Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Resources |
Sadness, despair, grief, melancholy, misery, etc.
Take note of all of the feeling words in the tree of grief. How many you’ve experienced throughout your life?
I imagine you’ve experienced all of them throughout your life.
Recently on social media, I had a request to address the feeling of sadness, which was prompted by the reader referencing the blog post, How to Own Your Feelings, published in May (Mental Health Awareness Month).
I needed some inspiration for this week anyway, so it was perfect timing. If you ever want to learn more about a particular aspect of grief or want me to dig more deeply into a covered topic, please don’t hesitate to share with me! I’m open to all requests!
Why do we feel sadness or any number of feelings shown here in the tree word cloud image?
The root of sadness is, you guessed it, grief.
There is no timeline for grief. Often, when we hear this, we may think about the long-term. However, what about short-term grief as well? You don’t have to be a (nearly) life-long griever like myself to identify yourself as a griever. And, there is ZERO SHAME in identifying yourself as a griever. When your life patterns have changed due to Covid-19, lose a home in a fire or a job (or don’t get hired for the dream job) – there’s grief.
I’ve mentioned this definition (or description) of grief given to us by The Grief Recovery Institute many times. However, I’ll repeat it if you’ve never come across this definition before.
Grief is anything we wish would be different, better, or more. And, it’s also the net result of the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.
The words in the image fall under the umbrella of one word – GRIEF. In a nutshell, the root of all of these feelings is grief. And, when we start to look at all these feelings, we can begin to apply new knowledge and tools to process them.
You may think, “But no one died; I’m not a griever.”
You do not have to experience the death of a loved one to experience grief. Go back and re-read that definition again.
You may feel hopeless, depressed, or anxious after being diagnosed with a chronic illness such as diabetes.
You may feel fear, stress, and anxiety about the future if, like many are this weekend, you are graduating from high school or are about to embark on a transition in life.
And, when you add that we are all in a relationship with others, do you think that others may also project their feelings onto us? Do you believe we may struggle to have a relationship where we fully feel seen, heard, and not judged, criticized, or analyzed for our feelings?
All of this to say, this is why I am so passionate about education about grief. Relationships and lives depend on this education. That may sound dramatic; however, if I were to share some stats with you on child grief as they relate to the A.C.E. Study, you’d be shocked. Or, the stats of addiction, homelessness, or broken homes – you would agree that grief is, and always has been society’s pandemic.
We should all be concerned with grief because it is a social, economic, and health concern.
So, what do we do about this?
- Acknowledge what we’re feeling to ourselves, so we can tell others the emotional truth.
- Seek knowledge and tools for processing these feelings in ways that individually resonate.
- Look at your belief system. What were you taught about these feelings? Did you learn that feeling sad was a bad thing? Or that the only solution to depression is popping a pill? As a child who experienced trauma or loss, did you act out in anger and were applied the label of a “problem child?” We all know if we’re told something enough times, we start to believe it, right?
- What behaviors are you participating in that are a way to distract yourself from these painful feelings? What behaviors do you want to change to improve your life – emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually?
We all grieve something or someone; therefore, we are all grievers. When we look at each other in this way, we see each other differently. We recognize that, as humans, we do have a lot in common, regardless of the boxes we check on various applications we fill out.
Grief does not discriminate. And, heart to heart, we shouldn’t either.
Thank you for the suggestion, dear reader. At the beginning of this post, I almost wrote on a similar (but different) topic. So, next week come back for the blog post The Mind-Body Connection. I’ll have a personal story to share with you.
Until then, look out with eyes of compassion. We’re all struggling with something.
P.S. I will be receiving training for The Grief Recovery Institute’s new program they’re rolling out online – Helping Children with Loss. It’s a 4-week/session, online GROUP program. I am so excited to get trained and offer this program online. As a grieving child and now a grief specialist, I know the importance of addressing grief in children. This program is PREVENTION. This program is perfect for parents/caretakers of grieving children, Foster programs, School administration, Head Start Programs, Military families, etc. These are a few ways I would love to spread this program. If this is something you feel your children or children in your care need, please get in touch via the Contact tab.
