Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Resources |
YOU ARE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!
If your days have been feeling as though they’re all running together – know that today is FRIDAY! Woohoo! I hope you can find some joy this weekend.
If you feel like every person you cross paths with is cranky, rude, or negative – know that their emotional gunk isn’t yours. But, it may help you feel better to continue to be you. Don’t dim your positivity for the sake of making the other person feel comfortable. I’ve been on the other side of this. I’m sure you have, too. You’re in a cranky mood, and someone you speak to is just full of smiles and joy and, you wonder to yourself: “How can you be so damn happy all of the time?” And, you know what? It’s more of a reflection of ourselves. We can project our joy onto others, or we can project our pain.
And, I realize that’s the difficulty. I’ve written about telling the emotional truth about ourselves many times before. Yet, here I am saying that if you’re feeling negative, not to mention the emotional truth about yourself- not to project it onto others. However, there’s a difference between telling the emotional truth and treating others poorly because we feel – emotionally deficient.
We will not always be happy – about our life situation, the state of the world, a decision that’s been made, our health, the weather – you name it. However, if we can acknowledge, within ourselves, that which isn’t working, feeling right, or aligning our soul with joy, and meet that hurt within us with compassion, then we are more equipped to share the truth – without mistreating others in the process.
As we start to work through our emotional stuff (and continue to do so), we are less affected by others’ emotional dis-ease. And, I can tell you, I am much quicker to recognize now (because I keep applying grief recovery to my life) when I am a projector of the negative. I have learned that that’s when it’s time to step out of my head and into my heart, and know where there’s emotional work to do. As a result, this makes me a happier person – in my skin and to be around.
Life is for learning. When you feel like you’ve messed up – apologize. When you feel like you’re at your breaking point – step away, take a break, and hit the reset button. Ask yourself what you can do in the situation rather than focusing on what is out of your hands (I’ve been doing my darndest to put this one into practice as of late).
We are in community with each other whether we like it or not. So, rather than fret over others whom you can’t change, fret over a situation that’s frustrating the, you know what, out of you, and being frustrated with yourself – hit reset. Sometimes, we need to be alone – not in community with others, to do just that. When we’re in each other’s spaces, we’re also in each other’s energy. You’re doing the best you can steeping in everyone’s energy. But the most important person’s energy you need to pay attention to – is your own.
I know it’s not easy these days to manage our own energy either. I had been struggling with this, too. And, you know – I gave myself Reiki. True story. I gave myself Reiki before bed a few nights recently, and despite having fewer hours of sleep, I had better quality sleep. Another thing that feels like a reset at the end of the day? A shower. Yup. Sounds silly, as the majority of the people I know typically shower in the morning. However, I prefer to shower at night. You literally wash away the stress of the day down the drain and crawl into bed, feeling refreshed (and reset).
So today, I want you to pat yourself on the back that yes, you are doing the best you can. And, I hope this helps you to reflect on your energy and the energy of those around you. How is the energy of others affecting you? How is your energy affecting those around you, too? When I feel good, I influence those around me to feel better, also.
Even if it may seem annoying to others who project their pain on others (because they’re not tapped into their energy and their impact it has) – work on a reset for YOU. This reset is the best thing you can do this Friday and throughout the weekend, before the start of a new week.
Set the intention today for a fantastic weekend, regardless of the chaos that may be ensuing around you. Turn off the phone if you need to. Get a hotel room or an Airbnb by yourself for a night, if you need to. Take a drive on the backroads, or in the country, and photograph what you find along the way. Take a lawn chair and sit by the lake (or the ocean) and steep in the stillness.
