Educational, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Reiki, Resources |
For some people, mental strength comes easily, while others have to fight hard to feel well each day. Whichever kind of person you are, there is no denying that changing the way you live your life, and incorporating healthy habits, can improve your mental health significantly.
With that in mind, here are a few things you can do right now to build mental strength and start feeling better than you have before:
Meditate
Yes, it’s become a bit of a buzzword in the world of wellness and mental health in recent years, but that’s because it works. Meditation gives you space from your thoughts, teaches you to live more at the moment, and helps you come to terms with past traumas. If you can practice meditation for just 20 minutes each day (build up to this if you need to), you will begin to notice a big difference in how well you feel and how able you are to cope with difficult situations. I like to think of meditation as a “popping of the cork,” where the mind is the cork. It’s a disconnection of our minds from our hamster-wheel thoughts that allows us to venture into our subconscious (higher selves). And, you don’t have to sit cross-legged while chanting “Ommmmm…” to meditate. There are also walking meditations you can do where you focus on your breath. Meditation really brings awareness to the moment, which is so easily disregarded in our western, hustling culture.
Seek help
There is nothing weak about seeking help when you’re feeling unable to cope with your mental condition. From using an anxiety counseling service to seeing a psychiatrist who can work with your brain chemistry to get you back on an even keel or even having Reiki healing to get back in touch with yourself, doing what you need to do, and seeking help from the professionals who can help you with this is a smart move. It’s also a move you should make whenever you’re struggling – it shouldn’t be a one-time thing. If grief weighs you down, I offer a service specific to grief that isn’t going to take two years of talk therapy. In grief recovery, you get to the root of many of the issues that plague your life, not realizing that grief is quite possibly the cause. Not to mention, it’s an evidence-based, proven structured program for moving beyond grief. Additionally, some people who have experienced trauma, need additional support in the form of a service dog for PTSD, while symptoms are difficult to manage as they work toward recovery and beyond to keep on track.
Challenge yourself
You can never be truly mentally strong if you stay in your comfort zone. To be the best person you can be, you need to challenge yourself regularly. Don’t underestimate yourself and try activities that you may think are beyond you. Do your best to master them, and even if you don’t fully succeed, you will have built a mental toughness and a level of resilience that will help you get through tougher times in the future. I wholeheartedly feel that had I not ventured out of my comfort zone more than ten years ago to start my own business, I would not have the business I do today. Challenging yourself also requires an openness to possibility, failure, and growth. We grow through challenges and experience – no doubt about it!
Practice gratitude
By being grateful for what you have, you teach yourself to be more positive, which will stand you in good stead when times are hard. To practice gratitude, end the day by writing down five things (big or small) that you were grateful for, making you happy that day. Pretty soon, your brain will start looking for the good in every situation, and you will start to feel happier than you ever thought possible. Give it a try; it really does work.
One thing I started doing is, when I lie down at night to go to sleep, I bless the day I had and will have the next day. I go through my day and give thanks for the blessings that occurred that day. I give my gratitude for any connections I’ve made, how well a situation played out, a heartwarming moment, etc. Also, knowing what I have to do the next day, I play it out in my mind how I would like it to go. And, if things didn’t go exactly as I hoped, I play it out in my mind how I wish it would’ve gone and then bless the people and the situation. This has been the easiest gratitude practice I’ve found that works for me. Steal away if it resonates with you!
Keep practicing
Being mentally strong and healthy is a lifelong effort; it isn’t something you can work at for a while and then give up when you get bored or distracted or whatever. If you want to be truly happy, grateful, and mentally well, you need to put the work in day after day, even if you don’t feel like it. By practicing the above, and other techniques you find useful regularly, you will struggle less through life.
I’ve said it before, but it begs to be repeated: “Grief is cumulative and, it’s cumulatively negative. But, so is healing.” Every effort you put forward in your whole body wellness comes back in dividends and compounds over time. Every time (or financial) investment into your healing is an investment in yourself. And, you’re more than worth it.
