Grief, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this touching episode, Erin Whalen shares her heartfelt journey of growing up with her beloved sister, Gina, who had cerebral palsy. Through her personal experience of anticipatory grief and loss, Erin found her calling as the founder of Compassionate Coaching, where she now helps end-of-life and bereavement professionals develop essential communication skills.
Erin opens up about the profound impact of losing Gina in 2016 and how their unique sister relationship – though different from what many might consider typical – shaped her deep understanding of nonverbal communication and empathy.
Erin’s story beautifully illustrates how our most challenging life experiences can transform into gifts we share with others. As she discusses her ongoing connection with Gina’s memory and her work teaching empathy skills, Erin reminds us that grief takes many forms and that there’s no “right” way to grieve. Her mission to help others feel seen and heard in their grief journey stems from her own understanding of anticipatory grief – an experience she lived with for 40 years before finding the language to describe it.
For those living with anticipatory grief or supporting someone with special needs, Erin’s story serves as a tender reminder that they’re not alone in their complex emotions. Her work is a beautiful testament to how our deepest wounds can become our greatest gifts in serving others.
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Living in the Shadow of Anticipatory Grief: A Sister’s Journey to Finding Purpose
When we think about grief, we often picture it as something that follows a loss. But what about the grief that lives alongside us, day after day, as we love someone we know we might lose? This is the powerful story that Erin Whalen shares on the latest episode of Grieving Voices podcast, where she opens up about her 40-year journey with anticipatory grief – a feeling she experienced long before she had the words to name it.
Growing up as the youngest of four siblings, Erin’s life was shaped by her relationship with her sister Gina, who had cerebral palsy. While many siblings share secrets and argue over borrowed clothes, Erin’s sisterly bond was unique. It was a relationship built on unspoken understanding, where love was expressed through presence rather than words. “I didn’t have that typical sisterly relationship with Gina,” Erin reflects, touching on the bittersweetness of grieving not just what was, but what could have been.
The beauty of Erin’s story lies in how she transformed her experience into a gift for others. Through her work at Compassionate Coaching, she now teaches communication skills to end-of-life and bereavement professionals. Her childhood experience of interpreting Gina’s nonverbal cues became what she calls an unexpected “Ph.D. in nonverbal communication” – a skill she now shares with others who work with the grieving and dying.
But perhaps the most touching aspect of Erin’s story is her continued bond with Gina, even after her passing in 2016. She speaks of conversations with her sister during early morning walks, of celebrating birthdays with ice cream sandwiches – simple yet profound ways of keeping love alive. As she navigates being older than Gina ever was, she shares a particularly moving moment: “When you were 45, you died,” she told Gina during one of their spiritual conversations, to which she felt Gina respond, “And when you were 46, you lived.”
For those carrying the weight of anticipatory grief – that constant companion of loving someone while knowing you might lose them – Erin’s story offers both validation and hope. She reminds us that there’s no “right” way to grieve, no perfect formula for processing loss. Sometimes grief looks like planning imaginary funerals for those still living, sometimes it’s feeling relief after a long illness ends, and sometimes it’s simply eating an ice cream sandwich in remembrance.
Erin’s journey teaches us that our deepest wounds can become our greatest gifts in serving others. Her work stands as a testament to the transformative power of grief when we allow it to shape us into more compassionate, understanding human beings. For anyone walking the path of anticipatory grief or supporting someone who is, her message is clear: you’re not alone, your feelings are valid, and your experience matters.
As we navigate our own grief journeys, whether anticipatory or after loss, Erin’s story reminds us that even in our most isolating moments, we’re part of a larger community of hearts who understand. Sometimes, having the language to describe our experience – like finally being able to name “anticipatory grief” after 40 years – can be the first step toward healing and finding purpose in our pain.
After all, grief is not just about loss – it’s about love. And love, as Erin shows us, has the power to transform our deepest sorrows into gifts we can share with others.
For those interested in learning more about anticipatory grief or seeking support in their own journey, you can listen to the full episode of Grieving Voices podcast featuring Erin Whalen, where she shares more insights about grief, healing, and the power of compassionate communication.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello, and welcome to grieving voices. Today, my guest is Erin Wallen. She is the founder of Compassionate Coaching whose mission is to restore dignity to the grieving and dying and to help them feel seen and heard. By filling the cups of and providing communication skills to those who serve them. Before founding compassionate coaching in the fall of 2020, Erin spent fourteen years as a professional actress and role player, particularly in medical education. She uses that background as an actor, trainer, facilitator, and playback theater practitioner to develop highly interactive, cathartic, and memorable programming that centers around giving and receiving empathy for professionals in the end of life and bereavement field. Aaron uses her own experience with grief, particularly her sister Gina’s death in twenty sixteen and her lifelong relationship with anticipatory grief to infuse her work with empathy and compassion. Thank you so much for sharing your expertise and your personal grief story in particular here on my podcast today.
Erin Whalen: Thank you for having me, Victoria. I’m really happy to be here.
Victoria Volk: And I think this is a very interesting niche as someone, I’m a trained end of life, Dula. And I even know in my energy healing work, the organization through which I trained with bio field tuning in particular, they’re now talking more about facilitating training to help people have really just teaching people practitioners how to communicate with their clients. And even when I went through my end of life, life do a training, that really wasn’t a heavy emphasis either. Because I think it’s it’s almost like this given or people think it’s this given natural gift that empathy is a natural gift. Right? I think it is. Some people haven’t and really some people where where it comes easily. Right? And people can really struggle with putting themselves in other people’s shoes and empathizing and and relating in that way. And so I think you found a niche for yourself that’s probably very needed because that doesn’t come natural for a lot of people.
Erin Whalen: Right? It it didn’t come naturally for me. It was something I had to learn, and I think that Actually, going back to my sister Gina, at her wake, I had a cousin come up to me. And she said, she said, this this is gonna sound funny. She said, but I really think that having Gina as your sister, Gina was really severely disabled, she had cerebral palsy. And she said, I think having Gina as your sister really helps make you, you know, who you are. And in my mind, I’m like, nah, I’m just naturally, like, warm and gifted and, like, I’m just I’m just a good human, like, that and then I’m like, no. No. No. Like, that is absolutely true. Like, when you are in a household where, you know, you see death, imminent, and illness as your daily bread, you can’t help. But, I mean, you could, like, you could you could become better and, you know, I’ve definitely I’ve definitely been working my own bitterness and things, but, like, hopefully, that enables you to become a more compassionate human. But even if you have that compassion kind of naturally, like, you these are skills. It’s communication skills. It’s not it’s not something that you’re either born with or not. As you said, like some people are more naturally gifted in it, just like some people are more naturally gifted in music. But, you know, unless you’re you’re a prodigy, you you actually have to learn, like, you actually have to learn things and even prodigis. I’m sure learn things. So you have to practice the skills. You have to learn the the notes and the scales and the communication skills.
You have to learn things like empathy, you have to learn things like how to be aware of your own cadence and your own nonverbal communication, and how do you learn about other people’s nonverbal communication? Those are skills you have to learn.
Victoria Volk: You know, even if it comes natural, I agree with that too. Yeah.
Erin Whalen: Exactly.
Victoria Volk: And then the flip side of that is, like, passionate fatigue that can often happen when you’re either exposed to that on an ongoing basis as helpers or healers often are or even just caregivers?
Erin Whalen: Absolutely. I’ve often said I’m there to serve the people who are at the bedside because I know being at the bedside, maybe that will change in in some, you know, season of my life. But at this point, I look at that and I say, that’s not what I’m called to. So, you know, he was a death jewel. I I tip my hat to you and I say, you’re doing work that most people on the planet can’t envision themselves doing. And so we know that we need you. And so I’m here to serve you all. I’m here to say, I can help you with these things so that you can continue doing the work that you love, so that you can continue doing the work the work that you love and have it not exhaust you. As much as it might if you didn’t have these skills.
Victoria Volk: I want to circle back to that, so let’s put a pin in that. PIN? Yes. Because I think it’s important for whether you’re a caregiver or whether you work in this industry or not. I think you have a lot to share on that.
But first, I wanna let’s rewind the clock and Okay. To what brought you to this work and that you kind of you mentioned it briefly, but your sister Gina who had cerebral palsy cerebral palsy? I will say that wrong.
Erin Whalen: I know. I growing up, we always heard cerebral palsy. Yeah. But then, like, I started, you know, once YouTube and things are around, then it’s cerebral palsy and it’s like, yeah, I don’t even know. I don’t even she had CP.
She had CP.
Victoria Volk: So was she older or younger than you?
Erin Whalen: Older, older.
Victoria Volk: Mhmm.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. So that’s that’s part of it too is that now I’m living I’m reaching ages that Gina never reached. So that’s that’s the season I’m in is that I’m forty eight and I just turned forty eight like two weeks ago. And just over two weeks ago because Gina died in twenty sixteen. She was forty five and it was two weeks after I turned forty.
So it was, you know, now I’m I’m forty six was a really odd year for me because I was like, this is weird to be the age my older sister never reached. But forty seven and forty eight, I’m like, yeah, I’m I’m here. I’m ready for it.
Victoria Volk: Just talked about this with the last guest I recorded with whose episode won’t go live until twenty twenty five just like yours, but we had talked about that and how it’s the dates that people really don’t talk about. The ages, the milestones that we grow up with sometimes. I mean, considering I was very young when my father passed away, so he was forty four when he passed away. So for me to you know, that was one of the things too. Like, okay, I’m going to be the age that my father passed away soon. Just what does that mean for me? You know? And I can relate to that. And I think many people listening to this can relate to that. And so how have you navigated those milestones? And and how have you honored your sister’s life when those have come around?
Erin Whalen: Well, I remember when I was getting ready to turn forty six. And It was I was at a job and it was a really cool job where I go and I go off-site to a resort and I get to work with physicians who are improving their communication skills. So I’m like, this early morning walk on this like golf course and it’s, you know, sunrise and I’m just like loving life. But I’m also very tender with my heart because I was getting ready in just a few days to turn forty six, which was the age that Gina never reached. And as I was walking, I was talking with Gina, which I, you know, I never heard the term continuing bonds until recently ish. And I’m like, oh, they’re real. Like, those continuing bonds are so real. So I talked to Gina all the time. I was talking to her as I was walking. And I had been listening to a song also that really, like, unlocks my heart and it’s called forgiven by dev talent and it’s just this beautiful song. And I’m talking to Gina and listening to the music and I say and I say to her and I say Gina, you know, when you were forty five, you died. And I sensed that she said back to me, and when you were forty six, you lived. And literally, like, within seconds of having that conversation with Gina, I look up and there is this blue hair in, like, very close to me and he just lifts up and takes flight. And it was one of those moments that you’re like, this was deep. Like, I’m gonna remember this. Actually, I’m in the process of finishing up my book and it’s in the books. It’s like one of those moments where you’re just like, this is something. And you know, it’s interesting because that was right before I turned forty six. And I’m glad I had that conversation with Gina, and I’m glad she said you lived because it really was a hard year. It really was a difficult year. And so now that I passed it and I’m a couple years past that that age, I can look back and say, you’re right, Gina. Like, it was a hard year, but I lived. Like, I’m still here. I’m still here, I’m still trying to make this world a better place. And so and so that was that was really memorable. So I think, you know, communicating with her to get back to your actual question, Victoria. Communicating with her has helped me. Honoring certain dates. You know, for me, it’s her birthday and then her the date that she died, which is November thirtieth. Like, those are dates that I honor her and remember her in a specific, but it is every year what that honoring looks like because I’m a firm believer in, like, do what makes sense for you this time and you don’t have to do anything big or like if you do something small, it doesn’t mean you love them less. Right? Like it can be really small and it doesn’t have to be anything. So finding little ways, little ways to Why usually we, as a family, eat ice cream sandwiches on her birthday and then the day that she died because she left ice cream sandwiches. And that’s that’s about that’s about it. Like, that’s really all I do these days when those dates come around because that works for me. And I know that it doesn’t mean I love her less if I’m not doing something big. The first birthday after Gina died the first time her birthday rolled around. I ran a five k and I’m not a runner. But I was like, I’m gonna do this for Gina and because Gina was wheelchair bound. She never walked. And so for me, it was like, I am going to use all of the things, you know, and opportunities that Gina never had, and now I’m really content just having an ice cream too much.
Victoria Volk: And I love how you shared how that can change over time. And I think as we evolve with our grief, it’s normal and it’s natural for that to change over time, like you said.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. Yeah. It’s like the last thing we wanna do is pressure griefers to, like, do something. Like, you don’t have to do anything. It’s okay.
Victoria Volk: And like you said, it’s I mean, I know people have very different people have different bearing beliefs. Mhmm. But those continuing bonds, like, I think so many people really don’t acknowledge or accept or They think it’s woo woo or whatever to communicate with those who have passed. That certainly wasn’t something that was taught to me that that was okay even as a child. Like, that would have been an amazing healing tool I think for me as a child to Mhmm.
Someone to give me that permission, right, or to give me that understanding that that’s possible. Right? And I think as Grievers It’s so important to have something to believe in.
Erin Whalen: Mhmm. I
Victoria Volk: do. And if that can give you hope,
Erin Whalen: mhmm, in
Victoria Volk: your healing, then by all means, it’s it’s worth doing. And that’s a small thing that you can do on a daily basis.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. Yeah. Agreed.
Victoria Volk: One of the things that you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to is my own curiosity. Your sister is older than you. And I can imagine that people who parents who have a child with special needs, question, should I have more kids given when someone has something that would require a lot more care and things like that, have you personally ever felt like or growing up, felt the weight of that? Of being another child in the home to be cared for. Like, did that influence your independence?
Do you think?
Erin Whalen: I think so. I think it was I was a pretty quiet kid. I internalized a lot. And so I think for me, it was assessing the situation. Without realizing I was doing it and realizing, okay. Like, clearly, someone here needs has great needs and much greater than I will ever have. And so it’d probably be best for me to just, you know, not make a not make trouble. Right? So that was kind of my role, if you will, was kind of a really good kid. I mean, I’m sure. Mean, there are many times I was not a good kid. But, you know, for the most part, I was good in school and, you know, I didn’t have I didn’t get into trouble at school or I was I was pretty easy in that that way. And so I think I internalized it. I don’t think I ever ever logically, like, came to that conclusion. I think I just kinda slipped into that. And maybe some of it has to do with my temperament. You know, I’m very introverted. I do believe that that is something that’s, you know, from from birth and, like, whether Gina had CP or not, I’m sure I would have been an introvert. Right? And so, you know, maybe that was part of it too. But, yeah, I think I think I just kind of realized that, you know, well, someone really needs a lot of care. And, you know, school came easy for me. Like, I didn’t I just kind of did what I needed to do to to be a good kid. You know? And I was happy. Like, I I had friends, I had what I needed, and but I I do think there was this kind of subconscious feeling of, like, I don’t wanna I don’t wanna be causing more need in the house. There’s already such profound need.
Victoria Volk: Was it just you and your sister?
Erin Whalen: No. I’m the youngest of four. Okay. So I have a living older sister and a living older brother.
Victoria Volk: And they’re old they’re both older than Gina?
Erin Whalen: Gina is the second. Okay. So my brother and I are both younger than Gina.
Victoria Volk: You know, they just say there’s an importance in this in the birth order. Right? And I think that plays a role definitely in in a situation like this where there is a child with special needs Yeah. And requiring special care and things like that. Was there ever a time? Do you feel like where you had this awareness about that where oh, gosh. I do have needs. And they haven’t been met in a really long time or it’s time that I meet my own needs or things like that. Like, I’m just talking about needs. Right?
Erin Whalen: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: I mean, we can have our basic needs met. I’m talking emotional or connection wise, especially if you internalize a lot of that. Right? And there’s
Erin Whalen: Yeah. You
Victoria Volk: don’t want to necessarily communicate that openly. How did that translate, I guess, that awareness about that into your teen and adult years?
Erin Whalen: You know, it’s something I I didn’t really think about until much later. I think for me, it’s more about recognizing, like, grieving what could have been, if that makes sense. And I know I, you know, was on your website and and I know that you’re an advocate for, like, grief is more than you know, the death of a loved one. Right? Grief is bigger than that. There are all sorts of things and circumstances that we grieve. And so, you know, one thing for instance that I grieve recently was, well, I didn’t have typical sisterly relationship with Gina. Like, I didn’t have that. And my older sister was six years older, which doesn’t sound like a lot, but, like, oldest versus youngest, it was just like there was a big gap there. And so Gina was, you know, the closest sister to me age wise, and I really recently grieved that loss of what could have been, what what would it have been like to have had you know, quote unquote, normal sisterly relationship with her. And that that has been more on my mind lately of like, what would that have been like? Would that have, you know, would we have gotten along? Would we have thought? Would we have, you know, I have no idea. Would we have shared secrets?
Would we have, you know, talked about boys? Would you know, I don’t know. I don’t know.
Victoria Volk: What do you think has been the greatest impact for you with this grief and this loss in particular?
Erin Whalen: I think for me, I had not heard the word anticipatory grief until a friend mentioned it to me maybe a year and a half ago. I lived it for forty years and I never had language for it. And so I think the gift is one of the gifts. There are so many. But one of them is, like, now I can say, oh my gosh. And I, like, talk about anticipatory grief all the time. No. I can’t stop talking about it. Because I finally have language for this figure if someone dying, if anyone dying, still have that. Like, I I’m always afraid my husband is gonna die, like, every day. Every day. I’m, like, planning as funeral. It’s ridiculous. This feeling of dread every time I would say goodbye to Gina was, like, oh my gosh. This is the last time. Like, all of these experiences in this, like, just cloud that was just my normal. It was just my absolute normal. It was the family I was born into you know, by the time I was born, Gina had been diagnosed. She was clearly not reaching milestones that I would soon reach. And so for me, it’s there are so many people out there. If I didn’t have language for it and I lived it for forty years, there are so many people who are probably asking if they’re like, if there’s something wrong with them, if they’re going crazy. And I can tell them no. Like, you’re there’s nothing wrong with you. You’re not going crazy. Yes. It’s okay to feel relief when someone dies after a very long illness. Yes. It’s okay if you don’t cry a lot after they die. Like, that was my experience. I spent a long time thinking I was broken because my grief after Gina died was so seemingly minuscule. And so now the gift is I can tell people, like, wait, wait, there’s this thing that you probably don’t know about and you might be experiencing it and you’re not broken.
Victoria Volk: I love the belief and I’ve I’ve shared this a lot in previous episodes and things. I think the language or the word can be helpful in understanding. But to me, grief is grief.
Erin Whalen: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: And grief is normal and natural in whatever shape or form it takes. And I’m curious. Yeah. Because we were talking about the language. And ironically, you talk you teach communication in the genre of end of life. So I’m curious if growing up if grief was openly talked about and Gina’s imminent death and all of those things.
Erin Whalen: It was not it was not
Victoria Volk: do you think that’s kind of where this mission was born in some respects?
Erin Whalen: I mean, possibly possibly I mean, my parents did the best they could. Right? I mean, I can’t imagine. Four kids in six years, one of them severely disabled. I can’t imagine. And so, you know, there’s no blame or regret there. There’s none of that. There’s not a sense of righteousness of like, I’m gonna fix this. I’m gonna go out there and tell people what I didn’t know. I’m a firm believer that people really do the best that they can at the time. And so it it was it was born of a time when I was, like, journaling and and, like, as far as my company goes and and where I wanted to take it, I was praying and journaling. And as I was journaling and I was kind of pinpointing different moments in my life or different jobs that really felt like the right kind of fit, different volunteer opportunities, just different things from my life. And when I looked at the ones that were most resonant, it they really had to do a lot with, like, grief and death. And so that’s where the the goal of working with end of life workers, grief workers came from. And then I recently expanded it to do more to to grievers and and to continue to work with people who are in the profession. But to grievers themselves and to teams who may be trying to prep process loss or trying trying to process grief, there’s some big movements to really look at how we handle grief in the workplace and so kind of broadening that scope. But it really did have its root in that prayer time, journaling time, and looking at the things in my life, and the moments, and the relationships. And of course, you know, Gina was in there. And it just felt I don’t think I was put I think the pieces like like the puzzle’s there, but the pieces go in slowly. And I’m sure there are other revelations I’ll have later. But at the time, I wouldn’t have been able to say, like, oh, clearly, this is in response to the situation of growing up with a severely disabled sister. But now, of course, it is. Like, of like, I’m looking at you know, like, his deposit gets more and more complete. You’re like, oh, of course, that’s a cat. Like, it didn’t look like a cat until three minutes ago, but, like, that’s of course, that’s a cat. So, like, of course, it’s all connected to Gina and the communication skills. I had a friend point out to me recently, which I had not made the connection. That’s the other thing is that, like, when it’s your own puzzle, it’s like a puzzle of your own life. Like, you really need help, like, seeing the piece. This because you’re like, I mean, it just all looks like clouds to me.
Victoria Volk: Like, I don’t know I don’t know
Erin Whalen: what I’m looking at. But someone else can come in and be like, okay. Can you see over here? Like, this this cloud looks like a cat and this one looks like a frog and it’s like, oh, I had I had no idea. But I had a friend say to me or help me realize that because Gina was essentially nonverbal, we had to be able to interpret her noises, the sound she would make. And I had not pieced that together that, like, I was getting a Ph. D. In nonverbal communication, and I had no idea. All those years, I had no idea. And I didn’t realize that until very recently, a friend pointed that out to me. And I’m like, Dah, you’re right. And so this this concept of communication skills is really strikingly because of Gina, although I never, which is it seems ironic. It’s like my nonverbal sister is a huge reason why I’m in communication skills work today, but it makes all the sense in the world.
Victoria Volk: And I think one of the lessons that one would get out of that is learning how to be present and attuned to the cues from someone else and the environment to become more sensitive to those things. And I think nature is constantly giving us cues. And nonverbal communication. Right? You have a dog. My dog looks at me. And I can tell he needs to go outside. He doesn’t have to bark or he doesn’t have to growl or he doesn’t have to do anything. He just gives me this look. It’s like this ES key, you know, that you develop this connection. It’s the connection that you intentionally put effort to that helps you draw those conclusions. Oh, this is what you need. This is what you meant. It’s no different than infants or children. They can cry. Right? They cry. That’s the only thing they have is to cry. When they need something. That’s how they communicate. Well, what if they can’t cry? What if they’re nonverbal. Right? They adapt. They adapt. I think we naturally adapt when something about us isn’t functioning optimally. We adapt. And so I really think it has helped you become hyper focused on nonverbal cues of other people and body language and and all of that. I grew up in an environment of chaos. And so me, it was always anticipating the next so tone of voice. And Mhmm. I mean, that’s huge for me. Ton of voice, and it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Feeling the energy of someone’s physical body seeing that, you know, like almost have an x-ray vision. I can tell what they’re thinking just based on their body language. So that is I’m highly attuned to that. I think these are skills that we are born that we’ve not born into, but well, we’re born into our families. Correct? But the environment in which we are in is so paramount. In influencing to who we become. And I think we underestimate that. Yeah. And we don’t connect the dots either for ourselves. It’s like you were describing. It’s like you can’t see the, like, one of my friends does it all the time. You can’t see the label from inside the jar. It’s totally true. This is where grief support is imperative because it’s really difficult to to often connect those dots for ourselves.
Erin Whalen: Exactly. That’s exactly it. Yeah. And kudos to you for recognizing that, like, based on your family upbringing and dynamic, and so that’s made you hyper aware of people’s energy and tone of voice and things like that. And so and you have this steady, smooth, like, soothing tone of voice and
Victoria Volk: So people tell me all the time.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. It’s just so calming, and so I’m sure that the greeters you support and everyone who listens to your podcast appreciate that that very soothing tone.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. It’s something too that I started creating meditations because I kept hearing that. So it’s like, again, like, our environment, the people that are in their lives, they’re we’re constantly getting cues and information, and I think becoming a tune to that is really how you develop your intuition and and listening to those messages that we receive. Would you have considered yourself an intuitive child?
Erin Whalen: I think looking back, I can say yes, but I don’t know if at the time I was, like aware of it, there was one really interesting situation in high school that I was like, oh, that was weird. Like, that was something that and I’m I’m a Christian. Like, I I have a very strong belief in an afterlife and connection with those who have died and there was one very interesting experience that I was like, not not everyone had that experience. Like, that was weird. So besides that one moment, I don’t think I would have recognized myself at the time as intuitive, but looking back, I say, absolutely, I was.
Victoria Volk: What you do is so helpful in people, I think in the process of probably working with you developing that connection for themselves because in learning how to be an open flow of communication with another person, you’re gonna start receiving these intuitive knowings or these hits or these mails, you know, information in your mail slot. Like, what to say next? How to say it? What do they need to hear? And again, that doesn’t come natural. And so thank you so much for the work that you’re doing. I think it’s amazing. I think it’s nichey, and I love it. And, yeah, very much needed.
Erin Whalen: Thank you. Thank you for the work you do because like I said, most of the world looks at people who work in hospice are as end of life do less and say like, nah, like that’s not for me. And so we need you. Like, we need all the people who feel that calling to live that calling out because it’s a beautiful calling and most of the world is not called to it.
Victoria Volk: Well, my confession is is that I haven’t been doing that work. Yet because I haven’t figured out what that looks like for me. That’s fine. Yeah. I got the training because I knew that it was something that I wanted. Yeah. I watched my father pass cancer very prevalent in my family. And I didn’t actually, I wasn’t with him when he passed, but I wanted to be. Right? And wish I could have been and all of those things. But I watched his slow decline over years. But it taught me that when we have a knowing that we are going to pass, which it’s a blessing and a curse. I think it’s you can choose how you wanna exit, and how many people not everybody gets that opportunity. I see it as an opportunity. Yes. Really weird opportunity, but totally knowing what I know now is I can choose who I want to visit. Me or who I don’t want to come visit me. I can choose if I want my body washed by my loved ones or not. I can choose how I want the environment to be. I can choose where I want to be. I can I can I have choice and say And that’s a sense of agency that not everybody gets? And so I think that’s the blessing in knowing when it’s coming or not when it’s coming, but that it’s eminent. Right? Yes. And I think the hardest part for loved ones. And those who are find themselves in that situation is the acceptance that it is coming, that it is going to happen. There is nothing that you can do about it. And I think we waste a lot of time, precious time wrapped up in the details, the bills, the mundane communications of day to day life, which need to happen, of course, Yeah. Logistics and all of that. Those conversations need to happen. But how about the deeper conversations saying what you need to say, addressing the communications that have gone undelivered over the years? Yeah. All those things. Anything you wanna share on that? What you’ve learned about end of life through your personal experience and through working with those in the industry and things like that? What have you have found? Like, that’s been the most, like, I did not ever realize or think of it this way.