Reset for your energy (and your mindset), so you can continue to do the best you can! And, if you need help with an emotional reset for life, reach out to me. I know the program that’s perfect for doing just that. 😉
P.S. Are you looking for support for a grieving child in your care? I am looking for four participants to walk through the NEW online group program, Helping Children with Loss. We meet on Zoom only four times – once a week, for no more than 2 1/2 hours each time. And know that there’s lots of material to cover. You won’t be a silent listener (bored out of your mind) as I lecture each week for four weeks. It’s participatory and engaging content, where you interact with others in the group, and learn some new skills and tools to utilize for the rest of your life. This program is prevention, so whether you’re a parent, daycare provider, social worker, school faculty, a child therapist looking for more knowledge around grief specifically, or work in the foster care/adoption system – this program is for you – the adult. The first group will be offered at a discounted rate, which will allow me to make sure all of my systems and processes are correctly in place and that there aren’t any hiccups—interested in learning more? Please email me at [email protected] or message via the Contact tab.
I look forward to sharing this amazing program with you – for the better of the child(ren) in your life!
Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Resources |
The body always talks. Our bodies are our alarm system to something not being right. And, when experiencing grief, our bodies definitely talk to us. When we are feeling anxious or worried, our minds often swirl the same thought patterns over and over. In response, our bodies reply to those thought patterns. For every person, the symptoms will present differently, however, may be similar as well.
Common Physical Grief Symptoms
Since I started grief recovery work, there have been similarities in symptoms that clients have shared with me that were like my own. For example, when I had my “mid-life unraveling,” I was experiencing overall body aches, hair loss, weight loss, stomach/gut issues (often with bloat), fatigue, etc.. After going down numerous rabbit holes with my doctor, what came of all of that was that my body was “Epstein-Barr Reactive.” Meaning, the mono virus was reactivated in my body, however, blood work was showing that I did not have mono. Also, around those years, I ended up having three colon polyps removed.
Grief manifests in our bodies; no doubt about it. And, because most of us will not identify ourselves as grievers, we suffer from what we believe are “medical mysteries” with no explanation, and, begin to feel a little crazy in the process. Also, “traditional” doctors are not going to ask you about your emotional state, are they? They’re not going to ask you about your “loss history,” are they? So, the mind-body connection is rarely (if ever) made in a traditional doctor’s office, even though boat-loads of medical research point to how our minds and bodies are connected in amazing, brilliant ways.
The disconnect comes where our ego is. The disconnect comes from our inability to get out of our minds and into our hearts. And, there’s this assistance of resistance to that which is painful and traumatic. We simply don’t want to “re-live” or “re-hash” what we’ve experienced. I often hear this from those who are not ready to dig deep and work through the muck. And hey, that was me, too, for a very (very) long time. But, if you would be honest with yourself (as I wish I would have been years earlier), you would see that not “re-hashing” and sitting in the muck, is only keeping you stuck in various areas of your life, negatively impacting your health and relationships, and probably taking years off of your life.
That which we don’t acknowledge (or refuse to) festers like a sore that won’t heal. And, over time, we tend to pick at the scab. However, when we’ve picked just a bit too much and it starts to sting a bit; we retreat, pull back, and leave it well enough alone. Because picking away any more is just plain painful.
A Car Analogy
Over the past five years, I have learned a lot about how my body responds to stressors. I’ve learned what I need to feel recharged, not depleted, and balanced. It’s still something I am working towards because, kids, life, work, side -hustle all require mental, emotional, and physical energy. If we think of our bodies as a fuel tank, we start to think more about our bodies as the cars we drive. We take our cars in for oil changes, tune-up’s, balance the tires, keep the fluids filled, etc.. However, this same common sense care and maintenance goes out the window when we think about ourselves and self-care. We take better care of our autos than we do our one body that we don’t get a re-do with; we can’t trade our one body in for another newer, better-equipped model. Nope, one shot – one life.
So, just as we take great care in ensuring our automobile lasts for the long-haul, so too, we need to consider how we’re taking care of ourselves for the long-haul. What is your heart needing? What is your mind fighting your heart against today?