Childhood Grief, Educational, Grief, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Personal, Pespective, Resources |
In the twenty podcast guest interviews I’ve done thus far, the common thread between all conversations is how healing of trauma and grief has been an evolutionary experience. I can say the same as I reflect on my own.
The person we are/were at the time of loss or trauma isn’t the same person that walks away from that experience. Trauma and grief change a person.
Trauma is what happens; grief is what’s left.
There is no hierarchy of experience, either. And this is where, in the land of grievers, isolation is common. Let’s say you were molested as a child. As an adult, you share that with someone for the first time. How would you feel if the other person then started to share how they were sexually assaulted as an adult by multiple people? In a sense, raising the anty of the experience. Then, if there’s another person who is let in on the conversation, comes in and shares how their mother was sexually assaulted and that assault resulted in a pregnancy. Again, raising the anty of traumatic experience. Suddenly, something you felt safe sharing becomes a conversation about other people. This is invalidating, and subconsciously you feel, “Well, I guess what happened to me wasn’t so bad. I need to suck it up; it could’ve been worse.” You likely also didn’t feel heard either.
The above is just an example of how an innocent conversation that, although well-intentioned in hopes of being relatable, may instead leave a griever feeling like there’s no one safe to share with and that their experience isn’t “bad enough.”
Do you see why grievers, possibly like you, resort to isolation? Society does this because, as I mentioned, we don’t know what to do with information that makes us uncomfortable, so we reach for the first thing that feels relatable. We also resort to information that we know. And, often, what we’re told about grief since childhood is incorrect. Not only is it incorrect, but it’s also likely hurtful and harmful. Like many of us growing up, the messages we receive about grief fall into one, many, or all of the six myths of grief.
The Six Myths of Grief
I’ve spoken about these myths many times throughout blog posts and in podcast episodes. You can learn about them on the podcast here:
Or, if you’d rather read a run-down list, they are:
- Don’t Feel Bad
- Replace the Loss
- Grieve Alone
- Be Strong
- Keep Busy
- Time Heals All Wounds
Because of the generational learning that falls into these myths, it can take a griever many months, years, or decades to understand what is happening in conversations like these. This is a perfect example of why The Grief Recovery Method is so much more than a method for processing emotions that are incomplete within the context of relationships with anyone living or deceased. It is an educational, evidence-proven method for moving beyond grief and loss.
Are You an Outward or Inward Emotional Processor?
It took me decades to dump the duffle bag of information I accumulated over the years about how to be with my grief. In other words, how to sit with and process my grief. The messages I received were all of the myths – every last one of them. It’s what I saw the people around me doing. So, even if certain words or phrases weren’t spoken, the adults’ actions around me spoke volumes. Think about the people you surround yourself with and how they cope with their grief. Are they quick to replace their losses with people, food, sex, gambling, alcohol, etc.? Do they isolate themselves and have gone from being outgoing and charismatic to quiet with an ever-present level of low-grade anger? Do grievers around you never stop, constantly going from one thing to the next, never pausing to reflect on the day, their thoughts, feelings, or pouring themselves into a cause or mission that has taken an unhealthy turn where they’re not sleeping or taking care of themselves? Have you been told not to feel bad that there is plenty of other fish in the sea or the words “At least…” followed by a well-meaning but hurtful statement? I could go on and on and on…this is the stuff we’re all taught because the generations before us were taught the very same thing and so on.
