Grief Stories, Growth, Living Unleashed, Pespective, Spirituality |
Piece by piece, the puzzle of ourselves starts to come together. For many, it doesn’t begin until mid-life. For the lucky, it happens much sooner. Although I don’t believe it’s luck—instead, several things like awareness, a desire, and synchronicities that unfold in perfect timing.
Personal growth and development have been a life-long mission of mine. It wasn’t until the last couple of years, where I’ve sought personal development as a means to function at a higher level in my life. Up until a couple of years ago, the driving force was to gain an understanding of what was wrong, needed fixing, or just written into the D.N.A. of who I am. In truth, I have been on a quest to know myself since I was a child when I had an interest in understanding and researched the lines on my palms (I have a single palmar crease on both hands if you’re wondering what had me so intrigued about my hands).
If you’re like me and are kind of like a personal development junkie, do you seek knowledge to fix, or do you seek knowledge to grow? The goal will definitely change the process. Why? Because, if also like me, you intended to fix what you believe to be wrong with you, then you’ll always be spinning your wheels. You’ll never arrive at this all-knowing place and meet a level of satisfaction with what you’ve learned. That is until you pursue knowledge to grow and follow it up with action.
In full transparency, and as I’ve previously mentioned, I’ve been hitting personal development hard since 2012 – about a year into having my first business. Entrepreneurship, it seems, brings a lot of ghosts out of the woodwork. I started to see the shadow-side of me coming out around 2014. And, that’s when the unraveling began.
And truthfully, it wasn’t until today that I connected some dots for myself in why I’ve struggled with consistent creation in my life (of what I want my life to look like). Coincidentally or not, I don’t know, but while pregnant with me, my mother drank. Back then, it wasn’t unusual, I guess (?), to put 2 oz. of beer in the bottle to get me to sleep. I am told, “it’s what we did back then.” Not surprisingly, I had to stay in the hospital after I was born for several days because I was jaundice. I also was apparently due on February 14th, and didn’t arrive until March 5th and still only weighed a little over 6 1/2 pounds. Again, obstetrics were not then what they are now. But, it helps to paint a picture that, before I was born, I was suffering. And that’s the dot I connected today. It’s all I’ve seemed to know. It’s the one emotion I have been working to transmute my entire life into something meaningful, which brings me to today and the continual unraveling. Like Patsy said in this podcast interview (and I’m paraphrasing) when you start to pull one thread, the unraveling begins. And so it does.
I pulled my thread of unraveling in 2014. However, it wasn’t until I went through the grief recovery program where I started to see the impact of that pulling I began five years earlier.
The process of unraveling continues for me, and it’s led to so many beautiful experiences and connections in my life. It led me to Reiki, which serves my curiosity and inspires me to continue to learn about energy (and whoah, have my eyes opened). I’ve continued to look for opportunities to continue to grow and expand my healing around relationships and complete education that will help me to serve others on a bigger scale (Online, One-on-One Grief Recovery, and Helping Children with Loss programs). And, I’ve found some incredible support along the way, too. These opportunities and people didn’t magically appear in my life. It all started with a strong desire to, like I said, transmute my suffering into meaning and serve a greater purpose in my life.
What I’ve also been learning is where I’ve been standing in my own way, which brings me back to the single palmar creases on both of my hands (which, by the way, one of my children also has and makes total sense to me #icanrelate) and what a palm reader once told me. She said these are gift lines. Yes, they have their challenges, but the gift is in intense focus and (along with my other “gift marker”) my ability to “deep dive” with people into their own emotions. In a nutshell, I was made for the work that I do. And, on days where I’m feeling discouraged, it’s been easy to forget that. On days where I feel like doing this work full-time is so far away on the horizon, I have to remind myself. Keep grinding. Keep showing up.