I recently heard a pretty probing question posed by the author Hal Elrod who wrote the book Miracle Morning on a podcast episode. He said: “Is my life a reflection of who I want to be or a reaction to those who I don’t want to upset?” I bring this question up because often it is our relationships with the living that often cause us the most grief. And, this grief manifests in our bodies. What we hold in, emotionally, will always come out in one of two ways; we either implode (health issues) or we explode (emotional outbursts/anger/relationship problems/etc.). If you answer that question and, you’re walking through life on eggshells; reacting to life and attempting to not upset anyone, what do you think that this doing to your heart? What do you think that is doing to you emotionally? It likely feels like an emotional rollercoaster, filled with highs, lows, and a lot of stressors in-between. And, we all know what stress does to us – mentally, emotionally, and physically, right?
Heart vs Mind
My body responds to stress with increased heart rate, negatively impacted sleep (even if I don’t realize it), dry mouth, burning sensation between my shoulder blades (where my tension goes), anxiousness, lack of concentration, an inability to focus, and gut symptoms. I know this now about myself. I didn’t understand this over five years ago. And, that is why I believe I was led to grief recovery and energy healing. My body knew exactly what I needed. My mind (ego), however, was the one holding me back, pulling the strings, and keeping me stuck.
Where are you feeling your emotions in your body? I encourage you to consider that grief may be the cause of your physical symptoms. Whether it be high blood pressure, an ulcer, body aches, fatigue, etc., consider that it may be grief. Reflect on the losses you’ve endured in your life that involve both the death of a loved one and the losses that don’t.
- Have you lost trust in someone you deeply cared about?
- Have you felt betrayed in your life?
- Have you experienced financial ruin?
- Lost your home in uncontrollable circumstances?
- Suffered estrangement as a child (from a parent) or as an adult (in relationships)?
- Has your life been a downward spiral of loss of health?
- Are you a caregiver to someone who is terminally ill, cognitively declining, or is cognitively delayed?
- Have you survived a physical attack or accident?
- Have you had many accidents throughout your life, which often occur as a result of the cognitive consequences of grief (an inability to concentrate/focus)?
All of these situations (and many more) create grief in our lives that also manifest in our bodies. The body knows. And, our one body is always talking to us. I have become so attuned to this connection that I can often look at someone and, I know something is up. Both our body language, and our physical appearance tell a story without us having to say a word. We often wear our life stories like the clothes on our backs without us even realizing it. Kids are no different. The energy that surrounds us, and we take with us out into the world, tells the story.
Heal the story, and you begin to heal the body.
P.S. Do you have a child with a story that needs healing but you’re not sure how to help them? I am looking for 8 participants for an upcoming 4-week, online group program, Helping Children with Loss. We will meet on Zoom for one session per week for 4 weeks for approximately 2 1/2 hours, in the evening (day/time TBD and flexible). This is not a program for you, rather it is a program for you to learn tools and communication skills in how to help the child/children in your care work through and process loss. And, considering Covid-19 has touched every single one of us, there is no denying children need this, even if you think they’re doing just fine. Prior to Covid-19, has a loved one or a pet died? Maybe during Covid-19, a loved one died and they didn’t get to say goodbye? There is plenty of grief to go around these days and this program is prevention. I encourage you to consider it and get in touch with me via email to [email protected]. The first group will be offered at a discount!
Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
Looking out the kitchen window, I could see the church from where I sat. I often pondered my faith through the years, as they passed, and the calendar flipped month to month.
When, in God’s name, will I stop feeling this way?
Today, I reflected on the many times I sat at my kitchen table working on myself. You may be wondering: “What does ‘working on one’s self’ look like?” Well, at the time, it had become somewhat an obsession. It was a weird hobby to find what made me tick, what made me behave and think the way I did at that time. And, what I learned about myself was pure gold awareness. However, the revolving thought I had then was how lucky I felt that I was able to sit at my kitchen table and dig deep into my inner-world.
The Only Way Out is Through
I received this beautiful reminder today of how incredibly fortunate I was to be able to dig deep back then. Financially, I was okay. I could sit at my kitchen table and create that time and mental space. Granted, I had been working late into the night and was up early with kids. And truth be told, we were not financially rolling in it either. But, I somehow knew that the only way out of the rut I was feeling I was drowning in – was to quit squirming (and resisting) my way deeper and instead, create the time, intention, and focus on working on myself. For me but also for those I love.