Erin Whalen: Well, one of my favorite concepts of people who now granted we know like a lot of lives and tragically or abruptly. And so we’re not talking about that, but we’re talking about people who maybe have a terminal illness and they know that death is imminent. And there is more choice in agency. And I love. I heard one chaplain call it a welcoming committee. Like, people who are dying will see loved ones who have already died and just the stories of, like, the the way that they see that whether it’s like they’re in the room or they’re like, across a river. Maybe it’s Jesus himself has come to get you. And, like, I just I love that concept so much. I remember one time I attended a training, it was like a two day intensive training. I was in the midst of mostly clinical people. It was clinicians who were either oncologists or hospice nurses, and then there were, like, social workers, and then there were chaplains. And I was, like, I’m a non clinician. I am not certified in any of these fields. And it was such an amazing training. And so, like, it was that two day training. And I’m surrounded by people who are, like, doing incredible end of life work and then watching this webinar from the chaplain who talked about the welcoming committee. I had this huge heart and I couldn’t wait to come home and tell my husband, and I’m like, John, that’s my husband. I was like, I want Gina to be the president of my welcoming committee when I’m going to die. And I was just like beaming and he’s like, are you okay? And I’m like, yes. I’m like, it’s gonna be amazing. Like, she because I don’t know what her voice sounds like. You know? Like, it’s gonna be just so special to, like, hear her call my name and be like, Erin, it’s time. Like, I’m ready for you. I’ve been preparing this little cottage for you. Let’s it’s right next to my cottage. Like, let’s go. So that that has been the coolest thing to me when I’ve been learning from people who do this work or doing my own research in what’s the final chapter is, like, I just think that is so cool.
Victoria Volk: Headful body chills as you were describing that. So it sounds like truth to my body. Yeah. And I think so many people who are witnessing the dying process, it can be very scary. And I think it’s those people that can have the opportunity to bridge that gap of information and knowledge that you know, they can pass on to family that’s it’s normal and it’s natural and, you know, it’s normal and natural to not drink for maybe days. You know, people are trying to force water and but it’s normal and natural or they call it picking. It’s
Erin Whalen: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: Oh, and they’re trying to, like, touch the theory. You know, I’ve there’s a gentleman that was on my podcast, Chris Kerr. He he’s written a book. Death is but a dream. He was on the Netflix series, the documentary.
What was now it’s surviving death,
Erin Whalen: actually, is what it’s called. Okay. So he was
Victoria Volk: on my podcast, but he talked about that. Like, people so many people think that people are hope hallucinating. And that can seem scary. Like, oh, they’re seeing people and that’s normal and natural. Yeah. It’s the welcoming committee. You know? Right. I
Erin Whalen: think they’re reaching out to,
Victoria Volk: you know, that is a natural part of the process. And Yeah. It’s a beautiful thing.
Erin Whalen: It is. I think too, the communication of like you said, like, you’ve gotta have people who can bridge that gap and, like, doing it in a way that’s so loving and so I can see you’re gonna be such so amazing at the bedside because you have such this calm, soothing way and you’re so intuitive about people’s emotions. And so recognizing, like, this is most people don’t know, right, about these things. Like, I’m still learning. Like, most people don’t know the natural process of dying. And so it’s scary if you don’t know what’s coming and what’s happening and it’s doubly scary if it’s your loved one. Right? And so there’s just so much fear there. And so you have to find a way to communicate while taking their their emotions into consideration. Right? And how do you do that? And how do you how do you lovingly let them know that this is normal? And And how do you, you know, how do you hold space for their reactions of, like, if they’re putting it two and two together and they’re realizing, if this is normal, this is normal dying, then we’re getting closer to death. Like, that’s that’s a hard that’s a hard thing to accept. And so I just know you’re gonna be so wonderful with the families and with those who are dying and you’ll just be such a hand holder.
Victoria Volk: Thank you for that. I think one of the things people too don’t realize is that you can be in hospice care before you are that close. Like, I think it’s a yearly assessment. Right? Like, I think it’s a year I don’t know. It might be different state to state. But from my understanding is once you can get in, it’s like a yearly assessment. But, yeah, you can be in hospice care for years.
Erin Whalen: Nurse so many benefits.
Victoria Volk: And that doesn’t mean, like, people equate to hospices, their oh, their end of life, they’re dying. Right. But it it doesn’t have to be and that’s what I hear so often too. Most people end up dying actually in the hospital.
Erin Whalen: Mhmm. Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: With your illness. Because they did not realize that hospice care was an option long before.
Erin Whalen: I know. Or didn’t they
Victoria Volk: accept that that was a possibility?
Erin Whalen: Right. Yeah. Oh, the whole conversation about hospice has to change. Right? Because it is it is it does have this reputation in the world for people who don’t know. There’s just a lot of fear and confusion. And then what happens is people delay entering, and then that that truth, it becomes truth, because then it is just for the last two weeks of life, because people, I think, physicians might delay the recommendation because I think from a physician standpoint, you know, you’re taught to diagnose and treat and heal. And if you’re at the point where you know that you cannot fix this, that’s hard to admit. And so I think that doctors might also need to be making referrals sooner, you know. And how do they come to terms with, this is what’s actually best for my patient, is for them to be entering hospice. This is the continuum of care. This is not us giving up on them. This is the continuing of care. There’s so many analogies to, like, birth and death. And, you know, it’s it’s just part of the process. Like, birth is part of the process of your life. Death is part of the process of your life. And I do hope that, you know, there’s more grace for everyone involved, for the referring physician, for the family who hears it, for the hospice team who, you know, onboards them, brings them to the to end at the world of hospice that, you know, there’s grace and space for all of it to be as long as it needs to be.
Victoria Volk: I think one of the most difficult things I think in the work that you know, caregivers or people that work in end of life care and things like that, that what we’re discussing today is the ability to be honest and transparent. And that’s the physicians. It’s the caregivers. It’s the caretakers. It’s the those who are dying. It’s I think until we become honest and transparent, then the communication can really flow naturally, I think. But I think as long as people are holding back and they’re not saying the truth or speaking the truth, I think that that can I don’t know? I think that that shit that changes how you communicate. I think you communicate very differently if you’re being honest and transparent. Totally. And if you’re in denial or skirting the truth or wanting to people, please? Or Fear. Right? I think a lot of it’s fair. It comes down to fear.
Erin Whalen: Absolutely. And, you know, Bernie Brown says clear is kind. Right? It’s actually a kindness to people to be clear. And I mean, so much of what you’re gonna be doing, what hospice professionals do what physicians who are referring their patient to hospice, it’s all breaking bad news. Right? And there’s a process for how to break bad news to someone. It may not seem bad news to this person, but to the person who’s having the conversation because they do it all the time. But for this family, for this person, for this patient, it’s it will forever be etched in their memory. And so there’s a way to do it in a loving way that is clear. I’ve worked with medical students on how to break bad news, and it’s really hard for them. They’re either too direct, too talkative, giving false hope, not allowing for pauses, space, not allowing for emotions, for emotional responses, where there’s this beat around the bush, wave doing it that’s like, you know, a patient knows they’re there for something. Like, they they deserve to hear the truth. That there’s a way to do it that’s that’s gentle and clear.
Victoria Volk: That is a great segue too. What are some tips in communication that you would provide? For those you work with, and also for grovers who themselves are trying to communicate what they’re feeling or to those receiving the information in responding. That’s really mixed bag of questions.
Erin Whalen: So I love it. I love it. Because there’s communication for every Yes. People you named. Right? It’s all because anytime it’s two or more people work there’s communication, whether you like it or not. Okay.
Victoria Volk: I guess that’s the first I guess that’s the first tip, right, is to recognize who your audience is. Mhmm. Yeah. Who are you speaking to?
Erin Whalen: Yeah. Yeah. I think one of my favorite tips has to do with what I call heart moments and head moments. Mhmm. And a heart moment is anytime someone is expressing an emotion, a feeling. And a head moment is more at logic, data information. Even if the information is good, that’s that’s a head moment. And the point is you have to be aware of where the other person is If someone’s in a heart moment, you cannot you cannot come in with your own head moment. You have to meet them with their heart first, and to give empathy, and to connect with them because and doctor I think his name is Daniel Siegal. I think I got his name right. He’s a pediatrician, and he talks about flipping the lid because the brain is like my thumb is the amygdala, and then this is the prefrontal cortex. And so when people are having a strong emotional response, they have literally flipped the lid And this, like, decision making logical brain is, like, temporarily gone. And this, like, everything’s on fire. I’m gonna get eaten by a saber tooth tiger. Part of your brain is the one that’s responding. And so that’s not the time to say, like, this is normal, this is a normal process of death, or studies show that, you know, eighty two percent of people who take the chemo ready a patient that we’re offering, we’ll see success with it. Like, that’s not the time for that. Like, if the lid has been flipped, you need to empathize with them, you need to name their emotion, and you say you seem really scared right now. Wow, that was a lot. Tell me what’s going on.
I noticed a shift. I noticed that you furrowed your brow. Can you tell me what you’re thinking? Like, those are ways to to meet someone in their head moment. And then slowly they’ll calm down. And then you can then you can have talk about the information and stuff. So that’s one of my favorite tips for communication is heart moments and head moments, and you you cannot You cannot come in with a head moment if someone else is in a hard moment. You just can’t. It’s not gonna go well. You’re gonna waste a lot of time. I
Victoria Volk: love that.
Erin Whalen: Right? It’s fun.
Victoria Volk: What’s fascinating to me about that is that infants naturally do this. Right. Impletes naturally mirror back to us. Yes. You know, you go like this.
You know, children will they’ll do that. Impletes will do that or you know, milk, you know, sign language milk. They they learn to mirror that. Yeah. You know, if you’re happy, a baby is gonna, you know The tone of voice, they mirror infants naturally mirror back us. And I think we just lose that with our our mind. Right? Yeah. They’re they’re in their heart all the time. You know?
I feel like, you know.
Erin Whalen: So that is so true. That is so true. Yeah. It says mirror neurons. Right?
It’s like, It’s just so normal. It’s it’s how they learn empathy. That’s how they learn nonverbal communication. That’s how they learn emotions. Right? And how they learn connection. Yeah. You’re right. We we end up losing it.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So be a baby, be a mirror,
Erin Whalen: be a baby. That’s what it boils down to. That’s even like a baby. Yeah. Being like a baby. You you had some other categories of people? Should we should we talk? Oh, yeah. Sure. Go ahead
Victoria Volk: and steps. Yes.
Erin Whalen: I know you said the grievers. Right? I think I mean, it’s such
Victoria Volk: a great one too, though. That’s still the same.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. Yeah. It’s you’re right. You’re right. It’s hard because you don’t wanna put the burden on the grievers. I mean, like, okay, grievers. Like, this is what you need to do. It’s like, grievers shouldn’t have to do anything. And yet, I think a good tip for grievers is to have just, like, a couple things in their pocket to pull out when they need it. Right? Like, if it’s something you can’t get out of and you know there’s gonna be a nosy nos, nos person there or a chatty cafe, like, just have a pull out phrase that you can use at any time. I’m gonna go get some punch. It can literally be that. It can be like a total diversion. It can be a total, like, like, I’m I’m not comfortable talking about that right now. Or I’m fine. Thank you. Like, even if you’re not fine, like, if it’s chatty, Kathy, in the nose or nosey, then you can just be like, I’m fine. Thank you. Like, you can just have something to say. To a person that you don’t feel like opening up to and that is okay.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And I think people yeah. I think people you can’t expect here’s the deal. Like, don’t even approach the griever. If you have never had a heart to heart with this person or you have never you don’t even have to say anything elaborate. Right? Just unless you actually mean it, I’m here for you. Don’t say it.
Erin Whalen: You know,
Victoria Volk: it’s People can recognize and sniff BS out. Like, most people, especially at Grieber, like, they’re gonna hear it over and over and over.
Erin Whalen: Yep.
Victoria Volk: Don’t be us then. I mean, that’s what I would say. Like, say what you mean and mean what you say. Can and and say it with compassion.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. I think that’s good. I think that’s really good. I have a friend, she’s a grief coach, and she loves to say, you know, if it’s if it’s someone you’re you’re close to, and it’s a a grieber who’s lost someone recently. Just very specific, like, I’m bringing dinner tomorrow night.
Will you will you be home at six so I can leave it on your doorstep? You know? Or, like, as specific as possible.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And even leaving it on the doorstep, it releases the expectation that, okay, I guess, I’m gonna have to, like, put on some clothes Right. Brush my hair. I know. Right? Do I have to see you?
Erin Whalen: I mean, I don’t
Victoria Volk: really wanna see you. So yeah. If you release that pressure expectation that I actually have to open the door and have a conversation Yeah. I love that.
Erin Whalen: Right.
Victoria Volk: Because I can see myself, like, yeah, just leave it on the door so I don’t have to feel obligated to Right. Now Engage.
Erin Whalen: No obligation needed. I mean, just like when, you know, standard practice, at least that I’ve seen, when someone has a baby, right, and you put together the meal plan, for the, you know, the meal drop off thing, the food train. Like, generally speaking, it’s not the mom you’re, like, texting with. It’s like, you know, we set it all up so that the mom isn’t the one who has to do the logistics of the receiving of the food. Right? Because they’re busy. Like, they’re busy healing and nursing. That’s what they’re doing. That’s their job. And, like, hubby can be the one to get the text that says, you know, dinners on the doorstep or whatever, you know, or maybe moms in town. Mom can be the one. Like, give give them mom’s number, but, like, don’t don’t put the onus on the on the person who’s grieving the most. What’s the poor and dump out? Right? Like, let’s all pour into that person and let’s let’s dump out the other way.
Victoria Volk: I think another key amazing phrase for people to hear who are going through something challenging is, you know, when you’re considering doing something, you know, at the end asking, is that okay? Because it might not be okay with that person.
Erin Whalen: Right?
Victoria Volk: And that gives them the autonomy to choose as well and the sense sense of agency to choose. Yeah. No. I appreciate it, but not right now. Thank you.
It gives them an opportunity to to accept or not accept. Mhmm. Oh, and I think because what can happen in situations like that too, right? Like, everybody can pour in all at once. And then two weeks later, it’s like dead silent.
Erin Whalen: Right. You have, like, thirteen hundred bagels from Panera in your house, and then, you know, twelve hundred of them go bad, and then there’s nothing and there’s crickets.
Victoria Volk: So as a grieber, I could be like, you know what? I’m I’m good for now. Thank you, but you guys ask me again in three weeks.
Erin Whalen: Mhmm. Right? Yeah.
Victoria Volk: It’s as a grieber than you’re communicating what you need. Yeah. It gives you an opportunity to communicate your needs rather than someone pushing something on you and you feeling guilty to accept, right, or feeling pressure to accept, that might not be what you need at that moment. So I think is that okay? Is a great question to ask at the end of anything you’re proposing to do or, you know, any action you’re thinking about taking, I guess?
Erin Whalen: I love that too. I love that. From a communication standpoint, you know, we talk about open ended questions versus closed ended questions.
Victoria Volk: Mhmm.
Erin Whalen: And generally, like, when you want the conversation to flow. Like, you do an excellent job as a podcast host. Right? You’re asking open ended questions. Right?
Victoria Volk: I’m a questioner. I’m naturally a questioner. I’m over short of questions.
Erin Whalen: But you’re very good at it. Right? It comes naturally to you.
Victoria Volk: Yes.
Erin Whalen: And but open ended questions cannot be answered with yes or no. They require
Victoria Volk: Mhmm.
Erin Whalen: They require some sort of explanation. While closed ended questions, are perfect for this situation, which is why you said, is that okay with you? They can say yes or no. They don’t have to come up with a thing. Right? Anytime we can relieve the burden of the grieber coming up with a thing, then that’s better in my opinion. Yeah. So exactly as you said, like, I’m planning on, you know, bringing over a a banana bread. For tomorrow? Is that okay? I can drop it on your doorstep. Is that okay? Yes or no? Versus, I would love to bring you a breakfast. Please tell me what you would like.
Victoria Volk: Mhmm.
Erin Whalen: Like, that’s just like, I don’t know what I would like.
Victoria Volk: Well, and then you’re like, again, like, I’m gonna have to engage with this person. Right? Might not be hungry tomorrow. Right. I really don’t eat breakfast.
Well, then I’m gonna have to say no. And then they’re gonna feel like, well, I tried to do this thing and she said no. And then telling her friends, well, she doesn’t want my help. You know what I mean when that creates? Look at how that can snowball.
Snowball.
Erin Whalen: Yes. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: This is why relationships with grovers can fall apart and fade to the background because of miscommunication and not reading the room
Erin Whalen: Right. And
Victoria Volk: not anticipating the next, like, play that scenario out to the end. Like, and if it were me, if it were me, would I want ten people out telling me I, you know, they’re gonna bring me breakfast and to tell me what they want and probably not. So maybe I shouldn’t be asking this person the same thing. Right?
Erin Whalen: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: So this is why I think it’s so excellent what you do because it’s so needed.
Erin Whalen: Thank you. Yeah. It is it is important. It is important because it’s it’s also like we’re all grievers. Right? I mean, whether you’ve had a significant loss in your life yet or not, you will. And, you know, we’re all grieving all sorts of things. It doesn’t have to be deaf. And so, like, we all just have to tap into that. Like you said, like, put yourself in their shoes. Would I, if this was me, if my loved one had just died and would I wanna be doing this? Would I want people saying this to me? Would I want them doing this? No. I would not. And, like, you also have to find there are so many resources out there too. Right? Like, there are so many wonderful ways to find this information. Unlike, how how do I communicate with creepers? Like, what is a good idea of something to say and not to say? Like, LinkedIn has it all. Just search it up. Probably Instagram and TikTok too. But, you know, the the information is out there. It’s out there. It’s just a matter of of having the wherewithal to say, gosh, this is gonna be a delicate conversation. How do I want to handle it? How do I want to approach this person? And I’ve made mistakes, and I feel I don’t know if you feel this, Victoria, but I feel extra pressure. I mean, it’s silly. It’s like, oh poor me. I feel extra pressure to, like, be a great support person when it’s some you know, when I know someone. But I do. Like, I do feel an extra layer of, like, I gotta I really gotta nail this. Like, I really gotta and it’s silly. Like, I don’t, like, I don’t have to do it right. I’m a human being. Making an effort is better than not making an effort. Right? Like trying is better than not trying as long as you’re not a total jerk. Even something like and I love this. I love the like I I don’t know what to say. Right? Like, if you’re approaching a grieber and you don’t know what to say, like, say, like, I’m I wish I knew what to say right now. You know?
Victoria Volk: I’ve said that. I’ve said there are no words. Rapping you in the biggest hug.
Erin Whalen: Right?
Victoria Volk: Yeah.
Erin Whalen: Because, like, I mean, we can’t like, empathy can only go so far. Like, you’d only put yourself in someone’s shoes so far. Like, we can’t really know what it’s like because everyone’s relationship is complicated and different and complex and, you know, we don’t know. We don’t know. And you know, like, we’re both moms. Like, I can’t imagine if something happened to my child. Right? Like, I can’t imagine that. And, like, I can try and imagine, but I can’t really know what it’s like unless it happened to me. And so, another one of those Yeah. Like, there are no words. Like, I I don’t know what to say.
Victoria Volk: That’s one of the things I’ve actually heard Grieber say is Mhmm. People say all the time, I can’t imagine. You know what? I want you to imagine. I want you to imagine.
I want you to know what this feels like. I want you to know what this pain feels like so that you know what it feels like. I’ve heard Grievers say that.
Erin Whalen: Thank you for that.
Victoria Volk: It’s sometimes people really do want you to know what it feels like because you can’t understand it until you feel it. And it’s not wishing it on other people. But it that’s why it’s so can feel so isolating. That why grief can feel so isolating.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. It’s it’s like I’m going back to Bernae Brown. I don’t know if you’ve seen the video of empathy with her and it’s like this like creature in a hole, it’s like the person up here, like, hey, that’s a lot down there. It’s like none of that really helps until this creature comes down, like, and sits with that other person, like, in the hole. Like, that’s empathy is to, like, go and, like, sit with them in the in the yuck.
Victoria Volk: One of the things I say is people can’t sit with we can only sit with others to the extent that we’ve sat with ourselves.
Erin Whalen: That’s deep.
Victoria Volk: That’s I mean, that was something I, in my hindsight and reflection, have figured out for myself. Like, because the me before the work that I’ve personally done on myself and the information and knowledge and tools that I’ve gained, the me before my grief, awareness, really, did not have the capacity. To do that. And but I thought I did. Right? I thought I could like, I was the one that people everybody came to, people I knew came to, and they needed a shoulder lean on. I was spreading myself thin. I was a people pleaser. I thought I could save the world. And when I couldn’t, it was a reflection of me and my worth, and I turned it on myself, like, I’m a victim, or when circumstances would happen to me, you’d be like, I was a victim. I couldn’t see the forest through the trees. Right? I I could not recognize I didn’t have the hope. I didn’t have the tools and the knowledge and the awareness to see beyond where I was at at the moment, but you work through that and you clean up that and you do the work of looking at the past really because people don’t want to, but it’s very important for our healing to connect the dots for ourselves. This is why in interviews like this one, I we rewind the clock.
We look at the past like how was grief talked about when you were growing up. It’s influencing how you look at grief today.
Erin Whalen: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: You know, and how the behaviors that you used to cope with grief, how did you cope as a child, how are you coping now? What connections are there? Because there are connections. I could go on my soapbox all a long day on this, but this is why I feel like, yes, our parents do what what they can with what they know. At the time. But this is why I get on my soapbox with parents today or caregivers. There’s just individuals who are grieving today is that the work that you do on yourself has a ripple effect. This is how we change society is on a collective. As individuals, we sweep our own doorstep.
Erin Whalen: Yeah. I cannot agree more.
Victoria Volk: But I wanna know if there is any other tips that you have that are they I’ve loved this conversation. We’ve talked about stuff on this podcast today that I don’t think I’ve ever we’ve ever I’ve ever had a conversation about certain aspects with anybody else. So this has been I’ve enjoyed this very much. So if there’s anything else you would like to share on tips or anything like that that you don’t feel you got to, please share.
Erin Whalen: And the other tips are things I didn’t get to. I think what what I wanna say is what what you just said, like awareness is the first step. It’s the first step in so many things. Right? It’s the first step in grief. Really to be aware about, you know, whether it’s how I’m feeling physically in my body? Like, what is the sensation that’s happening right now? Is that grief? What is happening? Right? Like, it might Am I hunch? Am I tight? Am I am I sore? Am I sick to my stomach? Like, what is happening? Awareness is key. And then awareness for communication. Right? Like, we have to be aware of how we are how we come across, which is not easy. That’s why I bring I I’m a professional role player, and then I bring professional role players with me so that how often do we get to practice having these hard conversations and get the feedback at the insight from the person that you’re talking to? Never. Right? Not unless after we hit record, after you stop recording, you know, Victoria, you and I, like, okay. When I said this, I felt as though I was, you know, interrupting you a lot. Did you notice that? Or how did I come across on that piece when we were talking about x y z? Right? Like, unless we literally did that, you don’t get that opportunity. And so being aware whether it’s asking a dear close honest friend how you come across, we’re getting some practice in, in a safe space where you can get that insight. I worked at an assisted living home. I worked with the residents who had dementia years ago. And it was a hard job because, you know, people who have dementia like they they run on their own everything. Like, it’s just they do whatever they want, whenever they want, and they’re a hoot, and I loved them, and it was a hard job. And I ran their activities. So it was like, wow. It was so fun, and it was so hard. I would come in every morning. And I would and there was no, like, office. Right? You’re just, like, in this, like, walk through space that I shared with my boss I would just put my stuff down and I would just like start going. And then one day, my boss said to me, you never say good morning, and I was shocked. And I was, like, crushed. I was, like, oh my gosh. I was just, like, trying to take this job. Like, I didn’t say this out loud, but internalizing everything. I was, like, I’m just trying to take this job so seriously and just, like, get to work right away and, like, who needs this, who needs that? Like, I’m here, I’m ready to go. Right? But it shaped me because I was like, I was a horrible communicator back then. I wasn’t even been wording. Right? I was coming in. I had no awareness. And so even for someone who does this for a living, I still need people to tell me okay, your tone was a little condescending there. Or you know what? You tried to empathize with me, but it came across like a robot because that’s what you do for a living. You know, like, I I still need people to tell me that kind of stuff. So I think just awareness and find a trusted honest friend or come work with me because, you know, we can help you. We can gently offer you insight on how you’re coming across and how you can how you can change. It’s all changeable.
It’s all This
Victoria Volk: would be, like, workshops for parents, workshops for teens who feel like, you know, what teen doesn’t feel like they’re heard sometimes. I’m sure my even my own kids. Right? Like
Erin Whalen: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: I yeah. This could be the communication is, you know, what do they say expectations or planned disappointments? And I think a lot of expectations can be nipped in the bud or curved with our communication? Tally. Even text, as you were talking in I actually worked in a nursing home too, and there we had a dementia ward too. But even with text messages, like, you sharing that story made me think of how I’ve become consciously aware of when I’m texting people, not just going right into the question or the statement or whatever. Good morning, good afternoon, good evening, like the salutation. Right?
Erin Whalen: Right.
Victoria Volk: We do that in emails. Hello? Yeah. Why does it not come natural when we’re, you know, meet somebody or see somebody in or, like, that’s what I think where the texting is really we can really come off and be interpreted. Not with how we intend.
Right?
Erin Whalen: Exactly.
Victoria Volk: I think we have to be extra even more thoughtful in our texting.
Erin Whalen: Oh, yeah.
Victoria Volk: Because there aren’t those verbal cues. There aren’t those Right. Physical cues. Right?
Erin Whalen: Right? But there’s emojis. So
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Oh, yeah. And this brings with a good question. Like, Giving bad news over text. This is something I’ve heard more and more about, like people hearing about someone who died in the family through text.
Or Facebook message or it’s like, what do you have to say in that?
Erin Whalen: You just say that’s not best practice.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Don’t do that.
Erin Whalen: That’s, you know, I mean, my parents when Gina died because I was living far away from my family of origin at the time when she died. And my mom sent me a text that said, can you please call home? And I was at work. Right? So I stepped out and I called home. Right? Which I made sense to me. If she had called me and I’m in the middle of, like, you know, text, can you please call home? Which I knew? As soon as I saw it, I was like, okay. Like, it’s it’s time. But yeah. No. Let’s not deliver bad then use over text or email or Facebook message. Let’s let’s just not do that. Let’s not do that. Let’s not do that. I mean, even even some, you know, medical professionals have to I’ve heard them breaking bad news over, you know, the patient portal or whatever. And it’s like, oh, cool. Like, let’s not do that. Let’s not do that. Or even if phone call is not, I mean, a phone call for a medical professional. Like, if you can come in and deliver that news in person. Right? But, like, clearly, if someone has died and you need to communicate that and they’re not, you know, you you need to pick up the phone and call them.
Right?
Victoria Volk: That’s a great point too at the portal thing because I think so many I mean, people who have been diagnosed with terminal illness and stuff, I mean, especially in the last five years or so, the client, the patient portal, it even says, like, you might see something in this that you might read something before your doctor even has an opportunity to share with you. Like, you it’s almost you have to acknowledge that that’s a possibility. Yes. But I think our curiosity gets the best of us and it’s like who I wanna know, but it’s like, do you really wanna know this way?
Erin Whalen: I know. I know. Yeah. Oh, it’s it’s I mean, with all the tech, right, there are the now are these extra challenges of, like, okay, how do we do this compassionately? How do we communicate on this using this modality compassionately.