P.P.S. Check out this blog post previously referenced. Scroll down, and you’ll find a FREE Feelings Chart to download – no details required. 🙂
Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Grief Stories, Grief Tips, Pespective |
Grief isn’t just about death. I talk a lot about this, but it begs to be repeated.
A child (and adults alike) grieve moving, death of a pet, loss of friendships, death of loved ones, loss of trust, safety, or security.
During this pandemic, I’ve been thinking about the children who don’t have the best home life—the children who may feel isolated due to having their safe space (school) now taken away. For many kids, school is the one place for someone to come to their aid and be their advocate.
Here is an excerpt from this full [opinion] article in The Hill (which I fully agree with):
It is incumbent upon all of us, including courts, law enforcement, education, medical and mental health providers — and even neighbors who may come into contact with young children and families — to continue to be part of a public health approach to child safety during this pandemic. Child maltreatment occurs in all sectors of society, and even healthy families can be pushed to their limits because of severe economic stress and sudden round-the-clock caregiving. We each have a role to play to keep families strong and children safe during this crisis.
I can’t even imagine the child grief that exists now, throughout the world, and how it will impact all of these children the rest of their lives. As a grieving child-adult myself, I know the damage grief can cause when it becomes so much a part of you. However, I also see the tenacity and determination that can come from it as well. Everyone’s path is different, but there are so many influencing factors that will determine the path a child will take into adulthood.
Influencing Factors of Childhood Grief
I believe, what influences a child and their grief most, is the amount of inner-work their parent(s) or guardian(s) have worked through themselves, and their comfort level with grief in general. From personal experience, a relationship with someone important to me suffered for many, many years as I got older, as a result of not only my unprocessed grief but that, too, of those in charge of my care. Albeit, my mother, childcare provider, or teacher – none of which had received education in how to help a child process grief.
It wasn’t until the inner-work I did on my own, much later as an adult, where I felt an immense amount of compassion and understood, for the first time, the sacrifice we make in our lives to hold onto emotional pain. And, this is the work – to get to the root of our grief; pulling it out at the root, just as you would a weed in your garden. As you pull more and more weeds, you also discover even more weeds that need tending.
It is so important, as a parent or guardian, to tend to our weeds. We project our wounds, unintentionally, onto children. Similarly, anyone in a leadership role over children may do this. Hurt people hurt people – even children, and often, unintentionally; hence, the importance of the educational piece. When we have an awareness of what is helpful and supportive, then you will be better equipped to help the child in your care who is struggling.
When we use our feeling words and give voice to how we feel, rather than stuffing down, numbing out, ignoring, putting on a strong face, or even full-body armor (i.e., shielding ourselves from even the good stuff of life), our human spirit is nurtured. These emotions are no longer blocked, and we don’t hurt the people we care about most.
What We’re Taught & Pass Down Generations
Adults must be an example of how healthy emotional processing looks. If you don’t know how to do this, you resort to what you’ve been taught, which is likely all of the unhelpful and even hurtful things that have been passed down generations and that society reinforces, such as:
- Don’t Feel Bad
- Replace the Loss
- It Just Takes Time
- Grieve Alone (Grievers often isolate because of the hurtful and unhelpful things that are said to them and the comparison of losses.)
- Be Strong (for yourself and others – saying: “You are so strong’ or, ‘You’re the strongest person I know” reinforces this message.)
- Keep Busy
A reason why I am so passionate about grief recovery (and the various programs offered) is that it’s an educational program, as much as it’s an action-based approach. For someone to create lasting, meaningful change, one must gain knowledge, gain awareness, change their attitudes, and understand and learn new behaviors. The Grief Recovery Method encompasses and incorporates all of these factors, thereby setting the foundation and groundwork for healing.
