Educational, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective |
When you’re struggling with your mental health, you understandably want to do everything in your power to help heal your mind. You may be practicing meditation, you might be looking for a new job, and you may have even cut out alcohol to help minimize the effects on your mind. But did you know that your home can help your mental health? By making a few small changes to your home, you can live harmoniously and help battle through your mental health. Want to know more? Check out these easy yet very effective ways of turning your home into a sanctuary for your mental health.
Open the Blinds More
The sun is a great way of improving your mood, but when you’re inside for long periods of the day (especially during the pandemic), it’s very easy for your mood to slip. Opening the curtains and blinds every day will help let in natural sunlight and contribute to your mood. Not only that, encouraging yourself to do this each day will help you stay in routine and keep your mental health on track. Living in the northern hemisphere, winter is long and (often) harsh. Several years ago, I purchased a sunbox. Over the years, I have found it highly beneficial in supporting my overall well-being, as they also help regulate your sleep cycle and help your body create the feel-good chemicals that are greatly reduced during winter months. I had also realized why I was so attracted to tanning beds during the winter in my 20’s. (P.S.A. Take care of your skin; you only get one! I was lucky, and my dermatologist found a pre-cancerous mole early.)
Set the Temperature
Being too hot or too cold can add to agitation, even for those not struggling with their mental health. When you’re not at a comfortable temperature, it’s easy to become irritated or feel sleepy and lethargic. Consider getting a regulating control with a timer to lower the temp during sleeping hours. It’s thought that sleeping at a cooler temp aids the body in getting more restful sleep. You can always keep a 24-hour AC Service company on hand to come and look at your AC unit should you run into any problems.
Invest In a Comfortable Mattress
Sleep is extremely vital. You may struggle to get enough sleep when you’re battling with your mental health. However, you may also struggle to sleep because you haven’t got the right kind of mattress to not only help you fall asleep comfortably but stay asleep. Getting more sleep will allow your mind to heal, give your body plenty of rest, and significantly improve your overall mood, so it might be worth investing in a more comfortable mattress. In next week’s Grieving Voices podcast episode, I interview Dr. Chris Kerr, and we briefly discuss the effects of interrupted sleep, especially on the older population. He spoke about delirium and how, with reduced sleep, one can become combative and hallucinate. There’s a reason it’s used as a torture tactic.
Fill Your Home With Calming Scents
Many of your senses can affect your mood, and the scents in your home are one of those things. If you’re an anxious person, consider filling your home with the smells of lavender to help keep you calm when you’re at home. After all, your home is a place for relaxing, and the more relaxed you are, the better your mental health will be in the long run. Experiment with different scents to make your home smell beautiful and keep your mood high. My most favorite scent is palo santo. It grows in dry tropical forests and produces very fragrant resin. In Spanish, palo santo means “holy wood.” Its oil, resin, and wood itself have been used for medicinal purposes for thousands of years. I’m very drawn to its scent, diffuse it regularly, burn palo santo sticks to clear negative energy, and often wear my palo santo bracelet. Find what you love that gives you a sense of peace and calm, and you’ll create an anchor of “scent-memory” with that scent. I could go on and on about how our olfactory nerve plays a role in our mood and emotions. But, it’s linked directly to the limbic system. The limbic system is a control center that monitors emotions and memories. Research has shown that odors can affect our mood, concentration, memory recall, and emotions. If you didn’t know, I’m a Young Living Distributor; I have been since 2014. I absolutely love what essential oils have brought to my life!
Bring Nature Indoors
Adding some greenery to your home will not only improve the decor but your mental well-being too. Did you know that plants are known to improve your mood and reduce stress levels? Consider adding a few house plants to your home to help uplift your mood and home! I can’t believe it took me until maybe two years ago to bring plants into my home. If you don’t feel like you have a green thumb, that’s okay. Go to a local greenhouse and ask for easy-care plants. I’ve personally never had luck with succulents; they’re a bit more particular in care. So, if you’re new to plants, I wouldn’t start with those.
De-Clutter
When our environment is cluttered and disorganized, and we’re already feeling cluttered and disorganized within our minds or bodies, our outer environment isn’t supporting a positive shift. Addressing our outer environment can help us shift our mood and mindset. Likewise, addressing what is troubling us in our hearts and minds might be where you want to start. You may be surprised by how you find a renewed motivation to address your home environment, too.
