Do you want to move forward in life feeling empowered with new tools for recovery (and healing) that no one can ever take from you? Once you learn this method, you will forever have it at your disposal.
What is your LIFE worth to YOU? What are YOU worth? Are you ready to UNLEASH your heart from your past?
We can begin early August in Wishek if you’re ready. I also want to start a group in the Bismarck/Mandan area if you or someone you know is ready to begin a new relationship to grief. Message me on Facebook or Instagram or email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com to get started!