It can be done, but there are certain I agree there are certain things, you know, let’s not let’s not send a text to say someone died.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And even how do you do that company wide too? Like, again, organizations and
Erin Whalen: Yeah. It’s tricky. And, of course, there’s gonna be mistakes. Like, I think that if we allow ourselves the grace to, like, really do our best. Like, we all need to educate ourselves as first and foremost. Right? We all need to be aware, educate ourselves. But know that, like, something is better than nothing, you know, for the most part. Unless you’re a total jerk. But, like, an attempt is usually better than a non attempt because I think that the isolation that can happen and the gaslighting that can happen and the, like, wait. We can’t talk about this. Like, that’s the message that’s happening if it’s just not addressed.
Victoria Volk: And that’s, I think, with companies within companies and organizations, I think, that’s the mental health aspect of being human. And I think that’s definitely shifting and becoming more of a conversation. But it’s something really that people organizations and companies just didn’t even touch before. And I think COVID kinda helped propel that. But, you know, mental health, I can even I have a day job and even in my own company that I work with. They had a breakout, a session on mental health, and you know, a had a certified or trained first aid mental health first aid person come in, which I’m also trained in that as well. But I think the more like anything. Right? The more you talk it out, the more you communicate, it’s it’s gonna be better than not at all and and you can learn from it that way. As long as you’re learning from it Yes. Do better next time. You can do it bet you can always do better next time.
Erin Whalen: Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: So what would you say you know, one of the questions I often ask people is how would you describe yourself the for, the loss versus after? But because this has been an experience for you that has been all your life, I’ll just ask what his grief, your grief taught you.
Erin Whalen: So many things. So many things, I’ve actually used that exact prompt before. For a program I do where we have people share and then a musician plays some music for them based on what they shared. What has grief? My grief taught me so many things. What is present for me right now? What’s the quote? Tread lightly everyone’s carrying a heavy burden? Right. Like, I think it’s really that.
I think it’s that, like, we’re all navigating some kind of loss. And I think the, you know, the more I can do to to heal and to learn and to and to grow, the more I can be of service to others. And to just yeah. To just tread lightly like everyone. Everyone is grieving something or someone. And they might not not even know it. They might not even know I had no idea I was grieving my sister before she died. You know, that I was. And so I think it’s just about, you know, like, I I I had my own, like, in the fall of spring of twenty twenty summer of twenty twenty. My own, like, racial awareness, like, ahaz. Right? And I remember the quote, you know, racism. Like, once once you start seeing it, it’s like dust you know, in the sunlight. It’s just it’s everywhere. Like, you can’t unsee it. And I feel that way about grief too. It’s like you can’t unsee once you start diving in that like, oh my gosh. Like, of course, they’re grieving their divorce. Of course, they’re grieving their child went off to college. Of course, they’re grieving that diagnosis. Like, now I can’t help but see it everywhere. And so it’s helped me to hopefully be gentler and more compassionate with other people and give them more grace.
Victoria Volk: I love that. Is there anything else that you would like to share?
Erin Whalen: Thank you for having me. This was really fun.
Victoria Volk: It was fun. I mean, we’re talking about grief. Greece is less fun right now.
Erin Whalen: What could be what could be fun are than grief?
Victoria Volk: And and I’m like, right? Yes. I’d say jokingly, I’ll say to people, grief is my jam. It’s like, that’s weird.
Erin Whalen: Oh, totally. Like, I get it.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Well, I guess, I’m a weirdo then. Call me a weirdo.
Erin Whalen: No. But you’re a good company.
Victoria Volk: I am
Erin Whalen: a weirdo.
Victoria Volk: You said We’ll let our weirdo flags fly. Where can people reach you if they’re in the end of life industry? Want to learn more about communication? The work that you’re doing? How can people find you? When does your book release?
Erin Whalen: All the things. So I am at compassionate coaching dot org. That’s my site. And you can either contact me through the site or you can send me an email. I love getting emails from people It’s erin at compassion coaching dot org.
My book, right now, I’m recording in early December of twenty twenty four. My book is in the hands of an editor. So I’m thinking, early twenty twenty five hopefully. It’ll be it’ll be published, and I’ll let you know so that you can update your show notes once it’s available. But I do have I do have a a where you can enter your email to get on the wait list. So that you can you can be updated. So I’ll give you that link too. So people can can get on the wait list if they wanna find out about the book.
Victoria Volk: Perfect. And is that based on your personal experience? Or is it more of like So it’s a memoir or self help or kind of a blend.
Erin Whalen: I live like a micro y memoir, mini memoir of my experience with anticipatory grief for forty years. And then now that Gina has died. She passed away in twenty sixteen, so, like, what it’s like to live now, now that she’s died.
Victoria Volk: And what do you think is coming next for you? What do you what do you look forward to?
Erin Whalen: I look forward to so many things. I’m doing we didn’t get a chance to talk about it on this podcast, but I do a really cool modality called playback theater. Related to grief, and I’m really excited to be doing some more of that locally. I’m in Arlington, Virginia. So if anyone’s near the Arlington, Virginia area, the DMV, they can look me up. And I will be doing I noticed you’re part of Analda, and I will be doing a webinar for them in April on communication skills, bringing to my role players. So
Victoria Volk: And that is the organization I was talking about. That wasn’t really you know, communication really wasn’t a huge focus of the training. So that’s excellent. That’s great.
Erin Whalen: I’m so excited. Then hopefully, I’ll see you there.
Victoria Volk: Yes. Great. Thank you so much. I’ve loved this conversation. It’s been a huge I I I really, really loved the tips portion because I think there was things talked about that just I’m glad that came through in our conversation.
So I’m really thankful for your time today. And I hope that this is of service to everyone who listens to it and that they share it with people that they know who may need some tips. Right? Because I I loved it. I loved it all.
Thank you so much for being my guest today.
Erin Whalen: Thank you so much for having me, Victoria.
Victoria Volk: And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grief, Grief Stories, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
This week, I sit down with Katie Prentiss, a filmmaker, actress, and caregiver who transformed her most profound loss into a powerful creative mission. Katie shares her raw and inspiring journey of caring for her mother through frontotemporal dementia (FTD), a challenging form of dementia that impacts personality and communication far differently than traditional memory-loss conditions.
At the age of 62, Katie’s mother, Maggie, passed away from FTD. Through our conversation, we follow Maggie’s transition from caregiver to actress and the filmmaking of her debut film, “Wake Up Maggie,” hoping to raise awareness about dementia and caregiving.
Katie beautifully describes grief as a “slow goodbye.” She shares transformative perspectives, saying that grief doesn’t have to have the final word and that facing fear can become a pathway to clarity and purpose. And, my favorite: the sun is always shining above the clouds, even when we can’t see it.
Katie has had to learn how to embrace life fully, knowing the genetic uncertainty of FTD, following the diagnosis of another family member. But she’s already learned how creative expression is a healing outlet and the importance of viewing midlife as an unraveling.
Key Takeaways:
- Understanding the unique challenges of frontotemporal dementia.
- The emotional landscape of caregiving for a parent with a progressive illness.
- How grief can be a catalyst for personal transformation.
- The power of creative expression in processing loss.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT WITH KATIE:
Turning Grief into Purpose: Katie Prentiss on Caregiving, Loss, and Creativity
Grief has a way of reshaping our lives, often in ways we never expected. In this episode of Grieving Voices, we had the privilege of speaking with Katie Prentiss, a woman whose journey through loss led her to an entirely new path—one filled with purpose, creativity, and advocacy.
A Caregiver’s Heart
Katie’s story is one of love, resilience, and transformation. When her mother was diagnosed with Frontotemporal Dementia (FTD), Katie became her caregiver, navigating the challenges of watching a loved one change in ways she never imagined. As many caregivers can relate, the journey was heartbreaking yet deeply meaningful. It was a season of grief that began long before her mother’s passing—a slow goodbye filled with love, frustration, and moments of bittersweet connection.
The Unexpected Path to Filmmaking
While immersed in caregiving, Katie found solace in creativity. She soon realized that sharing stories—especially those of caregivers—was a powerful way to bring awareness and healing to others. This led her to a surprising new direction: filmmaking.
Her short film, Front Porches, captures the raw and emotional experience of caregiving, giving voice to the silent struggles that so many face. The film has received recognition and praise, serving as a beacon of hope for those feeling unseen in their caregiving journey. Now, with her upcoming project, Wake Up Maggie, Katie continues to use storytelling as a means of shedding light on the complexities of dementia and the deep love that endures through it all.
Finding Purpose Through Grief
Katie’s journey is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. Grief, while heavy and painful, can also be a catalyst for change. It can open doors we never anticipated, guiding us toward healing in ways we never imagined.
Through her work, Katie not only honors her mother’s legacy but also creates a space for others to feel understood and validated. Her story is a reminder that even in loss, there is room for new beginnings.
Listen to the Full Episode
If you or someone you know has been touched by dementia or the challenges of caregiving, this episode is a must-listen. Katie’s words will inspire you to find healing in unexpected places and remind you that your grief has a purpose.
🎧 Tune in now to Grieving Voices and hear Katie’s powerful story. Let her journey encourage you to embrace your own path of healing and transformation.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria: Hello. Hello. Welcome to Grieving Voices. Today, my guest is Katie Prentiss. She is the mother of four who was running a successful photography business when her mother was diagnosed with frontal temporal dementia, and she became her full time caregiver. Seeing firsthand how short life truly can be, Katie embarked on a mid life career pivot into acting, Katie’s second career began on the fast track by landing the first role She auditioned for in a feature film. Since that amazing opportunity, she added writer, director, and producer to her growing creative resume with the creation of her first award winning short film front porches. Acting has been a life changing occupation for Katie, allowing her to dive more deeply into the stories of others with empathy and understanding. Katie was has written a feature length film called Wakeup Meggie, a coming of age film written as a love letter to caregivers raising Dementia Awareness. Wake up Maggie is currently in preproduction and is being created by a female led production team in film crew. Katie has been featured on remember me, second act actors and more. Thank you so much for being my guests today.
Victoria: And thank you for sharing me, sharing an aspect of grief that hasn’t been talked about. I might have had one other guest who spoke on dementia, but not the frontal lobe dementia, which tends to my own understanding just because someone within my community was diagnosed very young in early fifties. Yeah. And so I believe it tends to develop at a younger age. Is that correct?
Katie: That is correct. It is the most common form of dementia under the age of sixty five.
Victoria: And so how old was your mom? Well, first of all, let’s was her name?
Katie: Maggie Maggie Hanson? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. My mom
Victoria: was when she was diagnosed then.
Katie: Yeah. My mom was sixty two when we officially got the diagnosis. The tricky thing with front or temporal dementia, FTD is that it can often take an average of three and a half years to get an accurate diagnosis. So often people are showing symptoms like early signs without the family knowing or without anyone knowing what it is or what’s going on. So I look back and think she definitely have symptoms like in her fifties.
For sure.
Victoria: Can you share what some of those things that were that you noticed as a family?
Katie: Sure. Well, I should say that frontotemporal dementia definitely affects someone’s personality. It’s less of a memory type of dementia, and it’s more of like personality, compulsion control. For my mom, in particular, it was speech, like language. She had primary progressive aphasias that she lost her ability to to communicate. But early on, it was my mom definitely had some shifts in personality, but we we also had a lot of life stuff happened with her. She had a massive car wreck when I was in college. She my parents went through a divorce when right about within those few years. So there was a lot of circumstantial change in her life, and it was easy to rationalize everything we saw as, oh, this is just mom now that she lives alone. Like, no one’s telling her to, like, stop obsessively recycling things. You know? Like, my mom would have just recycling containers stacked up really high. She also, like, was compulsively order like, ordering and clothing online, like, way more than one person could use. She was definitely felt victim to, like, some scams. Like, she signed up for, like, a phone and alarm system in her home. She definitely, like, had some color saying that they wanted to marry her and she fell into this like scam relationship where she sent someone money. But the biggest clue for us was that she started having delusions. And at first, the delusions felt somewhat based in reality, like, very explainable for us. Like, so she said, oh, there is a man and a son in my backyard. And I’m like, well, who? But, you know, in your rational mind, you’re thinking, oh, there’s probably like a child that that got away from their parents or something and they just went in the backyard and then left. But the delusions started getting more extreme and less realistic. So we knew that something was up at that point.
Victoria: And you’re also a mother of four.
Katie: Yeah.
Victoria: So and and I’m I’m also curious if you have siblings because I know you you became her caregiver No. But were your children young? Yeah. That was all that?
Katie: Yeah. It was a journey. So I am the middle child of three. I have an older brother and a younger sister, and they’re both wonderful humans like involved. And my extended my family all lived in Georgia at this point and my personal family was living in Oregon and we still are. When this was going on, again, like, there were signs and things going on with mom that we’d be like, that’s crazy. Like, she got lost going home. That’s that’s wild. Like but then once her delusions or her visions of things that she saw or felt were happening became more crazy. Like, she gave a story about a man and a woman who climbed up onto her roof and dug a hole in her roof. Like, she really believed they were, like, going into her attic through her roof. And it was so sad because I just want, like, it just sounds like she’s scared to live alone. Like, she thinks, like, everyone’s coming to her house. But but anyways, at that point, I talked to my sister and I said, I feel like maybe something’s wrong with her meds or like something’s off. Like, she’s just sharing some crazy stories. And we decided my sister took her to a psychiatrist. To see if there was something some sort of answer they could give us. And the psychiatrist appointment, they basically said, okay, your mom has a delusional disorder. She cannot drive and she cannot live alone. Like starting now. And so we were just like, wait, what? All of us had young kids at this point in our thirties. So my sister being closer in location to my mom. I mean, we were both like, well, she can come with us. It’s great. Like, in a way, it was like, well, mom’s really helpful to have around and, you know, she’s a grandma and, like, she’ll it is kinda nice to have an extra set of adult hands. And so my sister and I kinda joked about, like, I’ll take her. No. I’ll take her. And then she ended up moving in with my sister and her family.
And this was, like, late fall of that year. And my I remember saying to my sister, like, let’s just get through the holidays, like, just have mom for an extended visit through the holidays, and then we can talk about what we wanna do, like, in a more permanent way. But they they settled in with mom. She lived there almost three years with them. If I if I do the math right, I think it was right around three and she was living there her symptoms and and disease was progressing and she was getting more tricky to manage. I wasn’t, you know, in the weeds with them. They were handling so much stuff like, you know, moving her out of her house, selling her house eventually, like, all of those logistics of caring for someone. And then they got to their end of feeling able to maintain her care needs And at that point, I felt like I can’t tolerate having my mom go into a nursing home in Georgia, like across the country from me. So I felt like I wanted her to come live with us and talked with my husband and we made the decision to make we’re out to Oregon. And so mom lived here her last two and a half, almost three years of her life with us. So she lived with us in our home for about less than a year and then we had to put her into a nursing home and then a memory care home to be able to handle her needs because it was so advanced. So it was a journey. It was a long journey of trying to figure out how to care for her well. In those years.
Victoria: I think that’s probably I mean, I I’ve just seen it. Mhmm. And so and working I worked in a nursing home, had a memory care, but it is and it can be a very long disease.
Katie: Yeah.
Victoria: And I think that is probably one of would you say that create one of the aspects of it that creates a lot of complicated feelings
Katie: Absolutely. Absolutely because it’s like you’re mourning your person that’s right in front of you. You know that they’re on their decline and that death is going to come for them through this it’s usually secondary causes through this case, which is super frustrating. But I remember feeling really afraid of how long mom might live with this. Because you just you start to project out and envision the future, and it’s it’s this, like, rapid decline of them losing well, for us, it was all her personality, all her ability to talk. She became, like, The only way I can describe it is like it would be like a severely autistic person where the ability to communicate is just gone and you’re like, know that they’re in there, but you want to be able to reach in and have some sort of semblance of interaction with them, found myself envious of people with Alzheimer’s because I thought, yeah, they’re repeating their story and they don’t remember you, but, like, at least they can talk to you. Like, I felt like I just would have given anything to talk to her. To just, like, hear her say something or tell me the same story or, you know, let’s let’s, you know, have that conversation about who I am not to, like, diminish anyone else’s suffering or pain with that. But it is very complicated. It’s complicated and that you don’t want it to last a really long time. It’s complicated that you feel like you’re grieving them while they’re still there in front of you. I called it the slow goodbye. I know people call it the long goodbye. But yeah, it’s just it’s yeah. It’s just a a difficult walk for sure.
Victoria: How did you explain this to your kids? I mean, because you’re a caregiver to children too Yeah. Managing their emotions. Yeah. And bringing a parent into the home, I imagine has a different impact on your marriage too.
And Absolutely. A lot of layers.
Katie: Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, our kids I would say, I’m trying to remember exactly how old they were. I think our oldest was, like, maybe just started middle school and then our youngest was in kindergarten, first grade. I can’t remember.
And I would say for the youngest, it was, like, easy because I found him to be the easiest to bring around mom because he would just hug her and, you know, bop away and then come back and hug her again and just like how children can be so present. And and and what is and not, you know, given to, like, the fear, the imagination of what could be. And then the odor we get, the more we live in those spaces of not being present and you know, constantly fearing the worst and stuff. But my older kids I mean, it’s it’s funny because I think I was in such crisis management mode. I don’t know if I did a very good job of explaining anything to them. But I was trying to do my best to model love and care and acceptance like this is what we do. We take care of family. We love the person in front of us. Even though they’re difficult, but I probably was naive in what I assumed they were absorbing. It’s so easy to assume kids aren’t. Absorbing as much and they always are. They’re so much smarter than we give them credit for. Mister Rogers was so good at that. Right? Like acknowledging that in children. But I remember my kids would have, like, writing assignments and they’d they’d bring them home and it would be, like, a poem and it would be about my mom, about Mimi living with us. And I thought, oh my gosh, wow. They’re so deeply processing. So I think that they I definitely felt my children’s attention and care toward me. Is their mom watching me, like, be in this grief? And we just did our very best to, like, support mom, but also, like, give our family time in nurture. And that was the hardest challenge is, like, doing both, like, having just our family time and not feeling guilty about that. And then also trying to take care of mom. So it was a lot like having her in our home. Her needs were really even in the very beginning of her moving in.
Her needs were probably more advanced in what we could handle and we tried. So what did you learn about grief or know about grief?
Victoria: I mean, because you had experienced your parents’ divorce Mhmm. And But had grief been a topic that was talked about growing up? And how do you feel how how do you feel this experience has changed? How you look at grief now? And how you parent.
Katie: Yeah. I grief. Wow. I don’t know. I definitely had a taste of grief with the divorce for sure that such I remember just feeling like, wow, that really, like, shifted my identity in a way that, like it’s like everything I’ve known myself to be and known myself to be a part of down feels like fragmented. And Even in that, I notice, like, oh, people who have been through it, get it, and know that it’s hard. Whereas grief is so tricky, like, when you haven’t experienced a like grief, it’s harder to enter in with people’s suffering or pain or hold space for that because you just feel like I think, especially, okay, going back to the divorce, I think it’s such commonplace almost and in our culture that people are like, oh, sorry. You know, it’s kinda like, oh, that’s hard. Okay. Sorry. And whereas I was, like, processing this whole, like, identity and how do I deal with all of this stuff? I think the thing with mom I you know, that was the most obviously, it’s the most profound grief I’ve ever been through in my life. I think when I was in it, I felt very isolated from people really understanding what it was like because so like we even talked about earlier in this podcast, I think so many people understand Alzheimer’s or some type of dementia, but I felt so young and so confused by mom’s behaviors in the way she was exhibiting symptoms. I felt misunderstood in a lot of ways I remember, periodically, I would post something on social media and share, like, a couple sentences about losing her as a person and dementia sucks. And then I would find someone whose loved one also had a t d or who were going through something similar and I remember feeling like, wow, why does this feel so helpful even though it changes nothing? It just feels so helpful to know that you’re actually not alone in the exact scenario you’re in. So I learned that in that in those moments, I learned that sharing our story is incredibly powerful and that even though we can feel so isolated and alone, that can really help with with some of those feelings. And then, obviously, with the grief, like, the deeper grief of of her actual death and that loss, I learned so much. I learned that we all experience our grief so differently from each other. And I think the really interesting thing is that even in a sibling group or even when you’re grieving the exact same person that you feel like you know in a very similar or same ish way, you will process it differently. And I notice very early on that sometimes the people you think you’ll be able to have, like, intimacy and grieving with, you might not be able to have that. And I also notice how easy it is to compare your grief to other people, vice versa, and how unhelpful that is. So if someone’s sobbing and you feel like stone cold like dried up, it’s easy for one to think the other is silly or whatever, but it’s not helpful. So that was those lessons were incredibly profound in the early stages of losing mom of, like, oh, we’re all gonna do this differently. It does nothing to compare. It does nothing to serve us to compare or contrast. And, you know, you may not be able to share your grief with people who you think you might be able to share your grief with. The other thing that I realized that I think a lot of people probably know of experience grief is that it shows up when it wants to show up. It’s a non invited guest. I I’m always like, this is now my lifelong companion. Don’t really wanna walk with her, but I will be. And it’s something that I just have to let, like, show up and move through. And and yeah. And just it does change through years, but it’s not that loss is always there. The loss of a person that you love or the loss of a dream that you had or yeah, that loss of future that you expected. It’s just it’s like always gonna be there. So and I’m still learning. I I think the other lesson now I’m like eight years out of losing my mom. And I always I think a lot about how it doesn’t have to end with grief. Like, grief doesn’t get to have the final word. And that’s the other thing I’ve learned. It’s like, yes. The impact is profound. It might stop you in your tracks. You might have to spend a lot of years, like, what I call cocooning. Like, cocoon and heal and contract. And, like, take that comfort and space however you can survive, but know that it doesn’t have to be the final say that, like, the clouds can lift and I always say the sun is always shining above the clouds just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there. And that brings me so much comfort just knowing like I might be like walking around and just gray clouds feeling so thick. Like, I’ll never see anything else besides that, but the sun is shining. And if you’ve ever taken a flight, you know what that feels like to fly through the clouds and then it’s glorious.
Right? It’s like the sky is just lit up or you know, maybe you get a sunrise or a sunset in there, see other beautiful things, but like that’s existing all the time on a different plane and is accessible to us, at least in our minds.
Victoria: Beautiful.
Katie: Thank you.
Victoria: What was the thing do you think that helped you the most to create a forward momentum of healing?
Katie: I think for me, losing mom at a young age made me realize the contrast is like, yes, death can happen at any time. We don’t know. Like, we can’t predict our future, that makes me want to, like, live. It doesn’t serve anyone for us to just curl up in a ball and be dead ourselves, you know. And so for me, it’s like, well, okay.
Now I know so profoundly that life is short. And I want to, like, live big. I want to live as big as I can and love as big as I can. And I feel like just that thought alone helps me. Just like I think it’s probably inevitable to compare your life to, like, especially when you lose a parent, when you lose a parent at a certain age, you start thinking like, well, that’s what’s gonna happen to me. You know? So it’s easy for me to be like, oh, sixty two sixty two like in my mind. I only have till sixty two and that is really like not a lot of time. And so even though I don’t wanna believe that or predict that for myself, it comes in, and then I have to say, okay, well, what if it was true? Like, what would you do? And I’m like, let’s go. Let’s go do some things that make me feel alive. And so I actually use that as a barometer a lot. It’s like, what makes me feel really alive? And it’s not comfort food and TV and social media scrolling and all the things I do all the time. I’m not judging any of these things, but those don’t make me feel really live. Those things make me feel more numb. What makes me feel more alive is truly connecting with people, is taking risks, is doing something new, getting out of my comfort zone. So when I say I really want to be alive, I use that as a measure. What makes me feel alive? Oh, like, learning a different style of dance, even though I’m not good at dancing. Like, I just I’m like, that’s so fun. So I try to do those things and I my kids are now at the age where they’re graduating from high school and heading to college, etcetera. And I think, like, that even more so, that’s a different kind of grief. And in of itself, like, identity and family dynamic shift, and and whatnot. But I think about that a lot too. I’m like, okay, they’re going out to have their adventure and I can’t, too. Like, this this is We’re getting some time back in our lives. And so I don’t wanna just waste that away. I wanna I wanna do things that yeah. That feel like yeah. I don’t wanna just settle and, like, move into, like, a comfort zone. I want to move into, like, something new and and have an adventure.
Victoria: And be reminded that you are alive. Right?
Katie: Yes. Exactly. Exactly.
Victoria: I lost my dad. He was forty four. Oh. And so that’s one thing people don’t really talk about, right, is you wait for that year to come around. Like, oh, I’ve made it past. My dad’s age now. Okay. Well, I can cross that off the list, you know. So that’s something people who really don’t talk about. Mhmm. One thing I’m curious too, because I’ve I’ve had this awareness just for myself in the last year or so is that I could never I never had my dad’s birthday on my calendar, but I always had the day he died. Wow. Were you the same? Or I, you know, like, I could never celebrate the day of his birth. Right? Which seems really no. I I I was eight when he passed. So I didn’t have a very long time. Right? But I don’t even remember I think there’s a picture of it was his birthday one time, but Yeah. I just think people don’t really talk about that part of
Katie: Yeah. Dates. I can see as an eight year old in only having experienced him for those years how his death date would be way more profound for you than his birthday. Just thinking about that. Like, I’m thinking, yeah, I can’t imagine as an eight year old processing that. And then every year, like, feeling the impact of that in such a profound way, it doesn’t surprise me that that would be your experience. I think that for me, my mom was like, such a birthday accelerator. And I’m like such a birthday. I it’s like I’m a little spazzy about it. I just love celebrating birthdays.
I tease about having a birthday month, and I’m a little bit of a diva about it, and I love celebrating my kids’ birthdays. I’ve created little monsters with them about birthdays. So I think because of that, it’s easy for me to, like, gravitate towards my mom’s birthday and want to do things for her then. There was a couple a year in there where I was, like, oh, like, her day of death, like, pass without me even noticing. And I was like, oh, weird. Like, I almost felt bad for not thinking about it. But I was like, well, it’s fine. You know, like, that’s Anyway, Yeah. I I do think that it’s something I thought about as far as, like, the catching up with your parents’ age. My dad lost his father when he was twenty one. So my dad was twenty one when his dad died. And he I definitely watched him go, oh, I’m getting to the age. I can’t remember how old his dad was, but he he definitely had that in his mind. And I watched him contemplate that. And then, for me, it was just a really profound reality of, like, oh, okay. Like, oh, no. My mom my mom, you know, started her decline in her fifties. That’s not good. And then she died when she was sixty eight, diagnosed when she was sixty two. So I’m like, that’s not good. But even I don’t know. I just think it’s it’s kind of I don’t know how it feels for you, but, like, I almost feel like watching someone die is a little bit like experiencing a car accident and how that, like, just like imprints on your body, like, imprints in your memory and in your DNA away or something. This is all science based. But, like, I think, like, the way you viscerally feel a car wreck, a car wreck, even when you, like sometimes even just say car wreck, like, we can put ourselves back in that space and time so quickly. I think that watching someone’s decline and death it’s not a shocking, but if you are able if you are able to see someone’s processor decline there’s a knowing that happens that you can’t know any other way.
Victoria: Has it made you paranoid about your own health?