If you don’t believe that clutter impacts our mental health, check out this article from Psychology Today, learn the impact of clutter and how it does not support your mental health.
Create a Sacred Space That’s All Yours
I’m a huge advocate of creating a sacred space that is all yours. And, you may be surprised to learn that it doesn’t take a lot of financial means. It doesn’t require you to remodel your home. I have my office that I call my “Zen Den.” I have this beautiful natural light that fills the space, which once felt like a dungeon due to the tiny basement window. Bless my husband did all of the work himself, having never put in an egress window before. He did an amazing job, but that one thing transformed my love of my office. I feel more inspired and happier in my office than I ever did before. It has a wide window sill where I have a plant, a pretty lamp, a photo of my spouse and me, a yummy-smelling candle, and a small desk calendar with a daily quote.
My “Zen Den” (i.e., my office) serves several purposes. I hold my in-person reiki sessions in this space and have made it a point to make it a relaxing space for that as well, with a small water fountain, Himalayan salt lamp, essential oils, and of course, my “working” desk space.
If you don’t have an office or extra room in your home, you can easily create a corner of your home that is all yours. Put a comfy chair, ottoman, comfy blanket, small side table, a plant, and a lamp. You’ve then created a lovely space to read magazines or books, knit/crochet, connect with a friend/loved one over the phone, watch a movie on a tablet, write/journal, listen to soothing music or inspiring podcasts/books, etc.
I have kids, so I know having the time/quiet to do this may be difficult. However, sometimes getting up before the rest of the house rises for the day could be the most self-caring thing you can do for your mental health. And, if you’re not a morning person, perhaps looking at how sending the kids to bed even 20 minutes earlier can help create the quiet you need to give to yourself – even if it’s only twenty minutes to spend some time doing something you enjoy to decompress from the day. I could create a whole post about this topic alone, and perhaps I will. It’s so important to fill our cups, as we can’t give from an empty (or burned out) one, right?!
I hope you found this post helpful. I’d love to hear if you try any of these tips. Thank you for reading!
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Mind/Body Wellness, Personal, Pespective |
Surviving to Thriving – is this a phrase you can get behind for 2021?
I recently was interviewed for an online event that’s taking place in March that’s bringing all sorts of presenters on the topic of suicide and grief and loss. I talked about how I have seen the transition of traditional in-person support groups moving to the online space.
The online grief community is a wonderful space to be in when you’re grieving, not to feel isolated and alone. However, the caution I want to bring to the table is when “surviving” becomes a badge of honor that goes from being shiny and new to tattered and worn?
I’ve begun to notice how this pattern of “survivor-hood” keeps individuals stuck in their grief. For example, the term “Suicide Survivor” has become a popular phrase. Whether you lost a loved one to suicide or attempted yourself, giving yourself that label eventually does more harm than good.
And here’s why…
We all embrace some identity for ourselves. I am a wife, mother, entrepreneur, podcaster, and writer. By telling anyone these five things about myself, certain assumptions can be made – social profiling, if you will. These are all also labels I identify as. So, in conversations with a group of women you may meet for the first time, as a mother, if someone else mentions their a mom, you will usually mention the same. It’s an identity that you use (and take on and live into) in relating to others.
When it comes to grief, I can say I’m a griever. I identify myself as a griever – a lifelong one at that. There are assumptions one can make about that phrase, too. Shouldn’t I be over it already? The “lifelong” bit speaks to how I identify as a child-griever, too.
All the identities we wear…to relate, understand and make sense of this experience we call life.
But, when do these identities do us a disservice? When do identities do more harm than good?
I’ll tell you…
When they’re keeping you stuck, and you’re not evolving the identity.
What Evolving Looks Like
Evolving looks like new knowledge and tools that you’re implementing to create positive, lasting changes in your life.
Evolving can look like baby steps one day to a lived out, all in commitment the next. For example, maybe you commit to exercising 3 days per week for a month, and the next month you add one more day per week. It’s starting out taking small steps towards positive change and incrementally adding to it.
This applies to healing as well. Maybe you decide to start meditating one day per week for 5 minutes. Once you master that, you add in more days at 5 minutes and then follow up with more time.
Healing takes time; this we all know to be true. We can have an epiphany moment that shifts everything into a new perspective instantly, but we can’t see the label from inside the jar. We must experience life beyond our comfort zone to evolve. And, this holds true when it comes to healing. We also can’t see a situation for what it is when we’re stuck in the weeds. So, surrounding ourselves with others who are also stuck in the weeds doesn’t do much for our growth.
