Ep 31 | Nicky Scorpio

Grief Stories, Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, LGBTQ+, Mental Health | 0 comments

Nicky Scorpio | Curiosity Saved Me: An A.I. Child Growing Up in an LGBTQ Home

SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:

Nicky Scorpio, singer, songwriter, producer, and host of Scorpio Rising Podcast shares his experience being a child of artificial insemination, whose biological father later died of AIDS, and who was raised in an LGBTQ home.

Through growing up in and around diversity all of his life, he gleaned many lessons. At age 12, he started to understand where he didn’t fit and became an angry child as a result.

Nicky recognized later in life, the important role curiosity played in his healing of childhood wounds. Through studying philosophy, meditation, seeking healers, shamans, and mentors, he slowly began to find his way back to himself.

Interestingly, he brings up something not often talked about in personal development. When a person begins to work on themselves and their healing, there are often consequences within relationships. People may say some hurtful things and resist the more evolved version of you.

As Nicky says in this episode, “Vulnerability is the key to set ourselves free.”

Resources:

• Happy Documentary
• Donna Eden
• Gary Vaynerchuk
• Tony Robbins

Connect with Nicky:

• @Yonickyscorpio
• Apple Podcast – Scorpio Rising
• YouTube: Sophisticated Psychos

Victoria Volk  00:00
Welcome, welcome! It’s another episode of grieving voices. Today my guest is Nicky Scorpio. Welcome, Nicky.

Nicky Scorpio  00:09
Thank you, thank you for having me.

Victoria Volk  00:11
I just got a little bit taste of what we’re going to talk about today. And it’s too good. I had to stop Nicky to record because it was getting too good. So, like right out of the gate. I just have a really great feeling about this episode. So, first Nicky, introduce yourself. First of all, too, like, who you are, where you’re from, and I know what brought you to grieving voices.

Nicky Scorpio  00:38
Ah, yeah, thanks again for for having me. Yes. So, for those who don’t know me, my name is Nicky Scorpio. I’m a singer, songwriter, producer, engineer. I do a lot of different things, really, in the world of wellness. That’s why I love what you’re doing. Thank you for doing what you’re doing. I think that I think that it’s important and I think it’s the one thing that connects all of us. I originally come from the Bay Area. I was raised in Berkeley, I have Berkeley, California, land of the hippie and conspiracy theory. I have been living in New York for on and off for about eight years and currently in the Detroit area right now with my girlfriend’s family. And yeah, what brings what brings me here is this is gonna be a little shout out to she’s all over the place podcast, Katie Janaki is Katie brought me here. You know, we we both very understand the importance of right now more than ever. Being able to give yourself permission to grieve, being able to say like, I’m going through something and not just having to put on a smiley face. I lived I lived in Los Angeles for about five or six years. And I’ve had the, you know, the privilege of being able to be around people from all different walks of life. I come from very, very humble beginnings. I was raised by a teacher and as you know, teachers don’t get treated like celebrities, unfortunately, it should be flipped over in my personal opinion. Yeah. So, you know, I’ve been able to hang out with 99% and the 1% and there’s a lot of misconceptions about people when people don’t understand people who come from different backgrounds. And what I’ve experienced is a lot of times people who don’t come from money who have unhealthy beliefs about money will look at somebody who does have money and they’ll judge them right and what people don’t realize is that person who has you know, financial freedom might not have people around them that they can trust and and they they might have been told like don’t show your emotion right so a lot of times this is a generalization but like a lot of times people who are really really good at money have a very difficult time at showing their emotions for whatever reason the story that we all carry and when I started realizing this and seeing this and seeing especially in entertainment how you you see so many talented people that that all of a sudden they get success and they have all of this money and then they have no one around them to say like hey like you know, how are you feeling? Or like it looks like you’re taking a lot of pills or It looks like you’re drinking or smoking all the time like are you okay you know you get these people that are also insecure that that don’t check in with with the person that’s supposed to be their friend and then it all kind of comes crashing down and so for me you know especially as a guy where guys are taught to bottle it all in and to hold it all in and that’s why seeing more people not only having anxiety and depression but you’re also seeing more people taking prescription pills and and doing a lot of different things and self medicating for me for me now more than ever I want to make I want to make this conversation human I want to make it cool and I want to make it acceptable and celebrated in society to say like hey, I’m not feeling okay okay, that’s cool well I have my friends I have my family I have my community and you know that’s that’s how it used no matter where you’re from in the world lastly no matter where you’re from in the world all of our ancestors that was how it was we all had elders we all had community and that needs to be cool again like that needs to be something that’s that’s accepted and again like celebrated to say like when someone’s not feeling okay like I know your mom or I know your dad or I know you like I grew up with you and like you know better than this. We got to check in with one another so yeah,

Victoria Volk  04:35
And isn’t it ironic that we have social media to do just that, and like the more connected we claim to be, the more disconnected we have become?

Nicky Scorpio  04:47
Ah, it’s really wild. There is a without without naming names, there’s a celebrity,  actually, I saw this yesterday. That was doing a social post for a medication and people were getting on that person about that. And when I lived in Los Angeles, I had the opportunity to work with a social media agency, you know, people who take celebrities, from like a listers to whoever has the, you know, the means to pay for this service. Right? And it’s, it’s wild to me how people who aren’t in Hollywood people who aren’t in the entertainment industry, they do have this very, like, if I were in this world, if people acknowledged me if, if I had millions of followers that I’d be okay. And for me personally, like, I’ve been in that world, I know people who have 1000s 10s of 1000s hundreds and millions of followers and then the camera turns off, and they have no self identity, they don’t know where they’re going, they don’t know what they’re doing. The people around them are often and this is again, this is you know, generalizations, but toxic, just really, really superficial, really mean spirited and and then when I got out of this, and again, this is why I’m doing what I’m doing. Is that for people, like you and I, for people that that understand the importance of being vulnerable, and maybe, you know, like, I’m more introverted, people that are more extroverted and have the ability to interact with people and network and do all these different things. They crave crave authenticity, they crave people around them that that are real that will you know, call them out on their stuff and to say, like, you know, I don’t I’ve never been impressed by money I’ve never been impressed by fame for me it’s more of a means to like if you have a good intention that you can do something powerful, right? So I wish I wish that there were I wish that there was an education on social media because what I’ve been able to learn and how I’ve been able to heal myself and and how I’ve been able to completely transform my life in myself is through social media has been amazing at the same time. If I were 12 and I had social media, I was bullied. I don’t know what I would do so it’s you know, it’s a double-edged sword that needs to have a different dialogue for sure.

Victoria Volk  07:10
You hit the nail on the head is the education piece, right? Like how are we using this tool to be of service to the greater bigger picture and then to ourselves and into our four walls, like just the people who are with in our circles?

Nicky Scorpio  07:28
Yeah, no matter what, I’ll say like, no matter what you’re looking for, like if you’re curious about something like I know, I know, people that are that we’re looking to get into veganism, I’m I eat mindfully, I’ve tried a lot of different things. I consider myself a seeker. If you’re curious about something, you can type in the hashtag, you can find ingredients, you can find recipes, you can find a whole community and then your whole algorithm changes up and starts giving you more stuff. So every day, instead of me going on to social media and being like, gee, look at Billy Billy’s traveling and has 100,000 followers. My life is terrible. I get to wake up with like, sound bowls, and I get to wake up with like, Look at this beautiful place in Iceland or like, you know, things from someone like yourself, where I’m getting knowledge, I’m getting insight and I’m starting off my day, like, oh, cool, like, I’m good enough. So yeah, it’s it’s choices, options, you know?

Victoria Volk  08:19
Well, there’s the education right there. Boom, Mic drop. Clean up our feeds, right? clean up our feeds. Think about what you need to grow to evolve to feel good.

Nicky Scorpio  08:31
Yeah

Victoria Volk  08:32
It’s about feeling good, right?

Nicky Scorpio  08:34
Yeah. Yeah.

Victoria Volk  08:35
You had mentioned briefly documentary called Happy? Can you share a little bit about that? Because that’s a good segue.

