Educational, Growth, Living Unleashed, Personal, Pespective, Resources |
Today is my birthday! I’m celebrating 42 years of lessons, growth, and the life my husband and I have created for ourselves and our family.
We don’t celebrate enough. My dear friend, Patsy, has opened me up to celebrating more – the big and small moments.
There are days where I feel like I don’t get a single thing done. There are days when I don’t get something done that I intended. There are also days where I get so much done and, at the end of the day, I reflect on the productivity, but I don’t pause long enough to celebrate all that I accomplished that day.
Can you relate? Do you celebrate the little things?
How easy it is to beat ourselves up over what we didn’t do, didn’t get done, or how we didn’t show up. And here’s the thing, and something I’ve learned as recently as the past two weeks. It’s also a lesson I am reminded of that podcast guest, Quandell Wright, shared with me, and I later shared with him when he was beating himself up over some things. The lesson? Take it one day at a time.
While we’re taking life one day at a time, celebrating as we go can lighten our load and maybe even a heavy heart.
When was the last time you celebrated someone else? When was the last time you shared with them something you think makes them incredible and want to celebrate them for just being in your life?
On my birthday today, I received a surprise in my inbox – a personalized gesture of kindness and a message of why I was appreciated. It made my eyes well up being told what I meant to them; it made me feel so loved at that moment. It made me think of ways I, too, can step up my birthday wishes game. I’m still “old school” and send out cards (unless your birthday is at the start of the month – these usually bite me in the butt), but I’ve given some thought today to how I can help to make others feel more special on a day that is to CELEBRATE that special person’s life.
Forty-two years is a long time to learn a thing or two. Lol! And, I feel like, as we get older, celebrating the little things takes a backseat. What are some reasons to celebrate?
- Checking off all of the items on the to-do list.
- Making a difficult call.
- Sending off an application.
- Pitching yourself or your ideas.
- Redecorating a room.
- Cleaning the car (inside/out) and the satisfaction of doing it yourself and seeing your hard work pay off in the end.
- Preparing a nutritious meal.
- Making yourself a priority with exercise X number of times during the week.
- The day of your birth! There’s only one YOU, my friend. You’re like a snowflake! Birthdays aren’t nearly as big of a deal as they should be! They should be a given PTO day, in my opinion!
- Successfully giving up something that’s been challenging to live without.
- A fresh start.
- A new endeavor.
- Reading a book that’s larger than usual for you to read.
Think of all of the things that we take for granted. My middle child fell while rollerblading earlier this week and broke her wrist. She’s learned how to receive help, really, for the first time she’s old enough to understand the impact. She’s a helper at heart. She said it’d been difficult accepting help from others. I told her that God gave us two hands, one for giving and one for receiving, and to receive the help that is given with grace. But, if I’m honest with myself, she’s probably learned from me, attempting to do it all without help. Because that was me most of my life and still is at times. Many of us “helpers” find it difficult to ask for help. But, I guarantee, after six weeks of having a cast and needing help with daily living and personal hygiene tasks, she’ll be humbled. And celebrating all of these little things she can do for herself that she took for granted.
And, perhaps I needed that reminder, too. Celebrate that I have two functioning hands and the cognitive ability to string words together to write and share with you. Celebrate that I don’t need help getting out of bed. Celebrate all of the things I take for granted while so many are experiencing life-altering changes in how they live and are physically able to show up in the world for themselves and others. So many people are plagued with terminal/chronic illness or physical limitations. It’s worth celebrating the ability to physically being able to take a walk. Or, if you are non-disabled, perhaps you don’t live in a safe place, and going for a walk could be a matter of life or death.
I’m starting an End-of-Life Doula training next week and, I already feel that my mortality will be at the forefront of my mind. That all of the little things in life that I fret about will be brought to the forefront and expand into the broader picture of what it means to truly LIVE – and celebrate the little things that make up my life and the legacy I hope to leave behind.
Today, I am CELEBRATING right where I sit on my birthday; who I am, the breath within me, and the temple in which my spirit and soul reside that continues to sustain me and carry me forward. So I can continue to celebrate the little things.
