Grieving Voices Guest, Grieving Voices Podcast, Healing, Parent Loss, Podcast, season 5 |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this heartfelt episode of Grieving Voices, Chris Cochran shares the inspiring legacy of his late son Christian, who faced terminal cancer with remarkable positivity and resilience. Despite his illness, Christian lived life to its fullest up until his untimely death at the young age of 23—all while asking, “What’s good about today?”
Christian’s spirit continues to inspire through Chris’s nonprofit, What’s Good About Today?, and the book that bears the same name. Today’s episode highlights how Chris and his wife navigated the highs and lows of working diligently to get Christian the best possible care while supporting their other children. They then grappled with the profound loss of Christian, emphasizing patience, love, and being present as crucial elements in healing.
Key takeaways include acknowledging that each person’s experience of grief is unique; fostering an environment rich in understanding and compassion can aid healing amidst life’s unpredictability. Chris’s story also underscores a shift from material pursuits toward deeper spiritual connections post-loss—focusing on empathy over goals.
Chris recounts how he’s felt Christian’s presence following his death and how the ongoing relationship with his son has supported his healing.
This conversation is a powerful reminder that even amid tragedy, there is potential for enduring hope through community support, and living purposefully driven lives filled with kindness ensures loved ones’ legacies endure.
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CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Positivity and Resilience in the Face of Grief
In a poignant episode of Grieving Voices, Chris Cochran shares an inspiring narrative about his late son, Christian. Through this heartfelt discussion, we uncover invaluable lessons on resilience, positivity, and the enduring power of love amidst profound loss.
A Legacy Built on Positivity
Christian Cochran’s story is one that resonates deeply with anyone who has faced adversity. Diagnosed with terminal cancer at a young age, Christian chose to focus not on what was lost but rather on “What’s good about today?” This simple yet powerful question became a guiding mantra for him—and later inspired both his father’s nonprofit and book under the same title.
Despite battling cholangiocarcinoma—a rare form of liver cancer—Christian maintained an unwavering zest for life. He excelled academically, graduating magna cum laude while nurturing various artistic talents. His journey serves as a testament to living fully even when time feels limited.
Navigating Grief Together
Chris describes how he and his wife navigated their grief after losing Christian by seeking therapy and leaning into each other for support while caring for their two other children who were also profoundly affected by this loss. Their experience highlights the importance of acknowledging individual grieving processes within families—a reminder that patience, empathy, and presence are crucial during such challenging times.
Through candid conversations like those featured in Grieving Voices, listeners gain insight into coping mechanisms necessary when dealing with familial grief dynamics; understanding compassionately fosters stronger bonds amid life’s unpredictability.
Inspiring Change Beyond Loss
The ripple effect left behind by individuals like Christian extends far beyond immediate family circles—it inspires communities toward purposeful pursuits aligned more closely with personal values than societal expectations alone might dictate otherwise! Friends influenced positively have embarked upon careers centered around helping others due largely because they witnessed firsthand how someone facing immense challenges could still embody hopefulness every single day despite everything else happening simultaneously around them too!
For Chris himself? Sharing stories publicly through speaking engagements offers healing opportunities alongside connecting meaningfully amongst fellow grievers experiencing similar emotions firsthand themselves perhaps unexpectedly so initially until realizing newfound camaraderie exists naturally between all parties involved ultimately leading everyone collectively forward together unitedly towards brighter futures ahead regardless past tragedies endured previously now finally being processed constructively instead destructively anymore thankfully indeed…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hey, hey, hey, thank you for tuning in to grieving voices. Today, my guest is Chris Cochran. He is a father, husband, and founder of Blue Chip Solutions, inspired by his son, Christians, enduring positivity, Chris authored what’s good about today to share a message of resilience and gratitude. Professionally, he has over three decades of experience and leadership roles across various industries and serves on the Board of Coeptis Therapeutics. Through his nonprofit, also named what’s good about today, Chris is committed to spreading kindness and hope. I hope I said that right, coeptis Therapeutics. Is that correct?
Christopher Cochran: That’s right. Yeah. Great. Much bigger that.
Victoria Volk: I am on a roll, and it’s on Tuesday. So thank you so much for being here. And I before we hopped on, I was actually checking out it’s your son’s the website is christian cochran dot org. Correct?
Christopher Cochran: Correct. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: And I was reading a little bit about how that the backstory of why that got started, but I will actually leave that to you to share with our listeners why what’s good about today came to be?
Christopher Cochran: I lost my son to cancer, terminal cancer in two thousand and twenty one. Christian was diagnosed at the age of twenty to with something called cholangiocarcinoma. He just graduated college. He was everything was going swimmingly. Everything’s been going well. Obviously, he’s a family and, you know, sort of back story to this is, you know, I’m I’m married to my high school sweetheart. We’ve been together since I was fifteen years old. So our dream has always been to build a family together. And you know, we knew early on, we wanted to name our son Christian because the the name had so much importance. Right? Christian, it means what it is. We are Christians and we knew he was destined for something very important in this world and he didn’t he didn’t fail us on that because, you know, even as a young age, he showed this incredible form of empathy and just, you know, understood how life really worked even at a young age. He had great compassion and kindness whether it was at Christmas time, she wanted to give his his gifts away to his friends. I mean, whether it was just we used to refer to him as mister Comfort as a child because he had a way of comforting us when we were not feeling well or not doing doing well. So he he just had this incredible knack. And that kinda carried all the way through his life as a teenager. You know, I always think he kids as being teenagers. They’re horrible. And their Christian was fantastic. He was just a kind and gentle soul to everyone.
Giving of his time, his love, always said he loved you. And then, you know, Christian, very talented by the way, but his biggest talents, of course, were his kindness. Christian went to college, he graduated Magna Kamblad from from college, from the Honors College here in Pennsylvania. And, you know, when he got home, he started to experience some back pain, we took him to doctors, it seemed to be, you know, he was healthy. You know, everything about him was healthy. And he got physical therapy in his back, but this didn’t seem to change. But as it got, you know, in the summer months of two thousand twenty, his pain became overwhelming and so went and course, we had blood tests and ultimately he had a CT scan to be safe. And I remember them saying, hey, they found a lesion, a scar on his liver. And of course, you know as a parent, you’re like, okay, that’s not so bad. We can, you know, you know, that could have been from birth or whatever, and then they said you need to go to Hillman Cancer Institute.