Katie: So Yes. So part of my journey, especially in in my film making career at this point, is to raise awareness around FTD, caregiving, like this whole thing. But one of the things I realized in in the moment when we got mom’s diagnosis of FTD, I just heard dementia. And I I heard dementia and I was like, okay, it’s some type of dementia and it’s in her frontal temporal lobes. So those lobes are like, this part of us and And I kind of I’m I I think that I was in so much crisis that I couldn’t even tolerate researching and finding more information. It felt like it would really stress me out even more. It was more like a survival survival. Since then, lost my mom in twenty sixteen. I made my first film in twenty twenty, which was also about dementia, like those early signs of dementia. And in that process, like, got connected with FTD community and more people in this world and started learning more just in my own journey in healing and stuff. And one of the things I learned was that FTD can be genetic. There can be like a genetic strain, like ALS or Huntington’s or one of those things. So that doesn’t feel really good in a child’s mind of someone with dementia or with FTD. But so one so I realized there’s a genetic component and I still was, like, okay, but I can, like, deny this away. Jeff can make sure, you know, oh, well, mom had the car wreck and all these other things, so it’s probably related to that and not really related to any kind of genetics.
But then a number of years ago, her younger brother got diagnosed with a TD. So that was like a a heart soft for me. And there is testing available, which I could partake in. I don’t know if we have. I don’t know. I haven’t done the research on how that works or what we need to be able to find out. And it is something I want to explore just to even contribute to research. Even if I don’t find out whether I have it or not, it would contribute to the research of FTD, which is important to me. But all of that to say is I’m on this journey. I’m making my first feature film.
It is to raise awareness on caregiving and dementia’s in general, but specifically diagnosis with FTD. And as I’m writing the film, I’m, like, preparing, I just feel like there’s this, like, fear monster over my shoulder, like, you have it. You probably have it. Every time I stumble on my words or, like, you know, my handwriting gets wonky or whatever I think, oh my god. Like, this is early signs.
I can probably have it. So that fear is palpable. Like, it’s in my life. It’s present. It’s attached to the grief. It’s attached to the work that I’m doing currently in my life. I was working and moving through it just feeling like, you know, it’s over there. I’m like, just wanting to shoe it away, like go away, go away. And then and then I stop for a second and I think I’m like, okay, instead of trying to ignore this and act as if it’s not here with me, what if I face it. And so I had this moment where I thought, I need to just turn around and look at in the face. And so for me, that means instead of, like, being afraid of it. Why don’t I just embrace it as if it is? And, you know, fear is just our imagination, and we can use it for our good, and we can use it for our demise. And I I feel like For me, this is how it sounded. Okay. Instead of like always being afraid every time little clubs happen or whatever, I’m gonna say, what if I knew for sure? That I had FTD. What if I knew for sure that I am gonna have this thing, it’s coming, this is the way I’m gonna this is the way my life is gonna end? What would you do? And asking myself that just gives so much clarity because I realize even if I knew I had it, I would have to move into acceptance just like we have to with our grief at some point. Why not do it now? And think about this like if I had FTD, I would live my life as fully as possible. I would love my family, my friends, I would try to say present with them, I would try to pursue the healthiest life that I could. You know, obviously, like, we’re all gonna sit on the couch and eat a bag of chips or whatever, but it’s like I would choose healthy food, I would choose outdoor time, I would choose friend time, being present with people, And the other really point of clarity for me was and I would make this movie. And this movie would be like my contribution. And so asking that question and facing that beer monster dead on was such a moment of clarity for me in that I know I’m doing what I want to be doing with my life. I’m being very intentional. And now this movie is not just a good idea or something really fun and cool that I get to try to do, but it now is my mission. And the greatest part about that is I think one thousand percent I’m going to make this movie and it’s going to impact people in these spaces, no matter what. Like, no matter what. My hope is that it’s gonna just soar to the to outer space with success. And My dream is that it’ll be my first of many movies that I have all these other movies that I get to make. I have some really amazing stories already in my mind that I that I cannot wait to get on paper and then on the camera and etcetera. But no matter what, I’m gonna make this one. And if I got FCD and that was the only movie I got to make, so be it.
Like, this is a great one to choose. And probably, I won’t die that way and something else will happen and I’ll get to make a whole other movies, but it just gave me so much peace just to, like, assume that it was that it was rather than fear that it might be. And that peace allowed me to have clarity with knowing that I’m doing what I wanna be doing with my time. In my life. So that that question is so huge for me of, like, what if I got it? And and answering that straight on was really helpful.
Victoria: It’s a powerful reframe. Mhmm. Then there’s probably a camp of people, like, no. You’re like, manifesting it.
Katie: I know. I know. People are like, don’t say that, but I I think I agree. I I do I do agree, like, that can, like, you know, the way we imagine and spend our time and our energy in our minds thinking is is impactful to our lives, but I also have to be compassionate towards myself and be like, of course, you’re afraid of this. Like, it was the most traumatizing thing you ever been through.
So, like, we can’t we can’t have these fears, have this grief, and then also make ourselves feel terrible for being afraid of it, you know, with the manifestation camp. I mean, I love manifesting things and, like, spending my energy for good, but I also have to be honest about what I’m
Victoria: And who’s the thing about that too? As I was thinking about, and as I said that, the other aspect of it, Elo, is yes, there might be people who think you’re manifesting it, but it’s not like you’re dwelling on the fact that I’m I have this. It’s You’re dwelling on the fact that if this is a possibility, I’m going to take action. So it’s almost like it’s you reverse engineering it and your focus isn’t on the dwelling Yeah. That this is, oh my gosh, this is gonna happen to me and it’s oh my gosh.
If this were true, It’s propelling you to take action. Yeah. Inspired action.
Katie: Right? Thank you.
Victoria: How has it changed? Has this movie changed the Like, do you have support from your family? Has this whole experience brought you closer with your siblings? Yes. Absolutely.
Shifted.
Katie: It’s been phenomenal. So here’s where we are right now at the recording time of this podcast. We have I’ve spent, like, years writing this script. I’ve spent the full last year fundraising and growing support for the film where fiscally sponsored and under a nonprofit. For our filmmaking, which is just such a huge it’s something I’m really thankful and proud of. The support has been phenomenal. And when I start thinking about it, I like it emotional. I have so much gratitude I’m doing something that really scares me. Like, this film feels like a really big deal. It’s it’s a big endeavor to do what I’m trying to do with, like, I’m acting and directing and producing the same. And I know it’s like taking a big old bite out of the film making world. But from the get go, the amount of support in people that have rallied to see this film come to fruition has has truly been phenomenal. And you asked about my siblings. And one of one of the ideas I had in this fundraising journey, and I think of it as more than fundraising. It’s not just getting money for film. It’s also growing an audience and growing a community around this. That really what my hope is is the more people that follow along and join us as we’re creating this thing that then we’ll get to, like, launch screenings and theaters around the country and, like, people will be able to come out and watch. But one of my ideas was what if we what if we did some happy hours and different places that I’ve lived and, like, have people host parties and we can share about the movie and and gather our community. And of course, one of those people was my sister in Georgia, and I was like, hey, what do you think about hosting one of these? And she’s so good at hosting parties. She’s amazing. She’s like, I’m in. Let’s go. Let’s do this. And then my brother has a band that he plays in called holy smokes.
And they do cover music and their band donated their time and we had this big old party and it was just such a meaningful event to join with my brother and sister and feel so supported about us taking this journey and, like, them supporting just the creating of wake up Maggie was just phenomenal. But, you know, it’s so touching. Like, I have people who have donated, like, ten dollars and people who have donated, like, thirty five thousand dollars. So it’s, to me, money is energy and time. And it’s all, like, coming from the same bucket. And so I don’t get super fixated on the money. I really love to fixate on the energy and, like, what what are we growing and what are we building and what are we doing? It’s more of a movement. So I have been absolutely floored by the by the people that come along and say, okay, let’s get this movie made. Like, how can I support you?
What are we gonna do? Let’s go. And I’m just gonna say, like, it’s so many women that have done that for me, and I’m like, women are so powerful. It’s just amazing. It’s not all women, but, like, it’s just Yeah. I think I think this is a film. I call it a coming of middle aged film, which I personally love because we have so many coming of age films of, like, you know, the transition of teenagers and I love that genre, but I feel like there’s a different there’s a different transition, a different like a second puberty of sorts that happen in our midlife, and I think that if we let it affect us, it can change us for so much good and so much of it is centered on grief. So much of it is I think sometimes people in their twenties have gone through midlife because they face something deep and profound. You in their life and it’s like a grief and impacts them to the point where they say, I Okay. I’m going to like have this perspective on life and and what I wanna do and know how I wanna live. That’s what midlife is to me. It’s this unraveling of pretense. And and, like, coming into our own and, like, feeling more solid in in our life and our humanity. And that’s something huge to celebrate. And I think getting to see it on the big screen is gonna be a really profound experience for all of us, and I can’t wait for everyone to see it.
Victoria: Well, I definitely will put the link in the show notes.
Katie: Please Yeah.
Victoria: To your page for people to support your mission and your cause. Thank how would you describe the Katie you were before your mother’s own list and the Katie sitting before me now?
Katie: Yeah. That’s great question. So much of my journey definitely is integral with acting. So I started acting after I lost my mom. And I would say before I lost my mom, I was a heavy people pleaser. Lots of personal denial, lots of ignoring of my own needs, ignoring of myself, body awareness. Like, all that was just, like, not really a part of my life. And then the healing journey along walking parallel and my healing journey with grief and then also deepening acting, I feel like my journey with acting has helped me become more fully human. It’s helped me to acknowledge and deal with like emotions that I often would wanna pretend don’t exist inside me. It’s helped me to connect my mind with my body and my nervous system in a deep way, like, oh, I actually need to notice when I’m like, I can look really calm on the outside. I can tend to be, like, a more people often say, oh, you’re so quiet and soothing. And I’m like, funny. Because, you know you know if you’re feeling like this spending or churning inside
Victoria: like a horse and a horse race.
Katie: Right? It’s just this like, yes, you feel that inside and and I think I think my journey with acting has helped me to say, oh, that that’s happening right now. And like, what can I do to support myself? And what can I do to support my nervous system? And how can I experience what I’m experiencing?
But also like not let it stop me in my tracks. So it’s been so profound. It’s been so profound. I think like coming to acceptance with my mom’s disease, coming to acceptance with my mom’s death, and then moving into a life that I I just want to be so intentional and present and just filled with gratitude. It’s just it’s it’s like, yeah, it does feel like an unraveling. I think, Berné Brown has a quote that I love that she talks about, midlife isn’t a crisis because a crisis is one event. Midlife is more of an unraveling. And I think we think of the word, like, being unraveled as, like, a negative thing, like, someone’s frazzled or something. But but I feel it as, like, peeling back for me, it’s an appealing back of the layers that no longer serve me, the layers that I hid behind and and, you know, coming into my own space and in place in this world and, like, owning who I am without trying to constantly please and put everyone else first and like their opinions first. So I think it’s also been a journey of exposing myself in that way too of, like, people pleasers can often blend in so well. And then, acting and filmmaking is like one of the most public art forms you could possibly choose. And so it does a number on me because I think, oh, no, everyone’s blah blah blah blah blah. And I’m like, no, they’re not. They’re completely preoccupied with themselves, but I think just just doing that type of exposure helps me, like, care less. About my imagination towards what other people might be thinking. So, yeah, so I feel like I am obviously, I think we have these core parts of us that are always true to who we are, but I think What’s happened is for me in this process of losing mom and moving forward with my life is that I’m more raw and more real and less hidden in it.
Victoria: I think we almost get as we allow ourselves to be cracked open and
Katie: Yeah.
Victoria: Expose ourselves and do things out of out of our comfort zones and challenge ourselves. We become more like children. Right? One of women and children and we get back to I think that child, like, essence within us that we stuffed away and put away because it’s not acceptable
Katie: Yeah.
Victoria: To have you and and creative expression is is fufu and it’s for it’s like a luxury. And I what I’ve learned in all of these interviews I’ve done in over four years and my own experience is that when you lean into creative expression, and out of your comfort zone, doing things out of your comfort zone. That’s when you really discover who you were always meant to be, I think.
Katie: Yes. I’d love that. Yeah. It really is coming into a sense of play. And you can’t you can’t play unless you’re, like, really present. Mhmm. And our adult minds love to, like, fixate on the past or the future and not, like, right now. So I love that you’re saying that. Yeah.
Victoria: Well, in using the past as your creative fuel. Right? So it is looking at it. Mhmm. You’re not having to look at it. It’s not a stuffing and a tucking away just like and that’s what we do with our grief, and I think that’s what so many griefers find themselves stuck in mid life is that they haven’t allowed themselves to fully express themselves. Yeah.
Katie: No, I totally get what you’re saying about looking at it. I think that writing Even though I’m writing fiction and I’m writing the script and the story that’s not it’s not my story, but it is so much of my story that it has been a really healing journey of of It’s like exploring the past and what happened, but also in a playful way of storytelling. Yeah.
Victoria: Mhmm. Is there anything else that you would like to share that you didn’t feel you got to?
Katie: That’s a nice question. I feel really good. I I just yeah. I I love what you’re doing in the world and and that you’re helping grivers feel heard and seen and understood. And I think it’s such an important thing for all of us because so often grief hits and we’ve not ever thought about it until we’re in it. I think if I could just leave people with anything. It’s just the imagery of the sun shining above the clouds. Think if if nothing else, if you just close your eyes and know that what you feel isn’t the only truth of existence right now. It’s okay to feel it and it’s and it’s also really helpful to know that there’s, like, light and warmth above that you will access.
Victoria: Beautiful words. Thank you. Where can people reach you if they would like to learn more about you? Wake up Maggie, your work, all of them? Where can they connect with you?
Katie: Thank you. For asking that, I try to make it as easy as possible. All of my social media is Katie Prentiss, so pretty easy to find. My website is kady prentiss dot com. And wake up Maggie is all under wake up Maggie movie.
Wake up maggie movie dot com and on Facebook and Instagram is wake up maggie movie. So we’d love for you to follow along and and be a part of our journey. So try to share it all.
Victoria: Do you have a goal date?
Katie: Yes. We’re filming in February of twenty twenty five. Yeah. Oh, awesome. Yes.
Yes. So we’re right in the middle of working so hard to get everything ready for filming. So we’re in pre production production right now. And then we’ll shoot for about three weeks in February, and then we’ll be in postproduction, which is all the editing and sound and all the all the design work that happens on the backside of of shooting the film. So if I don’t know exactly when we’ll be released, but this is why it’s so good for you to follow us on social media or come to our website.
We even have an email list you can sign up for. And we’ll keep you posted. That way, we really love for people to join us and be a part of it. So then when we do screen in theaters, hopefully we can have everyone come out.
Victoria: I’m just curious. Do you have, like, are you, like, one of those people with numbers. Like, numbers are important. Or do you do you have, like, a specific date? Like, you know, your mom’s birthday maybe
Katie: Oh.
Victoria: Something like that where you plan to even if it’s done, you’re not gonna launch until
Katie: Oh, I love that. I haven’t thought about that with mom. I will say I lost mom. We lost her on February twelfth, twenty sixteen, and we’re shooting in February, which is interesting to me. And then I definitely tossed her birth date.
Into the film as a birth date of one of the characters. Obviously, it’s called Waco Maggi after her, but I haven’t thought about the release date. That would be really special if it was on some sort of special date, but I haven’t thought about that.
Victoria: Okay. I’m just curious.
Katie: Yeah.
Victoria: It’ll be really special. I’m sure. Thank you. Amazing way to honor your mom and her memory. Filming in February.
Katie: So Yeah. Beautiful.
Victoria: How that worked out? Yeah.
Katie: Yes. I agree.
Victoria: Alright. Well, thank you so much for your time today. I appreciate you sharing your story and and your mission. And being a part of my mission to talk about grief like we talk about the weather and and it’s, you know, it’s not all doom and gloom. Right?
Katie: Right. Exactly. Yeah. No. Thank you so much for having me.
It’s really no longer to be with you. And all of your listeners and just to be able to share my stories a gift. So thank you.
Victoria: Thank you. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Kenisha Nichelle is a trailblazer in the sports industry and a passionate advocate for individuals navigating the challenging landscape of grief.
Kenisha shares her deeply personal journey of overcoming profound losses, including becoming an orphaned only child with the unexpected deaths of both her father and mother, and how she has channeled her experiences into a mission of healing and empowerment.
Key Takeaways:
- Journey of a Child Griever: Kenisha discusses the unique challenges she faced as a child griever, losing her father at the age of 12. She shares how this early loss shaped her perspective and understanding of grief and how that first loss prepared her for the loss of her mother while she was in college.
- Turning Pain into Purpose: Learn how Kenisha transformed her grief into a purposeful mission by founding the Brighter Tomorrow Foundation Incorporated. This organization provides innovative resources for those dealing with grief, helping them find hope and healing.
- The Role of Color Therapy: Discover how Kenisha integrates color therapy into her work, offering a unique approach to healing that supports emotional well-being and resilience.
- Empowering Others Through Authenticity: Kenisha emphasizes sharing her full story with vulnerability and authenticity, inspiring others to embrace their grief journey.
- Creating Safe Spaces: Through initiatives like Game Changers United, Kenisha is dedicated to creating supportive environments where individuals, especially athletes, can navigate life’s challenges and find a sense of belonging.
Join us as we explore how embracing our grief can lead to profound personal growth and a purposeful life.
RESOURCES:
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Navigating Grief: Kenisha Nichelle’s Journey from Personal Loss to Purposeful Advocacy
In a recent episode of the podcast Grieving Voices, hosted by Victoria, listeners are introduced to the inspiring story of Kenisha Nichelle. As a trailblazer in the sports industry and an advocate for individuals navigating grief, Kenesha’s journey is one of resilience, transformation, and unwavering dedication to helping others heal.
The Early Impact of Loss
Kenisha’s story begins with profound personal losses that shaped her path. At just 12 years old, she faced the unexpected death of her father due to a brain aneurysm. This devastating event left her grappling with immense grief during a time when mental health awareness was limited. Without adequate coping mechanisms or support systems in place at that time, Kenesha turned to harmful behaviors as an outlet for her overwhelming emotions.
However, this challenging period also marked the beginning of her healing journey. Her family sought therapy services where she engaged in children’s grief counseling—a pivotal step toward recovery—and discovered color therapy. These experiences not only aided in processing her own grief but later inspired elements within her Brighter Tomorrow Foundation.
A New Chapter Amidst Continued Struggles
The loss didn’t stop there; during college sophomore year came another blow—the aggressive battle with breast cancer claimed her mother’s life too soon again thrusting academic pressures alongside familial responsibilities onto already burdened shoulders causing further struggles academically leading ultimately major switch from athletic training into sports administration opening doors towards new career paths within management fields instead!
Through all these trials though emerged strength unseen before—strength born out adversity itself transforming pain purposefully supporting those walking similar paths today through initiatives like Game Changers United offered under umbrella foundation founded personally embodying authenticity resilience commitment empowering hope-filled futures ahead despite hardships endured along way thus far…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hey, hey, hey, welcome to another episode of grieving voices. If you’ve been here a while, thank you for coming back if this is your first episode. Welcome today my guest is Kenisha Nichelle. She is a trailblazer in the sports industry and a passionate advocate for those navigating grief. Having overcome profound personal losses, including the deaths of her father and mother, Kinesha has turned her pain into purpose. She has made significant contributions to organizations like the Miami dolphins, in the Super Bowl Committee, and she founded the brighter Tomorrow Foundation Incorporated, which provides innovative resources for individuals dealing with grief. Kenisha is also the creator of game changers united, a platform designed to support athletes and overcoming life’s challenges. Her work is characterized by authenticity, resilience, and a deep commitment to helping others find hope and healing. Kanisha’s mission is to inspire and empower individuals to live and not merely survive. Thank you so much for being here. Absolutely. I think we’re of the same mindset, so you are in the perfect place.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Thank you. Thank you.
Victoria Volk: Yes. So thank you for what you’re about to share, and I’m happy to meet you.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Likewise, I’m always grateful for the opportunity to share. So thank you, Victoria, for having me.
Victoria Volk: So I was reading looking through your website and things, and I was a childgriever. My father passed when I was and I read that your father had passed when you were twelve, unexpectedly.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yes.
Victoria Volk: And one thing I found interesting in reading was that color therapy was introduced to you And I thought, well, that’s interesting. And I dug further and it’s that you’ve incorporated that into the brighter tomorrow foundation. And we’ll get to all of that. We’ll need to talk about all of that. But first, it’s what led you to where you are today. Are those losses in transforming your pain into purpose, which has another conversation I wanna get. Yeah. Close, but a pin in that. But please share with me and our listeners the impact of being a child retriever in growing up with it, really, because that’s what we do as child grieving, which is very different when you lose a parent as an adult. Right?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Right. Yes. So it was unexpected. My father was a police officer. And so he was at a routine training. They were in the classroom. They weren’t out in the field. And he was just, you know, in his in the classroom, and we got told that he came back from lunch and just collapsed to the floor. I was in school, and so my mother came and got me from school and pulled me out and said, you know, your father is being rushed to the hospital we have to go, so we went. Somehow, I don’t know the timing, but somehow we beat them there?
Or we got them, like, right at the same time? Because I can’t remember seeing him come out of the ambulance and being, you know, brought into the emergency room. As they were working on him and things, we later found out that it was a brain aneurysm He had so the story that I’ve been told was that as a child, he was swimming and dove hit first into the pool one time, and it left a permanent cut. On his head. So we don’t know if that had something to do with, like, it was just there and no one behold, it ruptured, but it was a brain aneurysm. And so that was on a Wednesday. By Saturday, he was declared brain dead. Mhmm. And so that’s literally unexpected. Like, we didn’t know how my parents were divorced. So when my parents divorced, I I opted to live with my father because I was a daddy’s girl. Things unconventional and most daughters go with their moms, but my dad had a had a really good relationship. So, you know, that was my world. That’s where I live. That was everything. He had, you know, since remarried at the time, but it was my world. And it tore me to shred. You know, I had lost my great grandmother before then, but that’s the only death that I had experienced at that age. And so, yeah, at twelve, shook my world upside down. And, you know, I tried to well, I didn’t try I went back to school and, you know, would do things in his honor, but it was tough.
It was tough because I’m like, okay, what happens now? You know, I have a mom, but I’m living with my stepmother so that kinda got a little dicey little bit. And then, you know, courts got involved and all those kind of things, and it weighed on me, like, the stress weighed on me to the point to where I started to cut myself because I just didn’t know how to process pain. You know, this is nineteen ninety nine. Mental health is not even a thing. Then so, you know and it was with the butter knife. It was something trivial, but, you know, it was still I was lashing out. I was, you know, trying to do something to amass the pain. And my family, they eventually sock therapy. And it would they put me in a children’s grief counseling class, and I think we probably once a week or so. And it was there where I was introduced to coloring and art therapy that it’s just it’s a therapeutic tool, you know. It’s not meant to take away any pain or anything like that, but it is a safe outlet for you to reprogram your minds and to get your mind off of what it’s going through, like, you know, all the process and then all the questions and all the what if. In this particular moment, you know, you have the opportunity to just be. And it obviously makes sense for a child, you know, to do it. But I encourage adults to do it as well because I always say you have got to get that paint out somehow because just like a balloon, it will fill up and fill up and fill up until it bursts.
And you don’t know what that thing is going to be that will make you burst. Right? So you have to process your thoughts and feelings in some sort of way. And so I just, you know, went back to that technique because fast forward when I lost my mother, it came back up as in my life again.
Victoria Volk: And how was that experience different? I mean, being twelve, preteen, like, middle school, that is Yeah. Top of my head anyway. Yeah. And in college. Mhmm. I think mothers. So very pivotal
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Times in your life. How does
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: that work? And I’m the only child. So, you know, it’s not like I had a brother’s sister that we could kinda cling to each other to go through this. It was just me. So that was equally as tough. I won’t say unexpected, but it was breast cancer and kinda showed up out of nowhere. And it was stage three, so it was pretty aggressive when she found it. I will say in my personal opinion, she opted to have a lumpectomy, just the removal of the tumor versus having a mastectomy. I think that is the difference between her not being here today or at least having a few more years, but that’s just neat. But, you know, like I said, they were divorced, so I understand her reasons now as a grown woman. She didn’t wanna go through that. But that was it was a lot too because, again, yes, I was I was a sophomore in college when she was first diagnosed. And so here I am. I went to school about an hour away from our hometown. And I did that because, you know, I wanted to freedom of being away, but also the security of being close.
I didn’t know when I went to school that that was gonna really be a thing that played a role in my life, but it did. And so it did. Yeah. It allowed me to be able to get back home for appointments and chemo and just be there as a support. But in this game called balance, something else suffered and what suffered was my classes. Right? I wasn’t either going to classes or I was failing because I wasn’t studying. So that became a lot to to handle and to manage.
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Kenisha Brown-Alexander: And it didn’t take long. You know, she She had it. She went into remission. We took a trip to New York. It was Christmas. Well, no. Thanksgiving of two thousand and six. And she’d never been and we wanted to go. So we went to New York, and she started having really, really bad headaches on the plane. We got back. She got tested. Found out that the cancer hadn’t metastasized to her brain. And so we had to go through that. It was a long haul. And then that was January. And I would say by late May, June, it had then metastasized again to her lungs to where it was pretty much throughout the body. And so she passed July thirteenth of two thousand seven.
Victoria Volk: So after your father passed and you moved in with your mother. Yes?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I did. Yeah. I eventually did. You just didn’t seem right to stay with my stepmom. So I did.
I moved in with my mom.
Victoria Volk: Did that improve? I mean, you improved your relationship with your mom so that by the time of basic college you were
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah. It did. We had a strained relationship prior to, again, I was a daddy’s girl, so I opted to live with him. You know, she didn’t understand it. But then, you know, she got on board with it. But, you know, she want she went to live in her life, you know, she started dating other people and things. And so there were become times where those men, if you will, got put before me. And so that kinda strained our relationship. So when he passed and I, you know, finally made the decision to live with her. You know, I had a very adult conversation. A hindsight is twenty twenty, and I probably like, if my daughter was to do this to me, I’d be upset. But I had a very adult conversation with I said, no, ma’am. I’m gonna come live with you, but you can’t have a boyfriend while I’m here. Now when I leave for college, you do whatever you want. But while I’m here, you can’t. And I let’s just say I was fifteen. Am this. And that’s wild to me now. But I did, you know, I didn’t know any better. And honestly, she listened.
At least she listened
Victoria Volk: to hear your wishes.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Right. Unless she had a boyfriend that I didn’t know about to get a really good job of, you know, keeping it hush, but I didn’t know. So to me, there wasn’t anybody in the picture. So that helps our relationship, you know, that, you know, put us back on track if you will. And so, yeah, we became, you know, good mother and daughter. Obviously, when I came with an adult eighteen, you know, friends, if you will, you know, still my mom, of course. But, yes, it our relationship improved. And then even when I got off to college and things, you know, I was always there for her before the cancer, you know, just always doing things and taking her lunch and things like that. So, yes, it our relationship improved and then, you know, that happened. And so that put me full force to wanna be there as much as I can.