Over the past three decades of being with my grief and through the work that I’ve done, walking with others through theirs, I have come to the belief that there are two types of people: outward and inward emotional processors. Outward processing, people need to talk about what they’re thinking and feeling – it’s how they process emotion and gain insight. They’re the person who will get you on the phone for hours at a time – to talk about their problems. They are often the ones coming to you (if you’re an inward processor, particularly) for insight rather than being the listening partner. Not saying outward processing types can’t be good listeners. I feel (in my experience) that if I’m sharing with an outward processor, they’re likely more apt to share their thoughts and feelings rather than being able only to listen. In this instance, boundaries will come in handy. Inward processors (like myself) need time alone to be with their thoughts and feelings and tend to seek creative outlets to process emotions such as writing, painting, photography, music, etc.. I’ve resorted to all of those for my inward processing. I started to journal when I was around age eleven, I believe, and continue to do so. Music also helps me process as I tend to be drawn to music that reflects my emotions. I believe the ability to listen is one of my gifts. Ironically, I did get “N’s” for “needs improvement” under the category “Listen’s to and Follows Directions” on my elementary report cards. But, what do you expect from a child who lost a parent and who had been sexually abused, right? My mind was one of my greatest escapes as a kid.
Age brings the benefit of experience and wisdom. We all know this. Gosh, if only I knew at 21 what I know now! My life wouldn’t have been a trainwreck! But, as my podcast guest, Victoria Shaw, pointed out to me in her Dec. 22nd, 2020 episode – no part of the human experience is ever wasted. And that’s true when it comes to grief experiences. There will be lessons you receive – like it or not. People will fall away and come into your life – like it or not. And, the only guarantee when it comes to grief is that it will change over time. You will never be without the sadness of losing someone close to you because love doesn’t go away for someone. However, it is possible to feel complete with whatever was left undone or unsaid within the relationship through grief recovery. It is possible to think of the person and not become a ball of mess. It is possible to hear the person’s name and feel a sense of peace rather than be taken back to the circumstances of the loss and how it occurred. All of these and more are possible through grief recovery.
Common Phrases I Hear from Grievers
I have heard many grievers say, “What works for you may not work for me.” And, if that’s where you’re at as you read this, to that, I say this: it won’t work for you if you’re not ready to face all the feelings. And, if you’ve never experienced it, how would you know? It comes back to the old saying, “don’t knock it ’til you tried it!”
Another thing grievers will say is, “I don’t need to dig up the past to heal.” To that, I beg to differ. The past follows us like our shadow. And, it shows up as our shadow selves; how we respond to others, what we do with our lives, the fulfillment and contentment we feel, and how we feel about and treat ourselves.
Some Final Thoughts
Grief steals more than you probably realize from your present day. If you don’t feel like you’re living life to your fullest potential, reflect on the losses and grief you’ve experienced in your life.
Regardless of how you find your way to healing, understand it will change over time. The healing of trauma and grief is an evolutionary process. And I want to encourage you to be open to possibilities and a variety of healing modalities (like Grief Recovery and Reiki). Being open to possibility is also having hope that life can be different, better or more. We can feel grief, which is defined as anything we wish would be different, better, or more. But, we can also experience joy the same way – a feeling that is different, better, and more than we ever imagined.
P.S. Thank you for reading. If this resonates with you and you think of someone who may also enjoy this, please follow through on that nudge and share it with them. You were nudged for a reason! 😉🥰
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Resources |
If you had a choice between blissful or miserable, which would you choose?
I imagine you thought to yourself, “That’s a silly question!’ It’s a no-brainer – blissful!” Who would choose to be miserable?
Whatever you’re feeling deprived of – it’s the highest goal to attain it—feeling deprived of feelings of bliss? It will be your highest goal to attain bliss.
When deep in grief or otherwise, we often do what is necessary to move toward pleasure and away from pain.
Reaching for something to feel better, you may resort to alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, television, fiction/fantasy books, surfing the internet/Facebook/social media, etc.
The Shame Game
You may feel better briefly, but what you’re most likely left with are feelings of shame. And shame makes us feel anything but blissful.
According to Merriam-Webster, shame is:
a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety
b: the susceptibility to such emotion
2: a condition of humiliating disgrace or disrepute
3a: something that brings censure or reproach also: something to be regretted
b: a cause of feeling shame
I need to write a blog post all about shame. It causes a lot of grief in our lives. Where there is shame, there is grief. Likewise, where there is grief, there is also shame. They go hand-in-hand. In my book, I have a chapter dedicated to shame titled The Shame Game.
