Grieving Voices Podcast, solo episode, Spirituality |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
For this week’s episode, I drew inspiration from an oracle deck by creator Colette Baron-Reid called Postcards from Spirit. Its message to you, my audience, and myself was the importance of stepping back to observe our thoughts and behaviors. This card pull reading inspired me to share my personal experience in decision-making as it relates to my business and how stepping away helped me gain clarity. The episode touches on human design, emotional authority, and the traps of fear-based decisions while offering encouragement.
Key Points Discussed:
- Oracle Card Inspiration: Victoria begins by sharing an Oracle card reading meant to provide guidance for herself and listeners.
- Observation as a Tool: Emphasizes the value of being an observer of life’s situations rather than reacting impulsively or emotionally.
- Personal Anecdote on Decision Making: I share a recent, behind-the-scene experience in making a business decision.
- Human Design Insights: This is a brief introduction to Human Design elements, such as ’emotional authority,’ that impact decision-making processes.
- Growth Through Challenges: Encourages embracing opportunities that push us beyond our comfort zones for personal growth.
- Grief Reflections: The observation theme is connected to grieving, urging listeners to examine their beliefs about suffering and healing.
- Taking Action Toward Peaceful Living: Inspires listeners to take small steps towards observing their inner selves for peace.
- I invite anyone who wants to further the discussion or would like additional support to reach out for a free consultation.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, we’re often swept up in a whirlwind of emotions and hurried decisions. This week on Grieving Voices, we delve into the profound wisdom found within Colette Baron Reid’s Postcards from Spirit oracle deck – a message that serves as a gentle reminder about the power of stepping back to gain clarity.
The Message: Neutrality is Key
The card pulled speaks volumes: “Observe rather than act.” It’s an invitation to take a breath, step out of the chaos, and look at situations with fresh eyes. In doing so, we allow ourselves space for neutrality in decision-making. But what does it mean to be neutral?
Neutrality doesn’t imply indifference or lack of care; instead, it means approaching decisions without being clouded by intense emotions or biases. It’s about finding balance between detachment and engagement – observing your thoughts and feelings without immediately reacting to them.
Personal Reflections
As your host Victoria shared from her personal journey, making significant choices such as investing in a business coach can stir up an array of emotions including fear, excitement, doubt, and hope. She navigated this crossroad through journaling and open discussions which allowed her to step back from the emotional edge.
Here are some ways you can apply this practice:
– Journaling: Write down your thoughts without censorship. Seeing your fears or hopes on paper can make them less overwhelming.
– Talking it Out: Discussing options with trusted friends or mentors provides new perspectives.
– Waiting Period: Give yourself time before making big decisions; sleep on it if necessary.
Applying Wisdom Amidst Grief
Grief has its own complex layers that affect decision-making processes profoundly. When you’re grieving – whether over lost loved ones or past versions of yourself – old beliefs may surface like uninvited guests at dinner time.
Ask yourself:
– Am I choosing based on fear?
– Are my decisions trying to avoid pain rather than embracing growth?
Observation becomes crucial here because grief can obscure our view like foggy glasses. By cleaning those lenses through observation, you might find peace amidst turmoil.
Supportive Steps Forward
Remember that observing isn’t passive; it’s an active process towards informed choices leading toward healing and potential fulfillment. As mentioned in Grieving Voices podcast:
1) Reflect deeply on how past experiences influence current choices.
2) Seek support when needed – consultations offer professional guidance.
3) Embrace patience with yourself during difficult times.
Tune In For More Insights
If these ideas resonate with you or spark curiosity about navigating life’s challenges more mindfully—be sure not miss next week’s episode! Available across platforms like iTunes, Google Podcasts & Spotify (you can even ask Alexa), each session aims at empowering listeners towards unleashing their heart’s full capacity—because ultimately unlocking one’s heart unlocks life itself!
Let us all remember: there is immense strength found within moments where we choose simply observe before leaping into action—it is there that clarity emerges from calmness much love until next time!