Often, people are afraid of healing. Children aren’t, though, they just don’t usually have the guidance to do so. How much time and how much life do you feel you have missed, things you could have done differently, ways your life could have been different, better, or more? That, my friend, is what grief is: anything we wish would have been different, better, or more. And, it’s the loss of hopes, dreams, expectations. Imagine if, as a child, you would have received the tools to help you navigate all the hardships in your life on the way to adulthood. Do you think you’d be in a different place, emotionally, than you are today? Do you think you would have, perhaps, dared to chase your dreams?
Grief has a price. And, we all pay it, because society has not educated itself on this topic. It’s no surprise to me that grief is a hot topic during this pandemic. And, perhaps that’s the gift of Covid-19 – it’s getting a conversation going about this other intangible (but yet palpable) thing that the entire world has always had in common (since the beginning of humankind).
The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind. – William James
You may feel like a complete failure after reading this. I felt that after my grief education. It’s hard to swallow, knowing there is the potential of having done more harm than good. But, when your child has a broken arm, you don’t Google on how to fix it yourself, do you? No, you take your child to an expert. Similarly, when your child is grieving, you should seek the help of an expert – someone who knows how to navigate such things. A person can get along with a poorly healed arm, although, will likely have some aches and pains. But, when it comes to matters of the heart, it isn’t just their arm that suffers and quality of life, in grief, it’s life itself that suffers.
If you don’t know what to do, this post is about where to start. And, if you want to prepare your child for the grief that they are guaranteed to one day experience, I encourage you to reach out to work with me in digging into your own. Committing to going first is the hardest part. And, if you’re interested in going first, click HERE. Next week, I will complete my advanced grief recovery certification, where I will be able to provide grief recovery online. Does seven weeks to emotional freedom sound good to you? I only wish I would have found it decades ago; I cannot imagine the emotional suffering it would have spared me and how much more present (therefore, fulfilling), life would’ve been as well.
Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Resources |
I had an entirely different post planned for today (which has happened before). Coincidentally, the blog post I had planned was about tips for grieving children (that will now be shared next week).
One of my previous grief recovery group participants tagged me in a post on Facebook after I had started the other post, and I knew I needed to write about what she shared. In searching for the perfect image for this post, I discovered that not only this week is National Infertility Awareness Week, April is also National Child Abuse Prevention Month. How did I not know about these?
So, there I went, down a rabbit hole of attempting to find a Google calendar I could import into my calendar for days like these so, I didn’t miss special days/weeks/months like these again. Surprisingly, National Infertility Awareness Week (this week) isn’t mentioned! I did find that National Child Abuse Prevention Month listed on a few but not all. What the heck? I did not see National Infertility Week mentioned on a calendar anywhere, except when I went to find an image for it. Boggles my mind!
Anyway, I digress; onto today’s post.
My heart is heavy today; I’m not gonna lie. I’ve had days like this early on, with Covid-19, where I felt this wave of grief just hit me. Today is one of those days. I’m thinking about the woman who tagged me on her post. I’m thinking about how blessed I am that I don’t know what it’s like to struggle to bring a life into this world—blessed not to know the anguish of losing a life that I’ve carried. I should be blessed and grateful, and I am – and I am sorry, so so sorry to those who don’t feel like there is enough gratitude about this in the word. So, I feel like the least I can do is use this platform to bring awareness to infertility and the grief it brings, in a way I know about grief.
Infertility as a Grieving Experience
Infertility is one of those grief experiences that lurks in the dark corners of a desire-to-be mother’s heart (and of her partner as well – we can’t forget them, too). It’s often unheard or talked about openly. And, even in close circles, I imagine, it can feel like, once shared (if at all), it’s business as usual for the world all around. Every loss is different; however, to not know the heartbeat of another inside your womb, to not have the opportunity to experience the first kick, or to have these moments where you feel a connection unlike any other – only for that little life to be taken away. The thought of it breaks my heart.
