Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In a world increasingly defined by division and isolation, radical belonging offers a powerful antidote to the epidemic of loneliness. Joe Primo’s article, “Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering,” featured on Grateful Living, delves into this pressing issue with profound insights that resonate deeply amidst our post-pandemic reality.
In this week’s episode, I read his article out loud because, although I tried, I couldn’t have written it better myself. This article (and episode) hits on individual responsibility, which couldn’t be more important as we face an election year in the United States, which goes right into the holidays when we will gather with friends and families, many with opposing views, beliefs, and diverse backgrounds, ethnicities, and preferences.
The Loneliness Epidemic
Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has sounded alarms about a growing crisis—loneliness. This isn’t just about feeling alone; it’s a public health concern with wide-ranging societal implications. As social structures were disrupted during COVID-19, many isolated themselves from their communities and support systems. Now more than ever, rebuilding connections is vital to societal well-being.
Understanding ‘Othering’
Primo introduces us to the concept of ‘othering,’ where differences are highlighted not as strengths but as reasons for exclusion. This binary thinking creates barriers between people based on race, religion, culture, or politics—a misguided attempt to find belonging through conformity rather than embracing diversity. The danger here lies in mistaking fitting in for true belonging.
The Power of Belonging
Belonging is akin to love—it’s unconditional and rooted in internal and external acceptance. To belong means being comfortable with oneself while honoring others’ dignity despite differences. It’s recognizing that everyone holds inherent value simply by existing.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering
In a world where change is constant and uncertainty looms large, the notion of belonging becomes more significant than ever. This theme resonates profoundly in Joe Primo’s article “Radical Belonging in an Age of Othering,” featured on Grateful Living. As we navigate the societal shifts post-COVID-19, particularly within our relationships, Primo’s insights offer a beacon of hope and guidance.
The Loneliness Epidemic
The COVID-19 pandemic has left us grappling with not only physical health challenges but also emotional ones. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy highlights a critical issue—the epidemic of loneliness sweeping across the United States. With isolation becoming a norm during lockdowns, many have experienced disconnection from their communities and loved ones. The consequences are dire if we fail to rebuild these vital connections.
Understanding ‘Othering’
Primo delves into the concept of ‘othering,’ which he describes as segregating individuals based on perceived differences—a misguided attempt at achieving belonging through exclusion rather than inclusion. This binary thinking pits people against each other based on race, religion, culture, or politics, undermining their inherent dignity.
Fitting In vs. True Belonging
A key distinction Primo makes is between ‘fitting in’ and true belonging. While fitting in demands conformity and adherence to gatekeepers’ standards—often leading to self-betrayal—belonging celebrates individuality while valuing diversity among people.
True belonging parallels love; it requires being comfortable with oneself first before extending respect towards others’ uniquenesses without judgment or prejudice.
Practicing Grateful Living
To combat ‘otherness,’ Joe advocates for practicing grateful living—a mindset that views life as precious gift worth cherishing every day despite flaws present within ourselves or others around us alike! It encourages deeper exploration into what makes each person valuable beyond surface-level appearances alone!
By acknowledging interconnectedness amongst all beings through gratitude practices such mindfulness meditation exercises (or simply taking time appreciate small moments), radical sense community can emerge naturally over time even amidst chaotic environments like upcoming U.S election year holidays fast approaching soon after this writing date too perhaps?
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello. Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is, you’re listening to this week’s episode. Thank you for being here. I appreciate you. And today, I want to share something that somebody else wrote. It’s an article I came across that really is fitting for our times right now, especially if you live here in the US, a lot of change and uncertainty, and I think just astrologically. There’s so much happening in the in the galaxy, in the universe with the stars, and the moons, and moons, moon, all of that. If you follow any of that, there’s been a lot of stuff coming to the forefront. Probably in your life, it has in mind, particularly as it relates to relationships. I think relationships have been a huge focus in what I’ve been reading and what I’ve learned from friends who follow that stuff more so than myself, but I think there’s a lot to be learned from the stars and there’s cultures that knew this, that whose lives depended on the stars, right, and the sun and the moon, and they set their lives to the universe, to what was happening in the skies. And so anyway, I digress all of that. The point of me sharing this article though is what I just said, is all the change and uncertainty that has been happening, particularly since COVID, what we learned from COVID, individually, collectively. And what’s to come? All that uncertainty as it unfolds. And what it means to each of us and our relationships and for ourselves, our relationship with in with ourselves. And I couldn’t have articulated this any better I wouldn’t I didn’t even wanna I tried, but I just this is just perfectly written, and so let me get to it. It is an article written by Joe Porrimo. I hope I’m saying his name correctly. It’s an essay and he titles it radical belonging in an age of other ring. And I found this on a website called Grateful Living and I will link to it in the show notes if you care to read any of his other work. So I’m actually going to read this word for word because I feel it is the perfect share for what is happening again. Here it goes. There is an epidemic of loneliness. The US surgeon general, Vivek Murphy, says, if we fail to build more connected lives, we will continue to splinter and divide until we can no longer stand as a community or a country. As we try to understand the societal illness, I think we need to ask whether we are sick from loneliness, or from not belonging to each other and ourselves. In the depths of our isolation, we quickly encounter a darkness. It is our world closing in on itself. Our entanglement with each other becomes disentangled. We are no longer woven. We are a single thread under tension pulled taut. We’re at risk of far more than fraying. John a Powell, director of the other ring and belonging institute, says that we create other ring to create belonging. Think about this for a moment. In order to feel at home in ourselves and with others, we rally around contempt, prejudice, oppression, and exclusion. If we want to understand this epidemic, it seems that this may be a source of sickness. Could it be that our need to belong, took a misguided route and fueled a pandemic of othering? This pandemic of othering is sustained by binary thinking, which dismantles the inherent dignity of those different from us, religiously, radically, racially, culturally, politically, intellectually, etcetera. Rather than thriving in relationship with each other, many groups find themselves in profound opposition. What is the point of this opposition? What are groups and people trying to protect? For some, it may be the comfort they find in their structure, order and perspective. For some, it may be a desire to feel the nurturing and supportive sense of belonging, but the desire has become confused with fitting in. It’s important to distinguish fitting in from belonging. They are two very different experiences. One has a gatekeeper and requirements. The other is innate. Fitting in asks us to mold ourselves to things like ideologies, appearances, and dogmas. You can fit in if you subscribe to the group’s prescriptions. Belonging on the other hand is not about being affirmed for your likeness others or your methodical virtue keeping. Belonging is not interested in group think and mutual paths on the back. Belonging is where dignity, the sacred, and redemption meet. It is where you can be wally you while also being in relationship with those wildly different from you. Belonging is a both and. The paradox of belonging is much like the paradox of love. Father David Steingle Rast says that to live means to be in relationship and that requires love and action. In order to put love into action and experience belonging, you also have to be at home in yourself. When you belong to yourself, you are better equipped to see, appreciate and respect someone else’s dignity. This is because you can imagine, remember, or acknowledge the pain you’ve endured and how it shaped your perspective and behavior. The unkind and hateful words that are only one grievance away from being spoken. The wars you might be tempted to fight if the opposition was on your stoop. The destruction you might cause if all the power was yours, the food you would steal for a child, the walls you might build at fear was your guidepost, the sicknesses that could fill your mind if you believed your fears, When you can imagine being uttered, then you can see the only path is understanding. A grateful orientation to life is in opposition to other ring rather than unifying around exclusions a practice of grateful living challenges us to seek, observe, and understand. The many ways in which we are never fully alone, never independent or separate from others. The practice of grateful living helps us address the origin of our societal ailments, because it illuminates our interconnectedness by focusing on and acknowledging the details of every lived moment and the network of people required to sustain our lives. This perspective understands that when we lose sight of our inner relationality. We can trust that everything will go sideways, making us sick with fear, greed, violence, exploitation, loneliness, despair, and war. These and other detriments who are well-being fill the enormous cavern where belonging should live and thrive. To avoid falling into the trap of the rage machine or binary thinking, The practice of grateful living asks us to ground ourselves in the root belief that life is a gift. From this root, we grow a perspective that all people have inherent value. Rather than anyone being dispensable and disposable, We know that to be alive means to be in possession of something sacred. And when the sacred is not easily discoverable in another, gratefulness invites you to look more deeply for it like a hatchling in the grass. Stop. Look. Keep looking. When you’re tempted to quit, stop once again and look more. This is what it means to be alive, to be in relation and always on the lookout for all the opportunities put love into action. This perspective challenges you to observe someone’s worth or worthiness even when it is far from sight. Worthing of what you may ask. Well, what are you worthy of in your life? Love, acceptance, safety, nourishment, shelter, redemption, and connection are a few things your dignity bestows on you. When we individually or collectively other, we strip people of this worthiness. We categorize people into good and bad, worthy, and unworthy. We need to ask ourselves how anyone can survive these dichotomies. The response to loneliness and othering must be radical belonging. This is the challenge. This is the work of grateful living. If loneliness is a malady born from a plague that is unraveling or interconnectivity, then gratefulness is the only remedy large enough to treat an illness that is pulling us apart when life requires us to put love into action and remain in relation. There are some reflection questions at the end of this article, and those are, what does it feel like to be otherwise by a person or group that does not understand you? How do you process that pain? If you catch yourself othering, what is coming up for you? What is the fear behind those thoughts? And finally, where do you have an opportunity to invite someone in? To a conversation gathering a meal instead of excluding based on differences. I know this episode was a little bit different than my typical format, but I was really inspired to share this and I just followed the inspired nudge. And I hope this article that you heard me speak to you today has sparked something within you to really look at especially as we’re coming into if you live in the US, it’s an election year. We’re gonna have the holidays soon after. You’re gonna be getting together with families, people, friends, maybe many of those who have opposing views and opinions. I want you to think back to this episode. Listen to it again if you have to. Read the transcription if it’s easier for you to take in information that way. Really, it it is up to each of us individually to sweep our own doorstep. Personally speaking, I’ve had some unraveling of personal friendships and relationships in my life. And I could have just kept pulling that thread and just letting it just come all apart. Right? I could have. But it mattered too much to me. And if a relationship matters to you, you will look at yourself, You will find what do you own in that relationship. What is yours? What do you need to apologize for? What do you need to forgive within yourself? Or others, which just side note forgiveness is not for the other person. It is for you, by the way. So it’s not something that I recommend that you do in person to somebody else you know, I forgive you because, what if they don’t feel like they did anything wrong? Right? You know, they could you don’t you have no idea sometimes what the response would be if you say to someone, I forgive you. Well, what are you forgiving me for? You know? So forgiveness is for you. It’s not for the other person. But this article just really inspired me and brought up what I’ve personally experienced as of late.