Tying this back to support groups, I’m not poo-pooing them in the least. In fact, I think they serve a wonderful purpose, particularly when they’re action-focused. And, that’s the difference. What good does it do anyone to show up week after week, often not with the same people, to hear stories of others’ deep grief and sharing our own, with no hope that you’ll ever get out of the state of being? This is not thriving; this is surviving.
And, I don’t know about you or your loved one, but my father died at 44. He didn’t get the chance at a full life. His potential and life experience were both cut short. I’m quickly approaching 44 myself. When I turned 40, I knew that something in my life needed to change radically, or I would find myself heading down the same path of dis-ease as my father.
My father had a lot of grief in his life. He was a Vietnam Vet and was diagnosed with Stage IV colon cancer in the midst of raising young children. Add this grief to all the years of loss experience before it and, I’m not surprised he died young – all but one of his siblings has passed, and all died younger than 70. He grew up like many of us do, learning the opposite of what to do with grief; it’s the generational learning I often speak about. We resort to what we know and have been taught. If you haven’t read my blog post about the six myths of grief, that’s a great place to start.
Anyway, my question for you is, as you reflect on the grief you’ve experienced in your life and that’s stacked up over the years, do you feel as though you are surviving, or can you honestly say you are thriving in your life? Because if you’re not thriving, something is keeping you stuck. It very well could be the company you keep and the support in which you surround yourself.
We don’t get where we want to be in this life by holding on to what is incomplete from the past or sticking with people who are stuck in their past. We can pull people along with us, too, but they have to want to find healing. This is has been one of the biggest challenges for me as a certified grief recovery specialist. I watch people every day, online, ruminate on what can’t be changed. Is there a natural ebb and flow and twisty-turvy experience to grief? Absolutely! It’s definitely not a linear, point A. to point B. experience; not in the least. However, and I can only speak from my own experience, after 30 years of grieving, that boulder on my shoulders only got bigger over time – until I took action.
Time only passes. It’s the action we take in time that matters.
Do yourself a favor, do a check of the Facebook groups you’re in or the online grief accounts you follow that don’t give bring you a sense of hope. If you leave the conversations feeling worse about your life, grief, or situation, that’s your heart speaking to you. I have heard some of the most horrendous stories from grievers on my podcast. But every last one of those souls never lost hope and found a way to get to the other side of the depths of their pain. However long that takes you is your journey, too, so as not to confuse you because there is no timeline for grief. Again, it’s the action you take that matters. Even baby steps matter and compound over time, too.
If I had a magic wand, I would wave it over all of the grievers I know and meet. It would be the magic wand of openness and curiosity.
Until we are open to the possibility of healing, healing can’t find its way to us. And, unless we’re curious, we’re never going to open the door to what could help us heal.
Are you tired of feeling how you feel? Reach out. I’m only an email away. And, now on my website, you can schedule a 90-minute Heart With Ears session to experience a space to be seen, heard, and if you’re ready, a path forward.
I love you, and you can do hard things.
Educational, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
Perhaps your mental health is in a good place right now. That’s great news!
But there’s a good chance that other people around you aren’t doing so well. Perhaps they complain of feeling depressed, anxious, or panicky.
What can you do to help people in situations like these?
While you can’t always make them better, there are techniques that you can use to support them through a trying time.
What’s more, anyone can improve their skills to help others deal with mental health issues. The most effective remedy is often just a simple display of love and a listening ear.
- Ask Them If They Would Like You To Contact Someone
When somebody is going through a challenging period of mental health, it can be hard for them to muster the energy to do anything about their condition. The thought of picking up the phone and talking to a professional can be exhausting for them. Many want to avoid it, even if it could improve how they feel in the long run.
Here’s where you can step in. You can get the ball rolling by just offering to contact a professional and make an appointment. Once the consultation is scheduled, it creates a focus for the day, making it much more likely that they will get the help they need.
There are a lot of options available out there when it comes to professional services. From a partial hospitalization program to many therapy courses, it’s worth exploring what’s out there.
If you notice that their behavior has recently changed, perhaps they’re giving away possessions, don’t be afraid to ask them if they are thinking about harming themselves or others. If someone is experiencing suicidal ideation, ask if they’re thinking of harming themselves, which will likely catch them off guard. That’s not a question most people are willing to ask. However, it’s a question they may be waiting to be asked, too. For someone to open the door of conversation around suicidal thoughts.