National Infertility Awareness Week this week is a reminder for us all that womanhood can feel like one of the greatest blessings, and yet, a curse. If you are struggling with infertility or experienced the loss of the most precious gift a woman can receive (in my opinion), I hope you have support. I hope you have a heart with ears in your life, someone who will sit with you in your sadness, perhaps even share in it, too. Because I do believe this is one of those losses that women do shy themselves away from talking about, unfortunately.
The calendar maker-people of the world don’t think to mention it. 🙁
Grief is the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.
Grief is: anything we wish would have been different, better, or more.
It is safe to say that infertility (and miscarriage) fully encompass the definition of grief.
Then, there are the precious children who come into this world full of innocence, only for some of them to be on the receiving end of someone else’s hurt. Hurt people hurt people. And, sometimes it’s the little people – whose voices are silenced, and where intimidation is used as a manipulation tactic for control, who end up hurt.
Isn’t it fitting? This month is child abuse prevention month, and it falls during a pandemic, where there’s already enough chaos to go around the world tenfold. Bring all of that chaos into a home that has already been experiencing struggle, hardship, abuse, addiction, etc…and the most vulnerable are the ones who suffer.
Grieving Children Become Grieving Adults
The grief we adults carry (and have carried for who knows how long), is amplified right now. It’s like the grief of the world is in a pressure cooker. Those of us with children, we owe it to our children (and their future) to get our emotional poop in a group. We all learned about cause and effect as kids. This principle applies to our actions and emotions, too. The cost of not facing our emotional dis-ease, is not only costing us our health but also negatively impacting the health and well-being of this world’s future.
Grief is not a disease. It is not a mental illness that needs to be “fixed.” Grief is a normal and natural response to changes in familiar patterns of behavior. And, it is possible to recover from what is emotionally incomplete. “Recovery” doesn’t mean you will forget or that you’ll no longer feel sad. Recovery is completion, allowing you to move forward in your life without being tied to the emotional pain that exists at the end of the relationship or within a grief-causing experience. You may feel that if you lose the pain, then what’s left, right? What happens when the story that I keep telling (that’s looping on repeat in my mind) goes away? That’s the fear of completion, and it is a valid fear. However, how about the fear of never feeling a connection to the person in their entirety again? Instead, only thinking about the person and feel pain? How about the fear of forever being stuck in the past? What if you never allow yourself to live fully in the present? Which fear holds more weight in your heart?
When you grow up with grief, as children of abuse do, and do not have the support a grieving child needs, you become an adult who’s never learned to grieve healthily. And, whatever you’ve learned about grief, you pass on to your children – and so, this cyclic pattern of learned behavior continues for generations and generations.
The Helping Children with Loss program is near and dear to my heart. And today, I think about all of the children who are victims of abuse, and it makes me incredibly sad – but also more determined in this work.
Breaking this cycle of not knowing how to talk about grief and address it starts with you – in your home and your heart.
I dedicate this post to the women who grieve for a child and, for the children grieving who feel unwanted. We need to stop looking away from grief and talk about it like we talk about the weather.
Grief is our world’s pandemic. And we need to stop looking away – from the pain within and around us.
P.S. Are you interested in completing what is emotionally incomplete for you? Are you interested in learning new tools, education, and receive grief support that moves you forward in an action-based way? Seven weeks to emotional freedom from the past that binds you is possible. Click HERE if you’re interested in being the first to know about a new service available in May 2020.
Childhood Grief, Grief, Grief Stories, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Reiki, Resources, Spirituality |
We all have that thing; a horrible experience, a needling feeling in our heart, a painful itch you can’t ever seem to scratch.
If you took a drone and hovered it over your life, it might look like days not showering, angry outbursts toward loved ones; hours spent binge-watching reality tv, or hours lying in bed – your mind filled with worry, anxiousness, or fear.