And I chose to put love into action. Because that those relationships mattered to me. I know that those relationships are what sustain me. They’re grounding for me, but not only just for me, for us as a collective, for us as a whole, for our group as a whole. And again, like, this article just beautifully shared what’s been on my heart lately, and And it’s an invitation for us all to really look into ourselves. And, you know, do we want to fit in or do we want to belong? And sometimes when you know that you have this knowing and of belonging. It’s sacred. It feels sacred. And There’s a quote here it says realizing that I am from the very beginning. Embedded in a network of relationships makes me ready for an important insight. The innermost essence of the word I is relationship. And that is my brother David Stindel Rast. He must have written a book called you are here. I will do a search for that and see if I can find the book the link and put that in the show notes as well. But again, if you wanna check out this article, read more of Joe Primo’s work on Grateful Living. I will link it in the show notes, so check it out there. And I hope this episode gave you some food for thought as we’re getting closer and closer to an election and following. After that, the holidays. Yay. I’m sure many of you are feeling quite anxious already about that. So if you have any questions, you want to continue this conversation. I encourage you to reach out to me, Victoria at the unleashtruck dot com, my website, the unleashtruck dot com, You can see there’s a contact form there. If, you know, you have a question that you would like me to answer on the podcast. I love doing those episodes too. I haven’t done one of those in quite some time. But until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Inspired by recent discussions, this episode offers a new perspective that’s been noodling around in my mind. In this week’s episode, I explore the question: Is there a wrong way to grieve?
Key Points:
Societal Struggles with Grief: Despite popular belief that all grieving methods are valid, society often fails at effective coping—indicating a need to reevaluate our grief practices.
Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: People frequently turn to short-term harmful behaviors like substance abuse, gambling, or workaholism as an escape from grief rather than confronting their emotions head-on.
Cultural Responses to Grief: Common advice such as “be strong” or “stay busy” reflects societal discomfort with grief rather than offering real support for healthy emotional processing.
Impact on Children: These unhealthy responses are often learned in childhood and perpetuate ineffective grieving cycles; teaching children healthier mechanisms is crucial for breaking these patterns.
Rethinking Language: Instead of saying there’s no wrong way to grieve, acknowledging that better ways can be more constructive in framing our approach toward grief.
This episode challenges listeners to reflect deeply on their own experiences with loss while encouraging a transformative shift towards healthier approaches to dealing with grief—for individual growth and the betterment of society.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Rethinking Grief – Is There a Wrong Way to Grieve?
Grieving is an inevitable part of the human experience, yet it’s often misunderstood and mishandled. In a recent solo episode of “Grieving Voices,” the host delved into the provocative question: Is there a wrong way to grieve? This discussion was spurred by conversations on The Light Within podcast and reflections shared in The Unleashed Letters newsletter. Let’s explore this thought-provoking topic further.
Societal Struggles with Grief
Despite the widespread belief that there’s no wrong way to grieve, society’s ongoing struggle with effective grief management suggests otherwise. People frequently resort to short-term coping mechanisms that are more harmful than helpful—substance abuse, gambling, overworking—all in an attempt to escape their pain rather than face it head-on.
Cultural Responses and Myths
Cultural responses often exacerbate these unhealthy practices. Common advice like “move on quickly,” “stay busy,” or “don’t feel bad” reflects our collective discomfort with grief rather than providing genuine support. These myths perpetuate ineffective grieving processes and prevent individuals from truly processing their emotions.
Impact on Children
The consequences extend beyond adults; children learn these behaviors early on, creating a cycle of ineffective grieving across generations. Teaching healthier coping mechanisms from childhood can break this cycle, fostering emotional resilience for future generations.
Language Matters
Instead of saying there’s no wrong way to grieve, acknowledging that there are better ways could significantly shift our approach towards more constructive practices. Words shape perceptions and actions—they matter immensely in framing our experiences.
Call to Action
The episode concluded with a powerful call-to-action: listeners were encouraged to become trailblazers within their families by adopting healthier grief practices themselves and advocating for them among loved ones.
Essential Takeaways:
- Disparity Between Beliefs & Reality: There’s a gap between believing any form of grieving is acceptable versus recognizing harmful patterns.
- Challenge Cultural Myths: Questioning societal attitudes toward grief can lead us toward healthier approaches.
- Healthy Coping Mechanisms: Identifying effective strategies promotes better emotional well-being.
- Educational Role: Changing personal habits influences broader cultural shifts over time.
Reflecting on one’s own experiences and making conscious efforts towards healthy grieving not only benefits individual mental health but also paves the way for societal change—a crucial step towards collective emotional well-being.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to this solo episode of Greeting Voices. And when I was thinking about what I wanted to talk about today, It’s something that’s kind of come up quite a bit in conversations lately, and it was the topic of my latest newsletter, the unleashed letters, which comes out every other Wednesday. There is a link in the show notes if you’re interested after hearing this episode because this is the kind of content that I often share in the newsletter, just a variety of different topics, things that or maybe on my mind at the time or conversations I’ve been having, just inspirations and nuggets and things that I’m kind of discerning for myself and and learning and and whatnot. But anyway, today, I don’t wanna talk about this idea that the question really, is there a wrong way to grieve? In a recent podcast guesting interview that I had with Leslie Draffin, she’s the host of the light within podcast. I made a statement that had stopped me after the words left my mouth. But in that moment, they felt like truth and still do. I made mention that we’re fed this crap of how there’s no wrong way to grieve. And I’m pretty positive that even I have said such a statement at one time or another However, what struck me after I said it was how much sense it doesn’t make to me because if there’s no wrong way to grieve, then why are we struggling so much as a society with grief in general? If we knew a better way to grieve, people wouldn’t continue to turn to germs, short term energy relieving behaviors like gambling or porn or sex or substances shopping, workaholism, exercise, food, romance, fantasy, all of these things in an effort to feel better rather than actually feel and sit with the hard feelings. So as a society, if there was no air quote wrong way to grieve, then we’d be doing it better, where we wouldn’t tell people or ourselves that they should get over it and replace the loss and not feel bad and time will heal and just to keep busy, These are the things that are said and done in response to grief more commonly than not. So are these things really the right way air quote to grieve? If your child were to succumb to alcohol use? After a devastating break up, would you tell them that they’re grieving in a healthy way, a way that is air quote right and will move them forward? Or would you feel and know that they’re grieving in an unhealthy way and that there is better, more productive, and healthy way. Any logical adult with a fully formed frontal lobe would agree that there is a better way to deal with a breakup than getting drunk and losing all sense of self agency. I am speaking from experience by the way as being someone who succumb to alcohol abuse following a devastating breakup, but perhaps it’s the language we need to change. Rather than making the statement, there’s no wrong way to grieve. We should make a more honest statement and instead say, there’s a better way to grieve. You see, words matter. And I’ve come to the belief that until as a society, We recognize all the unhealthy ways we are grieving, things that we would deem as negative or, quote, unhealthy. This misinformation will continue to perpetuate the ongoing, unhealthy responses to grief that we learn as children. And my mission is to change that so that our children can grow up learning healthier ways to cope. I do feel like there’s been progress, but the statement that there’s no wrong way to grieve, I think is part of the problem. And I hope that just in this very brief episode that I’ve illustrated well enough why I believe that to be true. The myths of grief are still alive and well and how we’re responding to grief. Don’t feel bad, replace the loss, grief alone, time heals, keep busy, and stay strong. Think back to your own experiences growing up and how you were taught to respond to grief. Were difficult emotions and experiences swept under the rug and not talked about? Were you told to go cry in your room if you wanted to cry? In other words, grieve alone? Have you been told that there are plenty of fish in the sea or they’re in a better place, God needed another angel? All of these are unhelpful and can be hurtful to a griever. And yet statements like these is what caused so many of us to grieve alone. Is that wrong? Or is it instead that we just don’t know a better way? We can do better. For ourselves and for the generations behind us. But for things to change, we need trailblazers to go first. And in my family, I’ve been the trailblazer. The question is, Will you be the trailblazer in yours? Until next time, with so much love and light, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life, much love.
Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Unlock the power of deep connections with one simple phrase: “Tell me more.”
Today, I explore how a single statement can transform relationships and foster emotional honesty. I also explore the impact of inviting others to share their stories, emphasizing the importance of being present and truly listening.
Key Takeaways:
– Discover why “Tell me more” is a game-changing invitation for deeper conversations.
– Learn how to create safe spaces for emotional sharing without needing to fix or judge.
– Understand the significance of connecting through genuine storytelling in your relationships.
Tune in now to enrich your interactions and support those around you on their grief journey.
RESOURCES:
- Teeccino – listeners receive 10% off the entire order with the code “THEUNLEASHEDHEART”
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Support the Show.