Nicky Scorpio  08:44
Yes, so there’s there’s a amazing documentary on Netflix that I watched a couple years ago and it’s called happy and they go and it’s basically it’s the psychology of happiness and they go around to all these different cultures they look at the United States they look at places all around the world and they say like what makes us happy and one of the happiest places in the world is in a very remote village in India and they have very basic basic means of living right like they kind of like as people know who who know what’s going on outside of the world like India like they’re still looking to have like clean drinking water all the time like there’s a lot that that could be that could be better that’s actually thankfully being fixed and helped because of technology However, they don’t really have a lot they are not influencers yet what they do have is they have community they have people around them where like they’re happy because every day no matter what you’re feeling, if you’re feeling if you’re feeling sad, if you’re feeling down, hang out with people that are dancing, hang out with people that sing all the time hang out with people no matter what your religion is that have faith and try to be down you can’t like the smile kind of like forces in a healthy way like forces itself up and and that’s the power of community right? Like when when I grew up I had my immediate family was was small and kind of like split up when I was younger however Thanksgiving I had, like amazing men and women in my family that were the greatest storytellers and I used to just hang out with them and half the time I didn’t even know what they were saying. But it was it was so like I was just always an odd just listening to how they would talk and being around for someone who grew up without a father being around these you know, men that were charismatic, that were good people that were faithful that were monogamous that that, you know, we’re very international and very well rounded had a strong character shaped me into into wanting to have that because I saw the power of that and and it’s interesting and I recommend everybody to check it out. It’s called Happy the documentary is called happy. It’s it’s interesting because we as Americans have this idea that when we get the next one, we accomplish the next goal when we get that raise, when when we get on our page, when we get like the blue checkmark, you know, when when we get whatever it is that house that all of a sudden, that we’re gonna be better and what from what I’ve learned, if you’re not mentally, like if your perspective isn’t, isn’t healthy, like if and if you don’t have people around you that are checking in with you. And again, I have people that call me out like I don’t need a bunch of people that are just being fans and saying everything you’re doing is great, because I’m human. But when when you have that aspect in your life, you get you get freedom and you understand that no matter what you have, you know higher low that you have optimism that you can be happy with anything because if you can be happy with nothing, then you can be happy with everything you know, so it’s big.

Victoria Volk  12:00
That’s very good. Not all of that. So, tell me then, how did you get to hear I mean, you mentioned the support system and the role models that you had but obviously you’re not really going to, you’re not going to dig into that until you’re probably an adult or you’re a little bit older and reflect on that but what was growing up without your father like for you?

Nicky Scorpio  12:28
I have a very, I have a very very diverse like I grew up in such a diverse household and community that for me like I have a very broad perspective so I grew up in kind of like a rough part of Berkeley and like literally right by the train tracks and you know, we were pretty much like the only white family and it was interesting because and on one side of things like I was raised to know my culture like I’m from my again like my mom’s a teacher and so I was always raised to know where I come from you know, I grew up eating all different types of food, Indian foods, making food, American food, etc etc Mexican and so I always understood different cultures and where it gets even more diverse is I was raised in an LGBTQ plus family before it was cool to label it and so on one aspect I you know, we were kind of like we fit into the neighborhood but at the same time like we didn’t if that makes sense um and when when I was about nine everything in my life just completely and totally flipped so right around New Year’s Eve my other mom left our house and and said you know that she didn’t want to be a part of this that this was my mom wanted children my mom wanted children My father was a very very close friend to my mom and you know, I’m an artificial insemination. So he he was in my life but he wasn’t in my life but I did have a two person household and my my other mom left and kind of around the same time my my father died of of AIDS. And while all of this happened we also had to find a new place to live because my other mom at that time was with somebody who didn’t really care that we had a place to live it was it was very it was very manipulative. It was very toxic It was very difficult. We’ve worked through it I speak to her now like I love her and I’ve forgiven and and then on top of that, right around the same time like my grandfather passed away and and I went from being I was like the Bart Simpson of my school. Like everybody knew me, everybody Love little Nikki and you know life was good and life is fun even in all the chaos it was always like Be yourself be colorful be brightened kids are so resilient, right. And I was so resilient. And then we had to move to my mom wanted to get out of the neighborhood that we were in because it was it was getting pretty bad. And there was some, there was some like, pretty, pretty intense, which we could talk about another time pretty intense. Racial based violence that I I experienced with my, with my mom being being attacked, and my mom the next day by the people who attacked her was taken care of, of their kids, because that’s what my mom, my mom did. My mom was a teacher, before she was a teacher, she took care of the we did like low income daycare, right? And so I grew up with kids from all different backgrounds, Special Ed, everything. And, um, what was interesting is, I didn’t process all of this, so I was still being the class clown, and I was still kind of goofing off and stuff. And yeah, it was difficult moving, but then right around 12 everything kind of started to hit me. And what’s interesting is there’s people that are angry, and there’s people that are not aware that they’re angry, and I wasn’t aware of how angry I was. And, you know, when I was a teenager, my mom, my mom had to do a lot of work to get me to really even because I was so I was so frustrated because it’s like as a teenager you’re comparing you’re looking at other people’s lives, you’re when they have like the like, bring your parents to work day, you know, bring your dad you know, blah, blah, blah, these kinds of things. And you start to you learn when you’re a kid you learn where you are, if you’re wealthy, if you’re rich as a kid, you know that you’re rich, and if you’re not, you definitely know that you’re not and I knew that I wasn’t because we were living in like a bootleg version of like Beverly Hills 9021 No, and it was a small town in the Bay Area, and everybody knew everything about me so I got bullied over and over and over again in many many different ways from like, your mom’s a lesbian, but they didn’t say it that way. It wasn’t friendly, it wasn’t cool, you know, to people just calling our house and just saying terrible things about me and about my family, um, a lot of different stuff. And I was I was really, you know, again, I went from the top of the totem pole and I got knocked all the way down. And I was an outsider who was like, to this way for these people and to this way for for those people. So you know, as I continue to grow older, I I realized that I was making unhealthy decisions and I basically I hit rock bottom. And it was from hitting that rock bottom, which I feel like a lot of us go through and if and if we if we don’t realize that we’re going through that rock bottom it can be detrimental. However, I knew that I was going through a very difficult time and from there, I again I don’t judge people don’t believe in God, I don’t care if you believe in whatever you believe in right from me from me, like I connected with God. And, and was just like, I, I surrender, I put my life in your hands. And I started going on this journey. And I started studying different philosophies and I and I started looking for kind of like more Eastern stuff and I got into meditation. I then met my my lovely girlfriend, my lovely partner. And, you know, she introduced me to shaman into healers into different ceremonies. And I just started cracking my code and realized from doing all of this work that people say that everything happens for a reason, but it sounds corny and it sounds cheesy, but what I what I learned and kind of like the and we can keep on going but like that the edited version of this what I what I learned is that a lot of times we look at what we’re going through as like the ultimatum like the final chapter and what we don’t realize is that it’s it’s a page in a book right? Like if we’re going to give that analogy it’s a page in a book and and it’s not the end of the chapter excuse me there’s plenty of different chapters and and if we can just go through this and have that faith and have that optimism of like this thing that I’m going through is going to lead to my greatness like now I’m at the place because I was able to say like I’m not okay or I was able to say like oh I’m angry from this or you know, when when when when your home splits up, then you get abandonment issues. And I had to learn about abandonment issues, and I had to learn about like, why I’m making these kinds of choices and why why am I Why am I feeling angry when I’m seeing other people Like you talked about social media, why am I getting jealous? Or why am I getting angry? When I see somebody else who’s genuinely happy, there’s something, there’s something that’s kind of off about that. And I started checking in more of my feelings. And then what I got to was we went to lightning in a bottle Music Festival. And you’re hearing me talk about this now, but I put up a huge wall, before I had huge trust issues. And there was this amazing poet, and His name’s Prince EA, and he’s so good. He’s so so intelligent. He’s such a genius with his words. And I wish poetry was more mainstream. But for the first time, I really wanted to get up on the microphone, you know, when after people speak and say like, I like I want to just give props or have a question or something, I’m normally not that guy, but I wanted to, and I was able to have a conversation in that moment, because the woman before me was native and she was upset because someone was, who wasn’t native was wearing a headdress and, and their friends were putting her down and talking about her. And she was angry about this, rightfully so. And, and basically, there was this huge tension because like, the people were upset or were offended or thinking she doesn’t understand and people that were more connected with her were frustrated, because they relate to it. And, and I had this this conversation, you know, with with Prince EA, where I said, I kind of give like a brief very, very, like 32nd version of my life where I said, like, this is how I was born. This is where I come from, like, this is how my family is. And I’ve seen my mom struggle as as an educator, as a teacher, and she’s an angel, my mom, when I was in high school worked five jobs a week, just so we could live in a better neighborhood, right? And I want to know how we as men, Can Can you know, uplift the women around us and how we can be better as men and I said it in a more eloquent way, but it was this moment where because I shared this everyone everyone stopped and the anger dissipated, it like shattered the that wall and the women that were like hard because I was raised by feminists, so I get it hardcore. And and the women that were hardcore feminists turned around and people turned around and the co founder of lightning in a bottle was there and she turned around and pointed at me and I and I had this moment where I learned where I was like, vulnerability is the key that sets us free we have to share we have to all tell our stories, my story isn’t better than your story isn’t better than anyone else’s story. But it’s the story and through the stories through this wisdom through this perspective, we get to broaden our perspectives and we get to understand one another and and and especially again in the male community, I learned because I was raised by women so like I don’t necessarily connect with that like macho energy a lot of times like it’s there’s there’s a lot of preconceived notions towards people like myself and I was able to get this of like, vulnerability which we’re taught, be optimistic be happy all the time be outgoing, be upbeat all the time just be on all the time that’s how our society is but it’s really this vulnerability that connects us and that’s really to answer your that’s the kind of long version to answer your question that’s how I got to where I’m at is I learned through all of these experiences and again through all this education and through my mentors through my peers through people around me that shared like this is a shaman like you can do a ceremony you can meditate you can do Vipassana you can do a 10 day silent meditation where you don’t say a word at all and you check in with your feelings you can read these books there’s been a million people before you that have experienced the same things and you know 1/8 of those people have written or I’ve done something to share to teach and and when I got from that was we need to enjoy the chapters that we’re reading in our life not think that it’s the last chapter but also not only to have that faith but to say you know what, if I’m if I’m not feeling okay, I’m not feeling okay and and if I can be okay with that, that can open up doors and then I get more authentic people around me I get people that are okay with me being that way and then I get celebrated and when I’m feeling sad and when I’m feeling angry, and when I’m in an aisle, everything in between and I have people who say that I’m good enough and that I matter which sounds silly but it’s it’s something that we all need that and want and crave that validation. I can move mountains and I can make magic happen. So, I mean that’s I mean, that’s really it and it’s been for me, it’s still a journey and it’s ongoing, but now at least in the craziest of times, like I get freedom and I get peace.