It might also look like “productivity:” hours of exercise, baking, reading fantasy, getting a new pet (which requires countless hours of training), obsessive cleaning/organizing, etc..
Emotional dis-ease manifests differently in our lives for every one of us.
For me, it looked like a mom who felt anxious daily; frazzled and torn between obligation, responsibility and what my heart truly needed – healing. As a parent, I know the struggle with the relationship to time to not only be there for those around you but also create time and space for yourself to look inward.
I feel like there is a massive gap in our culture of self-work and the obligations of being a parent. How do we bridge that gap? How do we create the time and space our hearts need when we’re bombarded by life daily?
Back in 2014, things were coming to a head for me. I was faced with this very dilemma of wanting to figure my shit out so I could finally be content with myself and my life and compartmentalizing all of that so I could be present for my children.
I look back on that time now, and I know I wasn’t present. I know there are gaps in my memory that go far back to my childhood. Whether there are blocks of time I’ve consciously or subconsciously blocked out from my awareness (even as an adult), I’ve yet to discover; however, it’s what I’m currently exploring.
Trauma has a way of creeping up on us after the fact. Often, we don’t recognize it as such either. Instead, it manifests in ways I’ve previously described. But it’s there, like an undercurrent of a flowing river, just going along until it finds its way out. Eventually, it does find a way out.
Making Time and Creating Space for Healing
Self-healing is like peeling back the layers of an onion. Every time we remove one layer, another emerges. Unprocessed emotions have a way of making their presence known when we least expect them to appear, too. We must find a way and the time, even if it means going away for an overnight one day per month. That’s where a program, based on a time-frame was most beneficial for me. I could leave my obligations and responsibilities behind, so I could focus on healing and healing alone. It took years to make it a priority for myself. But, I do feel that what I needed, found its way to me in perfect timing. All the stuff I did leading up to it, stacked up, preparing me for what was to come. So, never discount the little actions, the small things you do daily to nurture healing. It’s often the micro-actions that build the foundation for major emotional shifts and breakthroughs.
The One Thing that Changed My Life
The one thing that has changed my life, above anything else, was beginning to peel back the onion and doing the inner work. Layer by layer, I’m discovering where my heart and soul need healing (even now; it’s a work-in-progress without an “I’ve arrived” date).
Our best selves go into hiding when our brains use logic to make sense of emotionally dangerous situations. All the while, our hearts put up a wall and armor up to the world around us.
Self-discovery is a marathon. There’s no one way to awareness and enlightenment. However, just like in training for a marathon, we are required to take action. And not just action for the sake of taking action. I’m talking intentional and intuitive, hearts-desire action.
I’m partial to The Grief Recovery Method; however, I know it’s the only way. Do I feel it’s the best way to get a good start on your “heart onion?” Absolutely. It’s a guided and safe process that creates a massive dent in the emotional dis-ease we all carry in a set timeframe (i.e. there is something to look forward to – there is hope). Combining it with conventional therapy (which isn’t a requirement) is an even better scenario, depending on your situation. But, I also rely on other means of doing my own “heart-onion” work, too. Reiki has been the hands around my heart, offering support exactly where I need it, as I work through processing the emotional gunk.
And here’s the thing, my gut intuition and a deep desire to live my best life has led to this post I’m writing today. If someone would have told me in 2014 when I was sitting at my kitchen table, not having showered for three days, pouring over self-help content for hours – that I’d be where I’m at today. I would have said, “Amen, Hallelujah – there is hope.”
My Wish for You Today
If you receive anything from today’s blog post, my goal is that you feel a sense of hope come wash over you. Use hope as your guide-post, affirming that better days are ahead. Allow hope to take root in the deepest crevice of your heart today and allow it to lift your spirits.
This is Easter weekend and nothing about it neither looks nor feels like Easter – on television, anyway. So, for the weekend, tune out the television and tune into your heart. Take in the songs of the birds, the smell of orchids, and the sights of new life. And, take a moment to look into your heart; asking God, the Archangels, or universe (whomever you choose) to guide you to whatever it is your heart is calling you to heal using whatever methods feel good to you.