And finally, I CELEBRATE YOU, my dear readers and friends. You are supportive of my mission in life to talk about grief like we talk about the weather, and, for that I am grateful. Let’s CELEBRATE all of the hurting hearts who reached out for help today, around the globe. If you are one of those people, I CELEBRATE YOU. I know how hard it is to ask for help and to receive it.
CELEBRATING comes with receiving. Trust me. It always feels good to feel loved (and to give it, too).
As my dear friend Patsy says, “And Celebrate THAT!” 🥳
P.S. I sent out THIS NEWSLETTER today with information about a Virtual Healing Summit starting next week, Monday, the 8th through the 12th! I will be joining my friend Crystal live in her private Facebook Group Monday at 8 PM CST for Q&A/Discussion. You can find details to register (IT’S FREE for all Summit Presenters all week long), and all that jazz can be found HERE! I hope to see you Monday night! 🥳
Death/Dying, Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Resources |
A Griever’s Goodbye
Saying goodbye can be one of the most important parts of the grieving process. Many people want to ensure that the way they say goodbye is as true to the loved one they are grieving as possible. This is usually done through funeral and memorial preparations. However, so many people around the world today are finding their traditions being squashed due to Covid-19. Many plans that were perhaps made in the family member’s preparation who planned their funeral ahead of time or by the bereaved in advance had to be changed.
Much like grief, Covid-19 has left many people feeling like they don’t have a choice. And, that has been the case – many haven’t been given a choice as to how they bury a loved one and celebrate a departed loved one’s life. Saying goodbye to a loved one making their transition has had to change during these times. The last connection that could have otherwise happened isn’t possible. Or, in the case of a grief recovery client of mine, they couldn’t even see their loved one before they were cremated because their loved one was Covid-positive. I don’t know if this is still the case now, but for this client, that left a void in the grief that only one last look could have soothed. It’s not as if seeing their loved one would have taken their sorrow away. Rather emotionally, it does something for the heart. It’s that one last look; an opportunity to say out loud, even if their loved one isn’t hearing them in the physical sense, but spiritually, too, it’s a soothing balm to a grievers heart.
Seeing a loved one’s physical body before burial, although painful, can soothe the grieving heart. And, you may not realize this until you’re not allowed to do so. Anything less than compounds the abruptness of the loss (even if you have time to prepare yourself like a terminal illness). This abruptness also adds to the conflicting feelings. In effect, it feels like there’s an incompleteness of the experience of the burial itself, which only adds to the already conflicting feelings grief brings.
How do we make the most of horrible situations such as these?
I don’t have all of the answers. Nobody does. But, if you’re able to follow the wishes of your loved one, that’s a little piece of comfort for doing your part in following a loved one’s dying wishes. Do you know what your loved one wants? Now is a good time to ask. It doesn’t have to take a loved one dying to have an open and honest conversation about what you would like for your arrangements. If you have children (this is especially important), who do you want to be in charge of their care if something happens to you or you and your spouse/significant other at the same time? Have you had that conversation with loved ones? Do you want to be cremated? Why or why not?
We’ve been accustomed to death-aversion. We’re afraid to talk about our mortality. In so doing, we’re acknowledging that we truly only have the promise of today. I recently had a conversation with a woman by the name of Anne Jacobs. You’ll want to catch her podcast episode when it goes live on May 18th, 2021. She’s been living with metastatic breast cancer for seventeen years. SEVENTEEN YEARS, friends! Talk about a rollercoaster ride of emotions. And, she’s not alone. She shared there’s a woman in her circle that’s lived with metastatic breast cancer for twenty-five years! That’s incredible! In listening to Anne, it’s as if it becomes a lifestyle. Almost like someone who becomes a vegan yogi, only it’s a daily practice of survival. I can’t even imagine. Seriously, I can’t wait to share her episode. If you want to hear a story of hope and the importance of living for today, it’s her story. So impactful!