Victoria Volk  24:59
You mentioned you had hit rock bottom. When was that for you?

Nicky Scorpio  25:04
That was right after I graduated from high school, and again, that was my, my mom pointed out that she started showing me kind of like, it was a very simple conversation she was like this is this is normal when when people excuse me, when people see danger, when people see chaos, they go away from it, they cross the street. Whereas what, from what I learned, this wasn’t my mom, this was from me learning that when, as a young man, when you when you grow up without a father, you are more likely to get in trouble, you’re more likely to be incarcerated, you’re more likely to find yourself in poverty, you’re more likely to, you know, not do well in school, and I had everything on the check mark. And, you know, it was really, in that point, from from experiencing all of that, when I, I by the grace of God, like I got my freedom. And my mom was pointing out to me showing me like, you know, this is how you’re communicating. And these are the people that you’re choosing to be around. And this is the life that you’re choosing. And even though like you grew up this way that there’s more for you. And I actually, I went on kind of like a cool journey where I packed these bag lunches with my mom and we went around Oakland, and basically, I had lunch with 10 homeless people. And I had conversations with them and was just asking them like you just talking with them just like gaining wisdom from them. And really, it was through this process where I started, I started realizing that I had lost my way. And when I was younger, like I said at the beginning of the story when I was younger, I was around everything, and I was aware of it to a certain degree, but I was so resilient. Like you know, when you’re a kid when when kids play like, oh, there’s hot lava on the floor, they see in their mind, like they see hot lava and that’s it like they can create anything from their imagination. And, and again, like everyone, everyone loved me when I was younger and my head was very big, my skin was very pasty. I dressed like I was like fresh out of like a Crayola colored box. But I didn’t care. I just I loved myself. And and then when life hit me, I went from being Nikki to Nick to serious and Nick was very serious and Nick put up a wall because Nick was getting judged and and Nick had to internalize all of this stuff and hold this all in because again, I was getting bullied, I gained, I gained and I lost thankfully but like I gained 90 pounds, just eating junk food because a girl told me who was older than me, she said you’re gonna die alone and skinny. And, and I was young, and I believed her. And so I deliberately started gaining weight and doing things and that’s all I’m saying is it in so many different ways. Because I was insecure that I believed these things. And that’s again, like that’s another reason why I’m doing what I’m doing because there are so many people that have golden hearts, and they get beat down and they are insecure and if those people if those kids that those boys and girls were told that you’re good enough and and we’re given kind of like a guideline to celebrate who they were that this world would be completely transformed, but it was really it was really you know from me just unlearning a lot of different stuff where I started to discover wow like I’ve always been this people pleaser like I’ve always told people that I’m okay and I’ve always kind of like been the free therapist for so many people and when I really started transforming when I really started changing 90% of the people around me changed people said that I was better than them that I thought that I was you know like too good for them and and just people like like making fun of me for for wanting to like learn and heal myself and it was a very difficult transition but it was for me it was like a necessity where I’m like I don’t feel happy like I don’t feel good with what I have and I’ve had successes I’ve been up and I’ve been down and you know and and i still even when I was doing well like I wasn’t feeling good about myself and it was really this need of like I know that there are people that feel happy I know that there are people that no matter what they have that they feel good and I just I went on this journey and I unlearned all of this stuff and I realized where the root of everything came from I just constantly was like no like this. This is frustrating but that’s not it. It’s deeper than that. No, it’s it’s deeper than that. It has nothing no it doesn’t matter if okay, like I have money now I’m still not happy. It has nothing to do with that. And then I cracked my code and and then from there was like, Alright cool like, life is gonna keep on hitting me it does it’s not that all of a sudden like I’ve reached Nirvana and everything’s perfect is more so of, I have tools, right like I can I can like earlier like you took a deep breath like you can you can do Wim Hof breathing, you can just breathe, like you can take three deep breaths before you go into a meeting, and it will slow down your mind. You can, you can listen, you can listen to what people say, you can listen to what their truths are, when you’re around people, you know, or are they if you’re in sales, if people are saying, Man, it’s a slow day today. Do you acknowledge that like, do you? Do you not agree with them? Or? Or do you just let them vent and just express their stuff? Because it has nothing to do with you? Do you? when people put you down? When they say terrible things about you? Do you believe that? Or do you know who you are? You know, it’s it’s things like that. And so even though it was rough, and it sounds like like, like I’m not I’m not a master, I’m not a guru. I’m not an expert in any way, shape, or form. But because I went through all of these very traumatic and difficult experiences, I was able to understand. Everyone is going through this, where people say we have to stop the bullying, no one’s saying how is the bully feeling? Because the bully is getting bullied bully is going through terrible things. And the bully is actually the hero, because the bully is the only one who’s saying, I’m not okay, I’m not okay, I’m not okay. Right. And, and so and so that’s what it is, is just being able to slow down and to observe, instead of just reacting and just living in this world of like, I’m going to, I’m upset. So, I’m going to post a photo online, or I’m going to, like, do something, no, like, stop and cry, or yell or breathe or do something so that you can actually, like, enjoy your life. And so, you can actually be in a more centered place, you know, and keep people around you, keep good people around you.

Victoria Volk  32:07
Yeah, I resonate with so much of what you said. Just recently, I was having a conversation with someone, and I use the line like we do in grief recovery work, you don’t hurt people, who hurt people.

Nicky Scorpio  32:19
Yes. Wish everyone knew, I wish there was an app that could just go up when somebody says something or does something.

Victoria Volk  32:25
Yeah, like a reminder. Like, hey, that wasn’t nice, are you hurting? Like what happened to you? You know, and that’s the thing too, like doctors, if you go in, you’re not feeling good about, you know, you’re down or whatever. What happened to you know, you’re never asked what happened to you, you know, the heart, the energy of the heart permeates like six feet outside of our bodies, like our energy.

Nicky Scorpio  32:49
Yeah.

Victoria Volk  32:50
And we can choose what energy that’s going to be. Now I’m not saying don’t feel what you’re going through, don’t I am a huge proponent. You got to sit with it to heal it right? You got to feel it to heal it. But like you said, it’s like, there has to come a time where you just get sick of your own crap, or you get sick of your own. You’re sick of where you’re at in life. Is there a defining moment for you? That is like that that you can pinpoint?

Nicky Scorpio  33:25
There there I forget; I don’t even know who said this. I heard it. And it was on audio. And it was basically like the simple version of it was instead of instead of being angry, be curious, what really led me to having peace and to having freedom is having that curiosity of like, why am I feeling this way? Why when this person says this to me? Why do I feel this way? And why when this other person says this to me like this? I’m okay with this, like, why can’t I feel? Okay? Not necessarily happy? But like, why can’t I just be secure with who I am. And that was a huge one for me. And then I learned about projecting where you talked about how hurt people hurt people. So, life is a life is a movie life is a show and people all have their different shows that are all going on at once. So, when somebody comes from a household where they’re taught, like, don’t express your feelings, bottle it inside, let people see that you’re beautiful, let people see that you’re polished, that person is going to grow up and have anger issues. And when you don’t live within their means of what beauty is or what success is. They are going to project their anger that they haven’t processed on to you. These these were two things that for me, I was like, oh, so everyone who because like I’m not a saint, I might be named after one but I’m not I’m a human being just like everyone else. And you know, like, when I can understand like, I can make mistakes like I I am imperfect and that’s okay, right? But when you’re around people that are perfectionist, and they don’t know how to express and communicate in a healthy way that you can do better. If you take that personally, it’s just going to reinforce this, this victim thing. However, again, I learned because I’m hanging out with people that that are traveling that have millions of dollars that have everything that I’ve ever wanted. And you get one person who has deep seated anger issues, they’re very, very toxic in their conversation behind the scenes, right? But then when they get around other people, they’re all smiles, and everything’s all good. And then I get around someone else who has everything. And they’re an angel, and they give and they’re generous in their kind, and they’re so and I learned no matter what, rich, poor, black, white, everything, all the different titles that connect us and divide us. There are people that get the word human. And there are people that that haven’t processed their emotions, and they’re projecting this anger and this insecurity onto them. So, for me, instead of taking it personally, I started to get curious and started to say, like, wow, that person, if that person spoke to me that way, imagine how they’re speaking to themselves. And for me, again, like that gave me freedom that gave me peace and an understanding. And now I have compassion. Instead of being like, oh, look at this person, let’s cancel them, like, no, let’s have a conversation. Let’s get to know them, you know?