This episode is sponsored by Do Grief Differently™️, my twelve-week, one-on-one, in-person/online program for grievers who have suffered any type of loss to feel better. Click here to learn new tools, grief education, and the only evidence-based method for moving beyond the pain of grief.
Would you like to join the mission of Grieving Voices in normalizing grief and supporting hurting hearts everywhere? Become a supporter of the show HERE.
The Power of Emotional Honesty in Storytelling
The Importance of Deep Emotional Connections
The cornerstone of Grieving Voices lies in fostering deep emotional connections between guests and listeners. These connections are not just about sharing words; they involve touching hearts and minds on an intimate level. When we engage in emotionally honest storytelling, we transcend surface-level interactions and create bonds that resonate with empathy and understanding.
Why “Tell Me More” Matters
One powerful phrase highlighted by the host is “tell me more.” This simple invitation encourages individuals to open up and share their stories without fear of judgment or unsolicited advice. It’s an offer to sit with someone in their vulnerability, listen attentively, and provide nothing but your presence.
Imagine being asked to share your story genuinely for the first time—how liberating would that be? For many people, this might be an entirely new experience where they finally feel heard.
The Journey Towards Offering Support
However, offering such support requires one crucial step: undergoing one’s own emotional journey first. If you’ve never had the chance to share your story safely, it may be challenging to extend that same opportunity to others. Personal healing often precedes our ability to help heal others.
Normalizing Conversations About Grief
The host concludes by urging listeners who find value in these conversations about grief to share the podcast widely. By doing so, we contribute towards normalizing discussions around grief as naturally as talking about everyday topics like weather forecasts.
Grieving Voices aims not only at providing supportive content but also at making heartfelt dialogues commonplace.
Unleash Your Heart
So next time you find yourself listening intently or asking someone “tell me more,” remember—you’re participating in something much bigger than just a conversation—you’re helping unleash hearts…and lives too!
Thank you for being part of this transformative journey! And always remember when you unleash your heart; you unleash your life.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening. Thank you so much for tuning in to this week’s episode of Greeting Voices. I am your host Victoria V. And it’s a solo episode, which I haven’t recorded one in quite some time, so I felt it was about time. But I wasn’t sure up until today, actually, as I’m recording this, what I was going to talk about. But there’s been some themes popping up lately, and we’ve there’s been some losses in my community, really tragic deaths in my community. Friends dealing with certain things and conversations I’ve been having with guests on my podcast and in particular, if you haven’t listened to episode two zero seven with Tiff Carson from last week, that’s a great episode. She went very deep and it was just a really rich conversation. She was very vulnerable and it we were both crying. Just a really good episode to highlight the depths of grief and the effect of the the impact of generational stuff that gets passed down to us, which kinda ties into today’s episode as well. So Anyway, the question I want to pose an answer today is what to do when a loved one is not coping well with death in the family. And so this episode is though not going to be a tell you what to do when this happens. So the title of the podcast is kind of a a hook, if you will, to get you to listen to this because what I’m going to do instead is to package this episode as a lot of questions. And I think when we ask ourselves diaper questions? No. I don’t think I know. I know that when we ask ourselves deeper questions, we get deeper answers. And we often don’t wanna get those deeper answers because when we know it, We know it and we can’t unknow it. And we often have to face things within ourselves when we ask those deeper questions. You know, learning about my human design, which has nothing to do, with grief in this episode, but I’m just I’m going to share though what what has what I’ve learned about myself is that my superpower is asking questions, is being the questioner, I have the gate of doubt as my son, conscious son. And I am the natural skeptic, and I am the questioner. And I also have connectedness as one of my top five strengths in my u mab. And if you’re unfamiliar with human design or u mab, just check out my website, danleychart dot com, go under services, and you’ll see you map. You’ll see the grief work and and you won’t see human design on there, but that’s just a kind of a side thing I’m into. But anyway, my point in this episode is to bring to you questions for self reflection.
And I’m gonna start with this idea, number one. I mean, there’s three points I’m gonna cover today, but number one, is this idea of not coping well versus coping well. The second is looking at the relationship with that person who you deem is not coping well, quotation marks, coping well. And third, where our focus goes, our energy flows. So Number one, not coping well versus coping well. I just want you to reflect on yourself. Here and your own beliefs about grief. What were you raised to believe about grief? Was healthy coping, emulated for you as you were growing up? Did your parents And in your household, did you openly talk about grief? Did you openly talk about death and loss? I’ve recognized there are I mean, just in the podcast, four plus years of podcasting, there’s been very few guests who have shared that they openly talked about grief and loss. Usually, it was because the parent had worked in the death and dying industry. And, you know, as a mortician or something like that where grief was just at the forefront of their lives. And that’s not very common. What’s more common is that grief is kinda swept under the rug. We don’t talk about it. It that’s It’s why we have these societal issues around grief the way we do today. I think back when, way back when, we mourned differently than we do now. We mourned openly.
Women wore black for, I don’t know, how many days or weeks. As long as they needed to, perhaps, they took pictures with their deceased loved ones. They kept them in the home. Most people died in the home. The services were not left to a third party, you know, to handle all of the you know, the body and the logistics and all of that. Like, it was more of a community family involvement. Way back when. We’ve kind of removed ourselves from that death and dying process and being participants in that. And move towards stuffing down our grief, stuffing down our emotions, not talking about it, sweeping it out of the rug, giving all the power and agency to other people. Not having open conversations and dialogue about what we want, when we die, what our desires are. If we are encompensated. Like, we just don’t have these conversations. Right? And so I just wanna want you to ask yourself, Are you coping well? Because, you know, listening to the first ten episodes or so of this podcast If you haven’t, that’d be a great place to start too.
I talk a lot about what we talk about when I work with Grievers and Grief Recovery We tend to grieve alone. We tend to try and be strong for everyone else around us and for ourselves. We tend to keep busy, bury ourselves and work. Maybe we’re resorting to behaviors that make us feel better for a short period of time such as what we call them sturbs. Short term energy relieving behaviors where we might drink or exercise can be a stirb, shopping, gambling, things like that. Are you coping well? Are you doing those behaviors? Because if you are news flash, you may not be coping very well yourself. So then we project these ideas onto our loved ones who are not responding to death in the same way that we are. We’re thinking we might have our shit together and I’ve got this and we’re being strong for everybody else, but that’s not coping well.
That’s surviving. That’s not thriving. So the flip side of that, what does that look like? It means open dialogue. It means open communication.
It means sharing your feelings in a wrong authentic way. It means not apologizing for how you’re feeling. It means crying when you need to cry, not caring who sees it, openly grieving. And yes, we all do grief differently. We do grief differently, but in as a society, I think we all grieve similarly, and that’s in these ways I was describing. Not trying not to feel bad. You know, we tell people, don’t feel bad. Here’s the tissue. Stop you’re crying. Right?
We get uncomfortable when other people are crying around us or showing their emotions and so we want to shut them down like as it makes me uncomfortable. We replace the loss. You know, death of a friendship or a relationship or someone passes. We, you know, I I can get a new wife or a new husband or a new spouse or a new dog or a new cat or whatever it is, we replace the loss or maybe we’re replacing that loss with a disturb. Either way, we often replace the loss. Pour ourselves in our energy into something else to distract ourselves. And if things aren’t working well, well, we grieve alone because no one wants to hear about our loss a year from now, because we should be over it. Right? You should be over it by now. So the people saying that, you should be over it by now. How are they coping? And so I think there’s this false sense or idea that Internally, we believe we are coping well and these other people around us are not. But who defines what’s coking well? Who defines that? Do you define that as a retriever, as a fellow retriever in your family? And you maybe feel like you’re responding better than somebody else because why? Because your behaviors are not the same? Because you’re not pouring your heart out and talking about it because you’re, you know, being stoic and and maybe you have that German heritage, like I see so often in my area, and like I do in my family, where, you know, we’re strong. We don’t talk about it. Like, it’s, you know, pick yourself up by your bootstraps and carry on. You can’t change it. Death comes, it happens to everybody. Minimizing it. Is that you? I don’t know how well you’re coping then either.
So I just want to highlight that who’s defining coping well versus not coping well. And just reflect on how you’re responding. And just because someone else in your family is responding differently doesn’t mean that they are not coping well in quotations. We can’t force people to grieve like we do. I have a tendency to I need space. I need to process my emotions first before I talk about them. To some people that may seem cold, that might come off as cold or detached. I just need time to process internally first before I can articulate what it is I’m feeling. And that takes time. And who’s to tell me how much time that should take? Right? Another aspect of this is that every relationship is unique. So because someone is responding differently than you, consider that their relationship is different than yours to the person who passed. You you might think that you were the closest person to that person who passed. But we never really know. We never really know. Okay. So secondly, coming back to the relationship with that person. Kind of piggypacking how relationships are unique. So Who is not coping well in quotations or choosing to respond to grief differently? The dynamics of the relationship can matter here. Right? So let’s say it’s a grandparent that’s dying. And a parent isn’t responding. You’re the grandchild and your parent isn’t responding how you would have expected or you would have thought or how you feel they should be. Right? And that can make you feel angry. That can make you feel sad. But we often don’t know the dynamics in the close relationship that, obviously, generations before us shared. Because, again, as society often is, we don’t talk about the good, the bad, and ugly. We talk about mostly the good and we sweep the bad and the ugly under the rug. We don’t talk about the painful stuff. We don’t talk about the, you know, maybe it was codependency in our relationship. Maybe we don’t talk about how, you know, maybe maybe that parent felt smothered by their by their parent, by your grandparent, or maybe they felt so loved and so close that the thought of that person dying, the thought of their parent dying is too painful, and so they completely detach. And that’s not a response you would expect.