Episode Transcription:
Victoria: Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to this week’s episode of grieving voices. I am your host, Victoria. And I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for today’s episode in just decided I would pull a card from one of my oracle decks to see if I felt inspired. And I chose my favorite deck to pull a card from. And it’s called postcards from Spirit, and it’s from been created by Colette Baron Reid, who is the bestselling author of the map and uncharted. I have not read her books, but I might have to just because I absolutely love this deck so much. I bring it to expos and public events that I go to where I share about grief recovery and the grief work that I do and energy healing, and I ask people if they would like a a card pulled. And the is the deck I usually use and it’s amazing to me how people read these cards and they’re brought to tears. It’s as if it really is a message from one of their dearly departed, just giving them a message of of hope or comfort or just exactly what they needed to hear that day. And so when I pulled this card, I pulled it with the intention of what my audience, what you out there may need to hear today. And So I’m gonna read the card and then I’m just gonna share some reflections around it and my thoughts about it. Deer you. Now as one of those times, you’re being asked to add some distance. Take a step back and do nothing but observe. Don’t worry about how long it will take to regroup. Just know it’s temporary and actually an opportunity to take a breath, slow down and look at how far you’ve come. Decisions for the highest good are made when you have clarity, which comes from being open to information from both the intellect, and the intuition. When you step into the role of observer, it’s as if you turn on a switch that allows your soul to be an essential part of the information gathering and decision making process. In this way, you can approach things from a more neutral and non judgmental place. We know you’ll make the right choice. Trust us when we say now is not the time to get too close to the fray. Step back now. You will be glad you did. When I read that, I thought a lot about just how we go about our day to day, not even being an observer. Of our own behavior, of our beliefs, of the thoughts that we have about ourselves, Maybe even others, judgments of others, a quick glance and we have this quick thought We don’t observe our own thoughts. We don’t take the time enough to observe ourselves, our behavior, our thoughts, our beliefs, all of it. And I think what I’ve personally learned just even through human design, in my human design as a manifesto, which I’ll link in the show notes if you’re not sure what that is. I’m not gonna go down that rabbit hole today, but what I learned is, for me, what I need to do to get my clarity and to observe is to step away from whatever it is is activating me in the moment. Whether it is a decision to be made or I’m gathering information like this is the perfect card probably for me and this is probably something I needed to hear too. But a reminder for me and you that if you are an emotional authority in human design, which is fifty percent of the population, If you are an emotional authority, you have to ride your emotional wave. We are not in a Claire And we are not clear in our decision making process. We are not in a neutral place. When we make decisions on an emotional high or in an emotional low. I’ll give you an example. I recently was like February or so I had been well, starting in January, actually, I had been debating on if I wanted to hire the certain business coach. And I it just threw me into this emotional roller coaster that was so unexpected it was a significant investment. I’d never invested that much in myself nor for my personal development in my business for I’ve invested plenty. Trust me, in my certifications and in learning. And growing for my business, but never to this degree. And it really just threw me for a loop. I I mean, I was I couldn’t sleep. I was trying to intellectually rationalize why I thought I wanted this, why I couldn’t afford it, or why I didn’t deserve it, or all these things like it was it was literally like an emotional roller coaster. And but what was at the heart of it was that in what I came to understand when I stepped away and journaled through my emotions, which, you know, I have a defined throat. If you have a defined throat, you need to get this stuff out. I think either way, you need to get the stuff out, but, you know, emotionally or you know, with sound or singing or poetry, like, the if you have a defined throat, like, you have a motor in your throat that needs to get things up and out verbally. And So I started to do that. I started to talk with some trusted friends, talk it through with trusted friends, journal it through, and really did my due diligence on making sure that I was gonna get to a place that I felt like it was a decision that was coming from a neutral place and that I wasn’t trying to intellectualize my decision, and I wasn’t trying to shut down my intuition at at the same time. Honoring both, the both and, like, I can feel scared, but I can also feel excited about this opportunity Not knowing, will I ever get this opportunity again to work with this person? At the end of the day and after weeks, trust me, it was weeks. I even asked for an extra week to give my final decision, which they were so graceful in doing. I came to the decision that this is exactly what I needed. And what I wanted for myself and for my business and I can tell you that it has been one of the most stretching things I have ever done in recent years. Aside probably since I went through my grief recovery program, since I worked through my grief the very