When we are feeling strangled financially, it’s hard to focus on anything else. There is always this undercurrent of desperation. I do speak from my varying degrees of financial hardship (which will differ for everyone), but I do remember that feeling. I remember it well – both as a child and well into adulthood. And, it’s those early financial and money experiences that shape and form our beliefs about money into adulthood, too.
Homegrown Beliefs
Do you hate to talk about money today? Look at what your relationship to money was as a child. What was the conversation around money growing up? What were the phrases and things you heard? There’s a clue there. And because it’s super-easy to tie everything into grief ( it’s the root of a whole lot of issue we have), do you think that the money talk growing up caused grief experiences for your parent(s)? And, don’t you think that rippled into your life experience, too?
I digress. The point is, is that there will always be a reason we don’t create the time and space to work on ourselves. Always. What I believe it comes down to, though, is courage. It takes courage to create change in our lives. And, personal development and growth is a long game. It does not happen overnight and it does take personal commitment and work.
One question I’d like to leave you with today is this: “What is one thing you want to do, but you have not found the courage to take action toward in your life? Two minutes. That’s all it takes is two minutes of courage to get the ball rolling. Send the email, make the call, order the book/program/course, ASK the darn thing that’s been sitting on your heart for God knows how long…
Two minutes of courage. Do the damn thing, friend. You’ve got this. It’s all learning, anyway. And, it’s impossible to fail if you reframe it as learning.
P.S. If you need a nudge, here’s yours: I have two spots available for the One-on-One Online Grief Recovery Program Online in June. And, I offer something special for working with me – both in the form of a gift and a bonus. Have I piqued your interest? If you’ve been standing at the edge of the pool of life, afraid to dive into the deep end (i.e., your heart), I’ve got you – the whole way through. You need not be afraid. There is so much goodness on the other side; I promise you that. I encourage you to find the courage to give yourself a gift that will keep on giving. Email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com or send a message via the Contact tab.
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness |
Several years ago, I was taking a course by Tony Robbins. If you’re unsure who he is, he’s what I would call a “guru of change.” His programs, books, and his entire vibe is high impact and elevating. Sometimes, just listening to someone in our ear or reading their written words can help us out of a funk. Back then, I was hanging on his every word. I still greatly admire him. However, I rely most heavily on my intuition these days. We can spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on coaches, programs, books, or courses, but none of them can create lasting change without YOU. You are the common denominator in every one of those means of change, but these things are simply dust collectors, paperweights, and gigabytes taking up space – if you do nothing with them. And, this is where The Grief Recovery Method is different. A GRM program is not something you’ll purchase and then will sit on for three months before you even look at it. It won’t sit on the shelf and collect dust until you “get around to it.” And, it’s not a course that will take up digital space on your computer and become lost amidst the other 25 programs you’ve purchased over the years (oh wait, is that just me?). Nope. The Grief Recovery Method doesn’t let you off the hook, to your own devices, and isn’t knowledge that will never be tapped into, learned, or utilized. On the contrary, your ROI (return of investment) is ten-fold. Not only do you reap the benefits of the deep, inner-work, but your relationships do, too – as does your community and future. Once you walk through the steps, learning new tools along the way, you will be gaining the knowledge you will have forever that will also positively impact every griever you come in contact with in the future. You will also be able to help yourself continually. The bible says that if you give a man a fish, he will eat today, but teach a man to fish and he will eat forever. This method is teaching you how to fish (i.e., take care of yourself and every griever you know). I don’t know of any other course, program, book, guru, coach, or anything else I’ve ever encountered in all of my life that has made me feel as empowered as this program. And, it is evidence proven because it encompasses laser-focused areas for creating lasting change.