Victoria Volk: And it also changed your trajectory in college as well. Did it not a little bit?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: It did. It did. So I originally went to school because I wanted to be a doctor. I love to help, you know, I love medicine. So I just knew I was gonna be a pediatrician. Right? Just kind of the go to thing. I got into my first class, and it was horrible. I was like, nope. I can’t do this. All the ions and neurons and all of the things with with chemistry. And I was like, no, this is not it. But I love sports. And so just watching football games you know, seeing the players get injured and the people run into the field, I began to question who were they. Mhmm. And so I found out those were athletic trainers and I was like, oh, that’s cool because it’s still kind of medicine ish a little bit. But it’s sports. So that seems like fun. So I changed my major to athletic training, and then I ended up getting an opportunity to be a student athletic trainer at my school, University of Kentucky. And so that was fun. Like, you know, I got assigned to the track and field team. So I got to, you know, travel with them and be at practice. So I had basically the same schedule as an athlete, still maintaining pool class lows and trying to, you know, have a social life. And that’s when I got the call that my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Mhmm. It was actually pretty terrible how I found out. So I was at home just, you know, relax or whatever, and I got a phone call from a church member. And the church member was like, hey, Kanisha, I just wanna let you know that I’m praying for you and your mom. Everything is gonna be okay. You know, you guys are gonna make it, she’s gonna be fine, and I’m like, what are you talking about? And all I hear was, oh my god, you don’t know. Okay. And so we’ll say this was when day, like, Wednesday night bible study or something like that. My mom had told them, but she knew I was coming home for the weekend. Mhmm.
So she was waiting until I got home because she didn’t want me to be frantic and get on the highway. Everything that she didn’t want me to do. I did. Because when that phone call was over the next call, mother, what are these people talking about? And so she was like, yeah. Well, I didn’t wanna tell you with the phone. I I knew you were coming home this weekend, so I was gonna tell you when I saw you. Okay, girl. I’ll see you in an hour. And I drove up. She’s like, no, don’t do that. Bye because you can’t stop me. So I went home and loved on her and I think because I think that was like a Wednesday if I had to guess. So bump classes Thursday and Friday didn’t care, you know, I was gone. So that’s how I found out. Pretty awful. But I was there, you know, full force. But like I said, I started failing classes because I wanted to be there. And my grandmother was obviously taking care of her her mom and she has siblings and family and, you know, friends that were there, but it’s still I felt responsible as her daughter. So I would begin to fail classes and not go and, you know, struggle and all of those kind of things so that fast forward when she did pass away. And I’m pretty sure you’re gonna ask me about what happened after that, so I skipped it. But I then long term knew that I needed my support system, so I ended up transferring to my the school in my hometown so I could be close to my support system because after an incident, I realized that just an hour was too far. And so I end up changing my nature because they told me I needed three years to to I wanted to stay being a trainer, I would need three years to undo all of my grades and I’m like, I don’t have three years so I ended up switching to sports administration. And so that’s how I got to where I am today.
Victoria Volk: Which turned out to be a blessing in disguise too.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: It did. It did. There’s a little piece of me that still, you know, misses that my daughter is starting to play basketball now and so she she’s gotta pull me out of retirement. I’ll do massages. And I’m like, okay. Do I need to tape your ankle and all that kind of stuff? So I’ll, you know, still kind of practice every now and again. And, you know, I had big hopes and dreams of what that would look like. But hindsight’s always twenty twenty, and yes, had and it’s weird, you know, I’m sure you can relate. Had certain things not happened, we wouldn’t be here. And I honestly believe, like, Had I not lost my mother, I probably wouldn’t even have my daughter because I would have never ended up in Miami. And so I can trace my life all the way back to that moment. So if it had worked out, I have no idea what now would even look like because I probably wouldn’t even be in Miami, honestly.
Victoria Volk: I’m getting full body chills. Oh, that’s just that sounds good to me.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And I’m seeing behind you if people just listening to
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: people who
Victoria Volk: can’t see the screen, but where there is hope, there is faith, and where there is faith miracles happen. You really do weave in your Christian faith and believe system into the work that you do, into the foundation and all of that. And so at any point, because I can imagine I mean, I know what it I know what losing my father in things that happened after that. Did to me and it really made me hate God for a long time.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I did. I did.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. You struggled for a while, ma’am.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I did. I did. Because I didn’t understand why. Like, I’m twenty one. I’ve accomplished nothing.
The only thing I have is a high school diploma. So what am I still going to school for? What what am I even trying for? I have no clue what to do. You know, I think I figured out my life’s career in this athletic training, but I didn’t fill classes, so that’s not gonna work. So, yeah, I was very upset. And I was you know, I grew up in the church, loved guys, and in the choir, taught, Sunday school, did all of the things. And so immediately it didn’t hit immediately. I think I probably went to church, you know, right after she passed. And, of course, you know, the funeral was at my church and things. But slowly, but surely, I started to break down. I started to, you know, why me, of course, and then just why, you know, why I I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong, you know, all of those type of questions. And so while those questions aren’t filtering and while, you know, I’m slowly but surely disconnecting myself from God is when I would say my breaking point happened. And so, like I said, I was a athletic trainer. When I returned to school in the fall, I was then assigned to the women’s basketball team. And I was really looking forward to that. I’m like, okay. Because if you know anything about men’s basketball, Kentucky is it’s the mecca. And so to be part of the women’s team and be kind of in the same space, it was cool. Right? And so I was excited about it. And I would smile during the day and I would steal, you know, just booh, cry at night because grief tends to hit the worst at night. But it was Labor Day weekend, and I wanted to go home and see my family. And because, again, I’d been to school probably about a month. At this point. So I’m like, okay. It’s a long weekend. I can go home. I can get a home cooked meal.I can get loved on. And I’ll be good. And my supervisor told me I couldn’t go home. And that’s that pin that bursts my bubble. I and again, like I said, all those other feelings that I was having about life in general was all festering inside. And then to be told, I couldn’t go home for a reason that I don’t understand. She didn’t have a reason. You know, we weren’t in season which would have made sense like this is, you know, the first of September. What are we doing? And that was the last day that I was a trainer.
I took my keys off my key ring and I put it on the table and I said I quit. Will not be doing this anymore. And I walked out. I went to my apartment in Lexington, changed my clothes, got in my car, drove to Louisville. I stopped at the drugstore, and picked up some pills. I went to the liquor store and got some alcohol. And then I went to my aunt’s house because that’s where I would crash when I would come home for the weekend. And I consumed them both. I got in the bed and I said, I hope I never wake up. Because I was like, I can’t do this. I I’ve got nothing else to give. I texted my boyfriend at the time and said, you know, I love you, but I can’t do this, and I cut off my phone. And that was my breaking point. But I’m still here. And I’m grateful and thankful. And it was because of that that I didn’t realize, okay, that there is a God. Because even though I was feeling those things and I was angry and I wasn’t praying and I wasn’t doing all of the things, he still found a way to save me because it didn’t have to. It could have been the end. And so that landed me in a mental hospital for four days. It was It was a terrible experience, but it was what I needed, you know. It was scary. It was rough. But I needed that. I needed to see that, yes, life is pretty horrible right now for you. There is somebody else who has it worse. I was not being beaten up. I had not been raped. I had not been beaten and left. You know? There were that was my roommate story, actually.
And so I wasn’t that even though this was that, it wasn’t that. And so, you know, I believe that, you know, God allowed me to see those things of and it’s unfortunate for them. Again, I’m not, you know, passing any judgment or anything at all, but allow me to see that there’s other people that are going through other things that you’re not. So let’s be grateful and thankful you still have a family. They found you.
They brought you here. You know, they wanna make sure you’re taken care of. So I had to find some sort of thankfulness in that just a little bit of peace. Mhmm. And that is what started me on the path of kinda rebuilding my hope and and trust in faith. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: So you changed your major again. Right? That’s right.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yes. So after that stay is when I realized I was like, okay. I can’t do this. I can’t stay. I need to transfer when I know, did all my paperwork, talked to the advisors, I wanted to stay with athletic training, which was Kinesiology and exercise science. But that’s when they told me, well, you can. But you’re gonna need three years to make up everything that you’ve you know, failed. And I was like, I don’t have three years. I’m gonna end up quitting and probably living a life that would not be pleasing to my parents. So what else can I do?
And that’s when they suggested sports administration. They say, well, you have enough credits on this side you know, to transfer over to where we can get you out in a year and a half. And I was like, okay. I can do that.
Victoria Volk: And here you are. And here I am. Yes.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: That that year and a half called for an internship. And most know, students, they still they do it in Louisville. They’ll do it at the university, somewhere close by. But I took it as a unique opportunity to spread my wings and to see what was out there. And so long story short, I ended up getting my internship with the Orange Bull Committee which is in Miami. And I think that that was driven by the universe because in Kentucky, like, this time of year, it’s cold, the sun never comes out, it’s seasonal depression, it’s ugly, it’s all of the things on top of grief. And I was just like, I that was the reason I needed to go. I was like, I need to go somewhere else where it’s not this. And lo and behold, I ended up in the Sunniest place in all of the United States. So I was like, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna take a leap of faith that I’m gonna go. Never been to Miami, never been for spring break, didn’t know anything about it, more than what I saw on TV. But I decided to bet on myself and just to see what would happen. And it was because of that how I’m doing the things that I get to do today.
Victoria Volk: And where do you live now?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I still I’m even lying. Yeah. I’m still lying.
Victoria Volk: I never left the sunshine.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: We left so I got down the line. I got married. And We spent a couple of years in Atlanta, so from twenty six no. Twenty fifteen to twenty eighteen. We did leave Miami and go to Atlanta at the time my grandmother, my father’s mother, was really, really close to. Her health was starting to fail. And so it was beginning to get a lot to travel from Miami to Kentucky. And so and then things were happening in my career. I was like, okay. I can afford to, you know, get a change of scenery, change of environment. So going back to Kentucky was not an option, but I wanted to get close enough to where I could at least drive, you know, if I couldn’t catch a quick flight. And so we ended up going to Atlanta for those three years. And I feel like it served as purpose, you know, it allowed me to see her more within the course she passed away. And so when she passed and my husband got another opportunity back here at Miami that brought us back in twenty eighteen, and so been here ever since.
Victoria Volk: And I read that you started brighter tomorrow foundation during the pandemic.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I did. I did. So again, sports, everything is shut down. I had just gotten a new job working for, we’ll call it a organization that does summer camps, summer basketball camps on college campuses. Pandemic. Everything’s closed. There’s no camps. There’s no nothing. So as quickly as I was hired was as quickly as I was or my position was eliminated, if you will. And so, yeah, I’m stuck with okay, what to do now? Because there’s nothing. No sports know anything. But I’m obviously seeing that with COVID, we’re losing people. I mean, the numbers obviously, you know, was insane. And so it made me just kinda think, you know, alright, Kenisha. You have been exactly where these people are. Right? Maybe not in the same way, of course. I won’t be, you know, just respectful like that, but, you know, you understand the grief, the pain of losing a loved one. And so what can you do to help? And so I’m like, okay. I I think I’m ready to tell my story. The full story because up until that point, I would only tell bits and pieces. Right? I would tell about being a caregiver, so I started an organization for caregivers, which was a lot of fun and very rewarding. Right? I feel like caregivers are the unsung heroes. They’re the ones who take their loved ones to the appointments. Sometimes they get mistreated because loved ones aren’t frustrating and so they lash out on them. It’s a lock that goes into being a caregiver. So I would hold host caregiver day out branches just to give them enough opportunity to be with other people and to talk and, you know, have some fun and eat and shop. And, of course, when the pandemic hit, I couldn’t do those anymore. So I’m like, okay. So that part of the story, I I can’t I mean, I can’t share, but I can’t share. Right? So the next part of the story is grief. And so I enrolled into a speakers program. And in that program, you know, they ask, well, what is the one thing that you can talk about that you don’t have to Google? Because I was getting caregiver questions about things that I didn’t understand, like, you know, talking about dementia. I haven’t experienced that. I can empathize, but I don’t know what that feels like. What? I can talk about grief all day and all night. And I don’t have to Google or check anybody for that. And so that is when I started to be more vocal about my story and about the grief that I had experienced losing both of my parents. And so from there, it turned into, okay, how can I help people? And I’m sure people, you know, wanna talk, need therapist. Obviously, I can’t quite be a therapist because that requires more training, but I could be a light coach. And I can’t help people navigate the gap in the middle between where they are and where they hope to be in spite of this grief because as we all know when we’re in it, we can’t see the light of day. Right?
All we see is what’s right in front of us, and we don’t think that this is ever gonna go away. This is the way the life is gonna always gonna be. And being on the other side, I can tell you that that is not necessarily true. I’m not saying that it is not painful. I’m not saying that the journey is not long. But I am saying that with time, And with intentionality, you can still live a good life in spite of the loss. And so that is where all of this came from.
Victoria Volk: In action, taking action?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: In action. Yes. Yes. You know? I had to be intentional in the in the moment. And it started as another name. It was the grief institute. And then I ended up kinda pivoting and changing the name simply because I one day and I haven’t started doing it yet. But I am prayerful for the day where I can, you know, do gala and do scholarships in my parents’ honor and memory and, you know, be able to give to students who have lost parents and but they’re still trying to keep going too. Right? I very much have a soft spot for those students, of course. Right? And so those are the big dreams, and that’s why ended up switching it to a nonprofit so I could be able to do more work in this space and be able to help as many people as I can.
Victoria Volk: Well, in your other organization
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Oh, game changers.
Victoria Volk: Yeah, United.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: So it’s not a sub organization. I’ve actually decided to keep it under brighter tomorrow foundation because the mission really is the same. Right? It’s to support and give resources. So it’s a program under brighter tomorrow foundation. But what I have discovered again, working in sports, I see a lot. I am a college professor too, so I interact with students and I get to literally be with them and talked to them and hear, you know, when they don’t show up to class and then I find out that a cousin was shot and that’s why they couldn’t come because they couldn’t handle it and it was a lot of pressure, it took me back to my story and my journey. So there is relatability in that space because I have walked that walk. And, you know, unfortunately, students against today are struggling with balance. It’s a lot of pressure. And we have seen and I have seen that students, unfortunately, don’t feel that they have an outlet and they too attempt suicide. It has been an epidemic However, this time, literally, this time last year while I was teaching, we found out that there was a young lady on the basketball team who committed suicide, and that felt too close to home to me. Even though I didn’t have her as a student, I had one of her teammates in my class. She was a part of women’s basketball team. So, you know, had to walk with her and encourage her in this grief. It just made me realize, like, they’re going through a lot and I know what it feels like to be dealing with a lot and feeling like looking at left to right that nobody understands. Like, I’m literally the only person on the face of the fur of this Earth that’s experiencing this. And then we know that’s true. We all are dealing with things, but nobody talks about it. Or there’s not a safe space to be able to talk about it. And so that’s why I wanted to start this program for college campuses specifically so that they can have a safe space to walk in a room and say, alright, we may not be dealing with the exact same things, but we’re all attached to sports in some capacity. Right? You’re either a trainer, a manager, you’re just a student as a future administrator where you’re an athlete. But I’m trying to maintain my grades because I’ve gotta be eligible, but life has still happened. My mother was diagnosed with cancer. My grandmother just passed away. And so the idea is, yes, I can come in and speak and give you know, speeches, if you will, inspirational speeches and tell my story. I host workshops in group settings, so you can get hands on tangible tools and information to be able to walk with it and take it with you as you continue on your journey. But big picture is I see just individual chapters on college campuses to wear their student lid, their peer lid, perhaps they are facilitated by future therapists. Right? So they’re getting the opportunity to get practical hours by facilitating the conversations with their classmates. But these these students connected to sports now have a safe space maybe once a week or every two weeks to gather with others who understand the the nuances of trying to balance it off. And it came to me well, not necessarily came to me. I always knew I wanted to do something like this, but it was magnified when I kinda tested this in my class last year. Again, I’m a very practical, experiential professor.
The book is it’s alright. But I believe that students really need that real life experience. I’ll give them, you know, real scenarios that I have experience and, like, okay. Write about it. Tell me how you would handle it. Like, I think working in sports is hands on. And so, you know, I did kind of a test if you will with my class and putting them in groups and found out that they actually ended up bonding overjust this thing. Like, they got to talk about what they’re dealing with and going through. And it got to the point where I would start to see them come into class together. You know, they would talk. And, like, they became friends. They were not friends before class started, but they left as friends and as a unit, a little small unit, it’s like three of them. But they left, you know, being able to say, oh, I text so so this weekend and, you know, we we we chatted about what we’re, you know, what we we will get coming up next week and you know, just kinda balancing it all and we’re gonna go to the library together and, you know, so I could see it coming together. And I’m like, this is what I’m talking about. This right here, they need to have just some sort of pod, some sort of community to feel as though I’m not alone. And so that is my mission right now. I still work in sports. I still do events and operations and all of the fun things that people like to clap about. It’s okay. This is right here is purpose work. This is what matters most to me right now in this season.
Victoria Volk: And thank you for bringing that up. The purpose piece, because I do wanna talk about that because one of the things that gives you hope for the future is seeing other people
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Find purpose in their pain. And one of the things I was thinking about as I was preparing for our conversation was I talked to a lot of grieving guests just in the work that I do too, but like you and I, I phone purpose in my pain. I was just thinking about how there’s can be this pressure for grievers to find purpose in their pain. Like this like, it’s the next thing I have to do in order to feel better. Right? But the thought came to my mind was perhaps as we work through our grief and we’re sitting in our suffering, maybe the purpose naturally evolves, naturally just shows up for us. But what are your thoughts for those listening who feel like they’ve been waiting for their purpose to be illuminated, and it hasn’t happened for them? Because I can say for me, and I was reflecting as I was writing this question out, and I was just like, well, it took me thirty years. I never thought I’d find purpose in my pain. It honestly Mhmm. My dad passed away. I was eight. I didn’t find my purpose or really feel like I was living my purpose until, well, six years ago.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah. I
Victoria Volk: mean, thirty plus years, thirty five years. Yes. So for people who it’s maybe been five or ten years, and they’re still like, well, what does this experience mean for me? They’re still asking themselves that question.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: A question.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. What what do you wanna say to that?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah. And I get the I get that question a lot too from my clients. You know? They’re like, alright. Well, what does this all mean?
I mean, of course, we you and I we both ask ourselves that question. What I typically share and what I have found in just in my own personal journey to be true is that the purpose will not be revealed until your heart is prepared for the answer. Mhmm. And I say that because you could not have told me what I close my mother’s casket that I would be doing this work. I don’t care about nobody.
I mean, no. I want my mother. I want my father. So you couldn’t have told me a right connection. It’s just it’s gonna be okay because one day you’re gonna help people. No. No. And so I share that because sometimes we don’t wanna hear that. Right? Especially right out the gate. We don’t wanna hear that. Oh, it’s gonna be okay and, you know, you’re gonna help a lot You don’t wanna hear that. Life still has to move, if you will, to eventually get you to the point where your heart is soft enough to be able to understand that that was the reason. Right? And we all know that everything happens for a reason, we hear that. But it’s in these type of moments when you kinda put it to the wayside, but eventually, it does become true that there is some sort of reason. And it may not be as grand or as big as starting a nonprofit, becoming a therapist, doing things like that. You know, if you are able to encourage one person who is now walking in those shoes, then that could be considered purpose. Right? Because you are now on the other side.
You have gotten through what I like to call is the turmoil and the just the overwhelming despair that I can’t get out of bed. I can’t see, you know, day from night. Like, once you get through that part of it and you’re able to have a conversation and share with someone else, who was down in that space. You know, that can be considered a purpose. But, yeah, I I honestly believe that we’re not in a place to hear that there is going to be purpose to the pain and you’re gonna do something great with this, perhaps, until your heart is ready for that.
And, you know, for me, it was ten years. You know, I reached a point where I literally became exhausted with you know, on angel anniversaries and birthdays and holidays being depressed. I still don’t like holidays. It’s still just that’s kind of my one soft spot where I it does trigger me. I’ve gotten better. I think I finally did decor, like, two years ago, but I wouldn’t I wouldn’t my husband does the Christmas tree. I I refuse to do the Christmas tree because that was me and my mom’s thing. So I won’t do that. I’ll let them do that. And they know I don’t really like Christmas music because that is a trigger. But I say that that, you know, once you get through kind of the the overwhelming part of it, then you’re eventually to a point where you can start to feel, you know, I’m starting to feel better. And so for me, a the ten year mark, for whatever reason, I just got tired, like physically, just frustrated with being upset, and I had to stop and think. Alright. What else is to this? Because I can’t keep living like this, like, like, why? And, you know, it was really revealed to me that I needed to start celebrating that I was still here rather than focusing on that it’d been ten years that they’re not. And so having that mindset shift is what really kinda started to turn the corner of being able to find purpose, if you will, in it all. Because now I can get from the negative side of it, the the hurtful and painful part of it and start to see the brighter side. Right? Brighter tomorrow. I got to start to see the other side of it. And so with that came the the nuances of, you know, just starting to do things that I would consider turning payment to purpose. So I hope that answered the question, but that is that is really kinda how I see it.
Victoria Volk: No. I love that. It’s a very good answer, actually. What was the best advice that you ever received in your healing journey?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Best advice.
Victoria Volk: Or something that stuck with you that you learned. Maybe even learned about yourself, maybe even that has sustained you or was the thing that kept you to put one foot in front of the other?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I mean, big picture would be just wanting to make them proud. I’m still at this big age at that thirty eight. You know, I’m still striving, if you will, to make sure that I’m making them proud. So, you know, a lot of the moves that I make, if you will, or decisions and things that I, you know, want to do or accomplish, it’s in that vein because I do believe they’re my angels. I do believe that they’re with me. And so The biggest thing for me is just to make sure that I am doing whatever I can to make them proud, to honor their legacy, to remember who they were, and not to forget ever, you know, the fabric of who I am because of them. I would say from advice perspective, honestly, it’s just to not sugarcoat the story, and that’s what I did in the beginning. Like I said, I I just not just now. But I would say within the last couple of years, I finally told the full story, like, including the suicide. I believe that part out. And I have discovered that there is relatability and vulnerability. That there is somebody who needs to hear and see that it got that bad. And, you know, gratefully, like I said, I survived it. But what are my tools and and how was I able to overcome and get through it so that the next person who may feel like they’re reaching that point can see that I can overcome. And so I began to tell the story, the the full story without any hesitation or reservation of judgment or anything. And I think that that has what’s really helped me to help people is to share the whole thing. You know, obviously, I I filter and feel, you know, when is it necessary. I don’t go all in immediately, of course. But just listening to people, having a listening ear, and then just being able to share so that somebody else could see that, no, you can get through it too. So I would say those two just keeping an open heart of wanting to make my parents proud even in their absence and then just being honest and transparent really, you know, because you never know who’s listening, who’s watching, and who may be at their breaking point too. Well, and I was just I was thinking too
Victoria Volk: a lot when you were talking with the college students and things. It’s like, even the college that my son goes to, there’s a lot of international students. So they’re going through if they’re going through something really challenging, Mhmm. And they’re an international student, like, they’re feeling quite possibly feeling really isolated.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: So I love your mission statement or I love your I love that that’s part of your mission because, you know, of course, I didn’t have a college student till a couple years ago. But I’ve actually had well, yeah, he’s been in college now a year and a half, but I told him I said, you know, for the students that are from out of state or whatever I said, see if they want to come here for visit, you know, come get some home cooking because otherwise they’re stuck,
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: you know, literally stuck. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So anyway, I I just thank you for your advocacy work. I think there’s really something there because I I can see that there’s probably a huge gap. In that Yeah.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I mean, I’ve got big vision for that right there. So that’s something that I would love to be able to do, you know, for the students who can’t go home for the holidays. Right? You know, maybe we can as an organization, can do a thanksgiving together or at the very least give them a gift card to be able to eat, you know, something like that. Yeah. I’ve never thought everything through, but those are the type of things that are on my mind. Because as as you know, playing a sport, sometimes you even have to play. You know, basketball season is still in. They may have they can’t go home. You know, maybe as a team, they do something, but you gotta go back to your dorm room and you’re by yourself. So those type of things that you’re speaking of is exactly what this is about. You know? I’m trying In some way, to eliminate isolation, to eliminate the feelings of, it is just me and me only.
Victoria Volk: It’s almost the flip side of, you know, there’s organizations like adopt a grandparent or something like that. We’re grand like, and the elderly that have no family
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yeah. Like,
Victoria Volk: can adopt somebody, you know, and I’d like to check-in on them and send them care packet
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: back at yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And then my colleague my son’s college does that where you can sign up to send your child, like, care package, but it’s like, okay. Well, what if the kid is doesn’t have their parents. Right? Or my parents isn’t involved in their life really or Right. Yeah. You know? So, yeah. Anyway, I think there’s a there’s a lot you can do there. Queen you on.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Thank you. Thank you.
Victoria Volk: What is there let me ask you this final question. Mhmm. What is your grief taught you?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that. Oh, what has my grief taught me? Patience for one because everything takes time. And as much as I would love to rush the process, get through it, get to the other side. There is something to be learned along the way. You know, I have much compassion and empathy for people who are experienced it. I also have less of a tolerance for people who mistreat their parents and, you know, I I get it. We’re in a age where there’s boundaries and and all of those kind of things. But, you know, at the end of the day, I am one of the ones that will say, but there’s still here. You know, I wish I could. And so, you know, I understand relationships are not always perfect. But, you know, I definitely advocate for try to have healthy relationships with your family and try to see them because you know not the day or the hour that they will be gone, and there is no going back. So,
Victoria Volk: like
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I said, as patients on one side, you know, advocacy on the other side for, you know, men in relationships and things. And then I would just say, just loving on people, really. I’m sharing these stories with my daughter. You know, she obviously had never met my parents. You know, I do the best that I can to keep their legacy live. I actually I think, numbers this year, my stepmother found old videos. And that was a lot to endure, you know. But, yeah, I there’s a company that will convert old home videos into digital format, and I was actually able to see it here by dad’s voice. For the first time in twenty five years, you know, and that was wild. I still haven’t looked watched all of them yet. But, you know, just keep memories alive, you know, as best as you can, as much as you can. Yeah. I think those are kind of the biggest things that it’s taught me.
Victoria Volk: Is there anything that you would like to share that you didn’t feel you got to?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: I think I won’t say I didn’t share it, but I I kinda drove over it, if you will, that in spite of what it feels like and in spite of what it looks like at this moment, I promise you can and you will get through the pain of the loss and still live a good life. I know at times it doesn’t seem like that. At times, you know, you may feel like your head is barely above water, but trust and belief that as long as you Hold on to the memories, of course. But also love yourself enough to know that you’re still here. That means you still have purpose. That means you still have something to contribute. To this big old world that we’re in. And so your loved one that you’re missing is cheering you on and they want you to go and do and be this best person that you can until you get to see them again. And so I just wanna remind whomever may be listening or watching this that life is to be lived, you know, not merely just surviving. You know, you can have all these big goals and dreams, and that’s fine. But also remember that you deserve to have purpose. You deserve to smile. You deserve to have good days even in spite of the loss. And triggers may come and memories may come up and bring up feelings. But just know that you know, you deserve to live, you deserve to have a good life in spite of the loss.
Victoria Volk: It’s a beautiful way to wrap up. Today’s episode. Thank you so much.
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Thank you for having me. I appreciate it.
Victoria Volk: And where can people find you if they’d like to connect and learn more about your work?