first time. In twenty nineteen when I got certified and went through the program for great recovery myself. So a lot’s changed for me since that time, but just since signing up with this coach, it was almost like that act of of choosing and doing that has really stretched me and that’s what I wanted. I wanted growth in a different way. I wanted to challenge my beliefs around what I deserved or what was, you know, money. Money is a huge issue for so many people. But I found a way. I found a way, and I have made a way. And because it was a priority, for me. And but I had to come to the place of being an observer first. And how many decisions do we make? Not observing. Just making a fear based decision. For the most part, I think most of us make fear based decisions. Had I said no to this opportunity, which I was looking at it like an opportunity number one, but had I said no to it, I thought that through to the end, like, I would have I I would have felt like I missed an opportunity to expand and grow my business in a way that I couldn’t see it for myself. And also, I know myself well enough to know then I need some accountability. And, you know, so some of us, you know, do really well answering to ourselves what some of us need. More than that, some of us need accountability, partners, or somebody to, hey, did you do that thing? And I’m very good at pushing people off the ledge. Of whatever it is they’re trying to do or wanting to do. So if you need a ledge pusher like I’m your gal, if there is a dream or a goal that you’ve been putting on the back burner and have been afraid to do, I can be your courage, your ounce of courage that you need. And I can be your pusher because I love pushing people. To meet their potential. And that comes back to my u map, which I have Maximizer in my top ten, so I love to maximize other people into their meeting their potential. Anyway, I’m getting on a tangent of view map and human design and all of that. But coming back to this card, I want you just to think about and maybe listen to it again in the framework of your grief. You know, if you’re not observing yourself, and your beliefs, and your grief, what is that costing you? Do you believe that you are just destined to suffer the rest of your life? That how you’re feeling today? Is how you’re just always gonna feel and why bother? That was me at one time? That’s a lie. I’ll tell you that is a lie. Check-in with your intuition. Make a point to observe yourself. Observe your behavior, observe your thoughts? Like, why am I thinking this way? Why do I think that is true? What is the evidence? What proof do I have? We will always look for the proof in whatever of how we perceive things. We will look for the proof to back that up. Right? We don’t like to be challenged in our in our thought patterns and beliefs. Particularly, we don’t like it. But that’s what I think is what’s keeping so many people stuck in their grief in particular. Is they’re not being challenged in that way. They’re not challenging themselves. They’re not being the observer of their own selves because we can we can project our pain and our suffering on other people all we want, but it’s not gonna bring us to peace. That’s an inside job. Peace is an inside job. And it starts with being an observer. And that’s that’s my reflection on this card and I’m really glad I just, you know, I needed some inspiration for today’s episode, and I it was the perfect card. For today, for you, and for me, a reminder of how far I’ve come, Since I’ve been working on my grief in early twenty nineteen, my life has just exploded in the best way. In growth, in learning, and It’s expanded in all areas of my life really. You know, I worked out this morning and it was a really hard workout. That I hadn’t done in quite some time. In fact, I hadn’t picked up weights in quite some time. I had been doing power walks and stuff, but because I’d yeah. I’d hired a biz I’d I’d hired a health coach and was working with her and did was doing awesome. But for whatever reason, I can’t remember there was something that happened and it just kinda derailed me and I just I wasn’t picking up the weights anymore, and now I’m back to square one. When you don’t use it, you lose it. And that is the truth when it whether it’s your body, your mind, your heart, If you don’t give yourself love, you lose it, you start to lose it for yourself. And So yeah, I hope this inspired you to take some sort of small action today If you want to discuss further or talk deeper about whatever came up for you, I would love that. I’m all for free consultations. If I can better help and serve you, I that’s what I’m here to do. And otherwise, I will see you next week here in iTunes. Google Podcasts or Spotify wherever you’re listening to me. It’s available on all platforms. You can even say, Alexa, play, griving voices, podcasts, and it’ll start playing. So, I’m here when you need me. And remember, When you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Educational, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In the quiet moments of early morning, as the world stirs awake and you’re left with your thoughts, do you ever reflect on what self-love truly means? How often do we pause to consider that perhaps the most enduring relationship we’ll ever have is with ourselves?
As Valentine’s Day approaches, hearts and flowers flood our surroundings, reminding us all about love. But amidst this celebration of affection, a deeper connection often goes unnoticed – the love we give ourselves.
This week on Grieving Voices, I’m peeling back the layers of what it means to cherish and prioritize yourself truly. As Valentine’s Day approaches, let’s shift our focus from external expressions of affection to cultivating an inner sanctuary of self-compassion and care.