There is no one standing my way – but me. And, for whatever reason, I’ve felt this hard today. Ironically, I had not written this week’s blog post in advance, as I’ve always done. Perhaps this message is divine timing for you. That you, too, are the single denominator standing in your way. It’s not your circumstances (trust me; I live through my version of “suffering” each day). It’s not your physical health. We create these circumstances long before they become “problems.”
I have so much more to write on this, but I’m still unpacking this big a-ha I had for myself today. So, I’ll leave you with some wise words I came across today that struck me (because I’m in the work of feelings):
When feelings become the means of thinking or if we cannot think greater than how we feel, we can never change. To change is to think greater than how we feel. To change is to act greater than the familiar feelings of the memorized self.
Stay tuned to the unraveling taking place – in our world, our communities, homes, and within our hearts. There has never been a more keen awareness in recent years, for this collective understanding of what isn’t working, what we desire to change, and where we need healing.
You can look at the current times as a life sentence for more suffering or an opportunity to set your inner-most self free. I’m choosing the latter. You, too?
Have a wonderful weekend, and thank you for reading. If this resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you in the comments, on social, or via email. 🙂
Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki |
Have you felt like you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride, emotionally, lately?
I have.
My kids are now home due to COVID. So, aside from that, and all the other things come with life, work, and business, I’m tired. And, I know I’m not alone.
One thing that I’ve found that has helped me not to lose my marbles lately is taking at least 45 minutes every morning for myself. Every weekday, I do a workout. Periodically, I give myself Reiki. One day this week, I also journaled. The point is, taking time for my body, my heart, and my mindset has dramatically kept me from lashing out in frustration.
How often, though, do we go about our day without making our body, heart, and mindset a priority? How often do we lax on our self-awareness and go about our day mindlessly? A lot.
I recall many times throughout my life, where the littlest things would set me off. This response is not uncommon to us when we feel as if we’re on an emotional rollercoaster. So, how do you suppose this quick-to-anger, being easily poked by the bear – way of being is impacting your life, work, and business if you have one?
Back when I had my first business, I was struggling in a lot of ways emotionally. I was having physical symptoms, including unexplained body aches, headaches, and hair loss. Also, I had or have never been diagnosed with anxiety. However, since having a better understanding of our energy, I look back in hindsight and recognize that the physical angst I would often feel was anxiety. Even today, when my thoughts start to tailspin around overwhelm (which I’ve come to learn is due to lack of prioritizing) and the future, I begin to have episodes of heart arrhythmia and feel like I could jump out of my skin. Again, I don’t know if this is what anxiety feels like to those diagnosed, but this is when I know I am out of energetic balance.
I’ve come to understand that grief and energy go hand-in-hand. I do feel that is why Reiki found me after going through the grief recovery program and starting to unravel the years of emotional dis-ease I had carried.
When I look back on the years when I first joined the workforce at 14 and onward, I recognize (with new awareness) what emotional dis-ease (i.e., grief) has cost me. There were many jobs I never applied at because I didn’t feel like I had a snowball’s chance in you know what of getting the job. I also got so scared about the future, finances, and all the things when it came to college. I spent a weekend in a dorm when I turned 18 to pack the car and leave before ever giving myself a chance. I gave up on myself before I even tried. And, all because of fear and money.
I did not trust myself. I did not understand intuition and how to tap into it. I always looked to the external for affirmation that I was doing the right thing or looking for permission or just someone to tell me what to do. It was this confusion, and yet, also a knowing that I could do hard things that led me to join the military. If money was the problem in attending college, well then, I found my solution. What I didn’t realize was that I still had to pay that money upfront (which, I believe, is still the case).
I’ve learned to become resourceful through struggle, but I’ve also learned how to be resilient. That said, it’s taken me decades to dig in and tap into how to utilize my resourcefulness and resiliency. You see, when we’re emotionally suffering, it’s often difficult to see potential and possibility – in ourselves. Our minds become a fog of illusion that we’re okay and fine. However, if we take a birds-eye view of our life, we often see that we have blocks that keep us repeating the same self-sabotaging behaviors. Or, we become hyper-focused on performance, results, and outcomes – all the while neglecting ourselves and those we love (hello, burnout)!