One valid concern people have about asking someone if they’re thinking about harming themselves is the thought that they may follow through if asked. If someone is already having those thoughts, your asking isn’t putting the idea in their head – it’s already there. But, it does show that you’re willing to go there, to listen and support, because you’re asking that one question that’s not easy to ask.
Sometimes, it can be hard to know what to do when somebody is in the throes of a mental health issue. If you don’t have the training, you often feel powerless.
Taking mental health first aid courses, however, could help. The idea here is to equip you with the skills you need to manage a crisis until the cavalry arrives – similar to what a paramedic does. When it comes to suicide prevention, there’s the QPR method, which also offers online training.
Knowing what strategies you should use is a massively empowering experience. Suddenly, you feel competent, like you can actually do something to assist people you care about.
People going through mental health difficulties will often tell you the source of their problems. But a lot of the time, we have our ideas for what’s wrong.
Even if you think you’re right, it’s important to listen. Just feeling heard is often enough to rescue a lot of people from their darkest moods. Knowing that somebody is out there looking after their welfare is massively reassuring.
Often, something has happened, asking the question: Was there anything, in particular, that happened that is causing these feelings?
- Understand When You Can’t Help
We each have our limits. Not everyone can be a trained psychotherapist or expert psychologist.
So when supporting someone with mental health issues, it’s critical to recognize that there’s a cap on what you can achieve. Yes, you can usually help a little bit. But you can’t erase problems that affect people at a deep level. That takes a lot of time and self-work on their part. It’s not part of your job description any more than it’s a part of mine. Even in grief recovery, it’s a self-discovery, an inner-work process.
Like the health of the rest of the body, mental health is a long journey of self-discovery of what works and what doesn’t. The key is being open to possibility, surrounding oneself with support and accountability, and understanding it’s an evolutionary process. Also, challenging belief patterns keep the cyclic behavior and thoughts repeating.
Sending you love + light today and always.
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki, Resources, Spirituality |
Grief comes in like a freight train and with it a rollercoaster of feelings that are impossible to ignore. Whether someone close to you has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, a beloved friend or family member has died, a relationship has ended, or chronic disease has entered the picture (or any of the 40+ losses), grief manifests in many similar ways no matter the cause of grief.
Grief opens us up like a gaping wound. It’s important we validate the grief and feelings we’re experiencing from those wounds.
It can be rather easy to close yourself off from others while you’re on the rollercoaster. It’s tempting to do everything in your power to avoid and ignore what is feeling unsettled within you. However, allowing it to fester is reflected in continually disregarding that which is trying to get your attention. Repressing your grief will eventually manifest in physical symptoms or external behaviors.
In grief recovery, we use a tea kettle for an analogy. Like a tea kettle, grief experience after grief experience causes energy to build within us. This buildup of blocked energy is what we refer to in Reiki as byoki. Over time, this built-up blocked energy either causes us to implode or explode – or both. When the steam builds up in the tea kettle, it whistles. Once released, like our emotional energy blockages, the pressure is gone. When the energy is allowed to flow or put another way when feelings are felt and processed, the pressure (or stress, anger, resentment, dis-ease) is alleviated or even removed (if you did the inner grief work).
Why It’s Important to Feel Your Feelings
- Acknowledgment: By acknowledging how we’re feeling, we can’t deny those feelings. Thereby, we’re given an opportunity to either stuff or honor them with time and space. This is a choice we make.
- Openness: By sitting with our feelings, we are actively opening up our hearts and releasing the emotional energy they carry.
- Freedom: Embracing and fully experiencing our feelings provides a sense of freedom when we get to the other side.
- Overall Health & Wellbeing: It doesn’t feel good to experience our feelings fully. However, it sure beats using a bandaid like drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, fantasy, social media use, or anything else where the goal is to distract yourself from your feelings by using these things to feel better at the moment. Because what you’re often left with is more grief due to shame, guilt, feelings of unworthiness, etc.
Grief is a shock to the system on all levels: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. If you want to feel fulfillment in your life, though, eventually, you have to lean into the pain so you can move forward without it dictating and filtering into every area of your life. It’s not weak to allow yourself to feel the despair and vulnerability, any more than seeking help is weak.