You know, we can have painful responses to grief when it hits us, when we realize, when we accept this is what’s happening. I can’t control it. I can’t do anything about it. And so we can run Like often many people do, we choose to run from our emotions, resort to what we know from growing up, behaviors that we resorted to, to cope, when things got hard, or we can embrace the grief as a family, as a unit, and talk about these things, but we often don’t. Where there could be compassion and understanding, instead there’s resentment and anger and frustration and sadness, Sadness will be there regardless, but all these are the things wrapped in there. And this is why grief is so messy because relationships are unique. And we often don’t understand the depths of those relationships of the others in our lives. Of others in our lives. You know, if it’s a sibling that passes, you know, the parent had a different relationship with that sibling than you did, obviously. And maybe you were so close with that sibling, you detached. And your parent might think, well, maybe you don’t care. And maybe you have anger and resentment towards that sibling. And you just kind of bug out and not really around and not part of the family grieving process. And often that person might be it might be the thought would be, like, they’re not coping well. But if we don’t, we don’t have these skills. We aren’t taught these skills of how to cope well. That’s my point in this episode too is like we are not taught these skills of how to cope well with grief. We just aren’t. And so it’s like calling the kettle black. Right? That’s my point in this episode too. It’s like, it’s easy to say at someone else isn’t coping well, but yet if you have not received the coping skills, for grief and pain and suffering in your life. It’s very possible and very likely that the person that you’re feeling this way towards hasn’t either. And so the only way to get to the other side of this is to have the hard conversations with the people we love. We can’t force people to have these conversations, of course. And you can’t build from a place if there wasn’t you can’t have these conversations, if there wasn’t a a foundation of trust and safety either. And so maybe that’s where you can start. How do you cultivate trust and safety within yourself? And those closest to you. And that’s where Tiff Carson, I want you to listen to that episode because, you know, she chose to love her brother through his addiction. But she shares how she got to that point. It’s a really great episode that illustrates that. And the third point, energy flows where the focus goes. So again, if your focus is on this anger and this resentment towards someone else and how they’re responding to grief in in your family. And you’re ruminating on that. That is doing nothing. That is not helping. It’s unnecessary suffering for you because really the all you have say in is how you respond. That’s all you have control over is how you choose to respond to the grief in the family. Your own grief, your personal grief. And then how can you be a light? In the darkness that is family grief. Number one, you can learn these healthy coping skills. You can learn new tools to help you, thereby helping your loved ones. And you learn those new skills and those new tools and that new knowledge through great recovery. Through my through the program, do grief differently. It’s twelve weeks. And I do have two openings right now. If you are interested, go to my website to learn more. And we meet once weekly for twelve weeks. And it is very much it’s not therapy, but it’s very much therapeutic. Very therapeutic. And you will learn more about yourself than you ever thought possible about your grief, about drawing connections between your childhood and adulthood. Because, look, these things, these patterns of behavior, these belief patterns, these thoughts that we have around grief, these This is this is where we get generational things continuing on, these beliefs continuing through generations. And the only way to break that cycle and to learn new now is to learn new knowledge and new tools. Because if you are prone to sweeping your grief under the rug to not talking about it, to, you know, so easily pointing the finger at other people that they’re not responding this way and they’re not responding that way instead of looking at what it’s bringing up for you. What connections can you draw from what you’re feeling about the person who’s not coping as you think they should, what is that bringing up for you in particular? Why does that feel so painful for you? There’s something there. And so, again, this episode wasn’t to tell you what to do.
Although new knowledge is what I would suggest. Learn new knowledge. Educate yourself around grief so you better understand it. And then opening a dialogue and conversation amongst those you you love. To be the light. Ponder these questions. Start this episode, come back to it, share it. If you have further questions for me on this episode, please put them. There’s a on Spotify, you can actually respond to this episode. Put a question there if you want. Email me victoria down leashhart dot com. Share your thoughts on this episode or have or share your questions if you have them. I’ll privately answer them or I can, you know, with permission, I can share my the question and spots on this podcast for others so we can all learn. There’s always more to learn. And we learn within the context of our relationships too. And their mirrors for us, reflecting back what we need to look at within ourselves. So thank you so much for listening. My throat is getting dry. I’ve been talking a little too much already. And so that’s my cue to end it here and to thank you. And with gratitude in my heart, Thank you for listening, and I hope you listen to future episodes. And remember, When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Grief isn’t merely an emotion; it’s a profound energy that demands reflection and immersion into our deepest feelings. But too often, our intellect and ego stand as gatekeepers, preventing the deep emotional healing we desperately need.
In this week’s solo episode, I speak of the body as a compass through loss. Grief tells us when to pause and feel deeply if only we stay grounded enough to heed its guidance. Neglected grief is insidious—it can manifest into physical ailments or emotional turmoil.
Key Points Discussed:
- Grief’s Energetics: I compare grief to a body of water that overwhelms us and emphasizes the importance of allowing ourselves to feel deeply rather than intellectualizing our emotions.
- Physical and Emotional Connection: Our bodies and emotions have a visceral understanding of loss.
- The Impact of Unprocessed Trauma: How past traumas, like sexual abuse or physical violence, can lead us to dissociate from painful experiences and how this affects our present life choices.
- The Opportunity for Growth Through Grief: While it might be hard to hear, especially during times of suffering, there is potential for growth through processing our grief effectively.
- Searching for Episodes by Loss Type: I encouraged my listeners to explore previous episodes categorized by types of loss, such as widowhood or parental loss, via the blog’s search function.
- Rituals and Recovery Methods: I highlighted the importance of rituals and community support in grieving processes and suggested engaging in my “Do Grief Differently” program as a way forward.
- Unleashing Painful Emotions: I shared my own transformative experience where acknowledging all forms of grief led me to release intense emotions that had been pent up inside.
If you’ve ever felt lost in your grieving process or know someone who does—remember my voice echoing softly amidst the noise: “Healing is possible. Your emotions are valid. And most importantly—you’re never alone on this journey toward reclaiming your heart after loss.”
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Grief as a Natural Process
I understand that grief carries a profound energy – one that requires us to pause, reflect deeply, and immerse ourselves fully into our emotions. She argues convincingly that this force has tangible effects on both body and mind; thus, processing it isn’t just beneficial but necessary for healing.
Our intellect and ego can sometimes act as barriers preventing us from experiencing the rawness of our feelings during the grieving process. This resistance can halt emotional healing at its core. By acknowledging this challenge openly on her podcast, Victoria invites listeners to let go of mental blocks and embrace their vulnerability.
The Body: A Compass Through Mourning
One key insight that I share with you is viewing the body not just as a vessel but also as a guide through the labyrinth of loss. Staying grounded allows individuals to navigate their journey more intuitively by truly feeling each emotion without shying away or intellectualizing them.
Unaddressed grief doesn’t simply fade away; it often manifests itself through physical ailments or emotional disturbances. However, when acknowledged and processed properly – something that I advocates strongly for – healing becomes attainable. We can then remember those we’ve lost without being incapacitated by sorrow.
Do Grief Differently: A Program for Healing
To aid grievers along this path, I offer the program Do Grief Differently which equips participants with tools designed not only for immediate relief but long-term application throughout life’s many challenges involving loss. This approach acknowledges two critical points: first, that sadness may linger even after healing occurs; secondly, understanding how past traumas influence current behaviors is crucial in moving forward constructively.
Broadens the scope beyond death-related grief by addressing other forms such as abandonment issues or financial losses—demonstrating empathy towards all who suffer regardless of circumstance while encouraging listeners to find solace in episodes most pertinent to their unique experiences.
My comprehensive resource extends further via blog posts where I delve deeper into topics discussed on air—a testament to her commitment towards providing accessible support no matter where someone might be on their grieving journey.
Confronting Unresolved Pain Head-on
Allowing unresolved pain from festering beneath life’s surface—it can lead to ongoing physical discomforts or emotional turmoil if left unchecked.
Rituals play an essential role here; they offer structure within chaos—a sentiment echoed across various cultures worldwide—and provide opportunities for expression during times when words fail us.
By facing pain directly rather than avoiding it (a central theme), people gain empowerment over their circumstances instead of remaining ensnared by unprocessed emotions—which ultimately leads toward clarity and peace.