Going back to our loved ones’ wishes, a good friend of mine shared that a loved one had put money down on a bar tab before they died because they didn’t want everyone eating food and being sad and mopey. They wanted everyone to laugh and have a good time. Granted, over a year ago, I would’ve jumped all over that idea. Still, considering I’ve given up alcohol and I have a better understanding of how we often turn to alcohol to cope with our lives or situation, that’s not high on my list like it once was. A fun idea, though! It’s more my speed that everyone plants a tree, to be honest. I love trees. I’m especially fond of streets where the trees are so old and grown that they meet high above the road and cover the street, creating this canopy of color in the fall. That’s the kind of street I’d love to live on, too. Anyway, I digress.
If the person you love has always had a strong set of environmental principles, perhaps some of these suggestions may resonate. Of course, these suggestions are likely only possible if Covid restrictions have lessened in your part of the world/country. I hope that leadership comes to understand the importance of a proper (and desired) burial for the bereaved. Much like the kids need to be in school to obtain their education, I feel that with proper measures and the quick testing available now, that funerals can happen safely – and like they used to. It’s so important in the grieving process for people who didn’t get to be there for their loved one in the healthcare facility that they at least get to be with them in the way of a proper burial and celebration of life.
In places where restrictions have lessened, here are some suggestions – including some eco-friendly ones. I kind of like the coffin turning into a tree idea (see above). 😉 Although, that may look a bit strange in a church cemetery.
Choosing an Eco-Friendly Burial
Your loved one may not have liked the idea of a traditional burial for a lot of reasons. For one, they may not approve of setting aside a piece of land solely for themselves when they’re not conscious of using it. As such, you might want to look into more eco-friendly methods of burial. For instance, woodland burial sites are available and can be used with biodegradable coffins to help return them to the earth in the truest sense. Eco-pods that turn into trees have also been growing popular in some locations.
Cremation
Another option that is even less wasteful is foregoing a burial with a traditional casket and choosing cremation instead. Until recently, I didn’t realize that viewing was an option before cremation. Loved ones can say their goodbyes with the loved one in a casket, and later, the body is cremated. Optionally, to traditional cremation practices, you can also then return the remains of your loved one to the earth with the help of options like biodegradable wood cremation urns. This way, you can end up with no waste at all or, even if it’s not biodegradable, you can make sure it is at least made with renewable materials.
Following the Departed’s Lifestyle Choices
In the few days following the death of a loved one, you may choose to host a wake or a similar gathering if it fits with the deceased’s traditions. While wakes are mostly for the living, you may choose to make sure that it fits the principles of your loved one. If they, for instance, chose not to eat meat in life due to environmental and ethical concerns, then you may want to ensure that the wake is meat-free as well. This can also go for any meals served as part of the memorial.
Help in Their Name
Grief can be many things and take many forms, but one truth you will find almost universally is that grief is a motivator. It can particularly motivate people to act in the ways that their lost loved ones would have wanted. For instance, you can take the opportunity to arrange a donation drive or even a volunteer effort towards a local environmentally-friendly cause in the name of your loved one. This can be a wonderful memorial to go alongside a relatively cost and waste-free service, making sure that any money spent will be for a good cause.
Planting a Tree
You may want to have a memorial beside a gravestone or an urn to help you remember the person you loved. If they have touched their community’s lives, it’s not uncommon to arrange for a placard or a bench to be put up in their honor. However, it may better fit an environmentally-conscious loved one’s desires and aims to plant a tree in their honor instead (this is my wish). This way, they can contribute in some small way to creating a greener world.
Asset Priorities
If you have been left as the executor of the deceased’s last wishes, first of all – bless your heart. That is not a job for the faint of heart. And, if you’ve been chosen, it’s for a good reason. Your first job may be to see that their assets go to those that they rightfully go to. You have to follow the will of the deceased, where it can be found and, where it can’t, you may have to follow the law. However, if there are no next of kin to which you can pass their belongings, you can instead make sure that it is either reused and donated or disposed of in the most environmentally conscious of ways.