The Five Key Elements of Positive (Lasting) Change
There are five key elements of positive change that, I believe, few programs equally and fully address. I may be partial, but the grief recovery program is one of them. What are the five elements of positive change as they relate to The Grief Recovery Method? Let’s dig in! Knowledge – By learning new tools and receiving an education about grief like you’ve never received before, you’ll walk away from the program more equipped to support other grievers. Albeit your neighbor, best friend, child, or the grocery clerk – this is where the program creates ripples. What do I mean by that? Well, let’s say the cashier at the grocery store is the same cashier you’ve seen for the past ten years. All of a sudden, she’s not there. The following week, she returns to work and shares she had had a miscarriage and took a few days off of work. Saddened by this news, but ill-equipped with what to say, you innocently reply: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. Well, at least you can try again.” A well-meaning comment quickly felt like a stab in that cashier’s heart. And, you’re not the first to say that either. So, imagine what all these daggers do to her heart over time? Do you think she’s going to share her grief openly ever again readily? That’s not a trick question – that’s a “no.” Awareness – We develop awareness by evaluating old patterns of behavior, what we need, and recognizing where we need (and lack) boundaries. Through the program, these areas come into our awareness. I was quite surprised by how the need for boundaries became so apparent for me. I also recognized where my patterns of behavior were unhealthy and creating a cyclical pattern. Without awareness, we don’t know what needs to change. We don’t give much thought to how our thoughts impact our behaviors. It isn’t until we take a step back and a birds-eye view of our lives, where we can see more clearly. Beliefs – Children will learn 75% of the basic tools and concepts that they will use throughout their lives by the age of three. Even before they have developed any advanced communication skills, they have learned these things from watching what those around them do and listening to how they deal with day-to-day issues. Children gain an additional 20% of these skills, which will define how they deal with daily problems in the next 10 to 12 years. As a result, 95% of their decision-making powers are established by the age of 15. This means that by the age of 3, we’ve received most of the messages we will use to process grief and life in general. These early messages are either re-inforced as we get older or, are intercepted by a caretaker who receives educational tools to change the trajectory of learned behavior. This demonstrates why beliefs and ideas passed down, what I like to call generational learning, will either create havoc in our lives or empower us. However, considering we’re talking about generational learning, parents are only drawing from what they know and what they were taught, just as their parents did, and their parents’ parents. To choose to become educated in the area of grief and working through our belief systems, we empower future generations to do the same. Behavior – We resort to what’s comfortable when we feel uneasy. We fall back to behaviors that help us feel better, at the moment, when we’re feeling stressed, anxious, or fearful. And, we repeat these same behaviors because it’s a compulsion to resist pain and move toward pleasure. However, we all know that too much of a “good” thing is never a good thing, right? Even exercise can be hazardous to your health when done in excess. If you’re pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion, spending hours upon hours in the gym, while your family is at a family birthday party, perhaps there’s an issue with “just trying to get healthy?” How healthy is it really if other areas of life are sacrificed, cast aside, or disregarded? In grief recovery, we call these STERBs (short-term energy relieving behavior). And, they’re called this because they’re exactly that, short-term – you feel good for a time, but later feel shame, guilt, exhausted, anxious, or depressed. Many behaviors may fall under the addiction category because the feeling of temporarily feeling better itself becomes the addiction. Whether it be a common addiction such as gambling, pornography, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, etc., or something seemingly innocent like shopping, exercise, or gossip – the effect during and after are similar. We feel better while we’re buying that 15th pair of shoes we don’t need (and may rarely wear) but feel guilty or shameful for spending the money. It’s a strong desire to feel better, where reason does not even win because the heart’s pain is speaking so loudly; you just want it to shut up already. We do what we do because there is a pay-off. Ask yourself if the behaviors you engage in are a way to distract yourself from what’s really going on in your heart. If the answer is yes, you are “STERB’ing.”