Below is a rundown list of all the ways, I believe, emotional dis-ease creates blocks and hinders our progress in life and business. These are ways I self-identify with, and I am sure there are many more I haven’t thought of that I could add. If this list resonates with you, I’d love to hear from you! I’m curious if there are others I haven’t included that you found to be true for you?
The Ways Emotional Dis-Ease Impacts Life & Business
- self-worth issues
- questioning/second-guessing every decision or difficulty making decisions
- seeking outside validation/affirmation
- unable to see other perspectives
- lack of discernment
- physical symptoms
- money drama – money comes, money goes // lack of growth in account or savings
- quick to anger
- fractured relationships
- difficulty connecting with others
- feeling like others are out to get you // victim mindset
- trust issues
- lack of self-awareness or not conscious of your physical body // desire to “numb-out.”
- avoid important issues within life or business
- not sure what you value
- don’t see the value you bring to others
- lack mindset // inability to see opportunities
- difficulty focusing/concentrating
- procrastination // difficulty prioritizing & planning
The more of these that resonate with you, the more likely you’ve got some emotional weeds in your heart garden that need some tending and pulling. With each weed we pull, we’re clearing out space for more beauty to enter and unfold in our lives.
There is hope on the other side of all of this. I’ve been having some wonderful conversations with some incredible healing hearts for my podcast, Grieving Voices. And, these guests have proven this to me over and over. There’s no such thing as joy or sorrow – the two co-exist within a matter of moments of each other. However, when the scales tip further one way than the other in a way that doesn’t sit right with you, then you have a choice to do something about it.
There is no timeline for healing emotional dis-ease. However, how much time are you willing to give sorrow? How much of your life are you ready to gamble? We all reach a point where we get sick of our own crap. My friend, that’s when the magic happens. That fire in your belly for wanting more for yourself and your loved ones – it’s the stuff that dreams are made of, and we often give up on our dreams before we give ourselves a chance. We often don’t think there’s hope.
Take your life by the horns, my friend. It’s waiting for you. Will there always be painful and challenging things that put a boulder in your way? Of course. Life isn’t a fairy tale or movie. But, why write the final chapter before you’ve lived all the chapters in-between? Resiliency is learned through experience and growth, a by-product of suffering. I don’t care which way you slice it. It’s just some people are more willing to allow the unfolding than others. Fear and resistance keep the rest stuck in the past.
The future will not be found in the past. It took me 30+ years to discover this. That said, our pain often becomes our message. And, maybe that’s just a part of my walk here on earth. I don’t know. As a podcast guest stated recently, “I feel more awake now than ever.” And you know what, this woman lost her 17-month-old son suddenly. A loss I cannot even fathom. So, please don’t take it from me; tune in to the podcast and hear the stories of hope for yourself—just incredible stories I am honored to share with listeners. I feel so inspired by their faith and trust in what is possible for them. And, for a time (like myself), they didn’t see it for themselves, either.
There are gifts of grief (i.e., emotional dis-ease/suffering). Get empowered by what is possible, regain emotional control of your life (and body), and watch that list above fade into the rearview.
P.S. Need a lifeline of hope? Reach out to me. Here to serve and create more healing ripples in the world.
Grief Stories, Growth, Living Unleashed, Pespective |
Do you believe you are worthy of healing? It sounds like an odd question, I know. Really, though – do you?
If you believe it’s an easy “yes,” do your actions reflect that you are?
For many years I struggled to cope with the events of loss and trauma that occurred during my childhood. Well into adulthood, my self-worth was in the toilet. During my teen years, although I was pretty thin, I would wear baggy clothes. I hid my body. I hid a lot during those years. I didn’t have a boyfriend until going into my senior year (even then, I couldn’t believe it). And, I had big aspirations for my life (travel was at the heart of every endeavor I considered).