It’s important to balance the departed wishes with what is feasible and sensitive to those who are saying goodbye. You can take steps to make sure you are respectful of the one you have lost, but be sure that it does not place an undue burden on yourself. Loss, no matter if you have time to prepare or you don’t, in the end, feels abrupt. One day they’re here; the next, they are not. So, even having time in advance to sort out burial wishes and wills, and so forth, doesn’t change the fact that the grief is there. However, planning offers a great reprieve and eases the burden of making some of the most difficult decisions loved ones have to make at one of the most emotionally charged moments in their life.
All of us can do our loved ones a favor and put our wishes in writing in advance. We can have open and honest conversations with our loved ones about what we want. Again, putting it in writing is the best step forward in ensuring that your wishes are met.
End-of-Life Doula Service Coming Soon!
Stay tuned for more posts like this. Next month, I will be completing an End-of-Life Doula certification. What’s an End-of-Life Doula, you ask? An end-of-life doula is a non-medical professional trained to care for a terminally ill person’s physical, emotional, and spiritual needs during the death process. While you may never have heard of this position in the healthcare field, “death doulas,” as they’re often called, are a fantastic resource for those dying and their loved ones to fill the gap of hospice care. Also, given my background as an advanced certified grief recovery specialist and Reiki Master, I feel as though I can add a level of support not found anywhere else in my region. And, living in a rural area, access to services is often at the forefront of loved one’s minds. I can’t wait to offer this service to my region. Stay tuned for more on this! And, if you know you’re already interested in this service for your loved one, please reach out via the contact form.
Love + light to you if this week’s blog post feels just a bit too timely. 💛
Educational, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
Perhaps your mental health is in a good place right now. That’s great news!
But there’s a good chance that other people around you aren’t doing so well. Perhaps they complain of feeling depressed, anxious, or panicky.
What can you do to help people in situations like these?
While you can’t always make them better, there are techniques that you can use to support them through a trying time.
What’s more, anyone can improve their skills to help others deal with mental health issues. The most effective remedy is often just a simple display of love and a listening ear.
- Ask Them If They Would Like You To Contact Someone
When somebody is going through a challenging period of mental health, it can be hard for them to muster the energy to do anything about their condition. The thought of picking up the phone and talking to a professional can be exhausting for them. Many want to avoid it, even if it could improve how they feel in the long run.
Here’s where you can step in. You can get the ball rolling by just offering to contact a professional and make an appointment. Once the consultation is scheduled, it creates a focus for the day, making it much more likely that they will get the help they need.
There are a lot of options available out there when it comes to professional services. From a partial hospitalization program to many therapy courses, it’s worth exploring what’s out there.
If you notice that their behavior has recently changed, perhaps they’re giving away possessions, don’t be afraid to ask them if they are thinking about harming themselves or others. If someone is experiencing suicidal ideation, ask if they’re thinking of harming themselves, which will likely catch them off guard. That’s not a question most people are willing to ask. However, it’s a question they may be waiting to be asked, too. For someone to open the door of conversation around suicidal thoughts.
One valid concern people have about asking someone if they’re thinking about harming themselves is the thought that they may follow through if asked. If someone is already having those thoughts, your asking isn’t putting the idea in their head – it’s already there. But, it does show that you’re willing to go there, to listen and support, because you’re asking that one question that’s not easy to ask.
Sometimes, it can be hard to know what to do when somebody is in the throes of a mental health issue. If you don’t have the training, you often feel powerless.
Taking mental health first aid courses, however, could help. The idea here is to equip you with the skills you need to manage a crisis until the cavalry arrives – similar to what a paramedic does. When it comes to suicide prevention, there’s the QPR method, which also offers online training.
Knowing what strategies you should use is a massively empowering experience. Suddenly, you feel competent, like you can actually do something to assist people you care about.
People going through mental health difficulties will often tell you the source of their problems. But a lot of the time, we have our ideas for what’s wrong.
Even if you think you’re right, it’s important to listen. Just feeling heard is often enough to rescue a lot of people from their darkest moods. Knowing that somebody is out there looking after their welfare is massively reassuring.