And I remember thinking, oh, no. What does that mean? I kept reassuring Christians. Okay. Now Christian through this whole thing is, It’s okay. I’m not worried about it that. You know, it’s still going to be okay. Reassure this whole family. But we went to the hospital, and this is during COVID, so I can only go with Christian. And I’ll never forget, you know, just before they walked in and telling Christian, it’s gonna be fine. You know, they were gonna sort of talk to us. Five coats walked in the door lapcoats with the mask, and I could I could read their eyes in that instant what they were about to deliver to us that I knew was gonna be life changing for Christian, life changing for his family and his friends, and ultimately they told Christian that he had a great fruit sized tumor on his liver and that this was cancer. And that it was likely terminal. At the time, we weren’t fully positive, but I think Christian knew because he asked the doctors immediately. And I money started to shake. I I started to go black. Christian put his hand on my shoulder. He looked me in the eye. He said, dad, don’t worry. Everything’s gonna be okay. Once again, comforting me in the worst of moments for him. And he asked him how long did he have to live? And he he they when they answer that question rightly so, I assume. But I knew and I think Christian knew this is what was gonna happen. Of course, we left, had to go home, had to tell his mother, what had transpired. He had to be there with us. And I remember my wife and I telling Christian that says we’re we’re obviously in shock and sad and just saying Christian, we’re so sorry that you have to go through this. You know, what this has happened to you. And I remember Christian saying, dad, mom, don’t you know, it’s okay. I would rather this happen than me than anyone else. This is my burden to take. And, you know, again, he just showed us his his way of comforting us. I can tell you that Christian not a single time from the moment he got diagnosed. To the moment he took his last breath on September first of twenty twenty one about a year later, did he ever complain? He never said, why me? He said, dad, how could this happen to me? He did the opposite. He would say, what’s good about today? And so it was his way of showing us that even in the worst of moments, in the in the most tragic of circumstances that you can truly find goodness in moments. And so he used to remind us of that. He used to say what’s good about today when we would cry and we’d be upset. We’d try not to cry, of course. Remain very hopeful. But we knew the circumstances. You know, Christian had a less than one percent chance of life even to get the five years. And with cholangio carcinoma, which is by layman’s terms called Biodec Cancer. It’s mostly seen in old people, Southeast Asia. It’s not something you find for a kid in North Pittsburgh, you know. And he so he we knew the I knew ultimately what was going to happen here. And and in young people in particular who get this, when they get it, it’s very rare.
They don’t live past six months. So, you know, we knew we were up against the fight. And so the so to to answer your question, it’s a long story to get to it, but the point being is that Christian used what’s good about today to remind us of the beauty that you can find every day even in the the most difficult of moments. And that’s what I try to do is to, you know, remember that constantly so that I can put that out into the world, remind people that, hey, here’s a kid who had everything going for him. I tell you he had everything going for him in this life.
But he was handed the worst worst thing you could ever ask for. And he turned it completely around and he thrived. He he got a job. Who goes and gets a job? With a major company because we had to stay in turn. He he took a job for four months. They hired him. He was honest when he said, look, I’m not gonna be around in the year. Just so you know. And they were like, it’s okay. You know? God bless them for doing that. But he wanted to show us and guide us that his life hadn’t stopped. And he wasn’t going to stop showing his other his brother and his sister that and us, that he wasn’t gonna stop. He was gonna continue to move forward. He he made music. He did podcast. Which are still out there and they’re very good. And he just he just had that way about him and he laughed and he he he always was making you laugh and so he was just an extraordinary human being. And I just wanna help in you know, I’m inspired by Christian, so that my job is to continue to get that message out as much as I can.
Victoria Volk: Sounds like he was an old soul.
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. He was an old soul. He probably lived five other people’s lifetimes, you know, in in the short, you know, twenty two, twenty three years of age. He had traveled the world. He had been to India. He had been to to Prague. Study abroad, state of abroad in India. He’d done a lot. He lived big. And when I say big, he was, you know even as a character, he was the lead in every musical and every play. He’d been nominated for Gene Kelly, works here in Pittsburgh, which are a big deal. He was a kid who had already done it, been in a major motion picture. And he was moving everything forward. But I think instinctively he knew that I think he knew his life was gonna be short. That’s probably why he lived so big. And we just I think it makes sense. I guess now in a sense, how big he lived that that that it was so short, but but that’s that’s what we have to deal with today. That was three years ago. So, yeah, he passed away.
Victoria Volk: What was he studying in college?
Christopher Cochran: So Christian was an international studies major. He minored in Asian studies and he was a theater minor. So he was also in in college. He was at he would be in plays and things like that. He was in comedy troops. He was also on the he was also a d I say, I can keep going because there’s so much this kid did. He was a local limelight radio station in in Indiana, PA. He was also on there as well. So which we love to listen to and just his parents, we were so happy. We loved just hearing his voice. And so, you know, we listened to him. So, yeah, that’s what he studied. And, like, he he loved the travel. He was a minimalist too. You know?
He wasn’t he was an extreme minimalist because, you know, I do pretty well for myself. You know, I’m not I always have and do well, and my kids have always been have been lucky enough to live in a a nice home, nice neighborhood, and nice cars, and all those things. Christian was such a minimalist. He didn’t even like to drive our cars. You know? He was he he just didn’t he thought any of that stuff was too showy or, you know, the act of just packing a suitcase was enough for him to to go somewhere to to meet people. Whatever was on his back was fine with him. He was very authentic extremely funny, but at the same time, incredibly compassionate about a fellow man. Just incredibly compassionate. And there’s and I’m I knew that. But, you know, as when you’re some your your son passes, your child passes, and things start to pour on. You’ve been on the website Christian crocodortorek. You can see the messages, the stories that just pour in of the legacy that he has left. Upon so many and continues to this day to leave on so many. There there’s not enough earthly words to use other than they’re extraordinary. And I’m I feel so privileged that I got to be his dad.
Victoria Volk: We never really understand or know our impact, do we?
Christopher Cochran: I think Not till we’re not here, I guess.
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Yeah. What’s your favorite memory of him? Do you have a few or one that you would like to share?
Christopher Cochran: My favorite, ma’am. Well, I mean, of course, there’s so many. There’s no real favorites. I think anything where I got to be in the light of Christian was my favorite moments. I don’t you know, he he was funny. His jokes were sometimes his jokes were so they were so big. They they went over my head. They were like multilayered jokes. I and he had this because he was incredibly intelligent too. Right? He was just he had a photographic memory. He he could he had a quick wit, which can, you know, you you if you you heard his pockets, he’s just quick witted. He understood things quick. He was very knowledgeable. But, you know, my my best memories of of Christian and best stories of Christian their stories, of course, while he had cancer that are funny, But, and I can tell you that one, you know, I don’t I like to focus on the things when he didn’t have cancer, but I can tell you that I went on a long walk with Christian up to the point which, you know, he used to go on walks because I wanted him to continue to be, you know, walk and keep himself healthy and eat right and and we would go on these walks.
And it was one of the latter walks probably three months before he passed away. I don’t remember walking with him. And I said to Christian, Christian, what what regrets do you have in this life? You know? What what can you what can you put on to me? Because I always looked at Christians like a philosopher. He understood things so deeply. And and he said, dad, yeah, I have one regret. I do have one regret. I hung on every word of that regret. I said, what what’s the regret son? He was probably, like, something I did wrong or something. I yelled at the number. And he’s, like, no, dad. He’s, like, I did too much homework, and I I just started laughing. I said, what do you mean you did too much? There’s no, I I mean it that. That’s the biggest regret I have in this life that I’ve been on this earth is that I did way too much homework. I could have been doing other things, you know. And it was just and I used to just laugh because he hardly did any homework. You know? I mean, he really didn’t. This was the kid. I tell you this. His roommates would laugh because and and be so jealous a Christian. He would go to class. He never bought a book. I never had to pay for a book for college. Ever. Think about that.
He meant he he just would go to class. He memorized the information. He would take class. He was a straight age student. I remember his first year in college, he looked at me. He goes, because I was always on him. Like, you gotta get in. You know, you’d be good student. He goes, he looked at me. Is this a big scam?