Victoria Volk  36:27
I say this on every episode, but I just got full body chills. Because you speak my language, you’re speaking my language. I was very angry. I, you know, my father passed away when I was eight, I watched him slowly decline over two years. And it absolutely wreaked havoc on my relationship, in my household with others, and I grew up very angry. It’s that trauma, that grief is cumulative, it’s cumulatively negative. And so, all these things that stacked up for you, all my experiences that stacked up for me, anybody listening, your experiences, they accuse me accumulate, and they accumulate this gunk within us. And if we don’t sweep our doorstep, right, we don’t clean our doorstep, we’re, we’re spreading that to everyone around us. And that’s why I’m so passionate about the grief recovery work. It’s sweeping your own doorstep; it’s taking 1% responsibility for your life. Just 1% Just 1% it’s like you’re not taking you know, if you can do that, it gives you hope that you can forgive yourself. Give yourself compassion. And like you said I think when you go through so many different traumatic and grief experiences throughout your life, and you finally wake up to this potential that you didn’t even know you had within yourself. Yeah. And you feel hope there’s no stopping you. You don’t have to be in that place forever.

Nicky Scorpio  38:13
Yeah, there’s if you’re familiar with Gary Vaynerchuk, Gary V, I think you’re talking about education online that’s that’s a person who really also was like my cup of coffee like my emotional cup of coffee starting today because one of what I like about his energy is he’s very raw. And it’s very much like you just got to get over what you’re going through like sometimes we have a friend who does that for us where like you you get out of a relationship and you’re sad and your curtains are drawn down and you like haven’t shaved or showered or whatever the case may be and then a friend comes in and says like hey dude like you got to get up like you got to go for it and and the world needs more people like that we need that kind of like you got to get over it like no one it’s it’s rough to hear but it’s like I’ve never seen the Devil Wears Prada and recently I watched it you know with with Katie and and there’s a scene where he’s basically one of the characters is saying like, you want for somebody to pat you on the head and say for a baby. And that’s the thing is that when when you have abandonment issues, abandonment issues are wild because I don’t know if it’ll ever stop but again, at least I know that it’s there. But when you have abandonment issues, the layers and layers of how it affects your career of how it affects your personal life out affects your relationship the relationships that you choose the people that you choose to be around and and when you can can understand like, it might be a little bit harsh, but when you can just say nobody is going to pick me up nobody is going to say like oh poor baby, it’s okay. Because I’m not a little child anymore. I have the spirit of a child I have the energy of a child and I’m never going to give that up. You know, because that’s that’s a gift. When when you can understand that you need to pick yourself up and You need to just say you know what everybody is every This was my thing was it like everybody is going through something everybody has has had like a difficult story. And some people are just going and going and going, and I want to be that way. So you know what I’ve been beat up enough in life and but more so I beat myself up enough I created a story out of all of the stuff that I went through, I could have told a completely different story, I could have interpreted everything in a completely different way and been a completely different person. And, and when I can just say, Alright, cool, like, I get it, I don’t need to be a victim, I don’t need to, you know, hang out with people that are victims, I understand that it’s difficult to navigate through this. But you know, I need to conserve my energy so that I can do greater things and not operate from a place of guilt or shame. Now, I’m now I’m good. And then I can actually do greater work and I can be a better person because like, I feel complete, and I feel good enough for myself. You know, instead of wanting that validation from our moms from our dads, you know, and looking back at the story and being like, Oh, if only I had no, Oh, you got what you got and and love it and enjoy it. Because like Tony Robbins said, if you’re going to hate your mom, if you’re going to be angry at your mom love her for what she gave to you Same thing for your dad, or whatever it is right? Like if you’re going to be angry at this person, you better thank them, because they gave you gifts of not being a victim of standing up and being a better human being, you know, so it’s it’s a double-edged sword perspective.

Victoria Volk  41:30
One thing I’ve always I’ve been pondering for a while since I, I’ve done the deep work with grief recovery on myself, is that, like, do we have to have like this, I think what I think a truth that I’ve discovered, and I don’t know if this is true for you, but a belief that I’ve come to feel is that we all have this loss, like we’ll have another loss, you know, because grief is cumulative. So there comes a point, like a rock bottom for grief, where you do get sick of your own crap, or you do like, I’m tired of feeling this way. And when you were talking about how you just really started to ask got curious, like that that’s exactly parallel to my experience. Like, I was like, why am I keep Why do I keep feeling this way? For me? It was in 2014? Like, why am I doing this? Why do Why do I get into this psychological loop? Every day? And I got curious. And when we get curious, we seek answers. Yeah. And when we seek answers, we’re looking, actively participating in our lives looking for something to help us give us that answer. 100% Yeah, that’s the key difference. And the thought I’ve been pondering, it’s like, well, geez, why couldn’t I have had Why couldn’t that have happened when I was like, 23 instead of like, I don’t know, 3637 38? You know, like, why did it have to take another 10 years? And that’s the thing I’ve been pondering, you know, what are your thoughts on that?

Nicky Scorpio  43:14
I feel like, if you look at different places in the world, because like, again, I’ve studied a lot of different religions and faiths and belief systems. And I was talking earlier about the past and it’s a 10-day silent meditation, and it’s more so in places like India, Bangladesh, and their Eastern philosophies, like I got curious about Buddhism, right. And one of the things that I like about Buddhism is it’s really more about like, detachment about observing, just observing. And I feel like again, like this is a cultural thing where you you for people who have traveled when you go to other parts of the world you will for the most part you will see that people are genuinely happier than than Americans and again, that’s a generalization and it’s because there there is a sense of culture right? Like you know, you know your significance you know where you come from, so you’re not constantly trying to like aim for some obtainable goal whatever. But that you also have like a deeper understanding and things that you and I are talking about are things that are kind of like common knowledge in these religions and in these practices and in these cultures. And you know, like even in like India, they talk about how life is the great illusion and and when and if I had grown up, knowing these things, my mom again my mom, very much educated me and told me a lot of different stories and I know a lot of different things. But as a society, that you know if if, if we, you know, again now is a great time if you have a kid is as difficult as it is now you can actually tap that time to to teach your kids if you have have kids, I don’t. But if you do, you can that you can teach them these kind of concepts of like, like what you were saying were hurt people hurt people, it’s a very simple conversation to understand that life is an illusion, you look at this person that you think this person has everything, you don’t know how they are, when when there’s not a filter on them. And when the life isn’t edited, you don’t know that person. And I’ve seen it, I’ve seen it, I’ve hung out with people, because I’ve been in a relationship, where I hang out with people who normally don’t hang out with people like myself, and I’m like, wow, I wish, I wish that there was some way to just show people this to say, like, you don’t have money, and you look at this person who cuts you off in traffic, you’re like, Oh, of course, they’re driving a Mercedes. Of course, someone like that would do that. If you had 30 seconds within their mind, like you would drop all of that ego, you know, and, and I just, the reason why it takes so long is is because we’re just simply not taught this, and I’m a big believer in education. You know, I’m a big believer in the power of education. And, and, for me, I got all of my education. While I wasn’t in school, I just was constantly curious again, and I feel like, for anyone listening, if you can just really be curious if you can really challenge yourself. When you’re having conversations with people just do like a one-week challenge, like a seven week, seven day challenge, or like a one month challenge, but start start small. And just listen to what people say around you when you’re having conversations with people. And and if you can just observe and not make them wrong, not make them right, not make them better, not not make them dumb, but just listen to them. And just be curious from there. That opens up doors, you know, but yeah, if we were if we were taught these concepts would be a different world, but we’re getting there. And because of amazing people like yourself, so

Victoria Volk  46:57
Thank you for that. Absolutely love, love, love that challenge, challenge accepted. You’ve said so many good things today, many, many good golden nuggets. Do you have one tip that you would give another hurting heart today?