Often, something has happened, asking the question: Was there anything, in particular, that happened that is causing these feelings?
- Understand When You Can’t Help
We each have our limits. Not everyone can be a trained psychotherapist or expert psychologist.
So when supporting someone with mental health issues, it’s critical to recognize that there’s a cap on what you can achieve. Yes, you can usually help a little bit. But you can’t erase problems that affect people at a deep level. That takes a lot of time and self-work on their part. It’s not part of your job description any more than it’s a part of mine. Even in grief recovery, it’s a self-discovery, an inner-work process.
Like the health of the rest of the body, mental health is a long journey of self-discovery of what works and what doesn’t. The key is being open to possibility, surrounding oneself with support and accountability, and understanding it’s an evolutionary process. Also, challenging belief patterns keep the cyclic behavior and thoughts repeating.
Sending you love + light today and always.
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki, Resources, Spirituality |
Grief comes in like a freight train and with it a rollercoaster of feelings that are impossible to ignore. Whether someone close to you has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, a beloved friend or family member has died, a relationship has ended, or chronic disease has entered the picture (or any of the 40+ losses), grief manifests in many similar ways no matter the cause of grief.
Grief opens us up like a gaping wound. It’s important we validate the grief and feelings we’re experiencing from those wounds.
It can be rather easy to close yourself off from others while you’re on the rollercoaster. It’s tempting to do everything in your power to avoid and ignore what is feeling unsettled within you. However, allowing it to fester is reflected in continually disregarding that which is trying to get your attention. Repressing your grief will eventually manifest in physical symptoms or external behaviors.
In grief recovery, we use a tea kettle for an analogy. Like a tea kettle, grief experience after grief experience causes energy to build within us. This buildup of blocked energy is what we refer to in Reiki as byoki. Over time, this built-up blocked energy either causes us to implode or explode – or both. When the steam builds up in the tea kettle, it whistles. Once released, like our emotional energy blockages, the pressure is gone. When the energy is allowed to flow or put another way when feelings are felt and processed, the pressure (or stress, anger, resentment, dis-ease) is alleviated or even removed (if you did the inner grief work).
Why It’s Important to Feel Your Feelings
- Acknowledgment: By acknowledging how we’re feeling, we can’t deny those feelings. Thereby, we’re given an opportunity to either stuff or honor them with time and space. This is a choice we make.
- Openness: By sitting with our feelings, we are actively opening up our hearts and releasing the emotional energy they carry.
- Freedom: Embracing and fully experiencing our feelings provides a sense of freedom when we get to the other side.
- Overall Health & Wellbeing: It doesn’t feel good to experience our feelings fully. However, it sure beats using a bandaid like drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, fantasy, social media use, or anything else where the goal is to distract yourself from your feelings by using these things to feel better at the moment. Because what you’re often left with is more grief due to shame, guilt, feelings of unworthiness, etc.
Grief is a shock to the system on all levels: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. If you want to feel fulfillment in your life, though, eventually, you have to lean into the pain so you can move forward without it dictating and filtering into every area of your life. It’s not weak to allow yourself to feel the despair and vulnerability, any more than seeking help is weak.
Recovery from grief doesn’t mean you forget the love you have for someone. If it was a less than a positive relationship, it’s not about condoning any behavior you feel was an offense against you either. Recovery in either instance isn’t about forgetting either.
Recovery Is:
being able to enjoy fond memories without having them cause painful feelings of regret and remorse.
understanding your potential and no longer allowing past experiences to dictate your future.
claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness.
acquiring the skills we should have been taught in childhood.
one day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you’ve experienced is normal and healthy.
When we lose someone close, it’s common to incorporate rituals and routines for the loss into our lives. This helps us to make sense of what we’re experiencing. Some people also create shrines and memorials in memorial of a loved one. Rituals, shrines, and routines, memorials are ways many grievers use to cope. The way that we feel when we grieve is physically, emotionally, and spiritually painful, and the need to remember that loss is a normal and natural part of our lives. However, these things can also entrap us and keep us leashed to the event’s past.