An Invitation Towards Self-Care & Engagement
As each episode concludes with heartfelt advice urging self-care practices especially concerning physical health impacts due to unprocessed emotions—listeners are encouraged not only listen passively but actively engage themselves within community discussions around shared experiences fostering collective growth outwards together alongside fellow grievers seeking similar paths toward wellness.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Hello. Hello. Good morning. Good afternoon or good evening. Whatever time it is you’re listening to this solo episode. Thank you for being here. And I was not sure what I wanted to talk about for this solo episode, but then I had a song come into my head from Lotto. Which I did look it up, how to say it right. And it is Lotto. Lotto. She’s a female rapper here in the United States. Anyway, she has a song called Big Energy and that song came into my mind and I thought what else has Big Energy Grief. Grief. That’s big energy. So that’s what I wanna talk about today is the big energy that is grief. And the energetics of it specifically, grief asks us, to become quiet and stop. Stop. To stop. Stop the movement. Stop the mind unraveling to just stop and dive into the depths. Of our souls. And it’s our intellect that usually tries to not usually, it does. Our intellect is what lifts us out of that grip of grief the deep wound of grief, I think before we’re ready, before we allow ourselves to be immersed. In that deep ocean, whatever you wanna call it. However, it’s like this body of water that feels like you’re drowning. You feel like you’re being swallowed up. Our bodies and our emotions have a visceral understanding of death and loss. We know that we can no longer touch or see those who have passed, yet we can still feel the embrace of a lost lover or hear the laughter of a child who has died, our bodies miss limbs that we have lost. And our bodies remember that pain. Our bodies and our emotions experience the reality of injury of loss of separation or even death every day. These two elements body our body and our emotions. No grief. Which means they can act as our guide. If we can stay grounded to our bodies and stop ourselves from flying off into some spiritual or intellectual distraction in response to grief. And as a result, we would we would be able to receive the c the healing that grief can offer us. We just don’t allow ourselves to go to that depth to allow our bodies to feel fully and let those emotions pass through us, move through us, let the body rid itself of the emotional pain you know, that twinge that you feel, that heartache, that heaviness in your chest, when we think about either the suffering that someone else inflicted on us, because grief isn’t just about death. I’ve said that so many times on this podcast. If you’ve never heard another episode before. There’s four plus years of content there for you to check out. I advise you to check out the first ten episodes, which actually might be ten to fifteen episodes, twelve, something like that. That really dive into grief itself and give you some background information and kind of lay a foundation of what the next episodes and the years that follow really lean on. Our bodies know how to process. It’s our ego. It’s our intellect. Our logic. Our analysis paralysis is what gets in the way, is what stunts our growth through grief. I’ll call it that. We have an opportunity to grow from our grief, despite our grief. No one wants to hear that grief is a growth opportunity, nobody. If someone would have told me that after my dad died, had I not been eight years old, granted. But even as a young adult, when I was still in the throes of grief really because my early twenties were kind of a shit show. So if someone would have told me, what I just said, I would have dismissed it. I probably would have been, like, your freaking crazy and it’s bullshit is what I probably would have said. Nobody asks, for that test. Nobody asks to be in that group of people who are suffering in their grief. And there is many of you out there listening to this right now who are suffering in your grief. And I just implore you that if you have never let yourself ask deeper questions about the loss you’ve experienced? Maybe it’s abandonment, maybe it’s loss of safety or security, financial loss, divorce, estrangement, There are so many scenarios I’ve shared with guests throughout the years. Driving the issue home, that grief is not just about death. I think we’ve established that by now. As you listen to the stories that people have shared throughout the years, And if you’re unsure, like, which episodes are for you, you can go to my website, actually, and there is a search box on the right side. If you click on one of the episodes of on the pod of the podcast on my blog, on the right hand panel, on the side, the right side, there is a you can search by categories. There’s widowhood. There’s parent loss, divorce, there’s everything is broken out by category. So if you wanna find an episode that maybe relates more to your situation. There’s a way to search for that on my on my blog, so I encourage you to check that out. Because there is four plus years of episodes. And if you’re not finding something that you’re resonating with or that you’ve or you’re wondering, like, where can I is there an episode about this topic? Reach out to me. I will send you a direct link. I will find it. I want you to see yourself in the people’s stories. And that’s why I try to represent all types of loss on this podcast. Just reach out to me if there’s an episode that you’re wondering if I cover a specific topic. That being said, regardless of the loss, regardless of your experience. There is a way forward. But we have to allow ourselves to feel it. Truly feel it. Feel that big, big, grief energy. Maybe like me. You were traumatized as a child. Maybe you’re a victim of sexual trauma like myself. Where over the years, you may be have maybe use painful events or scary movies. To further hone in your skills of disassociating, of disconnecting from your body. And whenever grievous situations occurred, boom, you shit out of your body, you just disassociate, completely disassociate, unable to feel. And I think so many people who have experienced trauma in that way, sexual trauma, physical abuse, just find yourself going somewhere else in your mind. Letting your mind take you somewhere else is the best way I can describe it. And I think then the response can be then to put yourself unconsciously, I don’t think it’s conscious. I think, unconsciously put yourself in the way of situations that help you to further disassociate to further not feel. And the only way to not allow those past experiences to continue to influence your present day and your future is to go back in time and to look at those things. And that’s what so many people have told me over the years is, I don’t need to dredge up the past. The past is in the past, but my friend, the past is your present. And your future until it is healed. And I say that word healed And I almost don’t even like saying it myself because it feels like it’s the weight of it is I don’t know. I feel like the word healing has become cheapened in a way. It’s like this elusive word that I don’t know. I feel like it’s lost. It’s meaning over time. But true healing in the form of when you think about that person, when you find yourself in a in a place where you remembering something from the past that it’s not taking you back in time to the pain You’re not feeling that in your body as you once did. It’s not influencing your decisions in the present. Or what you decide to do in the future. Those are I think those are unconscious processes that you don’t connect the dots at what you’re doing, why you make the decisions you make, why you move forward the way you do is because of the experiences of the past. And so when we acknowledge, that those things are influencing us when we learn new tools in recognizing and connecting the dots from our past to our present and to our future, That’s empowering. It’s empowering. If you don’t crave your losses, the people who have died or who have inflicted suffering upon you in some way, either get erased from your consciousness as if they weren’t important or they hang around in your psyche as if you’re being haunted. This is the pain. This is the suffering. Do you recognize these things in your life right now. Ask yourself these two questions. What must be mourned? What must be released completely? Ask yourself these internal questions. And I want to make a distinction between being caught in grief because you’ve, like, fallen into this another world ocean. And being caught in grief because your grieving process has not yet completed itself. Is most of us are rushed through our public grief and left to do our real grieving on our own. Without ritual, without ceremony, or without community. And in many cases, this the trapped grief is really just unfinished grief. If your grief is stuck in the body simply because it is unfinished, then walking yourself through a ritual practice for grief will help. Oh, going through grief recovery with me will help. It’ll also teach you a lot by the way and connect a lot of dots for you. But grieving takes its own time and it won’t leave you until you give your grief reference. So many people who I’ve talked to myself included, this will be my testament that once I honored and looked at all of the grief that I’ve experienced in my life, I was finally able to thank it. I was able to let it leave my body, the anger, the grief, The resentment, so so many emotions flooded out of me. Like, it was like the floodgates had opened. It was like the dam broke. I didn’t know if I could cry anymore tears. And if it’s been a long time since you’ve cried, you probably have a dam of tears just waiting to be unleashed as well. And it takes big, big energy to hold that in. And what is that doing to your body? That big, big energy needs to go somewhere? Are you putting it into alcohol? Are you putting it into other substance use? Are you putting it into people who you pour into, but don’t fill your cup, putting it into people pleasing, putting it into putting all that energy into seeking some sort of validation from others. What are you putting your big big grief energy into if it’s not into your into yourself? And into your healing. It’s going somewhere, or it’s destroying you from the inside. You have diabetes? Are you suffering with obesity? Do you have heart issues? The list goes on and on, migraines, fibromyalgia, this insidious body affecting thing that is idiopathic. They don’t have a clue what causes fibromyalgia. I would say it’s grief. I would say it’s unprocessed trauma. All over body pain. Tingling, sometimes numbness, like pins and needles. Aikiness. Just overall aikiness. I was tested for showrooms, I was tested for RA, so many tests. They didn’t come right out and say I had fiber mildly, but Looking back in hindsight, I’m surprised they didn’t. Inflammation in the body. Is stress in the body? And where is that stress coming from? Yes, we have environmental stress. Yes, we have physical stress, grief is stress, trauma is stress. Our bodies hold onto that. Our logic, and our ego, and our minds hold onto that as a protective blanket of sorts. Thinking we’re protecting ourselves. When really we’re causing our own suffering. I think that’s the perfect way to end this episode. Just think about where you’re putting the big, big energy that is grief. Where are you putting that energy? Where is it being stored in your body? How is it manifesting in your life? What do you need to let go of and release? What needs to be honored in your past? These are the deeper questions. And when you ask the deeper questions, my friend, you get the deeper answers. And if you are needing support in doing that, a little hand holding, you know where to find me. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, season 5, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In this momentous 200th episode of Grieving Voices, I pause to honor the journey thus far. From heartfelt stories of loss to triumphs in resilience, this podcast has become a beacon for those navigating grief’s complex landscape. Join me as I delve into reflections on societal norms around grief, personal growth through storytelling, and gratitude for the community that has been built.
Highlights from today’s solo episode include:
- A reflection on how Grieving Voices evolved into a top global podcast.
- The importance of sharing episodes with others who may find solace in them.
- An exploration of human design and how it influenced the creation and continuation of the podcast.
- Insights into why consistency matters when creating content that serves a greater purpose.
- Lessons learned from interviewing diverse guests with powerful transformation stories.
I also look ahead at what’s coming in season 5:
- Anticipated deep dives into energy healing as support for grievers.
- Introducing listeners to new resources and modalities perhaps unfamiliar to many.
Let us continue changing how society perceives grief—one share, one story at a time. Because here at Grieving Voices—it’s not about speaking louder but speaking truer—and always alongside each other.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Grieving Voices Podcast: A Beacon of Hope at 200 Episodes
Two hundred episodes in, and the resonant waves of healing and understanding continue to ripple out from the heart of the Grieving Voices podcast. As we celebrate this impressive milestone with a special solo episode by its founder, it’s time to reflect on how this platform has evolved into a global sanctuary for those touched by grief.
A Journey Through Empathy and Community
Grieving Voices began as a whisper of comfort—a space where friends, clients, and eventually strangers shared their intimate stories of loss. It was an endeavor rooted in compassion that grew organically into one of the top 5% podcasts worldwide, echoing across borders with listenership in 89 countries. This incredible growth is not just about numbers; it’s about connections forged through shared experiences.
The host’s heartfelt thanks extend to every listener and guest who has contributed their voice or lent an ear—each one integral to building what can only be described as a refuge for grieving souls. By shattering silence around grief, each episode chips away at societal taboos that often leave individuals isolated in their sorrow.