Nicky Scorpio  47:22
Yeah, I would say because sometimes, sometimes we forget what other people are going through, or we forget that other people don’t have people around. Like people, people are curious, but then they don’t often have people around them. And it’s I feel like that’s something to really to remember is i would i would say I would say if if you’re if you’re grieving right now, if you’ve lost someone, I would say it’s okay to grieve, I would say. Like when I lost my grandmother, that was one of the most difficult things I was actually with my my grandmother the on the last day, and it was a really beautiful experience. And it was also really sad because I was so close with my grandmother, she had the full life she lived to be 96. And there was someone in my life that when we were at the service where they said your grandma wouldn’t want for you to suffer, you should do something to celebrate her. And I think I think that’s an important thing to remember that yes, it’s okay to feel sad, that’s a that’s a natural thing, you you you share this amazing experience with this person and now they’re no longer there. If you’ve lost someone, or if you have gotten out of a relationship, remember that at the origin of whatever relationship romantic or nonromantic, that there was always love. And that regardless of how that person is or isn’t or speaks to you or no longer does speak to you that they they don’t want for you to suffer. You know in in that it’s okay to feel sad and to feel angry. It’s also really important to find a way to release it, even if you’re just going online and finding like how can not just Google just go online and just Google how to release anger and go down a rabbit hole but don’t don’t internalize it. Because there are so many people in this world that that get these terrible illnesses and disease because they keep this inside, and they think no one’s gonna understand. And they have all of these pressures, and they have all these people around them that they have to take care of. And if you just need to press timeout, and if and if you just need to grieve and grieve, but please don’t don’t tell people that you’re okay if you’re not okay you know, tell people like one of the things I love about Katie is that when when she’s upset when when you know we’d go to the grocery store, if the grocery store like the clerk says how’s it going today that generic conversation that we get, you know, X amount of times per day, she’ll say I’m not okay. Or she’ll say like, I’m angry, but I’m gonna get past it or something. So, but but it’s not like a sugar coated thing. It’s not just like, I’m, I’m good. You know, like, if you’re not, Okay, tell people that you’re angry, tell people that you’re sad, because 90% of all of the things that are going on why people need more pills and more medication and more stimulation than ever, is because we’re taught, just keep it inside. And there is a powerful, powerful feeling about being okay with not being okay. about, you know, being able to share with people what you’re feeling. And especially in the male community that you know, guys really need to express it and let it out. So we can have less cancer and less sickness and less stress in this world. Everyone is going through something right now and it’s okay. If you’re upset, even if you have a job, even if your workplace and you’re not feeling okay, it is okay. Our culture is going to start slowly changing where this is accepted. It’s starting to get there. But just express it, please just don’t internalize it, because it’s exhausting. It is exhausting. And I give you permission, if you can’t give yourself permission to release it, and let it go. And if you if you have kids, and if you have people, if you have people that you have to take care of tell them and just express it, please don’t keep it inside. That’s it.

Victoria Volk  51:48
Amen, amen. It is, I think coming. It’s like, you know, I want to say normalize grief. And it’s normal and natural. And the whole premise of me starting this podcast is for Grievers to share their stories because everyone has a story and everyone’s story matters. But it’s I think also about normalizing emotional honesty. Yeah. Yeah, making that normal to be honest. Yeah, I because if like you said it takes a tremendous amount of energy to lie to people’s faces. Do you like to be lied to? I don’t.

Nicky Scorpio  52:35
That’s the golden rule is a hardest rule is to treat people how you want to be treated. Yeah, yeah. And and, and again, I I really wish especially in the entertainment industry in the entrepreneur field in the artist field. I wish I wish people who are not not the successful artists, but more so like the upcoming artists who so desperately seeks fortune and fame and success, whatever that may be, I wish that that there would be more of a focus on I’m going to be more of myself and less trying to climb this ladder, thinking that I’ll get success because I wish people who were independent artists and who are upcoming entrepreneurs and thought leaders could just take a look behind the curtain and trust me when I tell you that people are just as human as you and are just as insecure as you and you know, just just I know it sounds cliche but just be yourself just just if some if somebody says something that you don’t like be true to yourself if somebody is saying something that that’s unacceptable or that’s or that’s rude or that’s racist or or that’s ignorant. It doesn’t matter if that person says that they can help you it doesn’t matter if that person has like the golden egg or whatever that you’re looking for that you think like oh this person is going to help me so I can just accept everything that they do and that they say No, stay true to yourself because then you’ll get better people around you the management the team that I have, you know burn it down group is amazing. I found two people that get the importance of what we’re talking about in music. Do you know how the music industry is it’s it’s under the table it’s smile in your face and stab you behind the back there are people now that are in the entertainment industry that wants to see good people win that want to see you know, relationships be promoted, that wants to see healthy love, like and that was for me turning down offers from people that had everything and I could have had it all but I was like, No, I don’t care if I’m gonna be 90 years old, trying to start like a career. I’d rather be authentic. I’d rather be true to myself. And again, I just want to have good people around me because I’ve had beautiful people that are not, not the greatest people around me that I’m just like, this like, who am I? You lose yourself. So don’t lose yourself. Please don’t lose yourself. Please.

Victoria Volk  55:05
Bingo. Bingo, you lose yourself, you you live into this identity of your pain.

Nicky Scorpio  55:13
Yeah

Victoria Volk  55:14
Unprocessed pain, you live into that identity. It’s almost like, like I said, I’ve said this many times before, but grief puts a veil over your face.

Nicky Scorpio  55:24
Yeah

Victoria Volk  55:25
It’s a veil you where you may not realize it, you don’t you don’t probably even recognize that you’re grieving. But just like the things that you said, the behaviors that we resort to, to make ourselves feel better, ask yourself the better question, why do I have this need to feel affirmation from all these other people? Why do I have this need to have X amount of dollars in my bank account? Why do I have this? You know, it’s like all these external things that we’re chasing? Yeah, this external influence that we desire, when the only influence that really matters, is within ourselves, is that’s what’s permeating out. Whatever is going up, and you know, whatever’s going on up here. That’s what you’re living out. Like, in your mind. You can’t see me pointing at my head. But, you know, it’s that’s what’s you’re living outwardly.

Nicky Scorpio  56:16
What’s interesting is, is that people, people can see if I were walking down the street, and I want a bad mood, people would know that about me, right? People can see things within us that we don’t see within ourselves, we just wake up in the morning and like, like, I’m Nikki, I just wake up and I shave and i and i moisturize and I talk with God, I meditate I do what I do, I drink my coffee. And that’s just me, and I just keep on going. And sometimes I just don’t even question it. And then somebody talks to me and they say something to me and I just react because I don’t even think about it. But but again earlier, like when when you start to slow down and and really question because I was saying earlier, like listen to other people speak listen to how you speak with yourself, listen to how you like if you meet somebody, and and they aren’t in your bubble, if they don’t dress the way that you like, if they don’t say things with you, like, look at that. And step into that. But understand what I’m getting at is understand in the same way, when you look at other people and you judge people and you see things within people, the people that you’re looking for, if you’re unhappy with your life with the with the company that you have around, you understand this. If you’re single, if you’re looking for love, if you’re looking for a career change, the people that are looking for you are looking for your best self. And that doesn’t mean putting on a smile and being cheesy and being inauthentic. But it means that there’s work to be done. Because if you want to get that relationship where you have loyalty, you have monogamy and you have everything that you’ve ever wanted and or you want that business partner or whatever, right? Like you need to be present. And you need to do what it takes to be present. Because you don’t need to keep meeting new people. You don’t need to keep networking. You need to go within yourself so that you can be present so that when that person comes by you and they talk with you, you’re actually happy you’re actually content with who you are. So, then all of a sudden you get this opportunity. You’re like where did this come from, I’ve been doing this X amount of years or I’ve been doing this over and over again, nothing’s ever happened. It’s because there’s something that you’re not seeing within yourself. And for me, that was that was a huge thing. And when I started really realizing that happy and successful people were seeing that there was grief within me that I hadn’t processed when I started processing and all of a sudden now, I have great people in my life, you know, so I think that’s, I think that’s an important thing to be said.

Victoria Volk  58:59
And it takes time to peel back all the layers. It’s never you never fully arrive. You know, like you said at Nirvana or the perfect life it’s ongoing.

Nicky Scorpio  59:11
Hey, give yourself permission though you can at least you know it takes time and that’s cool.

Victoria Volk  59:15
Exactly, yeah. You sure you don’t want a job as a grief recovery specialist You’d be a wonderful candidate I think.