As you know, life can be planned down to the letter. However, life always has other plans. Plans that are sometimes better than what we imagined, too.
However, what had held me back in so many ways was the fact I did not feel worthy of good things. And, even when I thought I had a good thing, I anticipated it (or them) going away or leaving, which is what happened, too. Relationships in my life were either strained or ended. I never let anyone get too close. I allowed others to take advantage of me (I didn’t know what boundaries were). I didn’t appreciate the good things I did have (including my job that I should have been fired from more than once). I even flooded out of my apartment. It was as if, if I had both shoes, I was creating chaos for one to drop, or, I was barely hanging on because I was losing one. Do you know what I mean?
It wasn’t until my now-husband came back into my life after many years of friendship, where he showed me what I was worth to him. And, slowly but surely, I began to understand my worth and how I contribute to the world around me (positive and negative). I discovered faith (and hope) for the first time, and I started to turn my life around. But, this didn’t happen until my eyes were opened to the fact that I was worthy of good things because I am, and no other reason was needed. I didn’t have to do or be anything to anyone else to be worthy. I didn’t have to perform or be someone I wasn’t to please someone else – I could be me, and that was enough. This awareness was only the start, though. Because even from this time, it took me another sixteen years (sixteen years!!!!) to put that feeling of unworthiness to bed – for good. And, it didn’t happen until I resolved all of the trauma and pain that was the catalyst for it in the first place.
Our lack of self-worth is very much tied to childhood grief. Whether your parents were divorced, a parent died, you were sexually abused (a big, big one), adopted, in foster care, you likely weren’t raised knowing you were in charge of your own agency. Meaning, you weren’t encouraged to make your own decisions (reasonably, of course, for safety reasons) and weren’t allowed to express your opinions. Perhaps you grew up in survival mode.
I’ve learned so much about the power of choice after going through what I have gone through in my life. Fortunately, my husband and I are on the same page as we raise our children, too. We do not force our children to do anything they do not want to do. And, we ask probing questions to help them come to their own conclusions about what matters to them.
Something as simple as having the ability (and choice) of not wanting to play a sport serves them well into adulthood. We don’t force our kids to do any sport they don’t want to do. However, once they start, they’re finishing. It is important to us, as parents, they learn what the word commitment means. These lessons serve them later when their friends have all gathered around and “they’re all doing it (drinking or whatever “it” is),” and they have the know-how and the conviction to say “no.” Regardless of what others may think, and because they’ve flexed their “decision-making” muscle, they can confidently stand by what they feel is right for them. I always ask my kids, “what does your gut tell you?” And, I conclude with “it will never steer you wrong.” I also tell them that nothing good happens after midnight. But, isn’t that the truth in adulthood, too? Lol!
What does the power of choice have to do with self-worth and healing?
Had I learned the skills and been encouraged to exercise my right to choose, I would have known and understood that my desires had worth. I would have grown up understanding that, what I feel in my gut, is what is right for me and would have created boundaries early on to protect myself from further pain and suffering. Instead, what happens, is we become detached from our own inner-guidance system. That muscle doesn’t get flexed, so we look to the external for all of the answers. We don’t know where to go, what to do, or why we’re here. We lose touch with ourselves. And, we base our decisions on the feelings/actions/behaviors of others.
Grief is the catalyst for lack of self-worth, and our learned behavior and generational teachings influence us like gasoline on a fire.
You want to build self-worth and heal? It takes inner-work, and it’s anything but easy.
If you don’t have boundaries in your life, aren’t sure what they are, or are reading this feeling like nothing you ever do is good enough, that you’re everyone’s doormat, and why bother because life only seems to hand you lemons? Start by digging deep, my friend. There’s healing to be done. And, you are worthy of it. Always have been, and forever will be. If only you could see it.
Hope and healing is just an email away: [email protected]
Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Resources |
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!