Never lose hope; it is the one thing that keeps, at very least, one foot out of despair.
Sending you so much love and many blessings this Easter weekend.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin
P.S. Begining mid-May, I will be certified as an advanced grief recovery method specialist. This will enable me to offer grief recovery one-on-one to anyone, anywhere. If you would like to be in the loop as to when this becomes available (and other applicable info), enter your details HERE. You will also be given the option to receive my weekly newsletter, where I include all news, promotions, and content not shared anywhere else.
Childhood Grief, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth |
As grievers, our hearts are soft and ever-changing through the motions day-to-day. For comparison purposes, think back to childhood and the hours of fun you had with play-doh; molding, creating and shaping it to make something new to express what you’re thinking/feeling.
Our grieving hearts can also be like clay, soft at the start, only to harden over time. And, this is what happens to, I believe, most of us grievers as time goes on. It’s also why time heals all wounds is a myth that needs to die in conversation. Time does nothing but pass. It’s the action we take in time that creates lasting change.
People say, what they think, are thoughtful, insightful things to grievers. Grievers themselves who’ve never likely processed their grief are sharing from a place of pain themselves. So, why do the things grievers say to other grievers come off as hurtful and unhelpful?
Below are some examples of typical phrases grievers say to other grievers and why these phrases are unhelpful and often hurtful.
“At least he/she is in a better place…” —- First of all, to someone whose grieving the loss of a loved one, they’re sad their loved one isn’t here on earth with them. That would be the better place. In the event of long-term suffering, this may feel true of the griever, but we should never assume that’s how they’re feeling.
“I know how you feel…” —- Impossible. Every loss is different because every relationship is different. It is impossible to know how someone is feeling, and it is unhelpful and hurtful to assume otherwise. Two sisters who experience the death of their mother, despite experiencing the same loss, they’re thoughts and feelings about the loss will be completely different. Each of them experienced a mother-daughter relationship that was unique to them. Similarly, if two people, unrelated, experience a similar loss, although they can relate to each other, their losses will still be individually unique.
“You’re young; you can try/find love again [referring to miscarriage, death of a spouse/significant other]…” —- Saying this is a complete disregard for the emotional weight of what’s been lost. A child, regardless of gestation, is a child to that mother. One never knows the challenges someone faces, too, in conceiving. Also, one never knows if this is a first miscarriage or one of several. Again, it is assuming a story that is ultimately hurtful in this situation. Such is true, too, when it comes to the death of a spouse/significant other when young, To that person, they’ve lost the love of their life. The last thing they’re thinking about is finding love again.
It’s been a year; shouldn’t you be over it by now? —- As I mentioned previously, time does nothing but pass. Whether the loss occurred one or ten years ago, there’s no standard of time by which someone will grieve. March 31st will mark thirty-three years my dad has been gone. The sadness still exists. My children don’t know their grandfather. And, I haven’t had my dad to call on Father’s Day all these years. However, unlike many years prior, today, when I think of my dad, I think about him as my angel. And, I’m no longer emotionally weighed down or feel blame in my heart for how losing him changed my life. Grief Recovery gave me the process and knowledge I needed to process that loss (and every other relationship that has been emotionally incomplete).
These are some of the most common examples of unhelpful and hurtful things we say (as grievers ourselves) to other grievers. I am expressing that these are hurtful/harmful things grievers say to other grievers because I believe we all grieve at 100%. We all grieve something or someone. You may not feel you are a griever, but eventually, you will have another loss that brings all the losses before to the surface.
So, what should you say instead? If you find yourself in a position where you’re tempted to say one of the things above, instead, simply ask how you can help or support them, offer a hug, or, express how you’re there for them whenever they need. It need not be complicated or wordy – these are one of those instances where sometimes, less is truly more.