Grief Has Been The Pandemic
The world is talking about Covid-19, and grief is also a topic of discussion as a result. However, we’ve been in a pandemic far longer than Covid-19. Grief has been our pandemic. And, if you disagree, just look at the ripple effects of Covid-19 and the grief it is stirring up in people’s lives. People had STERB’s, presumably reliable belief systems, and didn’t futz with awareness because they had preoccupations shifting attention elsewhere. Covid-19 has brought grief to the forefront of society. But, I would argue, it’s always been there. Always. Because, every single day, there are new grievers around the globe and that has not changed because of a virus. All the grief of the world has been amplified because of this. This is a blaring, sound-the-alarm, wake-up call. I cannot even begin to imagine the ripple-effects of all of this global, unresolved (and unaddressed) grief that will result once the dust settles. And now, doctors are begging their states to get back to business and open up because they see, first-hand, the after-effects of grief in their communities. The rates of suicide, alcohol/drug abuse, people fearing seeking treatment for known conditions or health concerns, and even cancer screenings are down 90% due to fear of going to doctor’s offices. But, there is hope in all of this. GRM (grief recovery method) is HOPE. It was my hope when I needed it most. By utilizing and addressing these significant components of lasting change, I say, without reservation and with conviction: GRM changed my life. I know I sound like a broken record. However, I can’t and won’t apologize. If you’re reading my words for the first time, this blog post could change the trajectory of the rest of your life – if you choose to let my words sink in today. If you are open to hearing them. And, if (and only if) you are open to feeling better – once and for all. Not to mention, creating ripples in every other area of your life.
Emotionally well people create healthier homes, communities, states, countries, and world. And, that, my friend, no one can argue.
And to think that, when I sat down to write this week’s blog post, I wasn’t feeling inspired. Nearly 1850 words later, my heart’s plea passed through my fingertips. It is your time. Now is your time to take even just 1% responsibility for your life and how you will choose to respond to the chaos in your heart you may be feeling. Hope is here, as a gift for you on Christmas morning. How did you feel this past Christmas morning (if you celebrate)? How do you WANT to feel Christmas morning 2020? I’m here for you as a guide through the hardest shit you’ve ever faced in your life. We all face hard shit. And, in GRM, there are zero comparisons. There is only love, compassion, empathy, and results in a set amount of time, and far cheaper than years of therapy. *Not discrediting therapy/therapists – we all serve our place and purpose in the world.* I’m an email away, friend. P.S. Know someone who needs to hear this message? Did reading this have you thinking of someone that you know? Listen to that nudge in your heart, and pass this along to them. Did this speak to you personally? Listen to the whispers of your heart – it will never steer you wrong.
Educational, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
We easily get caught up in our emotions in the heat of the moment. And, in those moments, we aren’t usually self-aware of how those emotions are “showing up” within our body. Taking the time to identify what you’re feeling can help you to better cope with challenging situations. And, by doing a “body scan,” assessing head to toe how your body is responding to those emotions, is key to regaining body control. How often have you seen fists fly in a fit of anger? I know I have. Body language, facial expressions, and demeanor give away so much information without a word needing to be spoken.
I thought I would dive a bit more into feelings, as May is Mental Health Awareness Month. Last week, I shared a post about how we, as a society, need to change the mental health conversation, to remove the stigma surrounding it.
According to this research article, people who are good at being specific about identifying (and labeling) their emotions are less likely to binge drink, be physically aggressive, or self-injure when distressed. Also, when school-aged kids are taught about emotions for 20-30 minutes per week, their social behavior and school performance improve, according to this abstract. And, considering the English language has over 3,000 words for emotions, there should never be a shortage of feeling words to express how we’re feeling.
Tips for Owning Your Feelings
- Allow yourself to feel. We’ve all heard the expressions, “big girls don’t cry,” or “man up.” My favorite and the one I heard (and you likely did, too): “If you want to cry, I’ll give you something to cry about.” These outdated phrases are not helpful. Everyone has emotions – they are part of the human experience. We have every right to feel what we’re feeling, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, socio-economic status, race, political affiliation, or religion.