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: Yes. So I am on Instagram, and my website is both Kanisha and Michelle. That’s in as a Nancy, not Michelle, but Michelle. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Alright. I will link to that in the show notes. And, yeah, thank you so much for being here today and sharing
Kenisha Brown-Alexander: your screen. Not a problem. Thank you. Greatful to do it.
Victoria Volk: And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this powerful episode, I sat down with Angela Clement, who shared her moving journey of losing her husband Blaine to stage four colon cancer in October 2021 after 35 years together. Their life on their ranch underwent dramatic changes when Blaine fell ill, leading to multiple transitions, including selling their ranch, Angela’s early retirement as a school principal, and relocating to be closer to medical care. Through her journey, Angela discovered the transformative power of energy healing, which helped Blaine with his symptoms and became her pathway to healing and her new purpose in life.
Angela went on to share how the traditional narrative of “grieving for a lifetime” didn’t resonate with her spirit, leading her to choose a path of active healing through grief coaches and energy healers. Her dedication to healing led her to become an energy healer, grief coach, and author of her book, “Awakening Through Grief.” We explored the importance of processing emotions, particularly anger, and creating safe spaces to feel our feelings fully.
One of the most beautiful insights Angela shared was her understanding that love is infinite and expansive – comparing it to how having a second child doesn’t diminish the love for the first, showing how loving again doesn’t diminish the love we hold for those we’ve lost. She spoke movingly about how Blaine continues to be present in her life as a guiding angel, teaching her that love transcends physical boundaries. Angela now supports others through group sessions, healing programs, and angel readings, helping them find hope and meaning after loss. Her story is a powerful testament to how grief can transform into purpose and healing.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Grief is a universal experience, yet it remains one of the least understood aspects of human life. The “Grieving Voices” podcast, hosted by Victoria from The Unleashed Heart, seeks to change that narrative by fostering open conversations about grief. In a recent episode, Victoria delves into this delicate subject with Angela Clement, a former school principal who has transformed her personal journey through loss into a mission to help others heal.
Embracing Vulnerability in Grief
Angela’s story begins with an unimaginable loss—the death of her husband Blaine to stage 4 colon cancer in October 2021. This pivotal moment propelled Angela on a path toward energy healing—a practice she had previously explored during her son’s illness and her own health challenges. Through these experiences, she discovered that vulnerability was not only acceptable but essential for healing.
Societal Norms and Emotional Suppression
During their conversation, Angela reflects on societal norms that often dictate how we should handle emotions like anger or sadness—typically encouraging suppression rather than expression. These early messages can complicate our ability to grieve openly as adults. For Angela, projecting control became second nature during Blaine’s illness; however, she later realized the importance of acknowledging all emotions as part of the healing process.
Energy Healing as a Catalyst for Change
Energy healing played an instrumental role in Angela’s transformation from grieving widow to healer and coach. Her commitment led her to organize online summits featuring over 100 grief experts and penning “Awakening through Grief,” scheduled for release in 2024.
Practical Applications
For those navigating similar paths:
- Explore Alternative Therapies: Consider practices such as Reiki or biofield tuning which Victoria also highlights.
- Seek Support: Engaging with professionals like grief coaches can provide guidance tailored specifically towards processing complex emotions.
Redefining Relationships Post-Loss
A significant theme discussed is how losing Blaine prompted Angela’s reevaluation regarding future relationships—not out of neediness but readiness stemming from self-love first cultivated within herself before seeking companionship externally again someday soon enough!
Love Beyond Physical Realms
Angela emphasizes love doesn’t diminish after losing someone—it expands infinitely when shared anew while honoring past connections simultaneously! Her spiritual practices—including angel readings aimed at connecting clients spiritually back homeward-bound souls—serve testamentary evidence supporting enduring bonds transcending physical separations altogether ultimately proving invaluable tools aiding many along their respective journeys too now likewise embarking upon similar quests themselves today perhaps even…
Grief, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this collaborative conversation recorded for our respective podcasts, I sat down with fellow Certified Biofield Tuning Practitioner (and Biofield Tuning Trainer) Jillian Faldmo.
We discussed the grief journey, the complex emotions that arise when we experience loss, how grief can manifest differently for each individual, and how our respective paths led each of us to energy healing work.
Jillian shares how her early experience with health issues and a feeling of detachment from her father impacted her longing for connection into adulthood.
As we wrapped up our conversation, Jillian and I shared how energy healing and Biofield Tuning, specifically, have improved our lives and how this work has impacted our lives personally and professionally.
May this episode inspire you to explore your emotional world and consider how energy healing, including Biofield Tuning, can support you on your path to healing.
RESOURCES:
CONNECT WITH JILLIAN:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Exploring the Transformative Power of Biofield Tuning in Holistic Healing
In recent years, holistic healing has gained significant traction as individuals seek alternative methods to address physical and emotional well-being. A fascinating podcast episode from early 2025 delves into this world by exploring energy healing through Biofield Tuning, featuring Jillian Faldmo and a dedicated host. This collaboration between their respective podcasts, “Grieving Voices” and “Grow A Thriving Practice,” offers valuable insights into the intersection of grief experiences and holistic health practices.
The Journey Into Energy Healing
Jillian Faldmo’s journey into energy healing is both inspiring and relatable for many. Initially drawn to nursing with aspirations of helping others, she became disillusioned with traditional healthcare’s limitations in addressing chronic conditions like fatigue, pain, IBS, Lyme disease, and Epstein Barr Virus. Her exploration led her towards holistic approaches such as nutrition therapy before discovering Biofield Tuning—a modality that uses sound frequencies to interact with the body’s biofield.
Through transformative sessions under Eileen McKusick—the founder of Biofield Tuning—Faldmo experienced profound changes herself: reduced anxiety levels coupled with increased stress resilience prompted her decision not just personally but professionally too; leaving conventional roles behind entirely so she could focus fully on energy medicine coaching instead!
Grief & Emotional Disconnection
The conversation also touches upon deeply personal histories related to grief/loss which resonate universally among listeners who have faced similar challenges themselves – whether it be losing loved ones or dealing internally within familial dynamics where emotions often remain unexpressed due societal norms around vulnerability/sharing feelings openly without fear judgment/rejection etcetera…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello, and thank you for joining me on this very first interview episode for twenty twenty five. Thank you for being here. If this is your first episode you’re ever listening to, this is a great one to start with. And if you’ve been here before, maybe you’ve been along my journey for the past four plus years and have been a loyal listener. I appreciate you, and I thank you for being here and sticking this out with me for this long. And hey, I wanna give a shout out to my listeners in Albuquerque, New Mexico. If you were listening to this, I wanna hear from you because I’ve been tracking my stats for the last four plus years And every year, Albuquerque, New Mexico has the most listeners of my podcast, and I find that really curious and interesting. And so if you are a listener from Albuquerque, I would love to hear from you. And again, thank you for sharing this episode if you are from there and you’ve shared it with those you love. I appreciate you. And I do someday hope to get to Albuquerque, New Mexico for the hot air balloon festival. It’s on my bucket list. So again, thank you so much for listening. And I’m excited about this episode because we talk a lot about energy healing because it’s with fellow certified bio field tuner Gillian Falmo, and she’s also a trainer for bio field tuning. I had been trying to pin her down for an interview for quite some time because I really did want to speak with her and her expertise as a trainer and being a bio field tuner for as many years as she has. And our schedules weren’t aligning and and she has a podcast as well. It’s called Growa Thiving practice, and she will speak about that in this interview as well. But rather than me coming on her podcast and her coming on mine, figured we would do a collaborative recording and both of us just share it on our respective podcast. So if you are in the healing modalities, doesn’t have to be bio field tuning or a tuning practice, but I highly recommend checking out her podcast, grow a thriving practice, which there will be a link in the show notes. But I’m really excited to share this episode because we both speak to our experiences of what brought us to biofuel tuning, but Gillian specifically speaks to the health challenges that she experienced from a young age into adulthood and how bio field tuning helped turn that around for her and really you know, it’s like these breadcrumbs that we can either follow and choose in our lives and pick them up and do something with them or or not. And I think for both of us, we reflect on how differently possibly our lives would have been had we not picked up these tools that benefited us and helped us with our energy as empath as well, because we speak to that, but also in support of other people. So excited to hear what you think of this episode and excited to share it and enjoy. Alright. So Jillian and Victoria are here today to talk about biofuel tuning and we’re gonna weave in some grief and because my podcast, we’re gonna share this on both of our podcast, Minus, Greeting Voices, and yours is.
Jillian Faldmo: Grow a thriving practice podcast. It’s a it’s a podcast for wellness practitioners who want to grow a pack. Practice. It’s all about marketing strategies and also some coaching in there too. Some life and business coach.
Victoria Volk: And mine is all about grief and I talk a lot about energy healing work. And so I’m sure that a lot of practitioners who listen to your podcast will also have experience grief because who hasn’t. Right? And no one has to die for us to experience grief. And so We’re gonna talk about all those kinds of things today and share on our respective podcast, this one episode. You know, efficiency, right, is king. And it’s like why we record two separate podcasts, so we’ll just do this once and done and share it and it’ll be what it’ll be.
Jillian Faldmo: Totally. Such a good idea. That was victorious idea everybody.
Victoria Volk: So I guess I’ll let you take the floor first because I’m curious to learn what brought you to energy healing work, and then I can share how I found my way to it.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Sounds good. Well, let’s just say, I’ve always had an interest in kind of, I guess, the unseen. I’ve always been kind of a magical thinker since the child And I have always also wanted to help people. I remember even when I was really really young, my mom would ask me, what do you want to be when you grow up? And I wanted to be a nurse. I think it’s because I had been to the nurse so many times as a school age kid. I was always at the nurse with a stomachache or something, and I think I just love the the care and attention. Then, you know, just see. The nurse made me feel so good. Like, she was always so caring in all of the schools that I really went to. So I did actually end up becoming a nurse, but it wasn’t It wasn’t what I thought it was gonna be. There wasn’t a whole lot of care that I was experiencing in that industry. There wasn’t the opportunity to care for people. It was really, you know, working with people’s medications and, you know, following following your to do list basically as a nurse doing some charting and just very stressful, very stressful environment. I also let’s see. I don’t wanna jump around too much, but I think what kind of opened my eyes to there being something different than nursing or something I could even integrate in nursing was my own health challenges. In high school, I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue, chronic pain, IVS, Lyme disease, Epstein Barr, so I obviously was not doing very well in high school. Health wise, still haven’t really pinpointed exactly what created that, you know, kind of group of symptoms. Because I didn’t have huge trauma as a kid. I had some trauma. I think maybe what I did with my emotions was internalized them. And so it kind of led to all these health things. So I went on my own healing path after high school in when I was in college and in nursing school. And just started, you know, learning things like like herbal medicine and the importance of nutrition and things like that. And while I was in nursing school, one of my nursing professors she was teaching a side class called holistic nursing. And I was like, well, that sounds cool. And so that was just kind of an introduction to all these different alternative modalities, like acupuncture, herbs, essential oils, energy medicine, sound healing, and I just love that class. I was like, this is why I’m in nursing to be able to help people in this sort of holistic way. And and In that class, holistic was defined as basically it’s like keeping the whole person in mind.
Like it’s not just about the pharmacology and the the symptoms that the person is having, but we want to take into account their environment, their mental health, their physical health, their spirituality, you know, the whole person. So loved that class. She saw how passionate I was about it. And she actually invited me to start the American Holistic Nurses Association, Delaware. I was in Delaware at the time.
Delaware chapter. With her. So I cofounded that chapter with her and we we basically networked with a ton of nurses in the area. We had probably like twenty or thirty. Members, if I remember correctly, and we’ve led that together for a few years. Eventually, I ended up moving to Vermont. And one of my friends told me because he knew how much I just loved energy medicine. He told me I needed to go see this woman with tuning forks because she does some pretty cool stuff with tuning forks and Victoria’s smiling because she knows my And this is Aileen McCormick, the founder of Biofield Tuning. And I had my first session with her in two thousand eleven and didn’t really notice a ton during the session. What I noticed was how grounded she was, how just kind of matter of fact she was, and she was working around my body with tuning forks, validating the experiences I have as a child, the emotional experiences, like, how I dealt with my emotions, you know, things like that. And I was like, wow, this is really cool. And what I noticed after that was just the sense of less anxiety, less stress. My body could relax more, so it was it was like, okay, I’m gonna keep doing this. I think I did jump ahead a little bit with that story because I think leading leading up to that, I had, you know, I was in the holistic nurses association, like, meeting all these cool nurses and trying all these different things I eventually ended up healing my chronic fatigue, chronic pain, all, you know, that whole list of things through music. I was going to, like, different music festivals, around the area, and I think their music festivals get a bad rap because there’s a lot of recreational drugs going on. I did have my time with that, I’ll be honest. But when I was healing myself, I was going to these festivals totally sober and just really enjoying the music. And it it did something to my system, like something really, really healed within me. I was also doing yoga at the time and careful with my diet too. But I knew there was something about music that, you know, was powerful and I wanted to learn more. So anyway, started seeing Aileen as a client And then it took me three years of being her client to finally go, you know what? I think I wanna do this. I think I wanna be a practitioner of this work. And I became certified and I tried to integrate it into my nursing practice, but at the time nobody was really interested in having a nurse who practiced energy medicine. I know that I think it was more accepted in the hospitals like, you know, Ricky, being on cancer units and things like that, but I was working in mental health I was a substance abuse rehab nurse and a psychiatric and mental health nurse. And there just wasn’t really any room for it. So I ultimately decided to leave nursing and to just do bio field tuning full time. And here I am today, I haven’t I don’t think I’ve had my nursing license in, like, five years or maybe even don’t think I practiced as a nurse in seven, but I think my nursing license lapsed. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. I love that having the background of nursing and all that knowledge, but being able to help people in this way with bio field tuning has really been fulfilling and amazing. And so I’m a full time biofuel tuning practitioner. Well, I should define full time. That’s what I do. As a career, and I’m also a life coach who coaches other wellness practitioners to grow practices because I wanna I wanna see this work out there. More and more. And that’s my mission. So I have a practice here in Central Oregon seeing clients in person, and then I also do remote work. And, yeah, that’s That’s how I got here. Did I miss anything?
Victoria Volk: Well, because I talked about grief. I had to ask, you know, trauma is what happens and grief is what’s left. And we don’t have to have these big trauma experiences to have grief. But had you gone through a lot like some losses in your life around that time? Not necessarily that you would have perceived it as trauma or traumatic losses, but had you had have you had did you experience losses in your life, in your childhood, in into your teen years?
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. You know, one thing came up recently that I had this big aha with that makes a lot of sense now. It’s kind of a a complicated story, but to just make it short, when I was when I was eleven or twelve, I I remember my dad kind of disconnecting from me. And I don’t know if it was it wasn’t intentional for sure, but I don’t I think it was I became an adolescent, became I was becoming a young woman, and I don’t know if my dad had some kind of awkwardness about that or maybe I was just being a brat and he just was like, I can’t deal with this anymore. Right? And so I kind of was like, wow, I think that was that was a loss for me. Of course, I didn’t realize it then, but I think it really impacted me in in some way. So and then I think yeah. I think I’ve always like, love has always been something that I really longed for. And I don’t know if I came in with, you know, past life stuff around that, but I also remember, like, my my brother kind of being you know, he was being a brother. He was being, you know, calling me, you know, names and kinda bullying me. I remember feeling kind of heartbroken around, like, I looked up to my brother. I loved, you know, and I still do. But I just I I he was five years older than me. He is five years older than me. And I just I wanted I wanted his love and I wanted his validation and acknowledgement so bad and he would just you’re stupid. He since apologized for that. By the way, he recognized his bad behavior. But but yeah, I think there was some loss in that regard. Just like a having that longing for love and connection even as a young child and being, like, where did it go? Where is it? So yeah.
Victoria Volk: So love wasn’t really something that was shown in affection and physical, ways, hugs, or anything like that. Maybe not even words or how would you describe how love was expressed?
Jillian Faldmo: Well, I think it was when I was especially by my parents when I was younger, but I think when I became more of a teenager that kinda and like I said, I might have been being a total teenage rat. My parents were just like, okay. Like, you need you need your space. We need our space, but I felt it. I think my nervous system felt it. And maybe I was asking for it. But yeah. And so I’m still more trying to, like I’m in therapy now. I’m trying to, like, unwind all that because it’s like, I think when you have a big trauma, it’s like, oh, yeah. This is the thing that, like, created the womb, but it’s one of it’s one’s a little bit more subtle.
It’s like,
Victoria Volk: what was it? Well, and subtle and ongoing. Right?
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, I’m ongoing.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. There’s a lot of similarities in our stories, and I’ll get to mind. But I’m curious, did your parents have losses around that time that you had those diagnoses?
Jillian Faldmo: Interesting question.
Victoria Volk: Let’s
Jillian Faldmo: see. My grandfather, my mom’s dad, that was that was actually pretty traumatic. Just witnessing her get that phone call. I was only six, but she got this phone call that he had passed in a motorcycle accident. So it was it was tragic and it was unexpected. And I remember being in the bathtub and she picked up the phone and she just I watched her just scream and fall to her knees and I was like, whoa, what just happened? Like, you know, I’m six years old and like, I love my mom and you know, just like so as young children are, we’re so connected to our mothers and just seeing her fall apart like that I think was probably pretty traumatic to my system. Now that you mentioned it, And then her mom died when I was nineteen. So that was about, like, when I was happening. I was having the health stuff, maybe fourteen to twenty three, twenty two, or twenty three. So I think her mom died was right in the middle. And then my dad’s parents hadn’t died until much later Maybe there was some job stuff, maybe some loss of jobs or grieving old jobs. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: It’s very, like, just listening to you. It’s like, oh my gosh. It’s like, are you talking about my story?
Jillian Faldmo: Really?
Victoria Volk: Yeah. It’s really bizarre. Wow. I mean, my I had a lot of loss and trauma in my childhood, like, you know, my my grandmother had passed away when I was seven, and then my grand my father passed away when I was eight. So it was my mother who lost her mother. And then and actually, her dad died the year I was born. So she lost her dad few years, you know, within five, six years, she lost her father, and then she lost her husband. And so you can imagine she was, like, emotionally spent. Like, there was no emotional connection there and kind of how you described kind of what happened with you you and your father, like, emotionally disconnected from you. Mhmm. And, you you know, talking about how you were diagnosed with IBS. I was diagnosed with IBS Mhmm. In my teen years. And needed I needed a lot of sleep, and I was gonna go into nursing, and then I had my son and didn’t feel like I could do, like, didn’t think I could do both. I didn’t have the confidence in myself that I could do both. And, you know, it wasn’t until five, six years ago that I discovered Ricky and started to be open to because my healing kind of really didn’t start until, I’d say, until my thirties. Twenty fourteen is when, like, my personal development, like, just really took off. And I thought there was something wrong with me. Like, my my symptoms were really manifesting in again from the same kind of things that I had, not the same kind of things, but similar, like overall pain, Eptiv are reactivated, like these fibromyalgia like symptoms, GI, like, similar to you. Right? Right. It was I know now, for me, it was grief. Mhmm. Just coming ahead, you know, coming to a head again. My youngest was starting kindergarten. I’d closed my photography business that I’d poured, like, ten years of my heart and soul into. So much change. We had moved. Like, we had, you know, big changes in my life and wasn’t connecting the dots until, of course, you know, after I went through grief recovery and I worked through a lot of my anger and resentment and grief from my childhood and all of that, that I recognize that and connected the dots. Like, oh, this is what was happening in my life. This is why this was manifesting. Because grief manifests in our bodies. And it either comes out. We’re we’re like tea kettle.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Either implode or we explode. Mhmm. And like you, I internalized everything. And so I was imploding, you know, and then I would have these bursts of anger you know, these explosions of anger. And I think a part of it is just connecting the dots for ourselves. Like, what’s happening in my life or what was happening in my mother’s life. Right? To kind of bring that compassion in, like, And for me to be able to do that and look at my past and look at that relationship I had with my mother as a result of her experiences that changed her, which then changed our relationship, it really helped to change my perspective. Of her and of her relationship. And I think that’s that’s the transforming thing that happens when we can when we are able to connect the dots like that for ourselves.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Yeah. That makes so much sense. Yeah. So how did you find Ricky then? What what was the kind of catalyst there?
Victoria Volk: You know, I think because at that point, I would have been See, that was about that was five years ago. Almost to the day, actually, last Sunday was my five year anniversary of my Rakey certification. I mean, it was four years into my personal development. I was taking because I at the time, that’s where I was going to. I I thought something was wrong with me. Mhmm. You know, very well. Maybe you did too. Like, sometimes wrong with me. I’m so screwed up. Everyone else has got it all figured out and they’re all put to got everything together and hears me and I can’t get my shit together. You know? So I was taking different programs and, you know, Tony Robbins and reading personal development books. You see a whole bunch of them up there. Mhmm. You know? And just, like, diving into learning about myself and trying to figure myself out. Like, I keep like, I was my own, like, science project or something.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Yep. Just to gain an understanding of, like, how did I get here? And and grief recovery is what helped me figure that out. But what was happening, the more I was working on myself, the more I would I was more open to hearing the intuitive guidance I feel like I was receiving. So I actually just had a a podcast interview earlier. Calls herself an intuitive, but she’s a medium. And was telling her that, you know, I kept hearing Ricky over and over. And I heard it three times, and I’m like, oh, okay. The third time, there’s something to this. Go to Google, had a conversation with somebody that practiced Ricky, was learning that, oh, there’s different lineages. Like, what’s all this stuff? And I ended up finding a practitioner that that I could meet with in person for my certification. And it was a six hour drive, but I took it and I went and had a really profound experience personally. And, okay, this is I’m guessing, I’m doing this, and this is it, and this is pretty amazing. And I went to my that was level one and two. I went finally, did six months later. I went got my rinky master with her. Six months after that, I got my coronah holy fireraki master with her. Now she offers sound bowl healing classes and stuff too. Mhmm. But it didn’t happen until, like, two years ago. So three years doing Reiki, just went down a rabbit hole, which seems to happen a lot and found biofuel tuning through some really differently. I’m like, well, this is bizarre, but this is really interesting. It was with sound, but it was like this machine that you hook people up to and it could, like, translate their energy, like, into sound frequencies or something like that. And that that led me to biofuel tuning.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, interesting.
Victoria Volk: And when I found biofuel tuning, I’m like, oh, I’m doing this. This is cool. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it’s just one rabbit hole after another rabbit hole after another rabbit hole. Speaking of rabbit holes, I have one to send you down that is for a two ounce morning shot called magic mind that will improve not only your focus, but also your well-being and energy, all to help you get things done without negative side effects. I’ve been thinking a lot about mental wealth lately. And last month, you know, with the holidays and managing all that I do with my business and family and trying to stay present and keeping My own energy balanced, I realized I needed to invest in my mental resilience, not just for myself, but for my family and the people in my life and clients and things like that. That’s where magic mind came in. They reached out and sent me their focus shots to try along with their deep sleep formula, and I’ve got to tell you, it’s become a game changer in my daily routine. The focus shot has these amazing ingredients that support mental clarity without the jitters you get from coffee. And at night, their sleep formula helps me wind down naturally. What I love most is that magic mind isn’t trying to become some miracle cure. It’s part of a bigger picture of mental wealth that includes sleep, Diet, exercise, and stress management. It’s like building a savings account for your mind, and these shots are just one of the tools that can help you get there. Right now, they’re offering an exclusive deal for my listeners. Forty five percent off, they’re twenty four our bundle, which includes both the focus and sleep formulas. Just go to magic mind dot com slash gvjAN. That’s all caps, gvjAN. Again, that’s magic mind dot com slash g v j a n for forty five percent off. Invest in your mental health and your future self. Well, thank you. Yeah, that’s that’s how I’ve gotten here. Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. And so now you you do Ricky as well as bio field tuning or is it just bio field tuning or
Victoria Volk: I kinda have my own hybrid. Like, I kinda have my own, like, way that I do it. I bring in elements of Ricky into it. And, of course, if, you know, contraindications come up with certain clients, then I I use more rate key, of course. But but more importantly, I wanna say and I have a question for you too.
Mhmm. But it’s helped me do the work that I do. Like finding energy healing has helped me do the work that I do in my grief work. Yeah. Because
Jillian Faldmo: That makes sense. It’s really heavy stuff.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And so my question I thought of when I was listening to you and and what was actually posed to me on that interview that I was telling you about or mentioned is because as a child, I needed a lot of sleep and I just I I consider myself an empath and highly sensitive, but not all highly what I’ve learned is that not all highly sensitive people are empaths, but all empaths are highly sensitive. There’s a difference. But would you consider yourself an empath? Absolutely. Okay. So the question that was posed to be by this medium or intuitive was did you do you because when she was talking about because I kinda asked her a question like this, where do you feel like we’re all we’re all mediums in a way? Or do you feel like we’re all intuitive in that way? And and she was like, you know, there’s certain there’s there’s a person. Like, one person might be, like, let’s say you have a person that runs marathons. They’re very they’re very physical person. They have to be moving constantly. It’s really difficult for those people to sit and be still. Right? It’s Yeah. Very hard for them to it’s gonna be harder for them in her experience. She said to connect to spirit. And to be open to the what spirit is trying to tell them. Mhmm. But if you have someone that is not as much as the visit in the like, they have to experience the world in the physical way, whereas someone like an empath it’s not necessarily the case. And but she was saying in her home growing up, like her sister is very empathic and highly sensitive and felt like her sister carried a lot of the emotional weight and almost processed a lot of everybody’s else’s emotions where she didn’t have to. Mhmm. And what that brought because what she asked me then was, like, she said, do you feel like you were processing like, your sibling she asked me if I was a sibling. I said, yeah, I’m the youngest and she said, do you feel like you were processing a lot of your siblings’ emotions? And I said, you know, because my my brother is five years older than me. And then my sister is nine years older than me. And but I would definitely say that I was processing a lot of my mother’s emotions too. And so as an empath, energy healing has been huge for me and the work that I do, and I imagine it has been for you. And so I’ll ask you the same question I was asked. Do you feel like you were processing a lot of the emotions and the people in your house for the people in your household that they didn’t necessarily have to then process for themselves? Like, you were taking it on?
Jillian Faldmo: Think that’s definitely possible. I know I remember just really being keenly aware when somebody was not comfortable or not happy or upset. Or, you know, whatever it was. And I think maybe I processed it, but I also think that that’s probably what I internalized a lot to make, like, oh, it must be me. I must be the problem for this person. Never really getting much clarity about that. So, yeah, I think it’s I think there’s something to it for sure.
Victoria Volk: Yeah, and just listen just I mean, it’s fresh in my mind because I just had that conversation not long ago, and and hearing her ask that question and her saying too, like, you know, you can you can be it. There’s healers and then there’s teachers and healers can be teachers. But for the most part, healers are the ones that are the empaths and are the ones that are you know, the emotional processing tanks for other people, unless we learn how to manage our own Yeah. And kind of sweep our own doorstep. And I the more that I’ve learned how to process my own journey in my past, the better I’ve been able to sit with others in theirs. That’s one of the things I say a lot too in my podcast, like, you know, people that I don’t know what to say. You know, to someone who’s grieving. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. And, you know, it comes naturally to someone like me or an empath. Right? Just just Right. With people because we can put ourselves in their shoes. That’s not doesn’t come natural to everybody, you know. Yeah. But you don’t have to do or say anything, you can just sit there and be there. Right? You don’t have to do anything.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. I think that’s for me, like, that’s where it’s so natural for me to connect with anybody. Like, I can connect with anybody. And so I never have that kind of, like, social anxiety that some people have about going out. Like, am I am I gonna know what to say or am I gonna find anybody there that I can talked to.