P.S. In case you missed it, this is my birthday week! This week only, receive $41 off the One-on-One, 7-week grief recovery program, and 60-minute Distant/In-Person Reiki sessions are $41. Reiki sessions and One-on-One spots are limited, and this promotion only goes through this Sunday! Purchase Reiki sessions now, use them later! Reserve a One-on-One spot now; coordinate with me for a time that works best for you! Do you have any questions? Email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com. xx
Childhood Grief, Grief, Grief Stories, Growth, Resources |
Are you the type of person who is always looking for the silver lining in a situation? Or, do you tend to give more thought to what is or could’ve been?
There’s no right or wrong answer here. I’ve just thought this week about how differently we’re all wired.
For the most part, since childhood, I’ve considered myself as optimistic. Likely because of the crappy things I experienced in my youth. Even as a kid, I recognized there is always someone who has had it worse. Always. I don’t say that lightly. And, it’s not even that I was taught this, because I don’t believe I was. I think it’s something I felt and witnessed. And perhaps this is what’s been burned into my heart. And, when I put myself in their shoes, and allow my imagination to take me to that person’s experience, and feel what that would feel like, suddenly, all that I’ve endured doesn’t seem so hard.
But, all that empathy, optimism, and always looking to the future (when I get older, I’m going to do this, I’m going to experience that, etc..) kept me from really feeling what I was experiencing in the present. I look back on my childhood and recognize that I spent a lot of time in my imagination.
Silver linings are great; as long they’re not a coping mechanism to deflect from what’s going on in the heart. Children, in my opinion, do this naturally, though – as a way to protect themselves. And, children are also more sensitive to the energy of others, and often pick up on and perceive situations differently than adults.
Although I believe we have tendencies that are hard-wired and written into our DNA, I equally think that early traumatic experiences re-wire our brains and create physical changes on a cellular level. I’m starting to dive into the topic of trauma and it impacts on our bodies, but I find it fascinating and will share as I learn.
In the meantime, I guess I will continue to be one of those annoying people who are always ready to point out the silver lining of a situation. However, what I’ve learned through grief recovery is that firstly, it is most important to acknowledge and not minimize the human experience someone else is having.
Everyone sees situations through their lens of experience. And, that’s why the Grief Recovery Method is so powerful. We learn to be a heart with ears for others; removing the lens through which we see the world, and giving someone else the presence of heart – and heart alone.
When we begin to work on our inner “stuff,” we see our lives (and the lives of others, too) from a different perspective. It also becomes a lot easier to see the silver lining for ourselves, too. Because, when you get 5-12 people in one group sharing their deepest pain, I guarantee you’d rather keep your problems. And, it’s not to compare, again – that’s not what we do in Grief Recovery. But, the awareness of that alone has the power to illuminate the grief in our lives – in a way, nothing else can. And that is why we can never heal in isolation.
What is a silver lining-feeling you desire in your life? How do you wish to see a situation differently?
Think about it this way; those who survived as POW’s (the late John McCain, for example) or Holocaust survivors (for example, this book by Viktor Frankl, which has been on my “to-read” list for far too long), are some of the greatest optimists you’ll ever meet. When I’ve watched interviews, recently this one shared on CBS Sunday Morning for the 75th Anniversary of Auschwitz, I could feel their optimism, despite what they’ve endured. I’ve been to the Dachau Concentration Camp; just walking the grounds was a sobering experience.
Where does optimism come from, if not from our life experience?
I’ll leave you today with Frankl’s words:
Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.
Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.
P.S. Heads up! Next week Monday, I’ll be sharing a birthday week promotion! You’ll have an opportunity to book Reiki sessions at a discount for that week only (can be used later) – due to my schedule; sessions are limited! Also, there is a discount for the 7-week One-on-One Grief Recovery Program. Stay tuned! I will be sending my email list the info first if you’d like to get in on the birthday shenanigans! 🙂