- Don’t ignore how you’re feeling. Many of us tend to “bottle up” our feelings. We push them aside, doing our best to disregard and ignore them. Until we can’t contain them any longer, and we either “implode” or “explode.” When we “implode,” our bodies take that held emotional energy, and it comes out in the form of health issues: migraines, high blood pressure, bowel issues, body aches, etc.. I think we all know what happens when we explode. Usually, those closest to us suffer the consequences of “exploding” with angry outbursts, passive-aggressive behavior, manipulation, etc..
- Talk it out. Finding a “heart with ears” to share how you’re feeling can be a great outlet. But, not everyone is a fit for that title. Because, often, people either want to rush to solve the problem or share their own experience. The perfect “heart with ears” for you is someone who doesn’t necessarily have skin in the game. Because most of us do not come out of the womb full of emotional knowledge and we do not receive a formal education in knowing how to communicate, it’s even more critical we learn these skills (and then teach them to our children).
- Build your emotional vocabulary. The familiar words we use to express ourselves are: mad, sad, bad, good, or the most common – fine. However, there are even better words to describe how we feel. Try building your feeling vocabulary by writing down as many “feeling” words as you can think of and time you felt that way. These feeling words are a list you can refer to when talking about feelings with your children.
- Try journaling. Each night, write down at least three feelings you had throughout the day and what caused them. It doesn’t have to be pages and pages of writing; just a few sentences to help you feel comfortable with identifying and expressing your emotions.
- Consider the strength of your feelings. If you think about how intense your feelings are, ask yourself if there is a more descriptive word. For example, if you’re feeling stressed, what you may be feeling is annoyed. Or, if you are feeling angry, alternatively, the more profound emotion may be a feeling of betrayal.
- See a mental health professional. If you are taking steps to get more in touch with your feelings, but are having trouble dealing with them, it is best to ask a professional for help. If you don’t, we go back to the idea that you either implode or explode. You may resort to STERBs (short-term energy relieving behavior) such as exercise, shopping, gambling, drinking, anger, food, etc.. Besides, seeking help is better, too, than the alternative of imploding with health issues.
Grief is at the heart of many emotional issues. I feel like a broken record sometimes. However, because grief occurs in the context of relationships, and if, within those relationships, we haven’t addressed our internal emotional map “stuff,” we will not have the self-awareness we need to maintain healthy relationships with effective communication. Grief recovery not only provides an education, but it helps lay the foundation for emotional self-awareness. And then, the program takes it one step further by providing you with new tools to process those emotions.
If you want to dive deep into your emotional landscape, or if there’s a relationship that holds so much emotional charge in your life that it impacts every aspect of your life, I encourage you to work with me online. I have a few spots open to help hurting hearts feel better.
P.S. If you feel like you are struggling with your mental health, check your symptoms with the Mental Health Screening Tool available HERE.
P.P.S. To inquire about working with me, email me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com or call me at 701.336.7720.
Childhood Grief, Grief, Grief Stories, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Reiki, Resources, Spirituality |
We all have that thing; a horrible experience, a needling feeling in our heart, a painful itch you can’t ever seem to scratch.
If you took a drone and hovered it over your life, it might look like days not showering, angry outbursts toward loved ones; hours spent binge-watching reality tv, or hours lying in bed – your mind filled with worry, anxiousness, or fear.
It might also look like “productivity:” hours of exercise, baking, reading fantasy, getting a new pet (which requires countless hours of training), obsessive cleaning/organizing, etc..
Emotional dis-ease manifests differently in our lives for every one of us.
For me, it looked like a mom who felt anxious daily; frazzled and torn between obligation, responsibility and what my heart truly needed – healing. As a parent, I know the struggle with the relationship to time to not only be there for those around you but also create time and space for yourself to look inward.
I feel like there is a massive gap in our culture of self-work and the obligations of being a parent. How do we bridge that gap? How do we create the time and space our hearts need when we’re bombarded by life daily?