Is this a scam? I go, what he means is this a scam? He goes, college seems like a scam. It’s too easy. I don’t understand. Now he’s in the Honors College too, so they’re pushing them. You know? But he he just he he yeah. He he didn’t like to do his homework. I buddy, clearly, he said he did too much homework. But he was just that made me laugh and and, you know, there’s he he just he had this incredible laugh too that I loved to just be in the aura sometimes the last year of his life, I moved all a lot of his he liked video games because he got to speak to his friends, you know. And this is during COVID. And I I always positioned my chair in the living room where we’re at that I could get a glance in to see him play his video games because I I just like watching him. You know? Because he was funny.
And he was making jokes, and he and so so I found that, you know, those moments were Christian. It’s it’s his laugh and his stories, his jokes, his his comedy, and just how he made you always feel made you feel good. He was the grown up. He was the only grown up.
Victoria Volk: You know, parents that have lost a child, especially, like, with a terminal illness. Well, I I would say anybody who has a family member that’s diagnosed with a terminal illness. There’s this phase of denial, I suppose, even towards the end, you know, it’s really difficult to let go and accept what’s happening. What did you how did you navigate that for your you and your your wife? And what advice would you impart on to people listening to this who find themselves in the same situation?
Christopher Cochran: That’s a tough question because, you know, everybody goes through it so differently and how they manage this. I mean, I’ve learned a lot, of course, after the fact, right, to so I can impart some knowledge whether someone is going through it you know, I think someone would tell me that, would I be able to take that information properly? I’m not sure I could. You know? I have learned that I’ve learned two things. One is to be humble before god. That’s my most important, you know, I’m always humbled, you know, then I I’m not I’m not worthy of his love. The the second thing is, you’re not in control. And when you realize you don’t have the control, you you kinda let go a lot of things. You can flow a little bit easier in this life, I think. But to answer your question during that time, I’ve been around and I’ve listened to your podcast, you know, and I’ve heard people talk and some people haven’t been around the end of life situations. They’ve either, you know, it’s new to them. And for me, you know, I was raised in a Luthrom family. I’m a catholic now, but who’s racing a Luther and a strong mother who was very religious. She took me a church all the time. I was an altar boy, you know, all those things. But I would my mom would take me to nursing homes, and she would So death was always sort of part of life. I understood that as a kid. I never I always accepted that as sort of the reality of how life was going to work. Certainly, it’s not I don’t like the reality that my child is taken from me. It’s in the natural order that your parents go and I’ve lost my parents and I know what that felt like and doesn’t feel anything like this. It’s different. This is like sticky glue. It’s so stuck on me. I can’t you’re never gonna get it off if you can’t. But I think The answer to your question is, I think from my perspective and how we navigated that, for me, I understood the ultimate outcome. I knew early on what was going to happen. Now, I never told my wife that. I never told my, you know, they were looking for hope. Right? And I always gave hope. I’m not a downer guy. I’m and I did. We worked very hard and we went to every doctor in the world. We went to the best facilities around this country. It had the means by which to do this. I was fortunate. Christian felt guilty. He’s his he’s dying. He feel guilty. He felt privileged. He said he felt so challenged by the guilt of that we gave him the special privileges to meet with the best doctors in the world on this, to try to solve this problem. He got on the best possible drugs, DNA’s and RNAs and sequencing. I mean, the amount of things we went through to save this kid’s life was not good enough. And but I knew ultimately time was it was always ticking in my head. Clock was always ticking. And I could hear the clock ticking constantly. And I think for my wife, I tried to shield my kids and my wife from those those the reality of that. It’s only towards the end when his body would break down in the last month when you could see what cancer does to the body and everything. But, you know, Christian remained humorous to the very end and continued to think about us to the very end. But I think the way you navigate the only way you can do is is to to push yourself forward to know that you just do the best you can. That’s all you can do and show immense love for one another. And know. You have to show love for one another when it ends too. Because that part that part of the year is extraordinarily difficult. I try not to think about it. I write about it, of course. But it’s even difficult to even think about it because there’s so much that went on that was difficult to go through, especially the last the last month and a half. But afterwards, it’s incredibly difficult for families. And for husbands and wives, statistically, they don’t stay together. And families fall apart because we don’t understand each other’s grief. And that’s true. I can tell you for the first year, I didn’t understand my wife’s grief because I might she’s grieving to me. Who else can she grieve to? And I’m and I’m grieving to her. And you cannot when two people do that, one has to, I suppose you have to listen, you have to be able to absorb it. As best you can and be there for that person to and recognize that each person is going through grief very differently. My kids are going through. Just lost their best friend, their brother. And how do I, you know, how do you navigate that and and be compassionate and patient? And so I think give yourself patience and love and give it as best you can to everyone around you. In the end, it it never gets I like to get better. It just gets it gets a little smoother, I suppose. He gets his arm is rough. And you can navigate a little bit better. You can navigate this life daily a little bit better. That’s really how we do as a family. We navigate it. I navigate life daily. It’s a daily thing. I don’t look in the past too much and I really don’t look to the future. Because the future is uncertain. I have no idea. Witten is something that I thought I understood. The future was so bright, but it got taken from me, and the family and from Christian. And so I can’t look too far in the future. I know what I have today. I know and I think that’s important. Be present. Be grateful for the moments that you have. And And if you know you’re you’re someone who’s gonna pass and and I knew with Christian, I memorized every crease on his body possible. I have it. It’s locked in my head. So I I think it’s just just making sure you do those things.
Victoria Volk: So what did that look like for you and your spouse and then holding the weight of your children’s grief as well? I mean, did you seek support each of you individually outside of each other?
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. Well, the first year, I think anybody goes through this and just doing my research, you may know better than I, but for us, it was like being a zombie. Is this if it didn’t even happen? I couldn’t even tell you that year what I remember. To me, it’s just a complete black hole because it wasn’t I wouldn’t even say it was bad. If this makes sense because the second year was the worst. And the third year is horrible too. You know, I’m in my third year. It’s still not good. I mean, it it I still it’s worse than the first year because the the first year you’re in such shock that life that turned on the dime so quickly And that happens to families all over this this world. Right? The life gets turned on the diamond an instant. And a second, life can be so beautiful and perfect. And then it gets turned and you’re upside down and you have no idea what’s Why would this happen? And you asked those questions of why God? Why God you do this? Why could you have done this to us? You know, we’re a good family. We go to church every week. We love each other. We’re always trying to do all the right things. That’s asked of us. And it still happens to us. So once you get past the whys and all those things and acceptance, I think for us it was, yeah, we did go to therapy. I’m not a therapy guy.
You know, not a a guy. I I’ve I’ve tried it, of course. And that’s a that’s something for individuals what they whatever they want to do, what’s good for them. Right? That’s why we say grieving is different for every single person. Part of my grieving or part of my therapy is talking to you. Part of my therapy is being able to talk about Christian’s story, writing the book, having interactions with others that gives me the chance to express whatever I feel and be authentic to that. Right? But I do therapy when my wife will ask me to do therapy. If she’s going and she says, hey, let’s go as a couple. I want you to come with me. Whatever she wants, I will do that. That’s no, I will do it in a heartbeat. It’s no problem for me. And I’m fully engaged with that. But you just don’t feel like I find when I come out of therapy, I feel worse. So in some ways. Because I’ve I’ve I’ve because I it is a safe space that I unload a lot in my head. And and some people can go, oh, that must feel good because you get everything out. But for me, it’s like I just unloaded and it’s too it’s it’s just I it resonates too much in my brain and I’m I’m you know, I think for for me as a person, it’s just it’s difficult. But for for most, my wife, it’s great and it works. Yes. That define the right person who’s compassionate and loving and English sentence and there’s no judgment. And if you do that, you it’s a wonderful thing. Very important to navigate it.