Consistency Fueled by Purpose
Despite moments when pausing seemed like an option, our steadfast host continued marching forward driven by something greater than personal need—the collective need for understanding during life’s most challenging times. The pursuit of perfection may weave itself into production quality but make no mistake; it is matched equally by authenticity and care woven into every narrative shared.
Notable conversations have graced our airwaves featuring luminaries like Marty Cooper, Chris Kerr, Christine Carlson, and Chris Carr—all leaving indelible marks on our hearts with tales both harrowing and hopeful.
Manifesting Healing Through Storytelling
At its core lies human design principles—specifically manifestor type energy—that surge through the podcast’s veins propelling creative ventures forward without external validation but rather aligned with divine inspiration. This alignment speaks volumes about why Grieving Voices came into existence—it was more than just an idea; it was almost predestined to become what many now rely on for solace amid pain.
Our host possesses a particular affinity for underdog narratives—the kind where resilience blossoms from brokenness—and these stories resonate profoundly within our community. Every story told becomes part healing ritual for both speaker and listener alike—an emotional salve nurturing recovery while bolstering inner strength.
Evolving With Intentionality Into Season Five
As we look toward season five there’s anticipation brewing around exploring new facets such as energy healing among other modalities designed to support those walking through grief’s shadowy valleys. Listeners are encouraged to contribute anonymously suggesting topics or questions they yearn to explore further—making this journey ours collectively rather than individually dictated.
In closing out this commemorative episode comes recognition—not just self-acknowledgment—but genuine appreciation towards each person who has allowed Grieving Voices into their lives changing dialogues surrounding loss along the way. Our call remains clear: share your stories so others might find rays of hope amidst despair.
With two hundred episodes behind us yet countless more ahead filled with potential insights—we stand united ready to embrace whatever paths unfold before us knowing full well that together we change not only conversations but lives too.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Welcome to the 200th episode of Grieving Voices Podcast exploring the depths of grief, healing, and resilience. I’m incredibly grateful to have you here joining me on this milestone occasion. As I sit here today, I’m filled with awe and gratitude. Over the past, one hundred and ninety-nine episodes, we have discussed raw and tender stories of loss, shared moments of vulnerability, and celebrated the embraceable spirit of those who have walked the path of grief. This podcast has become a sanctuary, a sacred space where we honor the complexity of grief and the unwavering strength of the human heart. Today as we gather for this special solo episode, I invite you to join me in a moment of reflection. Let us revisit the key points and takeaways that have shaped our understanding of grief and opened our hearts to the power of healing. Together, We have challenged societal norms, shattered the silence surrounding grief, and created a community that embraces compassion and understanding. As I embark on my fifth season and share this two-hundredth episode, I want to express my deepest gratitude to each and every one of you. Your support, the vulnerability of my guests, and your unwavering presence have fueled this podcast evolution and made it the beacon of hope it is today. Thank you for being a part of this incredible community and allowing me the opportunity and privilege to be in your ear holes these past four years. Thanks to you, Grieving Voices is in the top five percent of all podcasts globally. And has been downloaded in eighty-nine countries and counting. Sharing the episodes that touch your heart or that you know would be helpful to a hurting heart is what feels the podcast growth. Being helpful, offering support, and sharing resources is how we all help each other journey through life. So my dear friends let us embark on this 200th episode with open hearts, open minds, and a shared commitment to honor the unity in our grief. Together, we will continue to pave the way for a world that embraces the beauty and transformative power of grief. Welcome to Grieving Voices Episode two hundred. From starting out at zero, enlisting in friends and clients to be my first guests, to being where I am now, where I don’t have to seek out guests or sponsors, I just have to share with you that I also had zero thoughts about how long I’d be at this. It was just something I knew I wanted and needed to do. Take the title, Grieving Voices. It’s kind of brilliant, right? And yet I can’t take credit for it. It popped into my head like a lightning bolt, but it was also a creative urge long before it was a podcast title. If you’re unfamiliar with human design or specifically the manifestor type in human design, which I am, manifestors have a unique energy type that works in bursts, followed by rest. Learning about the creative urges of a manifestors, the best way I can describe how this podcast and many things I’ve created came to be. But where do a manifestor’s creative verges come from? Well, we are also the only energy type that has a direct connection to source that doesn’t need anyone else to take action. Manufacturers are the initiators, the creators, inventors, the trailblazers. The more aligned and in integrity, I have become with who I am in mind, body, and spirit the more in tune I’ve become with my personal energy, and the more connected I am to the creative urges gifted to me from my divine source that I choose to call God. And I believe we all can tap into that source, whether it’s more ethanol or spiritual or however you choose to define it. It doesn’t matter. But you just have to clear the mud and the muck that’s creating static and not giving a clear signal. The mud in the muck being the emotional baggage that you’ve been lugging around for months, years, or even decades. Grief has been the focus of my podcast from day one and it will continue to be. If you haven’t noticed, I love an underdog story. I love to be a witness to the stories of transformation. And I love to see how the broken hearted from all walks of life manage to pick up the pieces of their broken hearts, hodge, podge those pieces together, and move forward creating a new life and filling it with new stories and experiences. But more importantly, in hindsight, seeing how the heartbreaking things they’ve endured We’re also the catalyst for their evolution and the source of inspiration to truly live. Not just survive, but thrive. I see an aspect of myself and every story I hear. And with every story I touch an aspect of my grief, I may haven’t touched in a while. The stories become a healing balm to my soul just as much as I hope they become a healing balm to yours. I’ve also learned so much about myself since starting this podcast. For one, although I’ve contemplated taking a break or hiatus, several times over the years, I never did. Why? I’m not the best about consistency in many areas of my life. But when it comes to this podcast, I haven’t allowed myself to falter, and I suppose a part of that is because it’s bigger than me. It’s not about me. I played that scenario out to the end, and the disappointment I felt with myself outweighed the momentary desire for a break in the moment. I also really enjoy meeting and talking with new faces one to one from around the world. And junior high had contemplated being a journalist and war correspondent, like Walter Cronkite, because he got to ask the tough questions and travel. I guess travel aside, craving voices is the next best thing. The other thing I’ve learned about myself through the years of doing this podcast is my perfectionist tendencies, which often drive even me insane, have served me well, and I wouldn’t change it. I brought in some amazing well known guests like the inventor of the cell phone, Marty Cooper. End of life research author and guest on the Netflix docu series surviving death, Chris Kerr. New York Times best selling author and co author, Christine Carlson. And cancer thriver, New York Times best selling author and one of Oprah’s Super Bowl one hundred, Chris Carr. And the countless others who have turned their pain into triumph and share their gifts and grief wisdom with the world. I’ve put a lot of time and effort into making this podcast a safe and welcoming experience and presenting and promoting the guests and their contributions professionally and honorably. So on this two hundredth episode, I want to close by saying, from the deepest parts of my heart, Thank you for being a witness to my guest stories too. You are an integral part of my mission to change the conversation around grief. It takes a heart with ears to listen and storytellers to have the courage to share their deeply personal stories of grief, trauma, and loss. So thank you for being a heart with ears on the other end of my mic. I hope you feel inspired to share your story with another heart with ears so that as a society, We can one day talk about grief like we talk about the weather. Thank you for being here. I hope you stick around More grieving voices and solo episodes will come your way in season five. In particular, I’ll be digging more into energy healing in its role in supporting creepers. And other resources and modalities you may have never heard of before. If there is a topic you’d love for me to talk about or if you have a question or you’d like answered on on the podcast. You can remain anonymous too by the way. Check out the show notes where at the top there’s an easy peasy link to send me a message. And until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Growth, Mental Health, Mental Health Awareness, Mind/Body Wellness, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Welcome to today’s episode, which focuses on mental health awareness and celebrating women entrepreneurs for May Mental Health Awareness Month.
In this episode, I will share my experiences from a recent women’s business summit in North Dakota where I met an array of incredible female business owners.
FEATURED EPISODE CONTRIBUTORS:
- Rachel Howard from 3andMe Mobile Coffee discusses how scheduling “me time” is essential for her well-being as an entrepreneur and mother.
- Chelsy Ciavarella from The Poppy Creative emphasizes the importance of alone time to recharge and offers practical tips on managing a busy schedule.
- Megan Vatnsdal from Onyx & Evergreen Travel discusses setting boundaries with technology to maintain a balance between work and personal life.
- Solli Frank introduces Kajaer GeoConsulting LLC, highlighting the value of personal connections within her team.
- Amanda Mogen with Dakota Dream Destinations, LLC, stresses self-care practices such as meditation, exercise, delegation, and building strong relationships.
Three vital tips based on my entrepreneurial journey:
- Seek support early by connecting with like-minded individuals or groups related to your business endeavors.
- Delegate tasks when possible; outsourcing can free up valuable time to invest in your family or other growth areas.
- Schedule personal downtime deliberately in your calendar; it’s crucial for maintaining a healthy work-life balance.
Let’s continue building meaningful connections, embracing lifelong learning, and finding that sweet spot between hustle and heart.
CONNECT WITH THE CONTRIBUTORS:
- Rachael Howard: 3andMe Mobile Coffee – Website / FB / IG
- Chelsy Ciavarella: The Poppy Creative – Website / FB / IG
- Megan Vatnsda: Onyx & Evergreen Travel – Website / FB / IG
- Solli Frank: Kajaer GeoConsulting LLC – Website / FB / LinkedIn
- Amanda Mogen: Dakota Dream Destinations LLC – Website / FB
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Balancing the Scales: Mental Health Tips for Women-Owned Small Businesses
As we step into May, a month dedicated to raising awareness about mental health, it’s crucial to shine a light on an often-overlooked demographic in this conversation – women entrepreneurs. In episode 195 of our series, we delve deep into the lives of inspiring women who not only run their own small businesses but also prioritize their mental well-being.