Nicky Scorpio  59:25
Thank you, I’m open I’m open to it. I actually what’s interesting is right, when when you know COVID hit and turn the world upside down, so to speak. Like I had this whole plan I had this whole strategy with with music and everything and then I actually stopped because no one’s performing, no one’s touring. And then I started asking myself, like, what am I What am I doing at the root like what what am I about and I started doing content and and really focusing on this discussion that we’re having And, you know, for me, I actually before music, I wanted to be a psychologist, but I just didn’t have the patience to go through so many years of college and, and it wasn’t my calling but however however, I have always been interested in that and I’ve always been interested in psychology and yeah, like I I definitely for me music is is an entertainment is like a stepping stone for a bigger issue, you know, in this in this realm in which we’re talking but yeah, I definitely I, I love sharing with people and I love hearing people’s perspectives and and I’m a seeker like yourself, so yeah, I’m definitely I’m definitely open to it from me, for me I, you know, being able to, to be seen by people isn’t to feed my ego, it’s there’s, there’s a real issue that’s going on. And, you know, again, you see this when when you travel and when you interact with different people, the more work that you do, the more you realize other people don’t have that and, and just being able to share like when I’ve talked with when I’ve talked with like teenagers or I’ve talked with like moms or and I people share with me like, there’s this weird thing that I have this beautiful gift that God gave me where people will tell me things that they don’t normally tell people. And it’s interesting when that happens, and then you can share like a healthier perspective. And it’s like, oh, I never thought about like I remember talking with a mom in Whole Foods. And she was saying something to me about somebody was like being verbally abusive to her and I said something along the lines of hurt people hurt people and it was like a light bulb went off. And I’m like, Oh, that’s right. People don’t understand this because look at the world that we’re living in. You know, so I Yeah, I definitely I’m open to that because I for me the money the money comes in the money goes in the money, or that no, no one I heard was the money comes in the money grows, which I like better. Um, there’s a bigger issue that that that’s going on, where people need to come together. And if you have information if you know something that can make people better it’s time to share it’s time to share, you know?

Victoria Volk  1:02:19
Hence, this podcast.

Nicky Scorpio  1:02:22
Yes.

Victoria Volk  1:02:23
Because people we learn from other people’s experiences to other people’s stories and through community.

Nicky Scorpio  1:02:30
Yeah, I wouldn’t be here without the amazing like shaman Derek, Harry Paul, you know, Katie Janaka she’s all over the place podcast. My friend Jeff Korea, he owns Starfire water, which is amazing, you know, all of these all of these great people, I wouldn’t you to the hashtags that I found on Instagram, you know, like, I would I would be right out there confused, angry and sad and feeling like the world’s gonna turn upside down and it’s over. Thankfully, like, I have always been curious. And one other thing that I wanted to talk about really briefly is I feel like, one of the things that really has has given me peace, and I feel like it’s starting to happen more now. Is and we briefly talked about this at the beginning is that we need to accept that people believe differently than us, we need to be okay with that and celebrate that this canceled culture. ideology needs to stop, we need to stop trying to cancel people because they’re ignorant to our ways into our, our knowledge in the same way. When we make mistakes, if we have a job, or if we have a relationship we want for our partner or for our boss or for whoever to forgive us and understand the word Great. Well, it’s not a one-sided thing. It’s both ways that we need to understand. Not everyone thinks the way that I do not everyone believes in the same God or the same deity or the same thing not and that’s okay. Like, I’m okay with that. You know, and I hope I hope that people can, can understand that you’re going to meet people along the way that think that you’re weird, think that you’re different. Think that you’re off and that you’re crazy, or that you’re flat out ignorant. But if you can, if you can accept that and and not that you have to accept that person in your life. But if you can embrace the fact that people are different, then you’ve already won you’ve already gotten you know, the victory.

Victoria Volk  1:04:43
Yeah, except that it’s an opinion and the only opinion matters, that matters is the one you have about yourself.

Nicky Scorpio  1:04:49
Yes.

Victoria Volk  1:04:50
And my grief, you know, with the election, and I didn’t plan to go here but my grief with the election. And I even share it on my social media is that, you know, we talk about unity, unity, unity, and let’s come together. And then I see people on Instagram just like, if you don’t believe how I believe and you didn’t vote how I voted, you are not welcome here. There is no room for you here. So, I was like, oh my gosh, thanks. are you adding to the dome to the discord and the negativity in the separation?

Nicky Scorpio  1:05:28
Yeah, I think I think we can, I think we can briefly talk about this, because I’ve had this conversation with my mom, you know, Berkeley, Berkeley, California, is very much how Berkeley is it’s, it’s, you know, people who don’t live on the west coast, a lot of times will tease people who are in California or whatever, or, you know, talk about like, conspiracy theorists and stuff like that. And I have friends who are Republican, I have friends that are democratic, I have friends from all different walks of life, some of their beliefs, I don’t, I don’t share their beliefs. But I again, like I, for me, for me, it’s a simple, it’s a simple thing of like, I want for people to accept and to embrace me. So, I would be hypocritical. If somebody came up to me and was like this president, this person should be president, this person should be president. And I put them down, because my beliefs and my thoughts for me are valid. So So therefore, what another person comes into this world and share something and their thoughts aren’t valid, like somehow they’re not a human being, you know, and for me, that’s the biggest frustration with all of this is that people need to stop thinking that when one person becomes president, or when one thing changes, that things are going to get better, we need to say, you know what, I don’t agree with you. I don’t agree with your philosophy. But however, like I can try to understand, I can be curious. And and I can maybe learn a different way and not and still stay true to myself, you know, because there is there is this huge thing of like, like, there’s articles where it’s like, oh, look, the republicans are are putting down the democrats beat. And there’s all this talk about votes being fake. But look at how the republicans were being this way, when when they were making fun of the democrats for the votes, not counting whatever, like, and it’s silly, it’s like, you’re doing the same thing. You’re being children right now. Like, stop it, like, just accept accepted someone’s different than you and just be okay with that, like, it’s the same way you’d want for somebody to do to you.

Victoria Volk  1:07:35
And go, what example are we setting for kids right now? in society, right? And it’s really scary to me that, that I see this stuff, and these people are parents. And it’s like, whoa, like, I would hope that if my child is different, or doesn’t vote, however, someone else calls that they will be given grace for their differing opinions, and that my children would give other kids that same grace for their differing opinions? Do we really want a world of minions and robots? I mean, that’s my biggest question here. It’s diversity, you know, and there’s a thing to like, we’re supposed to embrace. This is my thought that I couldn’t remember earlier. We are told to embrace diversity, right? We are a country of diversity. And yet, we do not accept diversity. Because if we really truly did, we would understand that there is there are diversity, also in stories, and people’s pain, in their grief, that we all share grief that we all share. Yeah, just different. Yeah, and that is the one thing that that unites us all. So how about we embrace that everyone is going through something and it’s different than what it is from you what it is for me, but it doesn’t make it less it doesn’t make it less traumatic for them. That is the that is the most hurtful thing that anyone can do to a griever is to compare, and yeah, go ahead.

Nicky Scorpio  1:09:16
I would say like, you know, if if there’s anyone I’m really big into like family into into kids like it’s like for me, like children are everything and having healthy children as well. There are everything and if there’s if there’s anyone who is a new parent, or is going to be a parent, one of one of the things where I feel like really makes such a major change in a kid’s life, is bring them around diversity. Like I grew up, literally like I wish I had like a photo that there’s every color of the rainbow, every kind of background and walk of life. So, when I when I came into the world as an adult, nothing surprised me. Nothing shocked me and I understood unrespected everyone else’s culture whereas when you live in, in a world where you don’t travel and and you’re a small-minded people, and nobody’s traveling, and nobody’s trying to look at anything else except for other than, than their belief, then then everything is scary and everything is unknown, and everything is different and this kind of stuff. And if you can just try No, it’s difficult to travel right now. But if if you can really bring bring kids or bring yourself bring your inner child around different cultures, and and just show that to them so that when they when they grow older, when you know, TV is telling you this person is scarier this way is better this way. You already know, you know what, you know, and that’s your truth. That’s the truth. It’s not this way or that way. It’s It’s It’s undeniable. You know, like, yeah, its diversity, what a concept. That’s what makes America great.

Victoria Volk  1:10:55
Here’s the other thing on that, thank you. That’s what makes America great. To think back on that, it’s, I don’t think you need to lose leave home, to experience diversity or to understand it or learn about it, right? I think it’s actually instill a thirst for learning. To seeking, to seeking those diverse stories out to seeking like, watch National Geographic, you know?

Nicky Scorpio  1:11:30
I love following nature hashtags and stuff like I love, I love that, I’m big, big nature guy.

Victoria Volk  1:11:37
And the History Channel and I mean, we watch the history channels a family, it’s like learning. We watched Cice. Yeah, there’s a channel called vice.

Nicky Scorpio  1:11:47
Vice is so cool. The History Channel is so cool. There’s there’s so much like, when I’m really big into the History Channel, all the different shows about like, I forget the guy’s name, Vaughn Diedrich, or something like that, like he’s been dedicated his whole life and found the original scripts from like, the Bible, and how different it is. And they talk about how like aliens and in stuff like that stuff that they would never teach in school. Yes, seeking knowledge is is for me, like I have to because if I don’t, then I’ll, I’ll lose my mind. I have to keep on learning and see what else is out there.

Victoria Volk  1:12:24
And that’s the thing. It’s like, when my kids asked me, well, why did why does this person believe that? Or why does I don’t know? But why don’t you research about that? And you can maybe put yourself in their shoes and understand why they believe that. You know, it’s Yeah, our diversity is our backgrounds. Our diversity is our grieving stories. It’s not just what you see at face value, right?

Nicky Scorpio  1:12:52
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that’s, that’s huge. Good on you. Yeah, no, I definitely.

Victoria Volk  1:12:58
Embracing the whole human.