Victoria Volk: Your other children there close in age to Christian?
Christopher Cochran: His sister is fifteen months younger than Christian. Yeah. So they’re like, you can wait just beyond the Irish twins, as they call it? I think it’s what did the twelve months or something. Yeah, they’re like Irish twins, best friends.
She went to the same college she went to. All my kids go to the same college. It’s about an hour and a half away from here. And, yeah, they were they’re best friends and they were at college together, and he wrote all her papers. He poor kid.
He was she would rely at them. But
Victoria Volk: Maybe that was that homework he kept doing.
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. It was. It was. He was always doing things and he’s he didn’t just do it for my kids. I mean, he didn’t have his friends like friends at prestigious schools like Purdue and amazing schools and they go, Christian, I need help writing a paper. Can you help me write something and come up with ideas? And he was that smart. He just come up with great ideas and help, you know, he’s a beautiful writer. His matter of fact, during Christian’s cancer, I put this it’s actually, I think, on his website, Christian wrote his his entrance paper, just, I guess, I don’t know what they call that, but his entrance to get into grad school. So this is a kid again. In the summer, he passed away September first, he applied for graduate school in, I think, June or something, May or June. He got accepted. His paper was beautiful. And it was just all about, you know, how privileged his life was, how fortunate he has been, and he wanted to dedicate his new his life. I mean, if he survived, that he was gonna dedicate his life to helping those who were left alone with this awful disease. He wanted to be with I mean, he wanted to go over he felt that the world there were a lot of people dying overseas that had this disease. That were dying alone with someone not with them, and he wanted to be with them. So, you know, it’s a beautiful paper, well written. And so, yeah, his sister you know, was fifteen months par you know, below him. Totally different than Christian. She’s she’s in the wild one. She’s just full of energy and what was causing trouble. She’s sort of in between two boys. I I my youngest is a boy. And so she’s, you know, she’s got to fight with those two boys, you know. But the it’s a good girl, and she’s married lives in Norfolk, Virginia, married to a naval officer who serves overseas on the USS Coal. And So but she’s at work for a bank major bank. And then my younger son, he is a Nicholas. He is a junior now at the same college, studying the exact same thing as Christian at at college.
Victoria Volk: How did you support them through that whole ordeal that that year that he was when he was diagnosed and and after that? And
Christopher Cochran: Well, during the year,
Victoria Volk: I don’t Like, how do you hold all of that? Right? Like, how do you hold all of that?
Christopher Cochran: Well, my wife’s a nurturer. Okay? She’s she’s a it’s truly a beautiful human soul and she’s a yoga instructor, so she’s in tomb. She’s just just a beautiful person and beautiful. She’s nurturing. So she, you know, she’s there for those she’s there for the two kids and I think my mindset was very different then. You know, I was all about trying I’m I’m a doer, you know. Someone says, dig a ditch. And my head’s focused on digging the ditch. I’m not really thinking about everything else. I’m throwing dirt out. Right? I’m just to me, I was digging a ditch. I was I was trying to save my son’s life, you know. So it was a twenty four seven operation, you know. And I and I mean, it was twenty four seven, you know, I didn’t sleep a ton, catch catnaps when you could. But it was always my daily routine was just work, work, work, not my work. My work was doing what it needed to do, but was working on solving this challenge with Christian. And I wasn’t alone in it. My wife certainly helped. Her sister and her brother-in-law helped. We called the CC Advisory Group. We were just a client sort of this group that we get together to talk about solutions, figure things out. Where’s the best place? Don’t agree with in in I say this, don’t agree with what the doctors don’t know everything at all.
I figured out that I am the smart I was smarter than doctors shockingly. That should not be the case. But I am I was substantially smarter than doctors, that because of the hard work that the group us did, we were able when they originally didn’t find Christian’s DNA and RNA sequencing. I won’t name the facilities. I don’t want to get in trouble, but they didn’t find it through their sequencing. And it wasn’t good enough for us. You know, we’re like, I’ve got to keep searching. We’ve got to do more DNA. We’ve got to more find this out, sure enough somebody out in, I think Seattle a major DNA and RNA facility. And by the works of John and we went to John Hopkins as well, a doctor there helped us. We found the sequencing that Christian had very specific that allowed him to get onto a drug, pemigatinib, that is a full fledged FDA drug that’s out there for people with cholangiocarcinoma that can give you extra time. It’s not a it’s not a game changer, but it just gives you extra time. And we were able to find that sequencing after hard work and getting him on that drug. But unfortunately, it just it didn’t work. It just It didn’t Maybe it made I don’t it didn’t work, you know. We we we did everything. And Christian was one of the experimental kids for T cell therapy here in Pittsburgh, which the NIH in DC is one of the originators. Of this. And it’s where they basically harvest the t cells out of your body, grow it in a petri dish, grow billions and billions and billions of these things, and then ultimately shut your body down, you know, put it all back in you, and eat the cancer away from the inside. It’s the only way we were gonna win here. And I knew of one case of this happening. I knew I know her well. She’s a friend of mine. She’s very well known in the in the world of cancer. But the problem is to go on to that, he had to go off of chemotherapy for thirteen weeks.
And in that thirteen weeks, I’m sure his cancer. It it’s extremely aggressive and it attacks every part of the body. And so it was by that point, then we’re you know, it’s extremely. Once we realized the messaging, t cells were they weren’t working, you know. You get that coal. And you’re you just gotta scramble, like, fast. Get on the horn. Let’s get back on Kimo. What do we do? But, you know, towards the end, Christian just said, we had been doing experimental drugs. Guys, like, it’s okay. He never got involved. Christian never got involved his own. His own treatments. Meaning, he just said, whatever you guys wanna do, because I’m fine with it. You know? He was resigned to it all. He he was fine with it all. But I think towards the latter part where things were just not working. And he said, guys, this is I’m fine with no more. It’s okay. You know, I know I’m doing this for you basically. It’s what he was doing for us. Right? He was like, whatever you wanna do, but I’m okay.
You know? I’m at peace with what’s happening. You know? So So I’m not sure if I answered your question there, but, you know, I think we were talking about my other kids, but they, you know, they I think we’ve just for me, it was just I was so focused on solving Christian’s thing. I think my wife did a fantastic job just nurturing them. And then, you know, obviously, over time is when things were good and we’d have good days or Christian, you know, you you focus in on them and make sure they’re getting everything they need. But his his sister was at college, so she benefited from that. During that time in sense, they should have to be around it. Unfortunately, my younger son, I think, has felt the brunt of a lot of this because he was honed during COVID. And so he’s in the house all the time.
And he you know, he was there with Christian when he passed. He was in her house surrounded by his family. He was heavily involved as a as a sixteen, seventeen year old boy. That’s not exactly what you wanna have to go through. But, you know, he’s he’s he’s a good boy and he’s doing well.
Victoria Volk: Has that changed his trajectory of what he chose to endeavor in his life that experience?