If your days have been feeling as though they’re all running together – know that today is FRIDAY! Woohoo! I hope you can find some joy this weekend.
If you feel like every person you cross paths with is cranky, rude, or negative – know that their emotional gunk isn’t yours. But, it may help you feel better to continue to be you. Don’t dim your positivity for the sake of making the other person feel comfortable. I’ve been on the other side of this. I’m sure you have, too. You’re in a cranky mood, and someone you speak to is just full of smiles and joy and, you wonder to yourself: “How can you be so damn happy all of the time?” And, you know what? It’s more of a reflection of ourselves. We can project our joy onto others, or we can project our pain.
And, I realize that’s the difficulty. I’ve written about telling the emotional truth about ourselves many times before. Yet, here I am saying that if you’re feeling negative, not to mention the emotional truth about yourself- not to project it onto others. However, there’s a difference between telling the emotional truth and treating others poorly because we feel – emotionally deficient.
We will not always be happy – about our life situation, the state of the world, a decision that’s been made, our health, the weather – you name it. However, if we can acknowledge, within ourselves, that which isn’t working, feeling right, or aligning our soul with joy, and meet that hurt within us with compassion, then we are more equipped to share the truth – without mistreating others in the process.
As we start to work through our emotional stuff (and continue to do so), we are less affected by others’ emotional dis-ease. And, I can tell you, I am much quicker to recognize now (because I keep applying grief recovery to my life) when I am a projector of the negative. I have learned that that’s when it’s time to step out of my head and into my heart, and know where there’s emotional work to do. As a result, this makes me a happier person – in my skin and to be around.
Life is for learning. When you feel like you’ve messed up – apologize. When you feel like you’re at your breaking point – step away, take a break, and hit the reset button. Ask yourself what you can do in the situation rather than focusing on what is out of your hands (I’ve been doing my darndest to put this one into practice as of late).
We are in community with each other whether we like it or not. So, rather than fret over others whom you can’t change, fret over a situation that’s frustrating the, you know what, out of you, and being frustrated with yourself – hit reset. Sometimes, we need to be alone – not in community with others, to do just that. When we’re in each other’s spaces, we’re also in each other’s energy. You’re doing the best you can steeping in everyone’s energy. But the most important person’s energy you need to pay attention to – is your own.
I know it’s not easy these days to manage our own energy either. I had been struggling with this, too. And, you know – I gave myself Reiki. True story. I gave myself Reiki before bed a few nights recently, and despite having fewer hours of sleep, I had better quality sleep. Another thing that feels like a reset at the end of the day? A shower. Yup. Sounds silly, as the majority of the people I know typically shower in the morning. However, I prefer to shower at night. You literally wash away the stress of the day down the drain and crawl into bed, feeling refreshed (and reset).
So today, I want you to pat yourself on the back that yes, you are doing the best you can. And, I hope this helps you to reflect on your energy and the energy of those around you. How is the energy of others affecting you? How is your energy affecting those around you, too? When I feel good, I influence those around me to feel better, also.
Even if it may seem annoying to others who project their pain on others (because they’re not tapped into their energy and their impact it has) – work on a reset for YOU. This reset is the best thing you can do this Friday and throughout the weekend, before the start of a new week.
Set the intention today for a fantastic weekend, regardless of the chaos that may be ensuing around you. Turn off the phone if you need to. Get a hotel room or an Airbnb by yourself for a night, if you need to. Take a drive on the backroads, or in the country, and photograph what you find along the way. Take a lawn chair and sit by the lake (or the ocean) and steep in the stillness.