Recovery from grief doesn’t mean you forget the love you have for someone. If it was a less than a positive relationship, it’s not about condoning any behavior you feel was an offense against you either. Recovery in either instance isn’t about forgetting either.
Recovery Is:
being able to enjoy fond memories without having them cause painful feelings of regret and remorse.
understanding your potential and no longer allowing past experiences to dictate your future.
claiming your circumstances instead of your circumstances claiming you and your happiness.
acquiring the skills we should have been taught in childhood.
one day realizing that your ability to talk about the loss you’ve experienced is normal and healthy.
When we lose someone close, it’s common to incorporate rituals and routines for the loss into our lives. This helps us to make sense of what we’re experiencing. Some people also create shrines and memorials in memorial of a loved one. Rituals, shrines, and routines, memorials are ways many grievers use to cope. The way that we feel when we grieve is physically, emotionally, and spiritually painful, and the need to remember that loss is a normal and natural part of our lives. However, these things can also entrap us and keep us leashed to the event’s past.
We desire to find purpose and meaning in everything – it’s human nature. I am no different, despite the training, tools, and education I’ve received about grief. And, I’ve thought about how I’d cope with the loss of one of my children. The honest answer is – I have no way to know unless it happens to me. And so, we can pass judgment on how others are coping with their loss, but in truth, every single relationship is unique. I don’t know whether I would leave their room as-is, or if it would feel too painful, I’d want to change it completely. That’s a form of enshrinement. And, it’s a space that could bring great comfort or it could be a reminder of great sorrow and all of the unmet hopes, dreams, and expectations or anything we wish would be different, better, or more.
The effects of loss infiltrate into every aspect of our lives, often without connecting what’s happening to the grief and loss itself. We can move in tandem with our grief; meeting ourselves where we’re at in the process of time passing. Forcing yourself to move forward doesn’t help you. And yet, we also need to consider, as grievers (and I’ve been a griever since 1987), that there has to come a time when enough is enough. When the craziness we feel within ourselves is a disservice and a hindrance to our overall health and wellbeing.
Grief is as natural as happiness and love.
One Final Thought
I think, spiritually, if we believe our loved ones are always around us, there is no specific room, shrine, or memorial spot needed. We can feel close to our loved ones always and forevermore, no matter where we are. This is the aspect of grief, I believe, that has the potential to offer so much healing to grievers, but isn’t often talked about. I’m definitely going to share what I’ve been learning about this topic as of late. If you want a head start, check out the Netflix DocuSeries: Surviving Death.
Sending you all the love today, friend.
P.S. Did you find this post helpful? Please share it with a griever you love or care about. Sharing is caring. 💛
Educational, Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
Recovering from depression is one of the most challenging mental conditions and trying experiences for a person to overcome. It can often be challenging to tell where negative emotions are coming from, and many people find themselves unable to be mindful when they are at their lowest. Each day can feel like a real slog when you are in this position, making it feel just about impossible to make a positive change. While it will always take baby steps, though, I’m hopeful that anyone has the power to overcome depression; you need to take positive, forward-motion steps. I would be remiss to say, too, that I’m not talking about diagnosed clinical depression, which is chronic and often requires ongoing professional support.
Of course, it would be wrong to say that the same methods will apply to everyone as well, but it is worth keeping these ideas in mind when you embark on your own journey to recovery. I personally have had bouts of depression myself. After having my second child, post-partum depression came out of nowhere and took me by surprise. After my third child, it was even worse, which resulted in me seeking help. Which only resulted in being prescribed a medication that I ultimately quit on my own. And, there were zero follow-ups from the doctor when I didn’t refill the prescription either. I understand that there’s only one of them and doctors have many patients. Though, I think that the “pill-dispensary” mentality, without any other support, isn’t doing society any favors. I do think looking at the whole person, not just their mental state of mind but also their emotional is just as, if not more, important. Because rarely do doctors ask: “What has happened to you in your life?” The cure-all, end-all, be-all is not always medication, and yet, that’s the anecdote for millions of people who, with mild depression, could take steps on their own to improve their mental frame of mind.
The question I would ask myself if I were to experience another bout of depression again would be: “What is happening in my life that is causing me to feel this way?”