Christopher Cochran: I don’t know yet. I mean, he’s obviously doing the same major. He’s had some, you know, get too much in the nick. Nick doesn’t like to Nick’s taken a different approach to everything. You know, his sister can talk about this. This is not something Nick can talk about. It’s not something that he is open about. You know? I had to make sure, you know, before I put the book out, I wanted Nick to read parts of the book that where I’d mention his name, some things I did take out, you know, things that are so personal to to Nick that he just wants to keep it for himself. Mhmm. But, you know, he he’s getting better at it, talking about it. But in terms of trajectory, don’t know yet. I know a lot of his friends, trajectories have all changed. You know, his his best friends have all changed their some are changed from being artists to now being their counselors for helping those with challenges because of Christian. There’s those who have followed their passions that they wouldn’t otherwise have followed. No one in particular is a CPA. A great job from left, graduate Penn State, CPA. Now he’s a comedian, you know, New York. He just told you He
Victoria Volk: just he just
Christopher Cochran: he just he just they just changed their directory because trajectory because of Christian that Christian because Christian of the group was going to be in many ways, you know, I say famous, but the most well known. He was from a young age, anybody in or in this whole community or neighborhood or Pittsburgh from a new Christian. I mean, he was incredibly talented and he was he was definitely destined and he was scheduled to go to LA before all this. I mean, he was destined just got he had everything he was ready and he was good looking boy had it all and he’s likable. It’s not like he had all the facets and he didn’t have this burning desire I don’t he he was okay. He, you know, you think like, oh, you better have all this desire to be the be famous. He didn’t have any of that. He just he took life as life came to him, and he got successful always doing it that way. Right? He always got everything he he whether it was grades or being in parts and things like that by not even trying. He just because he had that aura of just likeability and passion and fun to work with, and he just had that. And I always I just knew he was going to be incredibly successful. Even if he failed at something, he was just the one kind he’s not the one that let it bother him. He just was like, yeah, it’s fine. You know, like, we’ll do this, you know. And someone will be like, I like that about this this kid had something very different, you know.
Victoria Volk: He could pivot, you know.
Christopher Cochran: He pivot, yeah, he pivot on dime and never affected him. And he and I think that’s a major strength in anything, you know. And, yeah, he had that. So
Victoria Volk: Sounds like he taught everyone around him too how to be in the flow of life.
Christopher Cochran: And I talked about that in the book. Right? There’s Christian’s Dow. It’s a section in the book. And Christian believed in baptism, and and he understood the to your point, which is not flowing against the the current, flowing with the current. And he lived that very much that Christian was a strong Christian. We were Catholics. But the thing about Christian is he was very spiritual and he understood faith. He understood he respected them so much because there are a lot of similarities between all the faith. But the way Christian lived his life is does just being able to take things in and and and never afraid to be himself.
He would wear the goofiest clothes and he didn’t care. He could be bright colors. It could be googly sweaters, you know, from the eighties, you know. He’s an eighties guy. He loved his last tweet on Twitter. Is him in a wheelchair? This is the comedy of Christian. And he understood things. He’s got a a walkman on. And he goes, he goes jam into my eighties walkman or he may I I’m not gonna do this justice, but walkman, not lately. Meaning he’s not walking. I think he could just you you can’t walk anymore because of the Kansas market. Yeah. He he he just yeah. He he could make something that you would otherwise go and feel bad for him, but he would make you laugh about it. And that that’s such a unique trait to have under those circumstances.
Victoria Volk: What has your grief taught you?
Christopher Cochran: Well, my grief taught me that there’s much bigger grief than mine, I guess. There’s having a platform, you know, the book is is simply a a tool, you know. And my voice meaning people and connecting with people is the best form to understand grief. I recommend that to anybody who’s listening to to connect as best you can. I’ve connected so I I I go and I speak. Sometimes these speeches are about inspiration how to find the the light in the darkness or And sometimes it’s the students, young adults, university level, but sometimes it’s adults. And that will draw different crowds. So sometimes the crowds I will get will be those who are going through immense grief. Those who have either read the book, wanna get the book, you know something about the book, you know something about my story, and they wanna come and I make a very distinct point to try to talk to every single person who comes to see me. They’re going out of their way to see me. There’s something going on with them. And they’re using me. And I’m there to be a person to listen and to help. And so I listen to stories. And so what it’s taught me to answer your question is, The grief that I hear from others is far greater than my grief. If if that makes sense because some people are hurting so badly. I I mean, the stories I hear whether it’s they’ve lost their husband and two children. Or, you know, two children. I I can’t even fathom that, you know. So I I’m I think it’s taught me to understand my fellow, man, it’s also, breathing has helped me. To look at people as true souls. And what I mean by that is I don’t think I looked at people before cancer as souls. Meaning, when I look at someone I just saw them as a person and they’re on their way, whatever, I spend a lot of time when I sit or if I’m out in public and I watch people and I look at them and I realize they have a soul, they have a life, they something’s going on in their life, could be good, could be bad, much like all of us. And and I I think I’m just connected that way a little better now? Maybe I wish I wasn’t. Sometimes it can drag me down. But I guess it’s my purpose. You know, that’s I’m still trying to figure that purpose out, but I think that’s how I’ve learned the grief has helped me. That’s what I’ve learned from it. Yeah.
Victoria Volk: How would you describe and that kind of leads to my next question. How would you describe the Chris before Christian passed and the Chris now? You mentioned more connected, you know, maybe to even more spiritual in that way.
Christopher Cochran: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: How else would you have described yourself before Christian passed?
Christopher Cochran: I was like a lot of people. I just I had goals, money, better car, bigger house, more stuff maybe. Give I love my kids, give them whatever they need, be there for my wife. I mean, I don’t know. I was just in a different mindset.
It’s a different it’s because life is perfect, you know. I mean, yeah, there’s there’s the normal things of life. Right? I mean, we all go through whether it’s maybe not enough or bills or someone passes away or it just I mean, it’s just normal stuff. But you navigate that pretty quickly and and you’re just on to to and and I used to hear of other people who would get sick. And I would do the be part of the cookie driver or whatever food drive and, you know, but I just did it, you know. And I had compassion for it. I just don’t think I really truly get it till I’m the guy getting the food drive or my son. I’m the guy who signs out in front of my house. I’m the one who’s, you know, where they give you the pity face or whatever that is, you know.
And It’s not about me. It’s just Christian. You know, I I I think I just I yeah. I I mean, I’m not I’m just not that guy. I don’t even know who that guy is. I I I I tried to look back on that guy and I just kinda think of him as kind of a not a I don’t know. I don’t like that guy. And I I mean, I mean, I wasn’t a bad guy. I’m just saying, I’m not sure I recognize that person because now I look at life very differently. I look at other people differently. I try to give everybody kindness at the fullest extent. You know, even when someone’s mean to me. It’s okay. I’m okay with it. The old one be like, you know, say anything. Be mean right back to you. You know? That’d be brutal. But I I don’t I mean, I don’t want any of that. I don’t I want nothing to do with that.
Because I think in the end, you know, for me, it’s I think for my family too is the ultimate goal is I wanna go see Christian again. I’m not gonna get there from a do good things. It’s not gonna happen. So I I I think my focus is how do I get to see this kid again? Because I miss them.
So
Victoria Volk: How do you think it’s changed your wife in your marriage?
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. It’s changed it. Definitely changed her. I mean, you know, she’s it’s her first born. You know? He’s Yeah. It’s changed her. Totally. You know, she’s still sweet, loving, but it’s a daily routine. Right? It’s a daily it’s a daily struggle. I’ll put it that way. It’s a daily struggle. You know, in terms of marriage, we love each other and what is different? You know, how can it not be different?