Because shame and grief are so tightly interwoven, the patterns of behavior one may resort to (running toward pleasure) to avoid pain create more shame, becoming a cyclic pattern of behavior.
Grief makes you feel like you don’t have a choice when caught in this vicious cycle.
But, you do. Our minds are a powerful force to be reckoned with and are undoubtedly taken for granted when it comes to transforming our lives. We often don’t feel like we have a choice in our lives because we get stuck in the vicious cycle. We want to feel better. We don’t know how to break free and don’t know what to do first.
The first step in breaking cycles is to understand you have a choice and then decide to do something about it. I know many situations leave individuals where they are because of fear. I know that a person in a domestic violence situation is often groomed by their abuser. I understand that individuals or families living in poverty haven’t been given the tools and access to make their way out of poverty. Even in these situations, fear is often the stronghold on the mind. And, fear can be a beast of a feeling. Fear can paralyze you.
However, even in the most fearful situations, there have been true accounts of people surviving (even thriving) following terrible situations and circumstances. I’ve heard many of them on my podcast. There is an episode coming up in Feb/March that is incredibly terrifying, and yet, this woman clawed her way out of fear and obtained her Ph.D. The hero’s journey is something common to copywriters and those who write stories/scripts. Through my podcast, I hear stories like this on the regular. They are triumphant and inspiring stories of people, just like you and me, who, against all odds, realized they had a choice and decided. They held on to hope.
Sometimes, your circumstances or situation allows the fear to take hold, but if you hold on to hope, you’ve got something worth holding. Hope is a beacon. Hope is the light of a lighthouse you see in the distance when you’re in a small boat on a big ocean. If you want to feel some hope, take a listen to my podcast, Grieving Voices.
If you’ve made it out of the vicious cycle but feel as though your life isn’t heading in the direction you desire, or emotionally, the past still has a grip on your present, I encourage you to consider working with me.
I am sending you heaps of love + light! Thank you for reading and sharing with someone you know or love.
Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Personal, Pespective |
Goodbye 2020, Helllllllo 2021!
Looking back has its benefits.
I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that most people prefer to leave the past in the past.
I, however, have found a lot of benefit in looking back. If we don’t look back, we don’t have the conscious awareness of what we don’t want to bring into our future, do we?
This year, I imagine 99.9% of people are ready to put 2020 in the rearview. But for others, 2020 brought many blessings, too. It comes to perception and personal experience. Every one of us experienced 2020 differently.
The one truth we all share, though, is that 2020 taught every one of us something.
What lessons have 2020 brought you?
Here’s a rundown of what 2020 taught me:
Peace is found within.
Context: Over the past two years, I’ve experienced exponential growth through doing my personal heart-work in grief recovery and through what I’ve learned about energy through my Reiki practice. When I have felt the most confused or found it difficult to make a decision, I’ve resorted to my own inner guidance. We all have it. And we all have access to it whenever we want. But, it’s like a muscle to train your monkey brain to turn off long enough to tap into it. It’s not just about meditation, though. It’s tuning in to your body signals and feelings. So few want to tap into their feelings because it’s painful. But why is it painful? Because there’s healing that needs to be done. We can look at all sorts of outside means to numb our emotional dis-ease. However, those things are short-lived and ultimately disconnect us further from our true selves. Your body, and your feelings, are your guideposts to where there’s an opportunity to grow and heal.
Healing comes in all shapes and sizes, too. There are ways to heal through spending time with others; doing activities that enrich your mind and body; or even the simplest things, such as sleeping and eating which both nourish your body, allowing you to better deal with the day-to-day. We have all become accustomed to our routines, but that doesn’t mean your routine is necessarily healthy. I’ve had to become an observer many times of my routines; acknowledging when I’m “falling off of the exercise wagon” or when I’m missing meals.