Reset for your energy (and your mindset), so you can continue to do the best you can! And, if you need help with an emotional reset for life, reach out to me. I know the program that’s perfect for doing just that. 😉
P.S. Are you looking for support for a grieving child in your care? I am looking for four participants to walk through the NEW online group program, Helping Children with Loss. We meet on Zoom only four times – once a week, for no more than 2 1/2 hours each time. And know that there’s lots of material to cover. You won’t be a silent listener (bored out of your mind) as I lecture each week for four weeks. It’s participatory and engaging content, where you interact with others in the group, and learn some new skills and tools to utilize for the rest of your life. This program is prevention, so whether you’re a parent, daycare provider, social worker, school faculty, a child therapist looking for more knowledge around grief specifically, or work in the foster care/adoption system – this program is for you – the adult. The first group will be offered at a discounted rate, which will allow me to make sure all of my systems and processes are correctly in place and that there aren’t any hiccups—interested in learning more? Please email me at [email protected] or message via the Contact tab.
I look forward to sharing this amazing program with you – for the better of the child(ren) in your life!
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Podcast, Pespective |
Why Grief Keeps Us Stuck
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
We can’t heal the heart with the head.
In this episode, we dig into why this is and, you will learn:
- How grief cuts us off from our intuition
- Impact of belief systems
- The root of unhappiness
- 8 unhelpful, often hurtful, ways society responds to grievers
In the next episode, the six myths of grief (and misinformation) will be revealed.
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If you or anyone you know is struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, there are free resources available HERE.
If you’d like to share your grieving voice on the show or want to share your thoughts about an episode, please send an email to [email protected].
Are you enjoying the podcast? Check out my bi-weekly newsletter, The Unleashed Letters.
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WAYS TO SUPPORT THE SHOW:
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA (@theunleashedheart):
Episode Transcription
Hey there, welcome to this week’s episode where I will be talking about why and how grief keeps us stuck. If you didn’t catch last week’s episode, I discussed really define grief is probably a definition that you’ve likely never heard. So if you miss that episode, go back to that. And this is the second episode of what I think will be a 10 part series we will see. There’s so much I would love to share. So, it may be more than that, but I’m planning 10 episodes of education around grief.
So let’s get started talking about how and why grief gets us stuck or keeps us stuck rather. In our brain is our intellect like our mind is our intellect. And if we think about like, I often think about like my own intuition is like just not necessarily in my brain. Not in my mind, but kind of like, this intangible force that’s kind of out there in a way like it’s; t’s like it’s the deepest connection to my spirit that I feel – is when I feel like I am fully tapped into my intuition. Now you might be thinking, what in the world does this have to do with grief? And I’ll get to that, but more than you may think. So, we have our intellect; we have our intuition. And then we have within our whole our hearts, our grief energy, right, within our bodies is this emotional energy that we tend to store. Because as you’ll learn I as this series goes on, we either implode or we explode as a result of our emotional energy.
For today’s episode, I’m talking about how grief actually cuts us off from our ability to tap into our own spirit and our own intuition to this force that opens us up to our potential. Really, by the time we are 15 years old, we have received more than 20,000 messages on how to deal with grief. And you know, the reason why I’m so passionate about this work is and why I’m so passionate about education around grief is that it touches us all, first of all, and it starts in childhood; caregivers, parents – it starts with us at home, to send the messages that are positive and supportive and to be open to allowing children to express themselves fully. And not labeling those emotions or whatever as bad or negative or what have you. Because all feelings are valid, all feelings are valid. If we consider that we experience loss, on average statistically, every nine to 13 years, we are bound for grief like we are born into this world as impending grievers. Right? We – there’s going to be grief. And because all relationships are unique, our feelings around the relationships are unique. You know, it’s our recovery. It is also unique.
Getting back to like the intellect aspect, and how we try to, first of all, you cannot heal the heart with the brain. Because if we think about our minds and our intellect, we are always right. Like, we always feel like we are always right. Because we have this belief system that has been ingrained in us by the time we are 15. By the age of two to three, we’ve received 75% of the messages and information about grief. And by 15, we’ve received the remaining 20. And so we got 95% logic, right this, this internal logic and belief system. Then there’s this like 5% of our intuition and our spirit force, as the guidance system within us, but when we resort to our intellect and logic, it’s this automatic critical response. And we’re always going to feel that we are always right. And so when it comes to grief, we will intellectually look in the past, and 10% may be fun memories, 90% maybe regret. And if we’re not in the present moment, we might be in the future, right? 10% we might be planning 90% we might be worrying.