Mhmm. It’s just different. It’s just different. It’s not bad. You know, I mean, we but it’s different because, you know, it’s you you you struggle you’re I think it’s a struggle for her too. Right? The witness if I go through difficult things too. Right? Doing doing talks or speaking. Even this discussion today it takes a lot out of me.
Right? It will end. When you go about our lives, it still takes a bit of chunk of my body out of me. And I think that’s the same way for us. It’s like when you talk about her, you go through it. It’s a reminder. Right? Nothing’s changed in my house. Right? And since Christian’s room is the same as when he left it, his shoes are here, his, you know, nothing from that perspective, but he’s just not here anymore.
So for her, it’s yeah, it’s it’s she’s a mother. Right? And I’m sure mothers who listen to this will get it. I mean, it’s it’s bad for a dad too. Don’t get me wrong. It is. It’s horrible. But I just think a mother has a a different connection with their children. They bore that child. They brought that child into this world. And she’s a nurturing parent. She she in a ways his kindness is driven off of his off of how she’s Raised him? We both raised him. I’m more of the tough. Get it done. Let’s go. You know, she’s soft and gentle and caring. And so, you know, I think it’s yeah. It’s tough for her. It’s tough for her.
Victoria Volk: How have you taken care of intended to yourself as a grieving man and spouse? You know, it’s easy for women to talk about self care and all of that, but when it comes to men, which, oh, no, of course. You know, you kind of alluded to that, but a lot when parents are grieving a child or a lot of the focus does go on the mother. Right? And the husband in the spouse, the father is not disregarded or not, but they don’t get as much attention.
Right?
Christopher Cochran: No. I I get it.
Victoria Volk: And so I wanna, you know, what helped you personally, like, in self care in the year’s sense, particularly.
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. I mean, it’s just staying busy. I mean, I’m a simple guy. I’m on a you know, there’s no complexity. I have I have certainly have my moments I talked to Christian a lot, so I have a relationship with Christian, you know, much like I have a relationship with God. It’s sometimes good, sometimes not so good, but it’s a relationship. I talk I just talk to Christian. That’s and I hear him. So, you know, that gives me a lot of comfort. I I can absolutely hear. So, for me, it’s it’s stay busy, stay active, stay constantly engaged, with guy things, I guess, whether it’s working on a car or just working on my business, you know, writing, you know, those are the things that occupy me. As a man. And of course, being engaged with my other children, you know, and my wife doing things. Right? It’s very important. Going on vacations together, you know. We’re gonna go to Europe, I think, this December. For a couple weeks to get away. So we do things together. You know, we’re we’re tightening it and we love being around each other.
And so I think, you know, I I try to put a lot of effort in as best I can. To those things. And most importantly, my family, my kids, talk to them every day, always communicate constantly. Sometimes my daughter does one hear from me, but, you know, like, have you just called me, leave me alone. But I just like hearing my kids, so make sure they’re okay. I mean, I’m so I’m part of, you know, it’s so funny back in my day. My parents probably didn’t care where the heck I want. You know? I don’t know if you were the same way. I was like, I I got on my bike and as a kid and when it started to get darks when I came home. And my parents, you know, they were great parents. It’s just the way life was. Right? And today, we’re like, helicopter parents. We don’t know where they’re always at. I mean, my daughter’s married, and I still have my find my iPhone. I know where she’s at all the time, you know.
Victoria Volk: She knows I turned that off on you.
Christopher Cochran: No. No. She knows they do it, you know. And she’s okay with it. She she knows that. And she’s fine with it. Plus, I think I pay her bills though. I don’t know why I still do that, but before I go to sleep at night and lame, I’m go to sleep. I wanna see where they’re at. Are they okay? Are they safe? You know, my wife too does the same thing. So I mean, so we’re probably a little obsessive on that, but you know, I think you know, it’s natural for us too. Right? We were always that way when Christian was here, interestingly enough, probably more for Christian, even before the cancer. I always you know, my wife and I would always you know, so one thing we prayed about is our whole life having kids is just to keep them safe. I don’t care about anything else. Money is irrelevant. Everything’s irrelevant. Right? Being safe, healthy, alive is all that matters because you can fix everything else. Everything’s fixable. Money’s fixable. Relationships can be fixed. You know? But I can’t fix death. I can’t fix it when they’re hurt. And I think with Christian in particular, I always was nervous about Christian. Always. I’ve never not been nervous about Christian in particular, not because he got into bad things or something like that. It’s just he was such a good kid He was always doing good things. He was just so good and a nice boy and loved us deeply. Loved his family deeply that it always was a concern of mine that something was gonna be happen. Just because he’s just too good. Can’t be this good.
I can’t be allowed to have it this good. You know?
Victoria Volk: Sounds like he had an adventurous spirit too.
Christopher Cochran: Oh, yeah. I will tell you that, like, we would go. We would go on trips as a group, and he was always the most daring of all of us. So if there was a road like like gooey like here and he Christian would be the one to take us down a beaten path. Like, he was always the one that got like, we need to go down that road because there’s gonna be something really awesome down that road.
I’m telling you, and be like, Christian, please stop this shenanigans. You know? Like, we’re we have a destination. We have time schedule. He said, no. No. No. No. No. Yeah. We trust me on this. It’s gonna be great. And we trust him because he’s smart and he Sure enough. It’d be something extraordinary, you know. It’d be like a giant mountain west and you’d be like go here and it’d be a giant crater in the middle of the desert. And and it is goofy as that is and baseline as that is. It’s like the beauty of it all, just to gather, see this. It it creates a incredible feeling and he but he knew that. He knew that he was gonna create something special for us. And so he had a way of doing that all the time, which is constant. So, yeah, he’s adventurous and always sort of creatively thinking of ways to to think differently.
Victoria Volk: What do you look forward to most in co creating in your life that has been inspired by Christian?
Christopher Cochran: Well, to continue for me, it’s the legacy of Christian is what’s good about today. Right? I think the truth is I don’t really know. I don’t again, I don’t look too far. You know, that’s my point. I really do focus on today. I focus on the moment my present moment with you. I’m all in with you. Right? I haven’t thought really other than the questions you asked me. It’s it’s just about you and me today right now. Some often students, something else and present there. But I think I have found that things kinda come my way. Right? It’s the dows them of things, I let things flow the way they’re going to flow. And in Christian’s legacy things tend to flow, come up out of nowhere. Whether it means someone wanting me to speak somewhere, whether it means someone else taking the initiative to to build something around Christian. Right? There are a lot of things that are going on around Christian that I’m not always I get, you know, if you wanna call it approval, but people call and say, hey, we’re doing this whole thing around Christian. What’s good about today, and they’re implementing it in school districts now. Right? It’s they’re working with teachers now to implement what’s good about today in K-twelve. Especially younger kids where they have a board says what’s good about today and kids come in in the morning. Right? What’s good about their day? And the first thing in the morning, and then the day they erase it the next day, come and do it again. And it’s a teaching tool prepared for teachers to be able to see how their students How their day is? Right? They can identify kids who are not having good days
Victoria Volk: of that.