I have also learned that it’s okay to ask for help. I sought out Reiki practitioners for energy healing sessions, and have worked with other Grief Recovery Specialists to continue to do my personal grief work. Where some choose to seek a therapist through a local doctor or Mental Health Providers, I have sought more holistic means. Neither is right and neither is wrong. What is right for me is not necessarily what is right for others. I am partial to the paths of healing that have found me because they worked – and continue to work.
There is no challenge where I can’t rise to the occasion.
Context: I thought about and stewed over starting my podcast for nearly a year before I actually launched at the end of June this year. Once I decided to jump headfirst (not knowing what I was doing), I began researching. The very first thing I landed on was the name, Grieving Voices, which came to me like a lightning bolt one day (kind of like the name of this site and business, The Unleashed Heart, and my sister-site, The Guided Heart). I then found the perfect artist to create the cover art. Femke, the artist, will also be doing the illustration for my future children’s grief book. I learned that my intuition is never wrong in this process. I’ve utilized my intuition when seeking guests and directing every conversation, and it’s been a wonderful experience. I’ve grown as an interviewer, refining my skills as I go, and have enjoyed the variety it brings to my life. It’s been wonderful connecting with other grievers from all over. Has it always been easy? No. Have there been learning curves from editing to software and everything in-between? You bet. And, you know what? I would’ve been missing out on it all had I never followed my inner-guidance and just started the damn thing. Nearly 30 episodes in and, I am very much looking forward to my son’s 16th birthday when I will celebrate my 100th episode on the same day! Keep on keeping on…you can do hard things, too! We may not know the how, but it’s in the process of learning where we grow.
Just because you build it, that doesn’t mean they will come.
Context: January 8th, 2021, will be two years since I launched The Unleashed Heart. What a trip it’s been! It’s been a constant evolution since. And, having been an entrepreneur for 10 years before The Unleashed Heart, I knew that having your own business takes grit and a whole lot of patience. Just because you create something doesn’t mean people will buy it. People don’t buy what you do; they buy who you are. As the business owner, people are essentially buying the essence of who you are in your brand. I learned this in my previous business. However, what 2020 taught me is that grief can be a hard sell. I’ve had talks where two people showed up. I’ve been a co-presenter with less than a dozen. And, I’ve done all the leg-work to create an online presentation where no one showed up. Grief is tough. And, when it comes to grief, there will be two camps of people: those who are the “rip off the bandaid” type and those who need more time. I’ve encountered a good mix of the two camps. But, for the vast majority, most need to feel safe first. So, that’s what I’ve been working to do these past two years. Show people that I am a safe person. I’ve had to learn to go first, publicly, even when it was uncomfortable. I’ve had to allow myself to be vulnerable in ways I may not have been quite ready to do. Doing this work has stretched me beyond my comfort zone. And my heart has opened up even more in the process. I’ve actually grown to love myself more, too. There are lessons in rejection. And, rejection is usually never about you. It’s more often than not about the other person and their unresolved “stuff.” Take ownership of what’s yours, and bless the rest.
Celebrate your wins along the way.
Context: If there is one thing, my dear friend, Patsy, taught me this year is the importance of celebrating our wins. I often downplay the success I’ve had because it seems to make some people feel uncomfortable, like happiness. And, isn’t it true that we often downplay our joy? We quiet our enthusiasm to match those around us. Okay, well – this isn’t entirely true about me because I will do about anything to bring some life to a room. But, for the most part, when it comes to our successes, so many of us shy away from truly celebrating. Get a promotion? Share it on social media! Let people cheer you on! Allow people to support you! Do you know where this inability to receive kudos often comes from? Our childhood. Many of us are raised to be humble and not boast. Many of us are also raised to believe that to earn it requires hard work or doing things one normally wouldn’t do, or that success requires struggle. And that to receive, there has to be a checklist of boxes marked off first. I know this mentality well because I grew up in a home of lack, where there was never enough to go around. It’s a hard belief system to crack, and it’s taken over a decade for me to unpack and let go of all of that generational learning. One thing that helped me was doing my inner-work. So, I’m celebrating 2 YEARS of The Unleashed Heart, soon, the 1st anniversary of my first Reiki client, and this summer, 100 podcast episodes! I also plan to celebrate conquering the lizard pose, creating systems, and hiring a V.A.! Celebrating isn’t boasting. Celebrating is as much giving love to the self as it is receiving it from others!