Recovering from Depression
Being Mindful
It’s never easy to figure out the source of something like depression. It is unlikely that a single aspect in your life is triggering negative emotions; negative emotions tend to compound. For example, you may get up feeling great in the morning, but missing your bus to work will send you into an unhappy spiral. If the next person you talk to is rude to you, this will amplify your negative emotions, sending you deeper into a depressive state. Once in this position, mindfulness is just about the only tool that can get you out of it.
Being mindful means that you are aware of your emotions and the things that trigger them. For example, if you miss the bus, you will feel bad because you will be late for work and be worried about the consequences. In reality, though, this sort of issue never lasts more than a few hours, and it’s not worthy of making you feel bad. You can read more about mindfulness online, and it’s well worth learning some methods that will help you ground yourself when you feel bad.
Making Small Positive Changes
It can be all too easy to blame certain aspects of your life for something like depression. It’s not helpful to push people to make big changes in their lives, hoping that they will escape the way they feel. In reality, this can make it harder to tackle the root of the issue, and it can be much better to make smaller changes that will improve your existing lifestyle. No two people are the same, which makes it crucial that you take steps that apply to your situation rather than follow other people’s lead.
For example, if you feel bad about a relationship you are in, talking to your partner and improving the situation will be much better than simply breaking up with them. This doesn’t have to directly relate to the way you feel, either, with many people finding that adding things like exercise into their routine makes them feel better throughout the day. Your emotions are always influenced by the things you do, making it wise to spend time adapting your day to do things that bring about joy.
Talk To Others
Talking has always been one of the best tools for those who are struggling with depression. It can be hard to rationalize your thoughts when you are trapped in your own head. Sometimes, saying what is on your mind to someone else can bring the clarity you didn’t know existed. Alongside this, it can also help you to get the support you need, with new ideas and assessments of your emotions giving you the chance to build a good understanding of your own mind.
Family, friends, and even your colleagues can be the perfect candidates for this. However, not always. While not everyone will want to talk about something like depression directly, most people will be more than happy to lend their ear when they know that something is bothering you. You should always lead the way with this, never waiting for people to ask if you want to talk. While your emotions feel very prominent to you, other people may not see the dark cloud that looms over you until you let them. You want to be sure you’re discerning who can be a heart with ears for you without criticizing, analyzing, or judging what you’re sharing. Going through grief recovery, grievers (and trained specialists) learn how to be a heart with ears for others and what that looks like. Empathy is my number one strength, so being a heart with ears comes easily and naturally. It’s why I love podcasting so much, too. For many of my guests, it’s the first time they’re sharing their story in such a public way, and I’m a stranger. It’s because I listen and allow grievers to share their story uninterrupted.
The people you know and love aren’t the only people who can help when you feel depressed. There are loads of professionals out there that can offer support and advice while you go through something like this, and it’s always worth looking for this help when you are struggling. A therapist will always be happy to give you the time you need, with no judgment being applied when you talk about the things that you find hard. They’re a great heart with ears because they’re a neutral party with no skin in your life game; they’ve got nothing to lose or anything to gain. This can be an amazing way to deal with depression, with many people learning things about themselves that they never knew. But, I am partial to grief recovery, as it’s often the root of what’s emotionally going on in our lives. Grief stacks up over time. This is why it often takes many years and many losses for people to connect the dots of what’s they’re experiencing in their life as grief.
Positivity
Finally, as the last area to consider, it’s time to think about an idea that is controversial to some. Depression is a mental health issue that stems from much more than simply being unhappy, but many people find value in working hard to remain positive in their day to day lives when they are living with something like this. Being positive about the things you find hard can be a challenge, but when you remember that tomorrow will be a new day, it can become a lot easier to smile at things used to make you feel bad.
Of course, this doesn’t work for everyone, and pretending to be happy is no substitute for real happiness. In fact, how many times have you said “I’m fine” in response to the question “How are you?” Likely, like most people, that’s often the go-to answer, even when it’s far from the truth. When we’re uncomfortable about how we’re feeling, the last thing we want to do is “get into it” when the other person is likely expecting a flat answer rather than the truth. Imagine if everyone you asked would be honest about how they felt? You’d likely stop asking people how they felt if you yourself are uncomfortable with your own life and what’s going on, right? Also, we often ask questions like this in passing, for small chit-chat conversation. Do we really have the time (or make the time, rather) to hear how each other is feeling truly? Feelings aren’t sexy, thereby, we downplay our emotions, and when we’re ecstatic about life, it’s no different because heaven forbid you love your life too much. People are uncomfortable with other people’s happiness, too.