Christopher Cochran: And they can see where things are not going well in certain areas. But it’s just a way to help children too young because I do believe you know, sometimes when we’re old and we don’t get this messaging when we’re young about understanding the beauty of every single day. We forget about it and we got old. And we forget about gratefulness. We forget about presentness. We forget about all those things. Because we get caught up in the minutiae of keeping up with the Joneses and doing all these things, things, you know, to dos. But I do think, you know and Christian used to have something used to call him to love list. He didn’t have to do list. He had to love list. And so I try to do the same thing. It’s just how much love can I give out today? And so I to to I don’t know where it takes me. I only know, you know, what tomorrow will come and and and new things will pop up. And and and I’m usually a yes, you know, the yes guy is like, yeah, let’s do it. Whatever it takes, whatever it is to educate, whatever it is to to get this word out about what’s good about today. Help them ask themselves that question in the morning, the afternoon, in the evening, so they can reflect and see that life was so beautiful and and and it is. So that’s my help.
Victoria Volk: I love that idea too. My sister-in-law is super intended. I’m gonna mention it to her.
Christopher Cochran: Please love to get it out there in North Dakota. Right?
Victoria Volk: Yeah. Yeah.
Christopher Cochran: That would be amazing. Yeah. That would be wonderful.
Victoria Volk: He kinda touched on it that your relationship with Christian has continued when you talk to him. How do you how would you describe how that has helped you in your healing, your spiritual beliefs around that, that there is something after?
Christopher Cochran: Great question. Well, I I firmly and absolutely believe there is somewhere we all go. I do I know this because I I actually talk about it in the book that Christian came and visited me about two weeks after his passing. So this happened prior to Christian passing, I remember being close to him and asking him with crying. I remember this. And this buried in his neck and say, Christian, I need you to do me a favor, and he said, sure dad, whatever you want. And I said, look, I I need you. You have to. You have to. Come see me after you’re gone. It’s it’s so important because we’re gonna be a wreck. It’s you know, I said, we need I need some understanding of this stuff, you know. He said, dad, I promise. I promise you. I will be back. I promise you. This is absolutely and this is a kid when he meant he said it, he meant it, and I knew it. So about a week after Christian passed, hope you don’t mind me going into the story.
Victoria Volk: No. I don’t.
Christopher Cochran: Okay. So a week after Christian passed, I was muddling down to the mailbox, down my hill. And as I’m walking down the hill to my mailbox, I can see the male carrier coming down the street. And she had a green bell in her car for rep, Christian left green. And she subsequently had written this before again and said, listen, I wanted you to know something about your son that we didn’t know. Your son, every time I’ll be on my mail routes and he saw me, he’d pull over and come and talk to me. And tell me, and he’s I don’t have anybody who does that. Everybody runs from the male person. She goes, I don’t know why. But your son was the one who would come to me and wanna know about my life and ask if I was doing good and how my life was and you know, and so she’s like, he’s so important, you know. And I was like, yeah. I hear that from a lot of people. So as I’m walking down, instead of reaching about where she’s coming out, she hands me the mail. As I’m reaching out for the mail, this beautiful blue butterfly flying. I don’t get butterflies around here. Beautiful blue butterfly huge lands on my hand. And I’m, you know, I’m in a bit of weird state anyway, and I looked at her and I said, am I am I seeing things? Because I thought maybe I was hallucinating. I didn’t know probably was on medication at the time, but she said, nope. That I’m seeing exactly what you’re seeing. And I was like, okay. And that butterfly sat there for ten, fifteen seconds, just hanging out on my hand. And I’m home in the mail, not moving. And fluttered and disappeared. And I was like, okay. And I I I always had the sense of butterflies and people talk about butterflies and what they mean. And I’m okay. It’s what it is and told my wife and showed up to another week later, a lane in bed. And I remember this as if I’m here talking to you, I was put in a position in a basement. I got I’m in a basement. I’m there’s cinderblocks I mean, it’s a cinderblock old home as if it’s just been built. And there’s a a patio walkout door, and it’s green. It’s green. Bright lights, really pretty. Oh, and oh my gosh.
I’m in somebody’s house. Why am I what are we doing here? As soon as I said that, I got moved into a foyer. And the foyer’s an old it was tile, you know, a little square tiles Mhmm. You know, kinda like bied by fives, tiles, gray. And the door is like a nineteen seventies door, eighties door had a had a step ladder windows, if you you remember? Mhmm. Couldn’t see out of them. And it wouldn’t do her. And I remember thinking, oh, great. I mean, what the heck am I? And I remember turning to my left and about ten, fifteen, feet away is Christian at a mantle fireplace. By the way, lots very bright, very beautiful. There’s two chairs sitting to the left in front. They swiveled, and there were two people on them. They were shadow a figure, but they were moving. They were shadows. I couldn’t make who they were or what they were. And Christian’s in his beautiful, beautiful hair in his one of his sweaters, smiling. He had that he had this smile that it was like, see, told you I’d be back. You know, he didn’t have to say it. And I, of course, immediately wanted to rush to Christian, you know, run. But as soon as I had started to move, he immediately was in my face. He was right there in my face. And I, of course, put my arms around him I I could smell Christian. I could and he started to talk to me. He said, hey, dad. He said, listen. I love you. I need you to tell mom everything is okay. Everything is fine. I’m very happy. Everything’s gonna be fine. And you guys need to move on. And I said, Christian, I love you. I love you. I’m just I’m talking. I’m feeling that every bit of him and you know, I didn’t see any ellipse movie and I, you know, kind of wrap me talking to me and is and and I remember by the way I should say that not only did I see these two people, I could design the whole room to you because there was like a step kitchen up there and people are mulling about in shadows. Like, it was almost like I was invited to a dinner party or something, like I was somebody’s house. I don’t know whose house. I just assumed it was Christian’s house maybe or his apartment makes sense because of the door. I don’t know, but I I know for a fact what I experienced was not a dream because I didn’t wake up. I was in this weird state. I can’t remember any dream I’ve had, honestly. The only thing I remember and was that moment and how deep it was and how real it was. And so he just faded away and I faded back into who I was. And I sat there for about an hour. Just I didn’t wanna wake up my wife. She was next to me and tell her, But I for about an hour just sat there, so I can’t believe what just happened to me. You know, I I’m just I’m in this unbelievable you know, I can’t believe it. You know? He said he do it. He did it. I went somewhere, I wasn’t supposed to go. This was not a dream. I was like, then I tried convincing, yeah, it was a dream. Oh, wait. Well, I couldn’t have been a dream. I smelled him he was real. I was there. And so my wife woke up about an hour later and I told her what had happened. It’s verbatim. She says, Chris, last night, I went out on the porch. I prayed to Christian so deeply. Just ask him to come see us come see us please.
Because I never told her, you know, this discussion I have with Christian. And then I told her this, and this is what happened. And he’s never come to visit Danielle. It’s never happened. And I have subsequently not seen Christian since then in any form of state like that. You know, I’ve had dreams that are weird and but nothing to this that was as crystal clear as this. Christian does talk to me. I do hear him. I’ll ask him questions. Sometimes about life and just the other side, what’s going on?
Sometimes I’ve tried to reach out to him, he doesn’t get back to me. It’s not instantaneous. Sometimes he’ll come back to me and with frustration. Like, what do you need now? Like, I’m I get a sense he’s very busy. So, you know, he compassionately, sweet, nice to me. Just my like, hey, what do you what can I do to add? I’m busy with stuff, you know? Any What can I get you? You know?
What do you need? And Sometimes it’s just reassurance, you know. So that that’s what I hear. It’s gotten a little less now, but I still do it. Just just not not constantly.