A Cup of Self-Care with Rachel Howard
Imagine sipping your favorite latte from a quaint vintage trailer surrounded by the aroma of fresh coffee beans. This is what Rachel Howard offers through her innovative venture, 3 and Me Mobile Coffee. But Rachel’s business isn’t just about serving caffeine fixes; it’s a testament to her commitment to self-care and fostering supportive relationships. By scheduling regular “me-time” and collaborating with local businesses, she creates an environment that encourages others to do the same.
Creativity Meets Mindfulness with Chelsea Sia Varela
Chelsea Sia Varela turned her passion for creativity into Poppy Creative—a space where imagination meets tranquility. She understands that running such a venue can be demanding, which is why she champions alone time as much as collaborative efforts. Her approach involves meticulous organization and reaching out for support when needed—key strategies in maintaining work-life harmony.
Travel Lightly Through Life with Megan Battenstall
Megan Battenstall’s Onyx and Evergreen Travel company doesn’t just curate journeys across the globe—it embodies Megan’s philosophy towards life: travel lightly. For Megan, managing stress means silencing email notifications after hours and dedicating time to personal hobbies. It’s about creating boundaries between work demands and personal pleasures—an invaluable lesson for any entrepreneur looking to avoid burnout.
Geospatial Growth with Heart by Solly Frank
Solly Frank has mapped out success not just geographically but emotionally through Kajair Geoconsulting. Her focus on forging strong personal connections within her team speaks volumes about her leadership style—one rooted in empathy and understanding. Moreover, intentional note-taking helps keep her grounded amidst daily challenges.
Dream Big but Care Deeply with Amanda Morgan
Dakota Dream Destinations isn’t just another travel agency—it’s Amanda Morgan’s dream materialized into reality while keeping wellness at its core. She underscores self-care routines not simply as indulgences but imperatives for sustained success in business—and life itself.
Now let me share three golden nuggets from my own treasure trove:
1) **Seek Support Early**: Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed; reach out proactively.
2) **Delegate Wisely**: Free up your most precious resource—time—by entrusting tasks within your team.
3) **Schedule Personal Time Diligently**: Guard against burnout by making ‘you time’ non-negotiable on your calendar.
The common thread weaving these stories together is clear: Building robust connections (with oneself and others), engaging in continuous learning experiences, finding equilibrium between professional ambitions and personal needs are pivotal elements that empower women entrepreneurs to flourish without sacrificing their sanity or happiness.
In closing this chapter—but certainly not this discussion—I encourage you all listening (and reading!) today to take these insights beyond mere contemplation into concrete action steps tailored for you or someone you know navigating entrepreneurship’s thrilling yet demanding waters.
Remember always—to unleash your heart because therein lies true strength both in business endeavors and life paths charted anew each day.
Thank you ever so much for tuning in! Your feedback fuels our journey forward—if enjoying this content resonates deeply within you then kindly consider leaving us a five-star review.
Until next time…keep thriving mindfully!
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk: Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is that you are listening to this episode. I thank you for being here. This is episode one ninety-five, Rising Tides, mental health, tips for women-owned small businesses. And this idea for this podcast episode came about because number one, it’s May Mental Health Awareness Month. And number two, I had recently attended a women’s business summit or conference where I was in a room full of a hundred around a hundred women small business owners from across my state of North Dakota, and all doing amazing, unique different things, there was an ultrasound woman there that her business is going into people’s homes and doing newborn or OB Ultrasounds. She does them for gender reveals and just for maybe a more private at-home experience. Another woman helps goes into women’s homes for postpartum support. Just so many different, cool, unique ideas. And so today, I had asked some of them to submit some information to me so that I could feature them on this podcast. And also, I’m going to be sharing, if you haven’t seen already, if you go to my social media, If you wanna learn a little bit more or kinda get a recap of the guests on this podcast episode, you can go to my social media. At the only chart on Instagram, the only chart our only chart LLC on Facebook, and and I’ll put the links are in the show notes to my social media, but you can check out their more information there and there’ll be a picture and all of that. So I just wanted to feature some women-owned small businesses because you know, especially, like, when you’re in a small business, it’s generally a lot of women. It’s a solo solo adventure and we don’t have employees or if we do, it’s, you know, small team of people and it can get lonely. It can feel lonely. And, you know, there’s so many struggles that come along with being an entrepreneur and having a small business. But to be able to come together at like a women’s conference or summit and share your struggles, share ideas, brainstorm, learn about branding, marketing, trademarking, all these different topics that are relevant to women in small business. Were presented at this women’s conference, which was three days packed full of information and networking and it was just a really great time. And so I just thought I would, you know, coming back home and trying to fall asleep, I just had this idea, like, I’m gonna feature some of these women for main mental health for small business because even at the summit, people I mean, I heard people saying how, you know, they barely take time for themselves, and this was the recharge they needed, and a lot of them are moms. And so I’m I’m you know, the same boat. Like, I’m a mom and small business owner and I, you know, have another job and so it’s like all the things. Right? We’re doing all the things and trying to build, you know, maybe a side hustle or trying to be of service to the world too. And, you know, it takes a village, to raise a family, and sometimes it takes a village to be in small business. So anyway, I wanted to feature some women. Today on this episode and I hope you support them, check them out. And maybe it’ll even spark some ideas for you if you’re listening as to what is out there, what is possible for you to create as a small business that is maybe lacking in your community. So the first business I would like to feature is three and Me Mobile Coffee by Rachel Howard. And on my form, I asked a couple of questions. And so how she described her business was three and me. Is a pretty pink mobile coffee shop, repurposed from a vintage stock trailer. We serve fresh wraps and delicious brought pays along with a large variety of other drinks and desserts. As a pride of Dakota member, we partner with as many other local companies as we can. Our motto is simple ingredients, simply delicious. And on my form, I ask, how do you prioritize yourself and your well-being as an entrepreneur? And as a mom or bonus mom if you are one. And she said she literally has to schedule in her meet time. If she doesn’t, she always ends up on the back burner. But she does have a wonderful spouse who supports her and her emotional well-being and makes sure that she always feels comfortable and empowered to take care of herself. Through yoga classes, journaling, business retreats, bubble baths, reading a book, and a good glass of Merlo, along with spending as much time outside in nature as possible. Like planting a garden and watching things grow is seriously therapeutic, she says. To the question, is there anything else you would like share that you would be helpful or supportive. She adds. You won’t be liked or supported by everyone. Don’t even try to please those who don’t and change their minds. Focus on the people who are supporting and encouraging you if you only have so many sticks. As in time and resources. Would you put those sticks in the fire that’s already burning or potentially waste your time trying to start a fire from nothing? Great tip for all of us women in small business who may be putting our sticks and resources of time to not the best use and not maybe to the best or most fruitful relationships maybe even in our lives. Or endeavors or opportunities or, you know, not everything that comes our way has to be a yes. And so I love that advice from Rachel Howard of three and me mobile coffee. The next business I would like to feature is business called the Poppy Creative by Chelsea Ciara Varella, which I hope I said her name. Right? She describes This is how she describes Poppy Creative. Welcome to the Poppy Creative, your ultimate destination for all things creative. Whether an individual, a dynamic group, or a vibrant club, our doors are wide open to cater to your needs. From studio rentals to venue spaces, we provide Canvas for your imagination to flourish. Save money with rental decor. Our collection has an eclectic mix of furniture, backdrops, and more. We can also create custom items to suit your event and style preferences, ensuring your vision becomes a stunning reality. Dive into our engaging craft classes suitable for all ages and skill levels. Her classes promise an immersive experience where everyone leaves with a peace uniquely their own. Join us in unleashing your imagination. When asked, how do you prioritize yourself and your well-being as an entrepreneur? Chelsea says, being an introverted person, I really rely on that alone time after the hustle and bustle of business business ownership working a full time job as well, three dogs, a household to run, and a husband who works shift work. Some of the things that give me peace and help me get back to my baseline are reading, journaling, watching shows or being outside. My passion is also creating. So working on my poppy stuff as busy as it is has also given me a sense of calm because I can just sit and watch new and cool ideas come to life. When asked if there was anything else she would like to share that would be helpful or supportive, she says, being such a new business I’m still working on finding that balance of work in life. It is one of the hardest things when you start out because you want your endeavors to be successful. So many small business owners often have full time positions as well, so the only time to work in our businesses are in our free time and quotations. Not really free time then, is it? Some things I have found helpful is getting everything on a board. What are the things you need to do? What are the things you want to do, and if there are deadlines. Seeing everything in one space, which she uses a foam core board with sticky notes so she can move them around. Seeing it laid out gives you a scope of tasks and allows you to set priority orders. It is always so successful checking off boxes and or completing tasks. This is something often overlooked and are oddly hard but ask for help. Use your support system if you don’t have one join networking groups or find a club. I have found so many great friends and connections through networking events. It is so nice chatting with like minded people who are struggling with the same things as you. Also, build in you time on your calendar. If you have a busy week, block off time and do not give it up. Your business succeeds when you succeed and you can’t do that when you are down and out from being overworked, and stressed out. Eamon Chelsea. The next business I would like to feature is Onyx and Evergreen Travel by Megan Vatinstall. Megan Vatinstall is a bismarck board and dedicated dreamer and entrepreneur who plans a bucket list dreams for a living. She is the founder of Boutique Travel Agency, Onyx and Evergreen Travel, and specializes and curating authentic experiences for the curious traveler. When asked how she prioritizes herself and her well-being as a entrepreneur, She says the best thing that I did for my personal happiness and balance was take email notifications off my phone. As a sole entrepreneur of two businesses, it can be very easy to get bombarded with questions, messages, and ideas from clients on multiple sources including Instagram messages, emails, texts, Facebook comments, messages, etcetera.