Nicky Scorpio  1:13:01
Yeah. Yeah. And especially especially with with children, because again, like kids are so resilient. And when you can, when you can give a healthy perspective to a kid at a young age, they’ll understand these concepts. Like when you you tell you tell the kid like I remember, there’s So Katie, her her, her nephew, he’s, he’s right at that age, kind of, like, Where, where I was when, like, everything kind of started changing. And I remember, you know, there was a moment we were hanging out and he got upset with his sisters. It’s like sibling stuff, and that not really a big issue. And he reacted in a big way. And I said, you know, it’s okay to be angry, but it’s not okay, when you’re angry, and you take out that anger onto other people around you. And, and it was like, click, and he got it. And, and that’s the thing is when you’re around kids, like, it’s so important to give off that healthy, you know, perspective and, and really dropped those little gems, because it’s not it’s not it is available, but it’s not promoted. That makes sense. Like they could they could find out this information. But it’s not what that recommends. It’s not what’s being advertised. It’s getting there. But yeah, it’s good on you for sharing that with your kids. Because kids, kids will get it kids. Kids want to connect with diversity. They want to be around diversity. They don’t want to just have the same old same, they want to learn they want to grow and expand by nature.

Victoria Volk  1:14:32
Yeah, they’re natural sponges. And we learn everything we learn about grief and how to process it by the age of 12. By 12, we already learned 75% 12-15. We’ve learned 75% on how to process and go through grief. So, my piggyback to that what you just shared is that it starts with us as the parents, caregivers, the caretakers, anyone who is in charge of the well being and welfare The whole child. And we all play a role in that. And I’ll tell you one thing. I am a better parent today than I was 15 years ago when I first had my son. And I have grief around that, honestly. Because I wish I would have had the self awareness that I do now. I wish I had that, then, you know, I would have been, I was the angry parent. Yeah, angry a lot. And it starts with us. Yeah, it starts with us. Because that generational learning that will continue on until we unpack our own crap.

Nicky Scorpio  1:15:43
yeah, well, there’s there’s two things, there’s two things I want to say. One is a quick one vision, the owner of the creator of mind Valley, talked about how he had unhealthy beliefs where he heard his parents talking about, they had to choose to give a gift or not give a gift for Christmas. And so, he grew up with unhealthy he heard that and he translated that into an unhealthy belief. And then he idolized a teacher, and the teacher was struggling, they had to help out the teacher, so that the teacher could pay rent, everybody got together. And so, he, in his mind created a belief that, that teachers in order to be a teacher, that, you know, it’s it’s, it’s more authentic to struggle, and so he’d make hundreds of 1000s of dollars, and he would give it all away, right? So, there’s that aspect. And then second, so it’s being it’s being aware, it’s being aware of what we’re sharing, and speaking about around children. Because again, they are very, they’re so open. And, but they also can, you know, miss-translate things, but also my, my mom had this conversation with me. She’s had it several times, and recently, she had it and it was like, her, you know, sharing this thing of, like, oh, I could have been a better mom to you. And, you know, like, I wish that circumstances had been better. And there was all this, like, guilt and all this shame. And I started sharing, kind of, like what was going on in my life, cuz my mom and I talk, you know, fairly regularly, but there’s a lot that she knows, and there’s a lot that she doesn’t know. And for me, what I would say to any, you know, parents out there who feel any kind of like guilt or shame is that, again, like you don’t know, you don’t know what’s being written into their book, you don’t know why things are happening, the way that they’re happening. And I feel like, the best thing that we can do is, is to say like that you’re good enough. And that you’re and that you matter, and that, you know, if you have any weird or different ideas, that they’re cool, because kids are going to translate things you’re going to hear. And it’s not the parents’ fault. It’s not It’s not my fault that I heard my mom talking about ABC. And so like, I made this whole story of like, you know, this means this and that means that it’s it’s more so of, I’m going on my journey, and I’m learning my lessons and, and things are happening to me so that like I can do something with this information. That’s that’s my work in this life. For me, like, That’s the meaning of life is like, we all have our own things that we’re learning, we all have our own things that we’re going through. And you know, and people come into our lives and they come and go, and it’s what we do with that and you know, what, what our character says about us how we choose to react to these things we all go through but just having just having that support system, just having people again around me, and it’s not about like, people saying like, oh, you’re doing a great job. But my the most successful people in life, the the common thing that they all shared is is that they had parents and they had people around them that whenever they had a weird or different idea, they were always celebrated in that way there was always like, yes, you can be this way. Yes, like, there there’s a I don’t know if it was the Vinci, I think it was the Vinci where, like, he grew up believing even though he wasn’t rich, that he grew up believing that he was rich. And so, he was able to accomplish things and, and so art and be this legendary painter, because he believed this and, you know, and just having that belief system, you know, is is such an important thing. But I think for for parents out there, let go of any expectations of like, oh, I wish that I had been a better parent, I wish that my my kid felt more loved or that you know, they were able to have this kind of life because you really really don’t know what resilience they’re getting and what lessons are getting out of it. The best you can do is is just to really be there for your kids and say like you’re going to go through hard times you’re going to go through difficult times. There’s going to be a point in your life where life is not going to make sense and you’re not going to know What to do, and that’s okay. And I’m here for you. And you need to know that even if you’re embarrassed, even if you feel that it’s a terrible thing, I unconditionally love you. And I’m going to be here for you. And, and I believe in you, and you’re good enough. And and, and that’s it and just start from there, you know?

Victoria Volk  1:20:19
I just want to bring up one point, the thought that children are resilient. And this isn’t to poopoo on you saying that, but I just want to highlight the fact though, that when we say that the children are resilient, we can sometimes minimize sure of their experience. And because I know for me personally, I was only eight. I don’t know really what was going on, you know, like, we underestimate children. And so, using that language of they’re resilient. It’s almost like that they’ll get through this, they’ll get through this. And I know that’s not your intention. I know that’s not your intention.

Nicky Scorpio  1:21:08
Yeah. Not at all to downplay it. I, I think it’s more so I think it’s more so that that. So, you know, kids, kids are more of an open book, when you when you talk with somebody who you know is a little bit older, they’ve already seen it, they’ve already been there, they’ve already done it, right. So, like, we all like, you know, you know, this, like we all experienced, we all experience grief, right? If you can have a conversation, when I say resilient, what I mean is, when you have a conversation with the child, they are more open to the concept that you’re teaching. So like when I was younger, and I went through what I went through, I was still optimistic, even though my my life was like, my home went like this, and everything went like this and in my mind, and then all of a sudden, I went from being again, I went from being this happy go lucky child to just being angry and comparing myself, but but when when I understood why I was feeling this way, that from me, like everything clicked. So when you have a conversation with the child to say, again, like you’re at a certain point in your life, things are not going to make sense. Or you’re going to look at somebody else and think their life is better. You have have the knowing within yourself, to know that your picture will be painted beautifully, their notes, I know it’s cliche, but your your book will be written beautifully, or whatever the references that you want to give that your life. Although it might not make sense at this point, there will be a time after that happens, where you see why all of this stuff happens. And it will be a blessing. If you’re optimistic, if you have that healthy perspective. It’s not to say, kids can just go through whatever because I’ve seen even now that I’m older, like I’ve, I’ve seen kids that are going through stuff and I’m just like, wow, and the people that are involved with these kids who aren’t their parents are looking and saying, Oh my god, I can’t believe his kids are going through this. And I’m like, No, but their kids that go that have at the hardest, that that do have the brilliance to be able to, to to rise from it are the ones that change the world, the kid that that goes through the tragedy that loses a parent or somebody to a terrible disease becomes a doctor and they and they help 1000s of people so it’s it’s it’s difficult, but it’s you know, within that conversation, it’s it’s that kids are more open to understanding why they’re making the choices that they’re making. And and that you know, like they can have peace within who they are. You know, if I had had somebody telling me when I was in high school, you know, that this girl who said this to you that that made you gain 90 pounds, she was hurting inside and she was angry at herself. I might not have had so much junk food, you know. So like that that kind of thing I’m saying more so to clarify.

Victoria Volk  1:24:12
Yes, and that is the key thing, communication, that is the key thing. And we are not going to be the initiators of that communication with those kids. We are uncomfortable with our own what’s going on with us, right? And what’s going on in the situation. You know, my mom did not have a clue how to process what she was going through. She therefore was emotionally unavailable to help me do that. So that’s your 100% on on that communication. That is the key and to if you don’t know where to do what to do or where to start and seek that education. You know, it’s we have a book the grief recovery Institute, john James Russell Friedman wrote an excellent book. It’s called when children grieve. There’s your education. I facilitate the program in a group group setting online to help you do that, to help you learn those skills and education. So there there is education out there. And like you said, like, the online resources, there’s I mean, you don’t need a PhD in Hard Knocks.