The key takeaways from this episode include:
- The significance of daily self-love practices such as affirmations, gratitude journaling, self-care rituals, mindful movements like yoga or walking, engaging in creative endeavors, eating healthily, taking breaks from digital devices, and honoring one’s emotions.
- How these practices create joyous avenues toward hope and emotional liberation.
- The importance of establishing healthy boundaries for overall well-being.
Conditional or self-sacrificial love isn’t sustainable. True empowerment comes when choices are made free from the weight of others’ expectations—when they spring from a well of genuine self-regard.
How do we cultivate this kind of self-love? Daily affirmations remind us of our worthiness. A gratitude practice opens our eyes to life’s blessings amidst pain. Self-care days aren’t indulgent—they’re necessary retreats for rejuvenation. Mindful movement brings us back into harmony with our bodies, while creative expression unlocks inner worlds waiting to be explored.
Proper nutrition fuels not just the body but also the spirit—and sometimes, what we need most is simply disconnecting from digital noise through detoxes that allow quiet reflection and growth.
This Valentine’s Day, let’s shift the focus inward. Celebrate by embracing your internal reservoirs of love so that every other day is enriched by your own heart’s abundance.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Self-Love: A Journey to Healing and Hope
In the labyrinth of life, where loss and grief often find their way into our hearts, it becomes essential to engage in a dialogue that not only acknowledges pain but also fosters healing. Victoria from unleashedheart.com has been instrumental in leading this conversation through her podcast “Grieving Voices.” With an empathetic voice and deep personal understanding, she reaches out to those grappling with grief and offers solace through shared experiences.
As we approach Valentine’s Day—a time typically associated with romantic love, I shift the focus towards a different kind of love: self-love. In a society that frequently glamorizes external affection, it is crucial to remember that the foundation of all love starts within us. This episode serves as a gentle reminder that while flowers may wilt and chocolates will be consumed, the nurturing of one’s own soul is perennial.
Self-love isn’t just about pampering oneself; it’s about acknowledging your worthiness despite your struggles. It’s about setting aside time for morning affirmations which anchor you into positivity for the day ahead. Gratitude practices remind us of what blooms brightly in our lives even when shadows cast long lines across our paths.
Moreover, self-care rituals are acts of kindness we bestow upon ourselves; they could range from an indulgent bath to simply turning off your phone at dinner. Mindful movement such as yoga or walking can reconnect us with our bodies—a home we should cherish regardless of its imperfections.
Creative outlets like painting or writing allow emotions a canvas on which they can be expressed without judgment—an important aspect when navigating through grief. Nutritious eating fuels both body and mind while digital detoxing provides much-needed respite from constant connectivity which can sometimes amplify feelings of isolation rather than alleviate them.
But perhaps most importantly, addressing one’s feelings openly—acknowledging sadness, anger or confusion—is critical for emotional freedom. By confronting these emotions head-on rather than suppressing them, individuals create space for joy and hope to re-enter their lives.
I reinforce this message by integrating these principles into her 12-week program Do Grieve Differently—it’s designed not only as support during times of sorrow but also as guidance toward achieving emotional completeness beyond periods marked by loss.
This holistic approach underlines how integral self-love is in finding purpose after pain—the ability to establish healthy boundaries stems directly from how much respect we afford ourselves internally first before extending outwardly towards others.
The beauty lies not only in embracing self-love on days dedicated to affection but making it an intrinsic part of daily living—for resilience grows when nurtured consistently over time.
To close her heartfelt episode, I extend gratitude towards listeners who share their journey with her on “Grieving Voices,” reminding everyone that unleashing their heart equates to unleashing potential within every facet of life.
For those grieving or supporting someone who grieves—remember you’re never alone; there exists community spaces like my podcast offering comfort amidst chaos—a testament that compassion knows no bounds nor does the quest for understanding ever cease.
Listeners are encouraged to pass along this message—to spread compassion far & wide—and remember always: Your feelings are valid indicators reflecting real experiences—they deserve recognition & care.
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk
00:01:29 – 00:01:44
Welcome. Welcome. It’s another episode of Grieving Voices, and I am your host, Victoria V.