In order to ensure I give my clients and my family the best of me I’ve set boundaries in place to maximize productivity and joy. In terms of prioritizing myself, I enjoy reading Colleen hoover books, cuddling hardkitties, and I try to spend as much time as possible with friends and family, and my goal this summer is to take midday break for walks in the sun. When asked if there was anything else she would like to share that would be helpful or supportive, she said that You shouldn’t, don’t compare your starting step to someone’s top shelf. Take one step at a time as the goal is much closer than you think but don’t forget to practice gratitude for how far you’ve come. I love that too. Don’t compare your starting step to someone’s top shelf. And we do often forget to pause and consider how far we’ve come, especially as women small business owners. So thank you Megan for sharing those thoughts. Moving on, the next small business. Honor I would like to feature is Solly Frank of Cagier GEO Consulting LLC, which I hope I’m saying that right. K a j a e r, Geo Consulting LLC, and she says that Kajera is a North Dakota based woman owned technical consulting business that specialize and geospatial information systems, or GIS. Our services include mapping, data management, survey support, drawn technology, report production, and technical and theoretical training. When asked how she prioritizes her self and her well-being as an entrepreneur, she says, speaking for myself as one of the cofounders of her business, I feel that we prioritize personal connections within our team that includes discussions con concerning our families, faith and health. When asked if there was anything else she would like to share that would be helpful or supportive, she added that she tries my I try my best to take notes Of almost every discussion I have with those I work with, so I can make a proper assessment of what is going on professionally and personally with those who work closely with me, I admit that the management of the notes is not always the most efficient, but it does allow an opportunity to be more intentional with each connection I make. And that’s actually a great tip for those who have teams of people to take notes if you have to to check-in with your staff and other people on your team asking, you know, genuinely how their family is, how their health is, you know, if their struggling in some way. I think it’s, you know, as far as mental health awareness, it’s been just like My guest in last week’s episode shared Lisa shared Lisa Sugarman, you know, it’s all of our responsibility to check-in on each other. And so I thought that was a great tip from Solly to share. And last but not least, We have Amanda Mogan from Dakota Dream Destinations LLC, and Dakota Dream destinations is your trusted travel agency for unforgettable adventures and heartfelt journeys. Let us guide you on a path to discovery and healing. And how she prioritizes herself and her well-being as an entrepreneur. She says as an entrepreneur. Prioritizing myself and my well-being is crucial for sustaining both personal and professional success. I carve out time for self care practices like meditation, exercise, and spending quality time with loved ones. I also set boundaries to ensure a healthy work life balance and delegate tasks when necessary to avoid burnout. Ultimately, I recognize that taking care of myself allows me to show up as my best self for my business, clients, and community. When asked if there was anything else she would like to share that would be helpful or supportive, she says as a new business owner and travel agent, I found that these two things have been extremely helpful throughout my journey for the life, for the business, and life. Continuously learn, and build strong relationships. And I couldn’t agree more. I mean, I think entrepreneurship itself is a learning journey. I think you’re constantly learning something new, taken out of your comfort zone maybe. And entrepreneurship too in general is living out of your comfort zone because we have to do things like, speak on video sometimes or record audio. There’s one thing I’ve learned about using my voice. It’s using my voice in a way that I feel is impactful is what is aligned for me. And so this podcast has been a great outlet for me to share my mission in my passion as a small business owner, as someone who works with Grievers, and as someone with a message to share, which I think all podcasters who you know, continue the grind week after week, year after year, it’s because of a bigger mission, a bigger purpose, and a bigger impact that we want to have. And so I thank all of these five wonderful humans for sharing their tips with me and with you so I could bring them to you as small women I was gonna say small women. Women’s small business owners. But I do have three tips of my own. Which a lot of them a couple of them have been already stated, but which tells me it’s they’re really important. And I’ve been an entrepreneur since my very first business actually was a photography business. I started it when my after my second was born, And I started out just photographing, like, children. Actually, I started out with weddings. Well, just my kids. Right? And that’s how I think most photographers start out with their kids or out in nature or whatever. And I was kinda doing that and then I got bit by the bug and got asked to do a wedding and that that was kinda snowballed from there. So I started out in weddings professionally and then move to, you know, senior high school seniors and families and dabble into newborns really wanted to do new newborns, started them for a while, but it wasn’t that it really wasn’t where I phoned my my schtick, if you will. My favorite were high school seniors because they trusted me and they went along with all my crazy ideas. So I really was able to, you know, be creative and the high school seniors love that. So had that business for gosh. Well, I closed that in twenty fifteen. I think it was around it would have been around eight or nine years. Eight years. And when we moved, I we converted our garage into a studio, so I had had a photography studio. I used lighting. I did it in person ordering. Learned so, so much. And so many of the things that I learned in that business serve me today as far as QuickBooks. I learned QuickBooks through that business, taught myself QuickBooks, I taught myself Photoshop, taught myself Lightroom, taught myself photography, taught myself small business, and I didn’t have here’s my one here’s one tip is I did not seek out support and did not network and connect with other, like, minded businesses at that time. Other small business owners And so that would be the one tip I would give off the bat is, you know, reach out for, like, minded people to, like, minded people who are, you know, account trying to accomplish a life’s goal of having a small business, and maybe that’s, you know, a dream, seeing a dream come to reality, and you know, the more support you have, the better. So I would have gotten inside out support much sooner in my entrepreneurial journey. But one other tip I would say is ask yourself, what are the resources available? So again, that kind of comes back to support, but people programs support. There are so many programs today, like even the women’s business center in you know, the I call it the big city. It’s like an hour and a half for me, and that’s the we’re the nearest the nearest Walmart is an hour and a half for me. If if that tells you anything about how rural I am, which as an entrepreneur in a very rural area, it can really feel isolating. It’s all the more important to seek out support and network with others. This was actually the first this women’s business summit was the first event I had actually attended since COVID, I believe. So just kinda getting back into that groove again and networking is kind of my goal for the remainder of this year, but definitely seek out support and resources. There’s you know, organizations such as score, which I think is across the United States. It’s and I believe that’s free. There are so many support resources for small business owners at your local government or local you know, business development agencies seek them out. They’re there for a reason. You know, be resourceful. That’s one of the things that I think has helped me and served me in my business journey is that I can I’m very resourceful. Second, delegate and outsource. One of the things I did not do in my first business was delegate or outsource anything. So I was it was a lot of grinding. It was a lot of grinding. And so one of the things I did early on in the business I have now is I brought on a virtual assistant and I was actually within the second going into the second year of my business. So we had she’s been with me now three years this past this March. And I’ve been training her and and she’s learned a lot of things too, a lot of new skills that she wasn’t you know, didn’t learn before, and she’s been with me now, like I said, for three years. So she’s learned, I’ve learned, and she’s indispensable. I I don’t know what I would do without her honestly. So that is that was huge. That was really huge for me because that freed up so much of my time to spend with my family, to brainstorm other ideas, to work on training, like getting certifications and doing other things, and starting this podcast and it it just really opened up more opportunity. So I would encourage that. And lastly, some of the other women mentioned it, but also scheduling personal time and blocking it out. I will actually look at my schedule And if I feel like I’m, you know, kind of feeling the squeeze a little bit time wise or I wanna spend more time with my family or I just need a break, I want some space in my schedule. I will block out time as being unavailable where people can’t schedule it. And that has really served me. And actually, as I’m, you know, working on working in my business, I’ve had to do that because there’s certain, you know, big if I’m working on a big project or something, I can be easily distracted. And so, you know, I dedicate I’ve been dedicating quite a bit of time by blocking it off to work in my business. You know? And And also, like I said, to when I need space and time for myself, and I don’t take appointments generally, I don’t take appointments at all on Sundays, you know, and speaking of as a one time photographer, like, weekends was I mean, that everyone wanted weekends, right, and weddings, and and that’s when my kids were, you know, little yet. So I don’t miss that. I don’t miss having my weekends, you know, devoted to other people. I mean, really, you gotta choose where your priorities are and and I I do think honestly, I do think it’s possible to have a photography business without working on weekends if you aren’t doing weddings for sure. But there’s plenty of Friday weddings now that’s actually become a hot thing because it’s cheaper. So it is possible in my mind to be a Monday Friday photographer and then also to outsource and delegate some of those things. So if I were to start a photography business today, it would probably look it would look quite a bit differently. I would still do in person ordering and I would still do have the business model I did But, you know, how I do it would probably be different. But it’s so important to schedule personal time and to block it out. And if you go in advance and block it out, you know, or people can’t schedule it, it’s yours. You know, it is yours. Because it’s easy to say, you know, I’m just gonna take this time and put it in a day calendar or, like, write it on a calendar, but if you have a booking or scheduling, online scheduling calendar, and you block it out and no one can book it? That is how you schedule your personal time and block it out. It’s been huge for me. In my business. So I definitely would recommend that as well as what other the other women had shared about scheduling your personal time. You know, if you wanna take a yoga class, schedule it in, put that time in as private, and and stick to it.
Really? Can’t feel, you can’t, what does they say, you can’t give from an empty cup. Right? So, especially as muncturors, bonus entrepreneurs. You got a lot of hats that you have to wear. And so I hope that this episode was helpful to you. Rising tides do lift all boats and as small business owners. Who are women owned small businesses, it’s important that we support each other and forage those connections because it can be a lonely space. So thank you so much for listening. If you have any feedback for this episode, I would love to hear it. There’s actually a way you can do that. You can send me a message. If you’re on Spotify, I believe that is. And leave a five star review if you thought this content was great and you want more of it. I would love to feature more small businesses in this way. As far as, like, with grief too, like, grief and small business, like, I think that would be another great topic. For the podcast. And if you are on board for that, let me know. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