Victoria Volk: There’s a I I had a conversation. Thank you for sharing all of that. Mhmm. First of all, I had a conversation with an intuitive Helen Gretchen Jones. It’ll be coming out around the time of your episode too, but I’ve had other mediums that say that those who have crossed over describe it like school, and it’s almost like community. It’s like they’re in community. So when you said that, it reminded me of those conversations of how they’re never really they’re not alone. Right? They’re they’re in community with others mingling. Yeah. Yeah.
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. I’ve asked Christian that question too, actually interestingly enough, like, you know, when you die, I’ve I’ve said, oh, do you have famous? Because there’s so many people who die, you were famous. Right? I mean, this lifetime. And like are you friends with famous people? Do you hang around with famous people? And his answer is no. I don’t. You know, that’s not my and that makes sense. I do hang around with people who are famous, but they’re not people you would ever know. Like, they’re obscure famous people. Like, the most obscure people that no one’s ever gonna know, but they were in their moment, had some form of they were they were important or, you know, yeah, I find that interesting. But I much of his friends are just regular people. You know, just normal people for the most part from everything he tells me that it’s just a it is communal. It’s it’s not much different as it’s explained to me in the way that it has been explained in the short conversations, Krishna, is that it’s not dissimilar to this. In many ways, you know, there’s much to do. You’re never bored. You know, there’s lots of choices and you can be with your friends. You can you know, you can check-in on people, loved ones, you can do all those things, which so sometimes he’ll tell me things that are so above me in my brain, and sometimes I can’t even explain them. I don’t know how that even makes sense. Like, he’ll explain a a multi level thing that’s something happening that I don’t even know how to explain it. Like, I I wouldn’t even know how to I’m not smart enough to be able to regurgitate it back out to another human without it sounding like I’m completely insane. Like I it’s not like he said something so it’s just like it it has so many layers to it that it that I don’t know how to explain it properly. And just leave it with inside my brain of sort of rolling around and figuring it out as best I can.
Victoria Volk: Is there anything else that you would like to share that you don’t feel you got to?
Christopher Cochran: No. I think you’ve gotten a lot about me. Like I said, it sounds like I was in therapy here. No, I just think those who are listening who are going through grief and I think what you offer here is very important. It’s very important because Grief is something not everybody’s gonna go through.
It’s it’s a universal trait that we all are gonna have it. You don’t think you’re gonna have it. You’re gonna get it. Mhmm. But I think it offers an opportunity to explore how each of us navigate it, how best to navigate it. And ultimately, for me, it’s I I want people to remind themselves is that and I I say it, what’s good about today is because I want them to focus on today. Focus on the beauty and what you have around you right now, your family, kids, anything that can bring you a little bit of pieces of joy into your heart. Right? Because if you’ve lost someone there’s a chunk that just gets ripped out of you. And your job is just to continue to fill it with little pieces. Happiness is that elusive thing. Right? I don’t know that I’ll ever be happy. Maybe I’ll be happy when my daughter, and as you’re first born, and that will bring me some happiness. And I’m sure it will. And I’m sure I I find those things when I can. But joy, pieces of joy are what I I try to pick up along the way. So I tell people pick up pieces of joy every which way you can. Something that makes you brings you some joy in your life and I think if you continue to build upon that, you build something in a good solid puzzle in your heart and you can can learn to continue to move forward in this life, you know. It’s all very short anyway.
I mean, that that’s not the downer part of me. I’m not trying to be a downer. It’s just that when you really think about it, it’s extremely short. And you just wanna leave a good legacy. You wanna do the right thing. You wanna help as many people as you can. Help put your energy into helping others. And I think that’s that can help you in grief. Right? Helping others who are hurting. Right? It’s a it’s it’s a good way to navigate your own grief is to see other people’s hurt and help them because now you’re just suffering is it is part of the human condition. It is what we do to get closer to God. It’s what gets us closer to all things. The more we suffer. Unfortunately, I think that is by many means and at least I’ve convinced myself that I’ve been asked to suffer. My family’s been asked to suffer because it gets us closer to god. It allows us to get to where we need to be forever. This is short. That’s what I would leave.
Victoria Volk: That’s beautiful. And it makes us more compassionate is what we’ve described as it brings out the compassion. Our suffering comes out our compassion. It can bring we have a choice. Right? It brings out our compassion or or if we project out our pain onto others.
Christopher Cochran: That’s true. And I I think suffering isn’t in the form of your own suffering, of course. But the more you take on of other people suffering know that sounds a lot of people run from suffering. Most people run from suffering. Right?
Because they don’t wanna deal with it. Right? I don’t wanna deal with that problem. But I would tell you to run to it.
Victoria Volk: You know the bunch
Christopher Cochran: of suffering.
Victoria Volk: Is the Buffalo?
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. Oh, what’s the Buffalo?
Victoria Volk: Well, Buffalo. I’m in North Dakota. Remember Right. I guess you buy some.
Christopher Cochran: Right?
Victoria Volk: But Buffalo actually run through a storm because they know it’s a shorter path to where they need to go instead of taking the long way and going around it. Buffalo actually go through the storm.
Christopher Cochran: I didn’t know that.
Victoria Volk: You
Christopher Cochran: see, I’m in Pittsburgh. We don’t get buffalo. Oh, there used to be buffalo around here, you know. It used to be a lot of buffalo, but But, yeah, you you have it, so you would know.
Victoria Volk: Bison is it’s very good too.
Christopher Cochran: I know they I see it on the menu a lot. I see it a lot. But, yeah, no, that’s I I think run the suffering. Can be a big reward.
Victoria Volk: One final question.
Christopher Cochran: Mhmm.
Victoria Volk: What’s good about today?
Christopher Cochran: Good about today? Well, it’s easy. I’m here with you. I get to talk about this. I get to speak to your audience. I get to share Christian’s story. I get to remind people the goodness in the day. So today, what’s good about today is that I am here with you talking about this. So that was an easy one because and with you. So anything I’m doing in the moment is what’s good about today.
So it’s it’s definitely what’s good about today. And I I’m very appreciative of the opportunity to speak with you.
Victoria Volk: It was wonderful having you.
Christopher Cochran: Thank you. Where can
Victoria Volk: people find you if they would like to reach out? Learn more about the foundation, organization, the book, all of that?
Christopher Cochran: Yeah. So first and foremost, if you go to you could Google Christian Cocker and you’d probably pull up all kinds of stuff. If you went to christian corker dot com or dot org, you’ll find all kinds of information on Christian, which is really the most important thing to me is just that you know my son. And everything else after that is good too, but that’s most important to learn about his legacy and how he lived his life. Because I do believe that, you know, the more you learn about Christian and the things that he did, he can help you learn little pieces how to lead a purposefully driven life. You can certainly pick up my book on that website, but you can also find me at chris cochronspeaks dot com, which is where I do speaking engagements, sell the book. And the book is available on Amazon. It’s available at Barnes and Noble. It’s available for global distribution, and I hope people hope people read it. It’s a love story. So I wanna make sure people understand that this is not a, you know, certainly you can get a lot from it and learning about how grief, the navigate grief. But I try to explain this is really a love story. It’s a love story about a family. Love story about family has gone through the worst thing and how we navigated it, but telling a story about how Christian led his life And that’s the point. To me, it’s a it is a book about a purposely driven life, not my purposely driven life. That’s why it says Chris Cochrane inspired by Christian Cochrane because it’s really him. And it’s me trying to explain how he lived a life that we could all take pieces from. And do do better in this life.
Victoria Volk: Thank you so much for sharing. And I will put those links in the show notes. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