Support is gold.
Context: Until 2019, I hadn’t sought out any support. In that year and 2020, I’ve learned the value of support. When we have people who may be farther along than we are, others who have an expertise that supports our growth, or push us to keep going or cheer us on – it’s pure gold. I cannot imagine where I would be without the support of mentors and accountability friends from which I allowed myself to receive help, support, or guidance or who were in my corner. Friends are and can be a wonderful support system. However, when you need someone who is, like I said, farther along the path you’re on or who understand the trenches of entrepreneurship, it’s imperative to your growth that you allow yourself to be supported. I say it all the time, but we don’t heal in isolation; rather, we heal in communion with others. So, too, is our growth. We certainly do grow on our own. However, if you want to quicken the pace, nothing speeds up the process other than a willing spirit combined with a helping hand.
There you have it – my five lessons from 2020. I very well could have come up with many more. This week, I’ve spent a bit of time re-reading my journal entries between 2017-present day and – Woah! That’s actually where the inspiration came from for this blog post. It’s so important we look back, and I was reminded of how much I’ve grown, more than anything. I’ve gotten much better at taking a step back from a situation, seeing it for what it is, from the other person’s perspective, and letting go of what is out of my hands.
Do you have a word for 2021? Last year, my word was connection. This year, it is balance. It is through foundations, systems, and momentum where I will find and learn all about balance. It is something I’ve struggled to maintain between family, day job, side-hustling, and self-care.
What do you think about the five lessons I shared?
Do some of my lessons also apply to your life?
What have been some of yours?
Wishing you and yours a prosperous, healthy, and joyful start to 2021!
P.S. I have one spot available for Grief Recovery online. The spot available is for either Wednesday morning or Thursday evening for 7 weeks. I am hoping to start another group in my local area later this Spring, however, that is completely dependent on Covid-19. Email me at [email protected] if you’re interested in learning more or, book a free consultation.
Educational, Grief Tips, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective |
Have you ever had a re-framing thought that completely offered a new perspective? A different way of looking at a situation that totally flipped your heart and feelings towards a situation that eased your suffering?
Two phrases came up repeatedly for me in 2020. I thought I would share them with you because, my friend, they helped ease so much unnecessary suffering. And, feel free to share this as “life-coaching” advice to your bestie the next time they express their hurt or frustration, particularly towards another person.
The two phrases are:
I don’t know what I don’t know.
and…
Consider the source.
Think, right now, about someone who has left you feeling a bit jaded. They may have seemed to be aloof, flaky, not being the supportive friend as you believe they should be, etc. Now, apply either one of these two phrases to that situation.
Let’s take the first one: You don’t know what you don’t know…
- Could they be feeling ill lately?
- Have they received some terrible news (perhaps related to finances, family, or themselves) and haven’t communicated that to you?
- Or, maybe they don’t know how to be there for you. They may feel like they’re doing just fine in that department while balancing their own life demands.
How often do we learn of the tragic news of someone who completes suicide, and it completely catches us off-guard. We’re baffled because “they seemed fine.” Or, we learn that someone has been suffering at the hands of an abuser. Maybe, too, the stress of finances, children, and life itself is just really taking a toll mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually on another. (SO MUCH GRIEF IN ALL OF THESE, BTW)
We grieve all sorts of situations in our lives. And, grief often makes us feel (and operate in life) out of sorts. Consider, too, that when you feel like you’ve been wronged, there’s another human on the other side of that emotion. You’re allowing that situation to take up your valuable brain and heart space and filling it with anger, resentment, frustration, or whatever you’re feeling towards the other. When in reality, there may be a valid explanation for the behavior of the other person.