Back in 2014, things were coming to a head for me. I was faced with this very dilemma of wanting to figure my shit out so I could finally be content with myself and my life and compartmentalizing all of that so I could be present for my children.
I look back on that time now, and I know I wasn’t present. I know there are gaps in my memory that go far back to my childhood. Whether there are blocks of time I’ve consciously or subconsciously blocked out from my awareness (even as an adult), I’ve yet to discover; however, it’s what I’m currently exploring.
Trauma has a way of creeping up on us after the fact. Often, we don’t recognize it as such either. Instead, it manifests in ways I’ve previously described. But it’s there, like an undercurrent of a flowing river, just going along until it finds its way out. Eventually, it does find a way out.
Making Time and Creating Space for Healing
Self-healing is like peeling back the layers of an onion. Every time we remove one layer, another emerges. Unprocessed emotions have a way of making their presence known when we least expect them to appear, too. We must find a way and the time, even if it means going away for an overnight one day per month. That’s where a program, based on a time-frame was most beneficial for me. I could leave my obligations and responsibilities behind, so I could focus on healing and healing alone. It took years to make it a priority for myself. But, I do feel that what I needed, found its way to me in perfect timing. All the stuff I did leading up to it, stacked up, preparing me for what was to come. So, never discount the little actions, the small things you do daily to nurture healing. It’s often the micro-actions that build the foundation for major emotional shifts and breakthroughs.
The One Thing that Changed My Life
The one thing that has changed my life, above anything else, was beginning to peel back the onion and doing the inner work. Layer by layer, I’m discovering where my heart and soul need healing (even now; it’s a work-in-progress without an “I’ve arrived” date).
Our best selves go into hiding when our brains use logic to make sense of emotionally dangerous situations. All the while, our hearts put up a wall and armor up to the world around us.
Self-discovery is a marathon. There’s no one way to awareness and enlightenment. However, just like in training for a marathon, we are required to take action. And not just action for the sake of taking action. I’m talking intentional and intuitive, hearts-desire action.
I’m partial to The Grief Recovery Method; however, I know it’s the only way. Do I feel it’s the best way to get a good start on your “heart onion?” Absolutely. It’s a guided and safe process that creates a massive dent in the emotional dis-ease we all carry in a set timeframe (i.e. there is something to look forward to – there is hope). Combining it with conventional therapy (which isn’t a requirement) is an even better scenario, depending on your situation. But, I also rely on other means of doing my own “heart-onion” work, too. Reiki has been the hands around my heart, offering support exactly where I need it, as I work through processing the emotional gunk.
And here’s the thing, my gut intuition and a deep desire to live my best life has led to this post I’m writing today. If someone would have told me in 2014 when I was sitting at my kitchen table, not having showered for three days, pouring over self-help content for hours – that I’d be where I’m at today. I would have said, “Amen, Hallelujah – there is hope.”
My Wish for You Today
If you receive anything from today’s blog post, my goal is that you feel a sense of hope come wash over you. Use hope as your guide-post, affirming that better days are ahead. Allow hope to take root in the deepest crevice of your heart today and allow it to lift your spirits.
This is Easter weekend and nothing about it neither looks nor feels like Easter – on television, anyway. So, for the weekend, tune out the television and tune into your heart. Take in the songs of the birds, the smell of orchids, and the sights of new life. And, take a moment to look into your heart; asking God, the Archangels, or universe (whomever you choose) to guide you to whatever it is your heart is calling you to heal using whatever methods feel good to you.
Never lose hope; it is the one thing that keeps, at very least, one foot out of despair.
Sending you so much love and many blessings this Easter weekend.
There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. – Anais Nin
P.S. Begining mid-May, I will be certified as an advanced grief recovery method specialist. This will enable me to offer grief recovery one-on-one to anyone, anywhere. If you would like to be in the loop as to when this becomes available (and other applicable info), enter your details HERE. You will also be given the option to receive my weekly newsletter, where I include all news, promotions, and content not shared anywhere else.