I’m just like, no. I like, that’s so easy for me and it’s not because I feel like I have a I have a lot to talk about, but because I feel like I can really sit with somebody and listen and just understand them. Like, instantly. And I wonder if, like and then I’m thinking back to childhood, like, connection was really something I I longed for and into my teenage years too. And that’s why I have the business that I have today is just really like, when we do bio field tuning, we are in a very intimate setting with someone and we’re we’re basically like, we’re listening to their body, we’re listening to their mind, we’re listening to, you know, what they’re saying and it a space that as a client is a very precious and rare opportunity to have somebody listen so deeply to you, and I just really thrive on that. And then having the the coaching practice that I have where I just bring healers together and we connect, you know, on on live calls every week. Right now, I’m also coordinating in person venues for bio field tuning classes. So it’s just something that I’ve it’s interesting. Something that you can that seems to be something that you’re lacking in childhood, you can then cultivate later on. Like, what you’re talking about too, being able to sit with people.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. How has biofuel tuning changed your life?
Jillian Faldmo: Oh my gosh. Well, it’s interesting because I I am thirty seven now and I’ve been receiving biofuel tuning since I was twenty three. So I know that it has changed my life. I just think I would be on a completely different trajectory, like into when I was in my twenties into my late twenties, into my thirties, I think I would be I think I’d be pretty unhealthy. So it’s really put me on the path to health.
And and because I think it’s been I mean, how many years is that? It’s been fourteen years, which is a good chunk of my my life. Anyway, it just feels so natural to just be, like, here. And we’re Like, I remember I remember the moment I knew biofuel tuning was helping me when I was in a substance abuse rehab facility. And there was a patient that was having a seizure. And as a nurse, what we do is we tend to that seizure, we go grab the injection of ativan, stick it in their arm, and, you know, monitor vitals and all that, might have to do the injection again. But it was something that would just stir up my nervous system incredibly. Like, I hated it. I I mean, I don’t think anybody likes since someone has a seizure, but what it did in my nervous system was like, I was like, this feels like too bad to keep doing. I can’t keep putting myself under the stress. But someone had a seizure and I reacted as call like, I was as cool as a cucumber. Like, I would just I just responded to what was happening in the moment. And I got, you know, I got a little adrenaline jolt. I think that’s normal and natural when you’re in a life saving, you know, situation. But I felt myself come back to back to neutral, back to that, like, centered and calm feeling almost immediately after that situation was over.
Whereas before, I would have been totally stuck in that adrenaline state. So that’s when I knew. I was like, oh my gosh. Like, this is amazing. This has to be from bio field tuning. Also anxiety just diminished after, like, maybe a year of receiving biofuel tuning. I didn’t even know I had anxiety until it was completely gone. I was like, well, this is different. So yeah. And then I just I met my husband mall on this journey. That’s a whole other story. Yeah. It’s I think it’s changed me in a lot of ways. Changed my life in a lot of ways. And also, it’s just weird to kinda look back and go what would life have been like if I didn’t find this work? Where would like, where would I be living? Who would I be married to? You know, what would I be doing for work, and at the same time, I can’t even I can’t even fathom it. I think I’d find it one way or another.
Victoria Volk: It’s like life is made up of these yes, we have these big choices and decisions we have to make, but it’s all these daily collective, minute choices that we also make
Jillian Faldmo: Right.
Victoria Volk: On the daily, you know, for daily experience. And so what Like, how has that changed? Like, your daily, like, self care. Like, self care when you first, you know, in your early twenties till how it’s how has that changed now? And you’re a parent too. Correct? You have children.
Jillian Faldmo: I am a deaf parent. Yep. A very, I’d say, a very dedicated and committed step parent. They’re they’re like my own. They just didn’t come out of me. But yeah, you know, I think with bio field tuning and with just age, decision making has been more about how does this decision feel in my body? What’s a yes feel like? What’s a no feel like? I’m really listening to that. And I think probably without this work, it would have been much slower, meaning that I’d probably, you know, be thirty seven today and still trying to figure out what my yes and my no felt like. In my body. Do you know what I mean? Does that make sense?
Victoria Volk: I do. I’m forty five. I’m a I’m a little bit more time at this game of life than you, but it’s like all I could think of is like, man, I wish I would have discovered what I know now at twenty three rather than forty? Yeah. You know, I mean, so I can speak to that slower pace of growth because like I said, my journey really started in twenty fourteen when I was just so sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Yeah. You just you know, and I had so many different coping mechanisms. In the meantime, that I’d perfected because, you know, from a very young age, I had a lot of practice, you know. So it was like, it took me thirty years to build up all of that emotional gunk. Mhmm. It took me much longer to come to the awareness that there is something better that’s available for me. Mhmm. It’s really difficult to see that when all you feel in your body is like, the suffering feeling, you know?
Jillian Faldmo: Right. Yeah. Especially when yeah. When you’re in physical pain.
Victoria Volk: And that that is one thing too. That so many experience. It’s, again, this manifestation of physical pain and how have you seen biofuel tuning transforming people’s lives from physical pain? Because that’s an unseen thing too. And that’s that’s another layer of grief. Right? Because people don’t necessarily see that.
Jillian Faldmo: Right. That’s actually where I started. So I moved to this little town in Central Oregon. It’s called sisters. You have the opportunity to visit.
It’s just such a little gem but that’s what I started to kind of notice in this community where there’s so many people who are dedicated to their health and they’re exercising and they’re eating right. It’s really inspiring to like be around these people. But still having ailments like, you know, pain in their shoulder or pain in their hip and just like getting totally frustrated with it. And so that’s how I started to really talk about biofuel tuning was like, this is this is the thing to try when you’ve tried all the other things. I mean, ideally, we try it before that. But for these people who are doing all the their quote unquote right things and still not feeling comfortable in their body because they have some pain or they have some injury that keeps coming back is to let’s let’s uncover the emotional origin of this and resolve it from that space and see how that feels. And so I’ve had a lot of success with my clients and just helping their shoulders to free up or helping their hips to free up or even their breath to free up from from working. We don’t even necessarily have to understand what it was emotionally that created the tension in their body. Which is pretty cool, but to just like locate it in their bio field and unravel that tension. I’m working with somebody now who she’s in her fifties and the past seven years she’s just had all the things, like kind of like we were talking about. She’s got some interesting gut stuff going on and blood sugar stuff. She’s she eats so clean and she loves to be outside and hike and, you know, do all the things. But her she’s just really struggling in her body. And so I’ve seen her three times now, tomorrow, Wednesday will be the the fourth time, but she said to me, I’m starting to feel more resilient. And I’m like, cool. I mean, that so that’s an example of, you know, how biofuel tuning can help clients in that way who who have been struggling. And she’s still not quite sure about what the emotional struggle was. But like I said, we don’t necessarily have to know. I think the awareness is great. But just helping the body to integrate whatever trauma, you know, it experienced and help to relieve people of stuff they’ve been dealing with for a long time.
Victoria Volk: And for people that don’t know really the intricacies of bio field tuning or what it all involves? Can you just talk about from your expertise as a trainer? Right? Because you’re a trainer too.
Jillian Faldmo: Yep. Yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And I’m a student. I’m very much a student. So put your teacher hat on if you don’t mind and just share with people because there’s a new there’s some new contradiction or contraindications too. Right? There has been a revision
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. But it kind of it’s a little bit looser now. It’s more like we’ve gone from contraindications to cautions and guidance. And that’s really recognizing that each person is different. And we kind of we manifest our symptoms just based on our own life experiences. So there’s not really a one size fits all. Approacher or a black and white kind of thinking when it comes to, can I work with someone who’s got cancer? Can I work with someone who what’s another thing? Is on medication, like psychiatric medications and things like that. Where we do kind of I still practice extreme caution as pregnancy just because now we instead of there being one human involved, now there’s two. And so we just wanna make sure so biofuel tuning can allow your body to have like a cleaning response, meaning that this tension that we hold in our body can hold built up toxins as well just from like the food that we eat emotional toxicity, environmental toxicity. And so when we get that tension freed up, then that body has the opportunity to release that waste. And so people can have a headache, or digestion, upset, or kind of a number of things. They’re usually pretty mild, but they can happen. And so when we’re working with somebody who’s pregnant, we just we we don’t wanna create any kind of discomfort because it could affect the fetus as well. So anyway, I think you were asking how this were what was your question about bio field tuning specifically?
Victoria Volk: I don’t think you answered the question, but that that leads me too. Like, the hardest thing I I the hardest thing for me to explain to people is how does it work distance. Right? Because time knows no space or sequence or distance or anything like that. Right? So but that’s a really big concept to wrap our head around. And Yeah. I think the example I use is when, you know, when you’re thinking about someone and then that someone calls you, Yeah. It’s kinda like that. So
Jillian Faldmo: how do you hugs happen? Right? Yeah. So yeah. So it’s it is really hard to explain and wrap our heads around, but I kind of think too of, like, cell towers I don’t know a whole lot about, like, cell cellular service, but I was just thinking about it. And, you know, the the cell tower is putting out radio waves. And we can use our cell phones to contact anybody in the world. Right? With it, we’re not connect there’s no string connecting our phones or we’re not even in the same time zone. But we can connect with someone instantly. And so I think it’s kind of like that. Like, what we are working in waves and in waveforms and what we call it a plasma, right, which is it connects us all. It’s a medium that connects us all. Plasma, ether. And so it’s kinda like when we do this distant session, it’s like we’re dialing. I mean, we do literally dial someone’s number to connect with them. Over a distant session. But but the intention connects too, and we can connect with that person’s field and work with them at a distance, and they can receive that work in real time. So I don’t know if that confused people more than it needed to, but we just we think about, you know, just using things like cellphones. We don’t I don’t know how they work, but I use it every day. I rely on it. I trust it. And so we can do the same thing with this work too. And just so everybody knows with bio field tuning, we have a very firm boundary with this work that we always receive verbal permission to work with somebody because I just want everybody to know we’re not as practitioners going in there deciding we’re gonna work on this person now and they don’t even know. No way. We need their permission.
Victoria Volk: I have been asked that. Yeah. I have been asked, yeah, to do that. And I’m like, nope. I need permission. Even my own kids. Right? They, you know, I ask them and or they ask me, actually. And I have a lot of clients know too that Do you have a lot of clients know too that I love the analogy, by the way, on the tower, that’s I’m gonna use that. Do most
Jillian Faldmo: of your clients work with you remotely now? It’s like half and half right now. Yeah. So I I see clients in person twice a week at it. Amazing little wellness center here in town. You just love it. The owner’s amazing and she’s got great practitioners, including my husband who is a roping practitioner. Oh, what? Rolfing. Okay. So some people know what that is. Other people don’t. Rolfing is it’s like massage, but it’s working with the body’s connective tissue, and there’s a real focus on posture and movement and alignment. That’s the best way I can describe it. And usually, it’s done in a series of ten. So the first session is to release the breath and then you work he works from the feet all the way up to the head And it’s just great for people who have, you know, any of the things like postural issues, pain from, you know, not having good range of motion, things like that. I was born with my feet turned all the way in and my knees turned all the way out. So I’ve got these, like, fast shole torgens and my leg at all the way through my body and rolfing has really helped with that. So Yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so I two days a week at daybreak, wellness it’s called, and then I have remote sessions the other days of the week, and then I teach by Feltini.
Victoria Volk: Do you find that a lot of your clients that because a lot of my clients that started out of as as in person now have gone distance. But what I found too, like, a lot of them now, it’s like maintenance. Like, after you’ve had so many sessions and you’ve been a client for a while, you kinda you I think you it’s that you’re better able to tune in to yourself. Right?
Jillian Faldmo: Yes. Absolutely. Yeah. That’s what I tell people too. It’s like when you know, we usually recommend three sessions to start. And then after that, you know, if you wanna if you wanna keep going weekly, you totally can, but you start to kind of get a feel for when you’re going out of balance again. Mhmm. Because you have become like, it’s like a muscle that it’s an awareness that you build of what centered and grounded and neutral feel like. And so when you feel yourself kind of listing off to like, oh, now I’m I’m in this trigger state or I’m in this state of like anxiety or whatever it might be. For me, it’s I’ve my body feels compressed.
That’s when I know it’s time for me. That’s when I know it’s actually I’ve waited too long to get tuned. When I start to feel compressed and congested inside. Energetics.
Victoria Volk: Or it’s like your your chest, like, you’re just, like, tightness in your chest or you’re not, like, you know, breathing in people. Brand.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Mhmm. Yeah. That’s Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Kinda like that too. Like, you and that’s what happens. Right? When you’re kind of like this and you kinda bring your shoulders in and you can’t get a nice deep breath. Well, what is oxygen?
Right?
Jillian Faldmo: Right. It’s Right.
Victoria Volk: What feeds all of your cells in your body give, you know, the oxygen is what your body needs. Yeah. I just had to take a deep breath when you were talking about that. Me too. You know, it’s like plants. Right? What do they need? Sunlight, water, and oxygen. An oxygen.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Yeah. So how about you, Victoria? What what have you noticed the most about your, either transformation or the way your life has changed since doing biofuel tuning, but also Ricky, because they kind of happened pretty close together. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: They did. Yeah. Yeah. Energy work. Well, yeah, I think the biggest thing for me too has been being able to tune into myself. Just kind of what we were talking about, what happens with clients that happened with me. Right? I was better able to recognize, okay, this I need to step back or I need to break, people’s energy is just too much for me right now. It’s affecting my energy or I’m not making my energy a priority and maintaining that and cleaning it up. Right? Do I’m not cleaning my sweeping my side of the street and so other people’s stuff is affecting me. It’s been I’ve been it better able to recognize when that’s the case. I just feel more at peace more often than I feel And then when I’m not, I’m more I can quickly if I can shift more quickly too, you know. Right. Build that resilience. Like, you were talking. You were talking about building resilience. I think that’s what it helps us do as well. You know, and it’s in when once we feel the opposite side of suffering or grief or anger and resentment or physical pain, and once we feel the opposite of that, there’s the clarity. Right? Because there’s there’s a remembering that you can’t forget what that was like. But when you get a taste of what it’s what it can feel like the opposite of that, I want more of that. And so that’s where, you know, I feel like being open and curious, following the bread crumbs. If you’re listening to this and you’re like, this bio field tuning sounds really interesting or rakie or maybe you’ve heard about tuning forks or sound frequency a few times, maybe once. And now it’s like the third time, third time is a charm. I don’t know. It seems to be three times for me, but, you know, follow that curiosity. Go down the rabbit hole. It’s, you know, I think it’s coming to you for a reason. I think these things find us in perfect timing. You know, I can say I wish I would have discovered all of this stuff in my early twenties, but would I have been ready for it? I obviously wasn’t. Right? Because it didn’t come into my sphere of awareness. You know, I had to go through this really slow, arduous, like, long road, you know, is what it turned out to be. But I feel like I’m I don’t know if you’re into into human design at all.
Jillian Faldmo: I’ve just kinda skinned the surface of it.
Victoria Volk: Oh. So that’s a that could be a very deep rabbit hole. Yeah. That’s that’s a rabbit hole I’ve been going down for, like, about two years now.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, okay.
Victoria Volk: Yep. And, you know, one thing that’s helped me is to realize, you know, just how how my energy speaks to me, really, and how it’s speaking to other people. In a way that I never realized because I would feel rejection a lot throughout my life. Mhmm. And what that what what that was, how I feel now, what that was, or how human design helped me reconcile that is they were feeling my energy. And I feel like once we start to pull back the layers of our own energy and our own lives and look at the stuff from the past where it can inform us it’s information, it’s data. Right? We can choose to look at that and shift our perspective and then help us to inform us for our future. Right? Because if we if I would have kept dragging my past experiences into the present moment and into my future. I would not be where I am today. Right? You know, so I had to look at that to recognize the impact it was having on me, but not just on me, that was the energy I was projecting out to others. Yeah. So
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. That’s that is a really good point of why at times it is important to reflect and become aware of those patterns so that you aren’t recreating the same thing over and over, especially if it’s not serving you.
Victoria Volk: And so what do you have to lose by trying biofuel tuning or reiki or any energy healing modality? Right? It’s what is it costing you not to? Really? What is that lack of awareness costing you.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. And I think it’s important to let people know just like the the cell phone analogy. Like, we don’t have to understand how it works for it to work. So if you think it sounds cool and intriguing, but you’re like, but, yeah, how does that even work? You only just come try it. Just, you know, with Victoria or me or anybody who, you know, someone that you trust, I think that’s the important thing. Right? Is is finding somebody that you trust. And that might take a few attempts to to find a practitioner that works for you.
Victoria Volk: Just like therapy. Right? You know, you’re not may not find the first one that you resonate with.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. I think it’s just so incredible to have support around you. And then we talked about that holism, right, holistic support. So what does that look like for you? Do you have the nutritional support? The physical support? The mental and emotional support? And do you have the spiritual and energetic support as well and making sure that we cover all of our bases so that we I mean, we are whole beings, but it’s when one of those areas isn’t supported that we start to lack wholeness in some regard.
Victoria Volk: That’s good.
Jillian Faldmo: That’s very true. Very true.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. But is one thing that you would I mean, that was a that was a great way to end this episode. But is there anything else that you would like to share either about you know, transforming emotion or challenging experiences throughout your life or grief using biofuel tuning? Is there anything that you would like to share with those listening about them.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Well, my favorite phrase and I didn’t make this up is you gotta feel it to heal it. So when it comes to emotion, we are designed, inherently designed to want to avoid it and or or resist it or react to it because it’s uncomfortable. Like as human beings, we are like our brains are designed to avoid pain, seek pleasure, and do it with the least amount of effort. So it’s an unconscious kind of response that we have when some kind of uncomfortable emotion comes up. We wanna either fix it or get rid of it, you know, those things. And so we have to use the part of our brain that has our highest and best interests in mind, our prefrontal cortex. That’s the amazing thing about being human. Is that we have this prefrontal cortex that we can intentionally decide that when discomfort comes up, that we’re gonna notice it, and we’re just gonna be with it. For I don’t know. Like, they say emotions last for ninety seconds. I don’t know how how true that it’s probably like an average. Right? But if we just decide to allow that emotion be in our body for even just ninety seconds, it can do wonders for our health. Because it’s when we’re resisting it or avoiding it, trying to get rid of it, it actually ends up building up in our bodies and in our tissues. And that’s where, you know, illness and disease comes into the picture. So that’s, you know, bio field tuning has taught me that for sure. To just when grief comes up or anxiety comes up, notice where it is in your body first.
Victoria Volk: Is it
Jillian Faldmo: in your chest, in your belly, in your throat? And then under not understand, but you know, tune into the frequency of it. Is it fast? Is it slow? Is it chaotic? Is it stuck? Is it open? And just breathe with it. And it’ll pass. And sometimes the emotions don’t pass in ninety seconds because we’ve either had them for a while or there’s something, you know, acutely going on. And it’s like we can we can go about our day and be present with emotion at the same time.
Victoria Volk: Are ruminating Right. On the emotion. And Right. Over yeah. Yeah. That brings up one key point about grief. Because I know you’re gonna share this on your podcast as well. And people have listened to mine. They’ve heard it a million times already, but bring it up because it’s going on your podcast too, is that reminds me of, you know, these behaviors that we resort to. We call them in grief recovery. We call them nerves. Short term energy relieving behaviors. Mhmm. And it could be things like alcohol or you know, substances that like drugs and pills, things like that, or shopping, gambling, pornography, workaholism can be a stirb. Exercise can be a disturb if, you know, you’re using it to avoid feeling. Right? It takes you out of that element of feeling when you’re It’s like you’re chasing this other high, right, as let’s say you’re a marathon runner. I’m not saying you’re running away from something in your life, but could you be? And that’s the curiosity I want to pose people with is, are you using this behavior whether it could be deemed as positive or negative, like running your exercise versus alcohol. Are you using that to feel better for a short period of time? Because, yeah, you will feel better for a short period of time, but you know, maybe some guilt and shame and other things come into play as a result. Well, that doesn’t feel very good. Well, so what do you do again? Oh, you resort back to that same behavior. It’s like this vicious cycle. Yeah. That’s where we have to recognize what’s happening within us is being We’re exhibiting that on the outside. Well, how is it showing up though? Is it showing up? Is it physical manifestation? Or is it showing up as a behavior? Yeah. Anger two can be a stirb, you know.
Jillian Faldmo: Right? Because it’s a release. It can be a release. Right? But maybe not used in an appropriate way.
Yeah.
Victoria Volk: One suggestion I just heard not that long ago was a screaming pillow. Have a pillow that you used to scream in Yep. For anger. That could be it. Well, I I added the part for anger because that’s what comes up for me. You know, that’s what I think of is you know, because how out, you know, you could positively like another way for me with anger too is, you know, moving weights, like lifting weights. It’s a great, like, you know, great, you know, pushing something, you know? Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I love weight lifting. That’s me. That’s something that has just really helped me to get into my body more.
Because you have to especially with heavy lifting, like, you have to pay attention to how your feet are on the floor, to where your breath is, to what muscles you’re engaging. It’s been such a an amazing tool in the toolkit, weightlifting.
Victoria Volk: And, you know, like, I’m in my four days now, so it’s, like, to get this, like, have this aha, like, I don’t have to do anymore cardio. Like Yeah. Right? Don’t sign me up. I live five days a week. I’m like, yeah, bring it. I I absolutely fell in love with it. Fell in love with it. Yeah. Me too. What’s interesting too is I used to be a gym rat, like, in my early twenties. But I would also then I’d I’d be at the gym for, like, two hours, you know, doing cardio and stuff like that. But then I’d also be at the bar for, like, I’d shut down a bar too. So I was like, okay. It doesn’t really equate. Do they? You know, it was like one behavior after another. You know, that I was trying to just avoid Yeah. That it’s feeling.
Jillian Faldmo: Was the gym going to the gym in response to, like, guilt and shame about being at the bar or Probably like that. Like, cycle.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. It was a cycle. It was a cycle because I don’t think yeah. You know, come to think of it. Yeah. I think it probably was. You know, it made me feel better. Well, I’m doing this. I might be doing this later, but I’m doing this now.
Jillian Faldmo: Yep. Yep. Yep. It reminds me sometimes of when I have one too many cookies and I’m like, alright. Well, I think I should go for a walk now.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And and it that’s a good question. Like, what’s motivating me? I think that’s the deeper thing. Like, what’s motivating me to do this?
Is it because I’m feeling guilt or shame around something else? Yeah. Right?
Jillian Faldmo: Or is or is it because I love myself and I want to, you know, honor my body and feel amazing. And that’s
Victoria Volk: a much better intention to go into it with. Right? Yes. And I think that was one of the things I was gonna bring up to was, like, even going into, like, an energy healing session with a client, like or someone just really wanting to sit with their own energy and tattoo into it is, what’s the intention? Intention is half of it.
Yes. That’s really half of what we do is setting an intention.
Jillian Faldmo: Totally. That’s so funny. And we were just having a conversation about that with Aileen I was just on a call with Aileen Mckusick and and Angela Kent, and we’re talking about intention in biofuel tuning sessions, and intention is different than having an agenda. Like an intention is something, let’s put this focus out there, or let’s put this thought out there, but then let it go. Right, with no kind of no expectation of what the outcome is going to be. Having an agenda would be having a very specific expectation of what the outcome will be. And trying to get there. And it’s it’s not done in the right kind of space. It’s not when we have an agenda, we’re not being curious, we’re not deeply listening, we’re not hearing what wants to happen when we have that intention. It’s like setting the focus and then letting it go and just seeing what presents and what arises.
Victoria Volk: And I don’t know if this is the case for you, but I I tend to because my son was like, you know, he’s in a he’s in college and he’s like, as he’s kind of a skeptic. And I’m I’m actually a true I’m a skeptic too. Like, I I have to try it and I have to, like, be proven
Jillian Faldmo: Yep.
Victoria Volk: Before I’ll, like, share it with somebody else or, like, I have to experience it first before I’ll share it with somebody else and you know, he just it’s, like, witcher here. It’s, like, some sort of voodoo, you know, like, do you have any idea what you’re bringing into the space when you’re doing this stuff? And I’m, like, yeah, I absolutely do because I have a I open every session with a prayer. I only asked for the highest for my highest good and for my the highest good of my client, you know. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, that’s good to know. Then he was okay with it. But it’s like, again, that comes back to intention and and, you know, that we only want what’s for the highest good of our clients and also for ourselves if we’re, you know, working on ourselves. So
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so coming back to the the walk or the exercise or whatever, if we have if the intention is well, now I need to beat myself up because I just did that thing, and it’s not gonna be a very good walk. Very experienced. You’re probably not gonna get a lot out of it except for just more beating yourself up. But if you go in, you know, the intention is, I love myself. I love my body. I want I wanna provide my body with this opportunity to move. It’s gonna be a lot nicer.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And it’s just like if we’re gonna have a difficult conversation with somebody, it’s what what is this has come up a lot in, you know, just in relationships. Right? For me, personally, lately, it’s what does the intention before I go to send that voice memo or the go before I go to send that text, like, what is the intention or what is the energy that I’m in doing that? And I think it’s important for us as practitioners too that before we come into a session, what is the energy that I’m in. Right? What what is my energy at right now before coming into this? Because just as we can feel the energy of our clients, they can feel ours too.
Jillian Faldmo: Yes. I don’t know if you’ve been experiencing this lately, but, you know, with the chaos of the world right now, which I try not to tune in too too much, but it’s palpable. You know, I can’t really feel it. My energy levels have been just a little bit lower. And so I’ve been noticing myself, like, at the beginning of the day, just be like, I don’t wanna see clients. I’m just doing this whole whiny thing. And then I’m like, no, Jill. No, no, no. Like, I kinda do this flip where I coach myself and I’m like, no, I chose this path. Like, I want to help these people. I love it. It’s just kinda like giving myself a little pep talk. I love doing this work and I’m not faking it. When I say it, but it’s just a matter of, like, kind of changing the narrative because I think it’s the chaos of what’s going on out there that’s really informing my thoughts on being, like, no. And whiny and, you know, all that.
So just kind of what’s the word I’m looking for?
Victoria Volk: Like, shifting the energy?
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Shifting it or overriding that and and coming into a more conscious and intentional place with how I wanna be in my own life. Because like you said, if I came into a session with clients feeling it. No. No. No. I’m at. It’s so they’re not gonna come back. I wouldn’t. If I were them,
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Or how much of the session is influenced being influenced by, like, how much of it or is it your energy that’s getting in the way, you know? Right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Good stuff. Is there anything else you wanna share about your journey before we disconnect?
Victoria Volk: I just want people who practitioners because I think it’s mostly practitioners, you know, people in the energy healing work modalities that listen to your podcast, I imagine. And I just want people listening to it’s so important for us as healers to heal ourselves first. And I think we can only sit with others in their lowest energy. Right? Because they’re coming to us low energy.