Unhappiness comes from an attempt to be in any moment, other than the present moment. That is what emotional jail is. If we cannot live in the present moment, and that’s what grief kind of steals from us. It just it either keeps us in the past, ruminating and stewing on the stories, mostly with regret, and other feelings that get wrapped in with grief, or we’re looking to the future. With the worry of what’s to come of, what if this? What if we receive more education about simple first aid than we do about death, divorce, and any other emotional loss?
There over 8 million Grievers every year, and 14 million pets die every year. And we have been taught how to acquire things, but not what to do when we lose them. My point overarching message in this podcast episode is that grief is about a broken heart, not a broken brain. So we cannot heal the heart with the head because it’s the wrong tool for the job. It’s like trying to paint with a hammer. It just makes a mess. We need to stop these intellectual connections from overpowering our emotional truth. Right? It comes back to that – to the, to our brain box, to our, our minds, our belief system, our logic. And so when we translate this to – why is this keeping me stuck? When you’re focusing on the intellectual and talking to others, you try to communicate about your grief to others; you’re communicating to another griever. They have their own belief system. They have their own automatic critical response. They have been cut off themselves from their own intuition because of their grief. They have received their own messages by the age of 15. They’re stuck in their own past of regret or fond memories, and worry of the future, and likely are not living in the present moment either. And so we have these expectations of how another will respond to us. But expectations are planned disappointments.
What we get back as feedback instead are these intellectual responses that aren’t helpful and, unintentionally, are hurtful because they don’t understand what to say. They’re afraid of our feelings. They try to change the subject. They intellectualize. They don’t hear us. They don’t want to talk about death; also, professional distortions, you know, where medically you go in – you’re having some issues, feeling depressed. They want to give you a pill. I can speak to that, you know, when I had postpartum – let’s, let’s give you a pill. It’s grief.
And then there are those two that want us to keep our faith, right? But faith and feelings are two different things. Grievers need to be heard. They don’t need to be fixed. But because of all the messages that we receive in our childhood. Because of the education, we receive about everything else other than grief. Because we have our own intellect, in our own grieving experiences that we haven’t dealt with many of us, is it any surprise then that we approach others in their grief, with logic and our own lens of what we see in their grief? We try to relate, but that trying to relate only likely creates more pain for the person.
We cannot hold space and be there for somebody grieving if we have not allowed ourselves to grieve. The capacity to hold space and be a heart with yours is a direct reflection of our own inner work that we have done for our grief experiences. In my experience with grief, 30 plus years, I only in the last year, have felt this inner knowing that I am on the path that I’m, I’m supposed to be on. I feel like the next steps are literally shown to me, as I’ve been working through my grief and the various relationships that have felt incomplete for me or have been emotionally incomplete. For me, it’s allowed me to fully tap into my spirit, my intuition, my force if you will. That’s, I think when you really know, you’re starting to heal. But it’s just the beginning because this work doesn’t end. After all, we always will have loss in our lives.
I hope this episode sheds some light on why you may be stuck in your grief. Hopefully, you gleaned some nuggets that will get you thinking. Because having awareness around our emotional truth is when we realize that something needs to change. So I thank you for listening today. Next week, I will start to dive into the myths of grief. There are six of them. I have not decided yet if each one will get its own episode. I yeah, not sure yet. So we’ll see. But I hope you tune in for that. Until next time, take care from my heart to yours. Thank you for listening.
If you liked this episode, please share it because sharing is caring. And until next time, give and share compassion by being hurt with yours and if you’re hurting, know that What you’re feeling is normal and natural. Much love, my friend.