‘Tis better to think the best of others than ruminate and stew on a self-created story.
Now, the next one: Consider the source…
- Has that person always been that way? But, when it counts (and they’re made fully aware of what’s going on), have they been there?
- Would they intentionally be avoiding you (or the situation)?
- Have they done so in the past?
If the latter is the case, then perhaps you need to re-think your friend circle and those you rely on in tough times. Or, take a hard look at how you communicate your needs to those you care about and those who care about you in return.
When considering the source, think about who they are as a person, why you have that person in your life, the value they bring to your life, what they have been going through, what they’re experiencing, etc.
Say, and apply, these re-framing statements to any relationship. Seriously. You can consider these two phrases in your relationships with co-workers, the rude store clerk, your best friend, or your spouse/significant other.
A shift in perspective can change EV-ER-Y-THING.
If you do this, let me know how it changes a situation/relationship in your life for you! I’d love to hear how this tip helps ease you of so much unnecessary suffering.
P.S. Did you find this blog post helpful? If so, I’d love for you to share it because sharing is caring! And, I care about others, not necessarily suffering. I bet you do, too! 💕
Grief, Grief Tips, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Resources |
There are several people I know who are going through some crappy things and life itself sucks. Well really, Covid has put a lot of people in the same camp, as far as that goes.
There is a privilege in writing that. There is also gratitude in my heart for not being in their shoes. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t empathize with what they’re going through. And, that doesn’t mean I can’t imagine myself in their shoes, either.
There have been a few times in my life where I felt like life itself just plain sucked. There wasn’t anything that I could find good. I had gotten really good, as a kid, at finding silver linings. However, as an adult, I was getting more of a chip on my shoulder than anything else. Cynicism and sarcasm were coping mechanisms; along with alcohol and other unhelpful/hurtful things/people.
All that being said, not feeling too inspired for this week’s blog post, and reflecting on this week being National Grief Awareness Week, I found myself thinking about those who I know who are heading into the holidays and are just not feeling it. They’re not feeling festive. They’re not feeling like putting decorations up, shopping for gifts, or contemplating gatherings. It’s just not in them. Maybe this applies directly to you.
Whichever camp you’re in: everything sucks (because “rona” took a seat at your family table or literally took a dear one from the table or, all kinds of other possible horrible scenarios) versus #ronaruinseverything (where it’s the “rona” ruining your holiday and, there’s nothing tragic going on in your life other than your plans being elf-blocked) – there is something you can do today.
Just be.
When everything has sucked for me, the most thoughtful thing I did for myself was allowed myself to just be.
Be with my feelings – the anger, sadness, confusion, and everything in between.
Be with my heart – and let it speak to me through writing.
Be with my soul – and nurture it with nature, a song, or a shower (which, personal hygiene is easily the bottom of the list when life feels upside down).
Just be.
And, let that be okay. It can feel like emotional purgatory; stuck somewhere between hope and despair. And, sometimes it takes a whole lotta effort to grasp for the next best feeling. But, you can’t get there if the emotional pendulum is continually swinging toward despair either.
Take a slow, deep breath in and say to yourself: “I love myself.” Exhale everything that needs to be let go of at this moment: anger, sadness, confusion, whatever it is.
Do it again, closing your eyes.
Rinse and repeat the “Just Be” as long as you need. It’s the most loving and thoughtful thing you can do for yourself when it’s all can you muster to do.
Sending you love and light…✨
P.S. Do you need more support? There are several options in this lovely collection of offerings for this week only.
Check out the shop HERE. – NEW – there are now gift certificates available for purchase! Enter your chosen amount, continue with checkout, and I will mail you a physical gift certificate to gift someone you love and care about.
Questions? My inbox is always open here or you can schedule a free consultation, friend. 😘