We desire to find purpose and meaning in everything – it’s human nature. I am no different, despite the training, tools, and education I’ve received about grief. And, I’ve thought about how I’d cope with the loss of one of my children. The honest answer is – I have no way to know unless it happens to me. And so, we can pass judgment on how others are coping with their loss, but in truth, every single relationship is unique. I don’t know whether I would leave their room as-is, or if it would feel too painful, I’d want to change it completely. That’s a form of enshrinement. And, it’s a space that could bring great comfort or it could be a reminder of great sorrow and all of the unmet hopes, dreams, and expectations or anything we wish would be different, better, or more.
The effects of loss infiltrate into every aspect of our lives, often without connecting what’s happening to the grief and loss itself. We can move in tandem with our grief; meeting ourselves where we’re at in the process of time passing. Forcing yourself to move forward doesn’t help you. And yet, we also need to consider, as grievers (and I’ve been a griever since 1987), that there has to come a time when enough is enough. When the craziness we feel within ourselves is a disservice and a hindrance to our overall health and wellbeing.
Grief is as natural as happiness and love.
One Final Thought
I think, spiritually, if we believe our loved ones are always around us, there is no specific room, shrine, or memorial spot needed. We can feel close to our loved ones always and forevermore, no matter where we are. This is the aspect of grief, I believe, that has the potential to offer so much healing to grievers, but isn’t often talked about. I’m definitely going to share what I’ve been learning about this topic as of late. If you want a head start, check out the Netflix DocuSeries: Surviving Death.
Sending you all the love today, friend.
P.S. Did you find this post helpful? Please share it with a griever you love or care about. Sharing is caring. 💛
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
Recovering from depression is one of the most challenging mental conditions and trying experiences for a person to overcome. It can often be challenging to tell where negative emotions are coming from, and many people find themselves unable to be mindful when they are at their lowest. Each day can feel like a real slog when you are in this position, making it feel just about impossible to make a positive change. While it will always take baby steps, though, I’m hopeful that anyone has the power to overcome depression; you need to take positive, forward-motion steps. I would be remiss to say, too, that I’m not talking about diagnosed clinical depression, which is chronic and often requires ongoing professional support.
Of course, it would be wrong to say that the same methods will apply to everyone as well, but it is worth keeping these ideas in mind when you embark on your own journey to recovery. I personally have had bouts of depression myself. After having my second child, post-partum depression came out of nowhere and took me by surprise. After my third child, it was even worse, which resulted in me seeking help. Which only resulted in being prescribed a medication that I ultimately quit on my own. And, there were zero follow-ups from the doctor when I didn’t refill the prescription either. I understand that there’s only one of them and doctors have many patients. Though, I think that the “pill-dispensary” mentality, without any other support, isn’t doing society any favors. I do think looking at the whole person, not just their mental state of mind but also their emotional is just as, if not more, important. Because rarely do doctors ask: “What has happened to you in your life?” The cure-all, end-all, be-all is not always medication, and yet, that’s the anecdote for millions of people who, with mild depression, could take steps on their own to improve their mental frame of mind.
The question I would ask myself if I were to experience another bout of depression again would be: “What is happening in my life that is causing me to feel this way?”
Recovering from Depression
Being Mindful
It’s never easy to figure out the source of something like depression. It is unlikely that a single aspect in your life is triggering negative emotions; negative emotions tend to compound. For example, you may get up feeling great in the morning, but missing your bus to work will send you into an unhappy spiral. If the next person you talk to is rude to you, this will amplify your negative emotions, sending you deeper into a depressive state. Once in this position, mindfulness is just about the only tool that can get you out of it.
Being mindful means that you are aware of your emotions and the things that trigger them. For example, if you miss the bus, you will feel bad because you will be late for work and be worried about the consequences. In reality, though, this sort of issue never lasts more than a few hours, and it’s not worthy of making you feel bad. You can read more about mindfulness online, and it’s well worth learning some methods that will help you ground yourself when you feel bad.