Depression is a big challenge for humanity. No matter how much technology develops, people will always have to live with conditions like this, and the solutions can often be impossible to see. Following the advice in this post is a great start, but it will also be worth reaching out to others who have dealt with depression if you want to keep your learning going. You never know; someone may share a solution that becomes the one thing that unlocks everything for you and sets you off on a positive path forward.
One final thought: never stop seeking answers that resonate with you and never lose hope.
Educational, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki, Resources |
For some people, mental strength comes easily, while others have to fight hard to feel well each day. Whichever kind of person you are, there is no denying that changing the way you live your life, and incorporating healthy habits, can improve your mental health significantly.
With that in mind, here are a few things you can do right now to build mental strength and start feeling better than you have before:
Meditate
Yes, it’s become a bit of a buzzword in the world of wellness and mental health in recent years, but that’s because it works. Meditation gives you space from your thoughts, teaches you to live more at the moment, and helps you come to terms with past traumas. If you can practice meditation for just 20 minutes each day (build up to this if you need to), you will begin to notice a big difference in how well you feel and how able you are to cope with difficult situations. I like to think of meditation as a “popping of the cork,” where the mind is the cork. It’s a disconnection of our minds from our hamster-wheel thoughts that allows us to venture into our subconscious (higher selves). And, you don’t have to sit cross-legged while chanting “Ommmmm…” to meditate. There are also walking meditations you can do where you focus on your breath. Meditation really brings awareness to the moment, which is so easily disregarded in our western, hustling culture.
Seek help
There is nothing weak about seeking help when you’re feeling unable to cope with your mental condition. From using an anxiety counseling service to seeing a psychiatrist who can work with your brain chemistry to get you back on an even keel or even having Reiki healing to get back in touch with yourself, doing what you need to do, and seeking help from the professionals who can help you with this is a smart move. It’s also a move you should make whenever you’re struggling – it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. If grief weighs you down, I offer a service specific to grief that isn’t going to take two years of talk therapy. In grief recovery, you get to the root of many of the issues that plague your life, not realizing that grief is quite possibly the cause. Not to mention, it’s an evidence-based, proven structured program for moving beyond grief. Additionally, some people who have experienced trauma, need additional support in the form of a service dog for PTSD, while symptoms are difficult to manage as they work toward recovery and beyond to keep on track.
Challenge yourself
You can never be truly mentally strong if you stay in your comfort zone. To be the best person you can be, you need to challenge yourself regularly. Don’t underestimate yourself and try activities that you may think are beyond you. Do your best to master them, and even if you don’t fully succeed, you will have built a mental toughness and a level of resilience that will help you get through tougher times in the future. I wholeheartedly feel that had I not ventured out of my comfort zone more than ten years ago to start my own business, I would not have the business I do today. Challenging yourself also requires an openness to possibility, failure, and growth. We grow through challenges and experience – no doubt about it!
Practice gratitude
By being grateful for what you have, you teach yourself to be more positive, which will stand you in good stead when times are hard. To practice gratitude, end the day by writing down five things (big or small) that you were grateful for, making you happy that day. Pretty soon, your brain will start looking for the good in every situation, and you will start to feel happier than you ever thought possible. Give it a try; it really does work.
One thing I started doing is, when I lie down at night to go to sleep, I bless the day I had and will have the next day. I go through my day and give thanks for the blessings that occurred that day. I give my gratitude for any connections I’ve made, how well a situation played out, a heartwarming moment, etc. Also, knowing what I have to do the next day, I play it out in my mind how I would like it to go. And, if things didn’t go exactly as I hoped, I play it out in my mind how I wish it would’ve gone and then bless the people and the situation. This has been the easiest gratitude practice I’ve found that works for me. Steal away if it resonates with you!
Keep practicing
Being mentally strong and healthy is a lifelong effort; it isn’t something you can work at for a while and then give up when you get bored or distracted or whatever. If you want to be truly happy, grateful, and mentally well, you need to put the work in day after day, even if you don’t feel like it. By practicing the above, and other techniques you find useful regularly, you will struggle less through life.
I’ve said it before, but it begs to be repeated: “Grief is cumulative and, it’s cumulatively negative. But, so is healing.” Every effort you put forward in your whole body wellness comes back in dividends and compounds over time. Every time (or financial) investment into your healing is an investment in yourself. And, you’re more than worth it.