They need their I don’t wanna say it. How does Aileen say it?
Jillian Faldmo: That she talks about voltage. So They’re battery charged.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Yeah. They’re coming to us to get their voltage raised. Right? And if we’re not raising our own voltage.
How can we expect to sit with them? And are we gonna match you know, like attracts like. Right? So a session can either go one way or the other. It’s either gonna either they’re gonna match hours or we’re gonna match theirs.
Yeah. Although at the same time, I get energized by sessions too. So
Jillian Faldmo: well, I think part of that it it’s I think part of that is the sound, but I wonder if part of that and I haven’t thought about this before, so this is just like off the cuff. But I wonder if part of that feeling energized as a practitioner at this at this session is because we have been so intentional with our how we’re using our energy. Like we like as bio field tuning practitioners, we are trained that when we’re in sessions to really bring our energy our own energy in and have it flowing through our central channel. And we we intentionally connect to the earth and to the sun. We help the client do that too.
So I’m wondering if it’s that that energizes us is because we, on some level, take our power back because we’re being so conscious about how we’re using that energy and how we’re we’re directing our own energy. When we’re, like, out in the, you know, just, you know, out in the world and not being intentional with that, I think it’s so easy for us to leak some energy and light and just Or be a sponge. Or be a sponge. Right? Yeah.
Yeah. Take on a lot, which is draining.
Victoria Volk: I guess, what have you found if you’re having a have you ever canceled the session? If you’re having a really difficult day or, you know, challenging not feel Well, of course, if you’re not feeling well, you know, it’s
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Definitely. Like, you know, I’ve I’ve had, you know, bouts of COVID or the flu and I will cancel for sure. What I’ve learned too is that if I’m feeling physically unwell to just don’t overthink it, don’t try and wait till the very just cancel everything that day and give yourself the opportunity to rest so that you bounce back. Because I’ve done it before. I have just dragged it out, just canceled one client, and then the next, it, like, over time, just think maybe I’ll feel better. Maybe I’ll feel better. And it just prolonged, I think, the illness. But yeah, emotionally, like, you know, I remember my husband and I getting into a big fight about something. It was probably really dumb, but we were both emotionally upset. And I think when you fight with your spouse, it’s it’s just really upsetting and I couldn’t quite come to neutral. So in those instances, I’ll cancel. But if I’m just feeling like a little off usually a sessional. Help me get back back to the right spot. How about you?
I’ve actually
Victoria Volk: I have not been sick since twenty twenty two. Wow.
Jillian Faldmo: How did you
Victoria Volk: COVID. I had COVID. And but it was actually my son had really traumatic accident. It’s changed his life, but he’s good now. But that’s when I got COVID. It was like my system was just as complete overload. I had a kink or sore that was like the size of Texas in my it was that was horrible. It was so stressful. No wonder I got COVID.
Jillian Faldmo: Wow.
Victoria Volk: But Yeah. I haven’t had it since, and I, you know, flu, colds. Nothing. It’s like
Jillian Faldmo: Wow.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. I don’t know. I knock on wood. Like I said,
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: But I really do contribute the work that I do to, you know, to that. Like and recognizing when I need to rest before it gets to that point, I think, where I do get sick, you know?
Jillian Faldmo: Right.
Victoria Volk: And I’ve really looked at my schedule. This is great for practitioners listening to. It’s like, I’m trying to find ways that I can work with my energy because I know that I need more rest than some human design has helped me recognize that. Like, I and even as a kid, like, I needed a lot more sleep. And even as an adult now, I need more rest than maybe some other people. And so working with that in understanding that about myself, well, how can I make that work with my life in because I, you know, I have a day job? I have three kids. One’s in college. One’s gonna be going to college. I have I’m a spouse.
I do my healing work. I have my podcast. Like, I have a lot of irons in the fire. Right?
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: It’s like, how do I manage it all? Well, I I think where I started was looking at my energy. And what do I what am I choosing to put my energy toward? What are my priorities, and then looking at my schedule. And I only do one energy healing session per day.
That’s it.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: That’s it. Typically, I only do one podcast recording per day. That’s it. Yeah. Like, I really limit what I do.
And it’s like, well, how do I need
Jillian Faldmo: to be able to do a lot? Because, you know, how
Victoria Volk: to to sparse it out. And so now I’m looking at how can I help more people in a shorter amount of time or in a same amount of time? And so that’s I’m working on something right now to do that with energy work that works around my life and my energy so that I can show up and really come to my this work with more play and creativity. And so that’s kind of that’s what I’m working on right now. So I love that.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, I’m excited to hear more about that. What is your human design? Oh, go ahead.
Victoria Volk: I’m a four six emotional manifesto.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, see, I don’t know. The the I know I’m a manifesting generator, but I don’t know the numbers or There might be something about a sacral in there. Does that make sense?
Victoria Volk: Okay. You’re a sacral authority probably then. Yeah. And Yep. So, like, for me, I’m an emotional authority, so I have to ride before making decisions and stuff. I have to ride the emotional wave, which has been a huge, huge game changer in my life. I need to be in a neutral place before I make a decision. I can’t make a decision on an emotional high, and I can’t make a decision. I shouldn’t. Making decision on emotional low.
Jillian Faldmo: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: And that’s really helped me. Meaning for business, it’s huge. That’s a huge. Just even knowing your authority alone is a game changer, especially if you own a business.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And if you’re in relationships, which most of the star. So
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Because where there’s conflict, right, is when let’s say now sacral and spleenek are kinda similar in a way. Sacral, it’s like your body speaks. It’s it’s either an uh-huh or a no. Yeah. And we’re splenic. It’s like instant and it’s your body’s not gonna tell you more than once. But sacral is, like, if I ask you a question in you tune in, like, how does that feel in your body? Is that a yes or no? Like, do you wanna go out to dinner tonight?
Jillian Faldmo: No. Oh, I was like Yes.
Victoria Volk: Feeling okay. So you feel like, yes. Let’s go. Let’s do this. That’s your sacral. Whereas if you said, if you if you’re, like, no. In your body, like Yeah. But you said yes. Yeah. That is not you’re not You’re not You’re
Jillian Faldmo: no kidding.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Yep.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, so that’s really cool because that affirms what I was saying earlier about how biophilled tuning has helped me is to know my yes and my no in my body. Bingo Yep. And ingest it.
Victoria Volk: Yes. And so how it’s helped me as a manifesto, emotional manifesto is Okay. Recognizing the emotion and what that emotion feels like in my body? You know? So it’s like, I’ll have this feeling come up. They actually just happened not that long ago. I was just I got I don’t know. It’s just like this overwhelming, like, sadness. Just came over me and I even said to my daughter, I was like, we’re driving somewhere. I’m like, I don’t know.
I just feel like the sadness. Just like about what? I’m like, I don’t even know. And it’s like, okay. Well, That wasn’t even mine. I was thinking about my son, but I think it was that wasn’t even my sadness. I was feeling something from him. Mhmm.
Jillian Faldmo: You know
Victoria Volk: what I mean? Yeah. So it’s it’s even recognizing, like, what is mine and what isn’t. That’s where, you know, energy work and biofuel tuning has helped me kinda tune into too.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. So helpful. Do you do within the petrochem human design, like, for your clients? Or is that more a tool for you?
Victoria Volk: That’s still a playground for me. Mhmm. So, like, with my grief clients, for sure, I will ask them their details because you need your date of birth, your time of birth, and your place of birth. And it really does matter your time of birth because that can change your gates and channels of your human design. And so and there’s guidance. I think if you go there’s I mean, just Google it. Like, if you don’t know your time of birth, there’s guidance on what to do with that. But if you can find it, that’s important to know, not to guess on that. But, yeah, with my grief clients, I do I have had a few energy clients that felt, you know, when I was especially first kind of dabbling into it, I would ask them and actually one in particular I can think of right now and she was a projector and I’m like, that makes so much sense. And so I was kinda helping kind of coaching her around her energy as a projector because projectors need like, manifestors, projectors need a lot of alone time Mhmm. And need time to be with themselves and can feel very drained if they’re peeling a lot. So and in order to tune into themselves, manifestors and projectors, that’s where there are a lot of like, we need that time alone. To be introspective and reflective. And that’s how we come that’s how we sat and re reset and recharge.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. I could see that being so helpful for somebody who’s in their grief. Like, you know what? It’s acute. Knowing that about them because I think it’s I’m I think in some cultures anyway, it’s like surround the person who’s grieving.
Like, be with them. Don’t leave them alone. But if someone maybe who’s in that culture knows that about themselves that they they will actually do a little bit better having some alone time than being able to ask ask for that or, you know, tell people like I need some alone time.
Victoria Volk: Well, and so one of the other aspects of grief recovery that I’ve incorporated into my grief work is called umap, and that’s actually uses four different assessments, including Clifton strengths. You get your top five strengths and then we glean your top ten values and your preferred skills, at least preferred skills and then your personality and how how you’re wired. That’s actually also another element that I bring into the work that I do because when your values are being dishonored by somebody else such as, let’s say, honesty in your relationship with somebody and they’re not being honest with you or they flat out did lie to you and they told you they lied to, that’s not honesty is a reciprocal value. So if and you can dishonor your own values. Let’s say growth, for example, because your podcast is about growing a practice and, you know, if I’m growth is one of my values.
So if I’m growing and evolving and, like, looking into personal development, but my spouse isn’t, and that’s not and we’re kinda growing at different paces or different you know, that can create some friction or that can create some
Jillian Faldmo: totally
Victoria Volk: disconnection and things like that. So you know, but we I don’t know where I was going with that. But when it comes to then human design, depending on what your gates and channels are and your authorities. So take authority, for example, too, like, let’s say, you are a sacral, and I’m an emotional, and we’re in a relationship. Or your spouse is the opposite of you, you’re gonna have an answer like that, or a spleenek will, for sure.
Mhmm. I’m not. I might take two or three days or even two to three weeks to come to a decision. So if it’s a decision, like, we should we move, I’m gonna need to ride my emotional wave, whereas, you know, that can create conflict.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, totally. I could see that. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So
Jillian Faldmo: that’s good to know.
Victoria Volk: All of these tools like, human design or u map can reveal to us where the conflict is. Yeah. But then when you know what the conflict is or what the root of it is, then you know what to work on. Right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: It’s not some big mystery. Yeah. Like, can’t we agree on something? Or why can’t we come to a decision together? So, like, why is this
Victoria Volk: always an issue? Why is this always coming up? Yeah. Yeah. There’s tools out there that can help you find that figure that out.
And especially, like, if you’re in business for yourself, and you’re also you’re a solo entrepreneur, you know, do you need a coach? Sometimes you don’t. Sometimes the answer is just knowing yourself better. Right? You know? Not same. Yeah. But I’ve hired coaches. So, I mean, I’m not can you know, yeah, sometimes you need a coach because you can’t see the label from inside the jar either, you know.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. But Right. You don’t always need one. Like, it just times when you do and times where you can learn how you best make decisions and learn about your emotions? Yeah. And go from there. I know that we’re Oh, wow. It’s totally okay. I wanted you to Good. I wanted you to talk a little bit more about your you have a grief or you said grief recovery program?
Victoria Volk: Yeah. So I okay. It’s called do grief differently. And it’s twelve weeks one on one, and I do that virtually. And then I can also do groups in person or online as well. But it’s yeah. That’s my, like, flagship offering for my grief work. And it includes grief recovery method, which is you work through two really difficult relationships. They can be someone with someone living or someone who has passed and you learn your u map. So we start with u map. We go into grief recovery and then we end with u map. So it’s kind of like this u map helps you better understand where there might be grief that you didn’t realize. Yeah. And we end with it because after you’ve really released a lot of this emotional stuff, it’s like, okay. Well, what’s next?
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. You
Victoria Volk: know? So that’s cool.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. I love that. I love that. And I love the way that I’ve listened to your podcast and the way that you talk about grief is let’s talk about grief like we talk about the weather. Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: That’s so good. Let’s normalize it.
Jillian Faldmo: And I’ll just add all emotions to that because Grief is one and then, oh my gosh, there’s just so many that that aren’t talked about because I think it’s definitely changing, but in the past, it’s like you’re supposed to be happy all the time.
Victoria Volk: Well, an anger is bad, you know.
Jillian Faldmo: An anger is bad. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: That was the belief that I was, you know, I was around a lot of anger. And so I stuffed my own anger because I saw the impact it had. Not only on me, but in the household. Right? And so when you stuff anger, it’s it’s like poison that you take. We say that resentment is poison you take, hoping the other person dies. Right. But anger is like a poison too.
Jillian Faldmo: Wow. Yep. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And it’s not like, it’s it’s anger stuff down becomes the poison. Right? But Yeah. Anger can actually be really great fuel, totally for change and transformation, which is what it was for me.
Jillian Faldmo: I started to look at what all the emotions, all the uncomfortable emotions are trying to tell us. And they all have an important role Shame included. I know a lot of people are like, no. Shame is not useful and they’re actually it is useful. It’s you know, it helps us to stay in integrity and to like I was talking to Aileen today. She talked about Shame and she was like, if I didn’t have shame, then if my kitchen were a mess and my whole house were a mess and I was just being a slob and, like, I wouldn’t care about it, but, like, if somebody walked in, I and I was like, oh my gosh. What am I doing? You know, it just it keeps us you know, in check. Yeah. But we don’t wanna overindulge in it.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And that brings up a good question. I’ll ask because people listening who listen to my podcast, they’ll People who listen to yours already know this, but people who listen to mine may not. Can you just talk a little bit about the emotions and where we tend to find them in the body?
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, yeah. So just like we have an anatomy in our body. Right? We all have a, you know, our hearts are all in the same place, you know, maybe give or take a centimeter or millimeter or two. Grains are all in the same place. We also have an emotional anatomy that’s stored within our bio field. And so this was discovered by Aileen McCusick, who we’ve been talking about. She’s the founder of bio field tuning. She found that we door, like, sadness, grief, and loss over to the left of the shoulder, left side of the heart chakra. We store saying yes when we mean no or resentment over on the right side of the heart chakra. We store a pattern of busyness, overdoing, overthinking, off the right side of the hip, frustration and disappointment off the left side of the hip, as well as unmet needs. And we really I won’t go into the full map here, but we’re we can map all the way from the feet to the head where certain emotions are stored. And so if those of you who are listening, if you have a body part that’s been ailing you for some time, it may be emotional. It probably is. There’s probably some emotional significance there. And so if you’re a listener of Victoria’s, she she can surely guide you there. If you wanna reach out to her, if you have, you know, a shoulder that’s been bothering you for a a long time. A lot of us have right shoulder issues, caretakers do, so moms, those who are in the caring profession because that’s the the shoulder of our over caretaking for others emotional needs and putting other people first. Instead of ourselves. This is a really common one. Wanted to point that out. Lot of right hip stuff in the world too. The right hip busyness, overdoing, overthinking. Gotta stay busy, to stay productive, to be worthy. So right hip could be indicative of that. Yeah. I think I already talked about the right hip, but it that’s a really common one. Really, really common. A lot of hip replacements are done in the right hip. In our culture.
Victoria Volk: And often too, I have found too, like, with clients. Like, if they are having, like, headaches on the left side of their head, the right hip is yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. The left side of the head is worrying about the future. Yeah. Yeah. Yep.
And they they go together. Right? Worrying about the future, overthinking, staying busy, staying productive. Mhmm. Yeah.
You
Victoria Volk: know, it that was mind blowing to me when
Jillian Faldmo: I first learned about the anatomy app and Yeah. It’s yeah. It’s fun to just carry around like a little mini version of the map and, you know, I I travel a lot, you know, teaching bio field tuning and my whole family lives on the East Coast, so we’re out there at least once a year. But, you know, strike up a conversation in an Uber or on a plane and my left elbow or whatever and just pull out the math. You know, could it be related to this?
Like what?
Victoria Volk: Yep. I actually have it in my Google Drive. So
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, nice. Yeah. There you go.
Victoria Volk: This is there.
Jillian Faldmo: Yep. Hit hit pull it up on your phone or tab with it. Yeah. Nice.
Victoria Volk: Well, this has been so fun, and I hope that your listeners Other practitioners out there have learned a little bit about grief and and how it can show up in your practice because actually I’ve had several of people come to me for energy work and they end up doing the grief work with me.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. It makes
Victoria Volk: a lot of sense. You know, because, you know, oh, I guess I oh, I haven’t thought about that in a long time or it brings up stuff. You know, sessions and energy where it can bring up some stuff. And so I’ve I’ve often found that you know, the grief work kind of follows the energy work sometimes. Or it can go the opposite too. Like, people that have worked with me and the grief work, like, oh, I just you know, I just wanna, like, up level my you know, I’ve done all this emotional stuff and done all this work. Now, let’s brace my voltage. Right? So it kinda goes hand in hand and and I know my listeners heard from you in a way that, you know, you explain it differently than I do and probably have better than I did because I love the whole cell tower analogy. So thank you for that.
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, yeah. You’re welcome. Yeah. And I guess I’ll just add one. I know we’re trying to, like, wrap this up, but I I can’t stop, like, talking and coming in to talk about. But kind of how I see, like, grief connected with the work that we do in in energy work and biofuel tuning is when we have these experiences that maybe aren’t necessarily, like, someone passing away, but even the things like, you know, how I mentioned in the beginning of the episode where there’s, like, this lack of connection that all of a sudden I’m sensing. These moments in time where we experience stress, we’re also experiencing some sort of soul loss as well. It feels like, like, that’s it. When we experience stress, we emit light particles, we emit biofotons, and so those those little biophotons that are supposed to be, you know, running through our center, and they’re now kind of outside of our body. Second, our field, they’re still with us, but they’re just kind of orbiting around our field. Rather than being centered. So that can be, you know, just these experiences we have that we don’t maybe we wouldn’t consider them a loss. I mean, essentially, that is what they they are. It’s it’s a loss of light and I think it’s when we return that light. We that’s the process of biofuel tuning is is locating that light in the field and bringing it back to the body. That’s when we realized, like, oh, like, now I feel at home, like or now I feel whole again. So just something else to kinda consider when it comes to grief and loss is it’s I like you always talk about, it’s not it doesn’t have to be this big tragic loss, but it’s just sometimes these little moments in time where we lose parts of our self. And if we do that frequently and often, you know, I’m I’m sure grief would absolutely present.
Victoria Volk: It’s like, that was so good. It’s like dying from a thousand paper cuts, you know. Yeah. And, you know, And, really, I’ll share with your listeners too. I mean, the definition of grief is the loss of hopes, dreams, and expectations.
Mhmm. And anything that you wish would have been or could be different, better, or more.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. That makes sense. Totally amazing. Yeah. It’s a lot of things.
So that’s why processing grief is so important because it it it’s pervasive, really.
Victoria Volk: Yeah? Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: And I’m so glad you’re doing this work, Victoria. That’s awesome.
Victoria Volk: Well, and thank you for teaching and expanding bio field tuning. I’m glad it found I’m so thankful it came into my awareness. I’m actually the one forty four. And then when I first heard it, I was like, what was it? Yeah. The one forty four. Yeah. Yeah. That’s the emotional one. Yeah. I like, when I first heard that, I was like, But it’s like it’s the it’s like the one that when that comes up and I don’t I don’t I don’t know if you do this, but I don’t choose the fork for my sessions.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah.
Victoria Volk: I let my pendulum do that.
Jillian Faldmo: Mhmm. Okay. Yep.
Victoria Volk: And it never fails. The one forty four is only after they’ve had several sessions with me. Does that one come up? Or they’ve done a lot of energy healing work before coming to
Jillian Faldmo: me? Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: And so Yeah. It’s that’s been a fascinating connection for me to draw with that fork. It’s one of my and maybe it you know, it’s who I draw to me. Right? Because of the grief stuff that could be. Mhmm. But, yeah, that’s that’s often the go to for me and my work.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. I love that work. I call it my my bestie. But I hated it when I first got it. I was like, what is wrong with this fork?
It sounds terrible. And then I just kept using it. And now I was like, oh my gosh. I it’s that’s why I’m I only work with the three forks now. I think we were talking about that before. We started recording, but and biofuel tuning, there’s like a set of well, it keeps getting bigger, but it was just a set of five, including the two weighted forks, the one seventy four, five twenty eight, four seventeen hertz. And then we added this one forty four, and it was just I was just using the one one forty four and one seventy four. And now I use the I’ve added the two twenty two. But I have a whole sulfageo set on its way to me. Oh my god. I’m so excited. Yeah. Let’s see how I I had to order an extra carrying case because I’m I’m gonna run out of room.
Victoria Volk: I find too that I’m using the weighted forks a lot on the body as well, you know, when you know, sometimes that just comes up to be to be used. So Yeah. I I I don’t know. People listening, like, I love my pendulum. Like, the pendulum is is my b f f in sessions. I I feel like it’s not my energy then. You know, getting in the way or it’s, like, I’m not making the decision. Like, my clients’ energy is guiding the session. I feel like Yeah. When I let the pendulum, you know, when I yeah.
I don’t know. That’s a nice way
Jillian Faldmo: to approach your session because it’s like if you don’t have to think about anything and you just follow, it just it saves you energy and it’s just such a much enjoyable more enjoyable session because there’s like no need to perform. Yeah. You know, a lot of practitioners can get kinda stuck in, like, needing to perform. And that’s not what it’s about. Just it’s about listening.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. And I think that’s I I think that’s where especially when I was first new, like, you you feel like you have to do it this certain way and it’s this prescribed way.
Jillian Faldmo: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: And I was just, like, I don’t know, with that with the pendulum safe, that’s the one I should use. And, you know, I even, like, drawing a card for somebody. Like, I use Oracle cards and I’ll draw a card for somebody. I thought, pendulum is deciding what deck When I draw a card for myself, I’m yeah. It’s a pendulum. So Yeah. Nice. And not using your pendulum. Play with it a little bit more. Yeah. You know, if you’re listening to this.
Jillian Faldmo: Good stuff.
Victoria Volk: Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Well, thank you so much, Victoria. This is lovely.
Victoria Volk: Thank you. I look forward to sharing this on my podcast. They can people can learn more in-depth about bio field tuning and energy and all of that because I’m trying to bring more of that into my podcast too because it is it it is how do you wanna say it? Like, emotions involve our bodies. Right?
It’s it’s an energetic experience. And so I think there’s the two married together is Yeah.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Emotions are electromagnetic. And so energy work is working on that spectrum. So even I mean, even just feeling your own emotion, even just allowing your own emotion is energy work. So good job.
Victoria Volk: That’s true. Well, thank you so much for having me on your podcast, and thank you for being on mine. And just thank you for this opportunity. I’m glad we did this.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. Thank you. It’s it’s just always so good for my audience to hear from other practitioners who are who were doing the work and the world and what their journey has been and what you know, their your perspective has been on the work, and it’s been great to hear from you. So thanks, Victoria.
Victoria Volk: Where can people find you if they wanna reach out to you?
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, yes. Good question. You can find me at gillianfaldmo dot com. And you? Victor, well, where aren’t you on social?
Victoria Volk: Are you in social?
Jillian Faldmo: Oh, I I am on social. I’m not the most active but you can find me there, jillian falsmo dot coaching on Instagram and then Facebook. I think it’s just jillian falsmo. But I’m all about I’m all about teaching people marketing without killing themselves on social media.
Victoria Volk: My favorite either. I have a VA and gosh. If I when I got a VA that was, yeah, for your listeners too on, you know, building your practice and stuff. You know, it’s hire that stuff out. Like, you don’t have to do everything.
Jillian Faldmo: Yeah. You know? Yeah.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. I am at the unleash chart dot com. The unleash chart dot com. My website and linked to my podcast grieving voices is on there. And a book that I wrote, I mentioned, is on there, and all my socials, you’ll find me there, are the unleashed Heart on Instagram and the unleashed Heart LLC on Facebook.
And then I’m on LinkedIn too, but Yeah. All the links are on my website though.
Jillian Faldmo: Awesome. Yeah. Go check out Victoria’s podcast, the unleashed heart. It’s awesome.
Victoria Volk: Angelic. Because if you wanna learn more about energy work Yep.
Jillian Faldmo: Awesome. Alright, everybody. Thanks for being with us. We appreciate you.
Victoria Volk: Much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Healing, Podcast, season 5, Takeaways and Reflections |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this week’s New Year’s Eve episode, I reflect on 2024 as a year of laying the groundwork for future growth. As we look forward to 2025, I want to emphasize themes like introspection and personal development that can help us all prepare for a more balanced and fulfilling year ahead.
Reflecting on the past year often brings up negatives, but it’s crucial to focus on lessons learned. Inspired by Mel Robbins’ podcast episode about conducting yearly audits, I plan to engage with her seven-question exercise myself. This process encourages thinking about what we want to feel in 2025—like inspiration and fulfillment—and how to make those feelings a reality.
This year, I’ve discovered new passions. Lifting weights at the gym has given me incredible fitness results without relying heavily on cardio. Faith played an important role, too. Additionally, I’ve found creativity beyond traditional art forms and realized that solutions often hide within our challenges if approached thoughtfully.
Key takeaways from this journey include mastering time management, resisting impulse shopping, and ensuring there’s always room for fun amidst hard work. Trusting my intuition has been vital—it never leads me astray—and I’ll rely even more on it in 2025 and more that I share in this episode.
Give yourself some time and space to reflect back upon where you’ve been. We can glean so much gold from the past if we are not afraid to look at it.
RESOURCES:
Reflections and Resolutions: Harnessing Potential for 2025
As we stand on the cusp of a new year, it’s natural to reflect on the journey we’ve traversed over the past twelve months. In this insightful episode of Grieving Voices, our host takes us through a personal audit of 2024—a year dedicated to laying down foundations for future growth—and looks forward with optimism towards a balanced and fulfilling 2025.
Embracing Introspection and Growth
One key theme from this episode is introspection. It’s easy to get caught up in what went wrong or focus solely on challenges faced. However, as our host points out, there’s immense value in reflecting on lessons learned. This reflective process isn’t about dwelling on negatives but rather drawing inspiration from them—much like Mel Robbins’ approach in her podcast where she shares an annual seven-question audit exercise aimed at fostering self-awareness.
Key Lessons from 2024
- Fitness Transformation: The host discovered joy in weightlifting workouts without relying heavily on cardio exercises. This not only led to impressive fitness results but also instilled confidence that change can be achieved by stepping outside one’s comfort zone.
- Faith and Belief: A small miracle involving their son’s scholarship underscored the power of faith and belief—reminding all listeners that sometimes hope pays off when least expected.
- Resourcefulness & Creativity: Beyond traditional art forms lies creativity waiting within each problem-solving opportunity; often solutions are hidden beneath layers if approached thoughtfully enough!
- Time Management & Impulse Control: Effective time management combined with resisting impulse shopping became pivotal takeaways which allowed room for fun amidst hard work commitments throughout last year’s endeavors too…
5 .Trusting Intuition : Learning never steers wrong has been another significant realization along life’s path thus far – trusting oneself more deeply moving forward into next chapter ahead seems wise indeed!
6 .Metaphysical Support Awareness: Recognizing support beyond physical realm offers strength during challenging times; leaning further into spirituality might just unlock untapped potential awaiting discovery…