Making Small Positive Changes
It can be all too easy to blame certain aspects of your life for something like depression. It’s not helpful to push people to make big changes in their lives, hoping that they will escape the way they feel. In reality, this can make it harder to tackle the root of the issue, and it can be much better to make smaller changes that will improve your existing lifestyle. No two people are the same, which makes it crucial that you take steps that apply to your situation rather than follow other people’s lead.
For example, if you feel bad about a relationship you are in, talking to your partner and improving the situation will be much better than simply breaking up with them. This doesn’t have to directly relate to the way you feel, either, with many people finding that adding things like exercise into their routine makes them feel better throughout the day. Your emotions are always influenced by the things you do, making it wise to spend time adapting your day to do things that bring about joy.
Talk To Others
Talking has always been one of the best tools for those who are struggling with depression. It can be hard to rationalize your thoughts when you are trapped in your own head. Sometimes, saying what is on your mind to someone else can bring the clarity you didn’t know existed. Alongside this, it can also help you to get the support you need, with new ideas and assessments of your emotions giving you the chance to build a good understanding of your own mind.
Family, friends, and even your colleagues can be the perfect candidates for this. However, not always. While not everyone will want to talk about something like depression directly, most people will be more than happy to lend their ear when they know that something is bothering you. You should always lead the way with this, never waiting for people to ask if you want to talk. While your emotions feel very prominent to you, other people may not see the dark cloud that looms over you until you let them. You want to be sure you’re discerning who can be a heart with ears for you without criticizing, analyzing, or judging what you’re sharing. Going through grief recovery, grievers (and trained specialists) learn how to be a heart with ears for others and what that looks like. Empathy is my number one strength, so being a heart with ears comes easily and naturally. It’s why I love podcasting so much, too. For many of my guests, it’s the first time they’re sharing their story in such a public way, and I’m a stranger. It’s because I listen and allow grievers to share their story uninterrupted.
The people you know and love aren’t the only people who can help when you feel depressed. There are loads of professionals out there that can offer support and advice while you go through something like this, and it’s always worth looking for this help when you are struggling. A therapist will always be happy to give you the time you need, with no judgment being applied when you talk about the things that you find hard. They’re a great heart with ears because they’re a neutral party with no skin in your life game; they’ve got nothing to lose or anything to gain. This can be an amazing way to deal with depression, with many people learning things about themselves that they never knew. But, I am partial to grief recovery, as it’s often the root of what’s emotionally going on in our lives. Grief stacks up over time. This is why it often takes many years and many losses for people to connect the dots of what’s they’re experiencing in their life as grief.
Positivity
Finally, as the last area to consider, it’s time to think about an idea that is controversial to some. Depression is a mental health issue that stems from much more than simply being unhappy, but many people find value in working hard to remain positive in their day to day lives when they are living with something like this. Being positive about the things you find hard can be a challenge, but when you remember that tomorrow will be a new day, it can become a lot easier to smile at things used to make you feel bad.
Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone, and pretending to be happy is no substitute for real happiness. In fact, how many times have you said “I’m fine” in response to the question “How are you?” Likely, like most people, that’s often the go-to answer, even when it’s far from the truth. When we’re uncomfortable about how we’re feeling, the last thing we want to do is “get into it” when the other person is likely expecting a flat answer rather than the truth. Imagine if everyone you asked would be honest about how they felt? You’d likely stop asking people how they felt if you yourself are uncomfortable with your own life and what’s going on, right? Also, we often ask questions like this in passing, for small chit-chat conversation. Do we really have the time (or make the time, rather) to hear how each other is feeling truly? Feelings aren’t sexy, thereby, we downplay our emotions, and when we’re ecstatic about life, it’s no different because heaven forbid you love your life too much. People are uncomfortable with other people’s happiness, too.
Depression is a big challenge for humanity. No matter how much technology develops, people will always have to live with conditions like this, and the solutions can often be impossible to see. Following the advice in this post is a great start, but it will also be worth reaching out to others who have dealt with depression if you want to keep your learning going. You never know; someone may share a solution that becomes the one thing that unlocks everything for you and sets you off on a positive path forward.