Nicky Scorpio  1:25:26
Yeah, um, one like to your, to your point, recently, like, a couple years ago, there was a woman that I spoke with who introduced me to just really like went in depth about being an introvert and recommended a couple books to me. And, you know, the library now has audio books where you can get knowledge for free, you can just, if you’re not an actual, if you’re not a person who likes to actually hold a book, which holding a book and turning the pages is beautiful, and it’s a whole experience within itself. However, if you’re not that person, which is okay, and you’re busy, you’re on the go, you can get audiobooks, for free. When I started really understanding the concept of being an introvert, and what a gift it is, in a society that’s very extroverted. And again, as always, like no, you got to put on a smile, you got to be good, you got to be upbeat, you got to have energy, you got to have this and that, when I started realizing this is everything that I’ve been trying to explain to people where it’s such a gift to be introverted, it’s such a gift to to, to say, like, I’m going to go within myself, and I’m going to study and I’m going to, you know, like, learn these kind of concepts. When I understood that, for me, that was, I think, actually, that would really be one of the biggest moments where I got freedom was like, Yes, like, when I lived in, in Hollywood, like I would introduce to people that were producers that owned agencies that were living in bel air that were living in dream homes, and, and then and I’d be introduced to this person, like, you know, this is gonna be, you know, the greatest person you’ve ever met, and they have all these opportunities, and I could look right into their eye and say, like, something’s off, something’s off here. And when I understood that, that that’s part of the gift of being an introvert, then I could expand from there instead of saying, like, I should be networking, I should be like this person. I just like producers in music, music producers are often very, very introverted people, they can just live in a cave and just make music and never ever, ever come out. Even Dr. Dre like Dr. Dre, is very introverted to a certain degree like he could at the beginning of his career, like he could lock himself in his in his house and just make music and that was it. You know, but when when you understand these kinds of concepts, and for anybody out there who doesn’t like meeting people who get social anxiety, chances are, you’re an introvert. And there are gifts that come with being an introvert, and extroverted people crave people like us, because they just want to keep meeting people. And they don’t often see the person that they’re meeting with is not a good person. So, if something feels off to you, then that’s a gift. And you shouldn’t doubt that you should listen to yourself, and you should understand this part of yourself and keep expanding on it. There’s things you can do so that you can expand on this gift. And everywhere you go no matter where you’re like, nope, this person isn’t for me, this person isn’t for me, this situation isn’t for me. And and that’s it. You know, yeah, knowledge, knowledge is power. Education, what a concept.

Victoria Volk  1:28:31
Introverts unite, you’re an introvert. And I never really thought of it as gift either you feel like you grew up feeling like something’s wrong with you, right?

Nicky Scorpio  1:28:42
Yeah.

Victoria Volk  1:28:43
Such a jam-packed conversation, I absolutely love this. I don’t even know like I’ve so many notes jotted down, I’m not even sure where I’m going to pull a clip for this episode. It’s been a joy, getting to know you to meet you. Definitely a light in the world and keep shining. You know, you see a need in the industry in which you work. And I’ve no doubt that you’re creating ripples. Even if it’s an you know, your immediate circles of people that you know, we are the some of the five people that we surround ourselves with, right? I’m not sure who said that. But I’ve read that a long time ago, some entrepreneurs said that.

Nicky Scorpio  1:29:32
You’re a pioneer yourself, and it takes one to know one and, you know, just keep I acknowledge you and you know, we need to we need to just acknowledge acknowledge people around us and you know, and we need to really, as a society outside of myself as like an artist like we need to acknowledge and give more power and more compassion to people like yourself which are educators and teachers. Like it’s not easy it’s not it’s not always fun people do it because it’s a necessity because they have to and we need to like myself included like to hold myself accountable that anytime that there is somebody who is teaching and sharing a lot of times they have it the hardest and if you know you’re listening and you know somebody who’s an educator or a teacher or someone who is a thought leader to really it’s not that they’re more important it’s not their emotions are more important than yours it’s to say like give them that encouragement and and to tell them how awesome they are because although people might seem like they have it all together you know, you never know and again that’s that’s the power of community so you know, thank you for doing what you’re doing. I know that it’s not easy and I acknowledge you and I think it’s great work that you’re doing, and I have every bit of faith that this will continue to get cooler and cooler and bigger and brighter and I appreciate you thank you for doing what you’re doing and for having me, it’s a gift.

Victoria Volk  1:31:01

Thank you for that, Nikky. It’s uh yeah that’s my grief cool, not in like a, not in like a, you know.

Nicky Scorpio  1:31:10
If you will hang out in the dark kind of way but yeah.

Victoria Volk  1:31:13
Yeah, it’s here to stay right it’s not going anywhere. It’s it’s not this. Let’s like, take off the disguise of the monster that we look at it like and that it feels like for us it’s like this looming breathe numbing, horrible moss, this beast, you know, that is all consuming and there’s hope. There’s hope. You’re sitting here talking to me. And the life that you’ve endured and the things that you’ve gone through. That Nicky’s hope you guys and the people that I bring on my podcast or hope, their hope bringers and so I don’t take my guests lightly. And so, thank you for sharing your story. And where can people find you if they want to connect with you?

Nicky Scorpio  1:32:05
Yeah, I’m at yournickyscorpio on Instagram. I’m part of a collective on YouTube, the sophisticated psychos, we’re doing a lot of content in the same kind of realm. And those are kind of the main places I have distanced myself from Facebook because I’m tired of what we’re talking about earlier. I’m tired of angry emojis. I’m really on on Instagram. But yeah, definitely keep in touch I’m going to be releasing some really really cool music that is really about everything. It’s about connectivity. And what’s really cool about it is I’ve connected with an amazing scientist and there’s going to be healing within the music there’s going to be frequencies within the music we’re going to bring that to the forefront for people who’ve been doing this for decades and for centuries we’re going to make all of this healing all of this Eastern philosophies we’re gonna make this mainstream and make it cool so yeah, please connect with me if you ever need a friend no judgement you have a safe space and me a direct message I’m here we’re all human and sometimes we feel alone and you’re not alone.

Victoria Volk  1:33:16
You’re not alone. And that’s they can’t by neural beats right or something like that, correct?

Nicky Scorpio  1:33:22
There’s by neural beats there’s there’s frequencies there’s so really quickly if you go on to YouTube, there’s a amazing documentary by a scientist who discovered the HIV virus lukeman taglia he’s French if you look up that he basically he takes he takes just look up water documentary Lucas Elysee. I believe in montignier, he’s French, but he basically takes a recording where he puts he puts the virus inside of the water takes a recording sends it off to a lab 1000s of miles away they played in water that’s just normal everyday just unaffected water they play the sound the sound of the virus and they recreate the virus inside of the water so in in he’s showing you can do this with cures and all these other sciences we’re trying to stop him say that he’s crazy because they want to silence this kind of conversation. Also, in the tech world in San Francisco they’re using the same frequencies that resonate in certain pyramids in Egypt for levitation so so what what I’m what I’m doing what we’re doing, and when I say we the sophisticated cycles we connected with the subtle energies in name and its quantum physics. So, it’s it’s putting, it’s putting the energy of and this is all scientists, this is all documented. This is all fact-based stuff. This isn’t me. This isn’t the conspiracy theorists that I lead with fact-based evidence that the more you you live in the same way when you say loving things into water changes, the actual shape changes the structure of it. So, we’re putting this it’s by neural beats are one way of doing it, it’s different, it’s going to be silent. It’s not that you’re going to notice it, but you’re going to feel it the more you listen to it, the better you feel. This has been around for centuries. It’s just time to you know, we’re moving backwards when we’re moving forwards at the same time our ancestors used to talk about this kind of stuff, so we’re just making it you know, giving it the respect, it deserves again.

Victoria Volk  1:35:25
We could have a whole nother conversation about just energy because as a Reiki Master, boy, my eyes have been open like wide open energy.

Nicky Scorpio  1:35:34
Have you ever heard Donna Eden Gino? Donna Eden?

Victoria Volk  1:35:39
Yes, actually Yes.

Nicky Scorpio  1:35:40
Energy medicine. I studied with her. I met her through vision in mind Valley and that’s a whole other Yeah, I could definitely anytime I love talking about energy, because I can show I can show people like I can actually. I’ve learned teachers. Yeah, but yet energy is everything. And we’re that’s what’s cool is that we’re Lastly, I don’t want to keep on talking about this. But we are going this is the world that we’re going into. So no fear. If you feel like everything’s being split apart. We’re actually going into an exciting time. We just have to unlearn and we’re healing and it’s going to get more and more and more exciting because of people like us because of this amazing community. So don’t give up hope. It’s actually getting better, okay? and that’s it.

Victoria Volk  1:36:18
Can’t raise the vibration of the world overnight. Right? Each one of us.

Nicky Scorpio  1:36:24
Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah, thanks again. You’re awesome. You’re rock star.

Victoria Volk  1:36:29
Ah, likewise, this was awesome. Thank you so much. Again. I’m going to link everything that we just talked about in the show notes, the youtube documentaries. Any resources that Nicky mentioned, I’ll put in the show notes. Remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.