One final thought: never stop seeking answers that resonate with you and never lose hope.
Educational, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki, Resources |
For some people, mental strength comes easily, while others have to fight hard to feel well each day. Whichever kind of person you are, there is no denying that changing the way you live your life, and incorporating healthy habits, can improve your mental health significantly.
With that in mind, here are a few things you can do right now to build mental strength and start feeling better than you have before:
Meditate
Yes, it’s become a bit of a buzzword in the world of wellness and mental health in recent years, but that’s because it works. Meditation gives you space from your thoughts, teaches you to live more at the moment, and helps you come to terms with past traumas. If you can practice meditation for just 20 minutes each day (build up to this if you need to), you will begin to notice a big difference in how well you feel and how able you are to cope with difficult situations. I like to think of meditation as a “popping of the cork,” where the mind is the cork. It’s a disconnection of our minds from our hamster-wheel thoughts that allows us to venture into our subconscious (higher selves). And, you don’t have to sit cross-legged while chanting “Ommmmm…” to meditate. There are also walking meditations you can do where you focus on your breath. Meditation really brings awareness to the moment, which is so easily disregarded in our western, hustling culture.
Seek help
There is nothing weak about seeking help when you’re feeling unable to cope with your mental condition. From using an anxiety counseling service to seeing a psychiatrist who can work with your brain chemistry to get you back on an even keel or even having Reiki healing to get back in touch with yourself, doing what you need to do, and seeking help from the professionals who can help you with this is a smart move. It’s also a move you should make whenever you’re struggling – it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. If grief weighs you down, I offer a service specific to grief that isn’t going to take two years of talk therapy. In grief recovery, you get to the root of many of the issues that plague your life, not realizing that grief is quite possibly the cause. Not to mention, it’s an evidence-based, proven structured program for moving beyond grief. Additionally, some people who have experienced trauma, need additional support in the form of a service dog for PTSD, while symptoms are difficult to manage as they work toward recovery and beyond to keep on track.
Challenge yourself
You can never be truly mentally strong if you stay in your comfort zone. To be the best person you can be, you need to challenge yourself regularly. Don’t underestimate yourself and try activities that you may think are beyond you. Do your best to master them, and even if you don’t fully succeed, you will have built a mental toughness and a level of resilience that will help you get through tougher times in the future. I wholeheartedly feel that had I not ventured out of my comfort zone more than ten years ago to start my own business, I would not have the business I do today. Challenging yourself also requires an openness to possibility, failure, and growth. We grow through challenges and experience – no doubt about it!
Practice gratitude
By being grateful for what you have, you teach yourself to be more positive, which will stand you in good stead when times are hard. To practice gratitude, end the day by writing down five things (big or small) that you were grateful for, making you happy that day. Pretty soon, your brain will start looking for the good in every situation, and you will start to feel happier than you ever thought possible. Give it a try; it really does work.
One thing I started doing is, when I lie down at night to go to sleep, I bless the day I had and will have the next day. I go through my day and give thanks for the blessings that occurred that day. I give my gratitude for any connections I’ve made, how well a situation played out, a heartwarming moment, etc. Also, knowing what I have to do the next day, I play it out in my mind how I would like it to go. And, if things didn’t go exactly as I hoped, I play it out in my mind how I wish it would’ve gone and then bless the people and the situation. This has been the easiest gratitude practice I’ve found that works for me. Steal away if it resonates with you!
Keep practicing
Being mentally strong and healthy is a lifelong effort; it isn’t something you can work at for a while and then give up when you get bored or distracted or whatever. If you want to be truly happy, grateful, and mentally well, you need to put the work in day after day, even if you don’t feel like it. By practicing the above, and other techniques you find useful regularly, you will struggle less through life.
I’ve said it before, but it begs to be repeated: “Grief is cumulative and, it’s cumulatively negative. But, so is healing.” Every effort you put forward in your whole body wellness comes back in dividends and compounds over time. Every time (or financial) investment into your healing is an investment in yourself. And, you’re more than worth it.