Victoria Volk
00:01:44 – 00:02:36
And today’s episode is inspired by Valentine’s Day because in the US, that is tomorrow on February 14th. And I know for a lot of people listening, this might not be perhaps a happy Valentine’s Day. And so, in the spirit of broken hearts and less than loving feelings, I thought I would share today’s episode on the topic of self-love. But I wanna start by saying, first of all, I love you. I love you for being a part of my community, for being a listener, for just being you, and sharing whatever gifts you have with the world, if you are and if you aren’t, and you just haven’t discovered them yet, that’s okay.
Victoria Volk
00:02:36 – 00:03:41
I think we feel so much pressure sometimes to do some big things in the world. And I know personally, I’ve felt a lot of pressure within myself to do that, to leave some sort of legacy and that can cause us a lot of grief. And I know finding your purpose and waking up every day and when your feet hit the floor and feeling like you have purpose or not feeling it can bring a lot of grief into our hearts. I think what’s so important when you find yourself in those situations or when you’re feeling that way, the best thing you can do for yourself is to give yourself some love because really that’s where it all starts. I think we can only love others to the depth that we love ourselves because otherwise, it could be conditional or it could be self-sacrificial And maybe we have these expectations of something and receiving something in return, which makes it conditional.
Victoria Volk
00:03:41 – 00:04:23
So I just wanna talk a little bit about self-love today and then offer some practical things that you can do to nurture some love within yourself. And so, let’s get started. I think as a teenager, I had a very difficult time loving myself. I don’t think I really truly started to love myself until after I addressed a lot of the anger and resentment I was holding within myself with that my body was holding onto and I’ll get more into that later but I can say now for the most part, of course, we all have our days, We all have our moments,
Victoria Volk
00:04:24 – 00:04:52
We all have that comparisonitis, which I used to have it so bad. But when you can get to the point where you Where you walk to the beat of your own drum, then you know you’ve gotten to a place of self-love and there’s always more More to do in that department, I think. There’s more that I could do for myself, I know, But I will say as of today that I love myself. I love the person who I am.
Victoria Volk
00:04:52 – 00:05:20
I love the person that I’m becoming each and every day. And I wish the same for you, but for a long time, I didn’t feel this way. I remember being a teenager and trying to make myself throw up. I was only successful one time. I quickly realized that Strong foul orders caused a stronger gag reflex for me. But man, didn’t it suck being a teenager?
Victoria Volk
00:05:21 – 00:06:16
Like when you think back, I know a lot of my listeners are probably 35 ish or my age, 25 to 45. Being a teenager sucked, and I think it’s just much harder now to navigate being a teenager As a parent looking in, and just in the conversations I have with my kids and how much technology has progressed. But today, self-love is a bit of a buzz phrase, and I just want you to contemplate though The importance of self-love in your life. Maybe it’s not even something you’ve given much thought to, but Valentine’s day is the perfect time to remember that love does start from within. This year, let’s shift the focus from external relationships to the most important relationship of all, The one we have with ourselves. 1st, I wanna make some distinctions.
Victoria Volk
00:06:17 – 00:07:15
Love is the willingness and ability to allow others the right to make their own choices for themselves without any insistence that they Satisfy me. Let me say that again, The willingness and ability to allow others the right to make their own choices for themselves without any insistence that they satisfy me. Loving myself is the willingness and ability To allow me the right to make my own choices for myself without any insistence That I satisfy others. Again, loving myself is the willingness And ability to allow me the right to make my own choices for myself without any insistence that I satisfy others.
Victoria Volk
00:07:16 – 00:07:54
So how do you cultivate love within yourself? 1st, and I think above all, we have to open our hearts to receiving it. And this starts with cultivating it from within to become softened enough to be open to first recognizing it and then receiving it from others. The more love you cultivate for yourself, the more you will understand where in your life you have been self sacrificing to satisfy others. Self-love is the ticket to realizing your boundaries, and self-love is the ticket to laying down the armor you’ve worn to protect yourself.
Victoria Volk
00:07:55 – 00:08:25
Embracing self-love is a beautiful way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, and today, I’d like to share some practical self-love rituals to get started in nurturing your heart and soul. Number 1, morning affirmations. Start your day by speaking kind and loving words to yourself. Look in the mirror and affirm your worth, beauty, and strength. Repeat positive affirmations that resonate with you, such as I’m deserving of love and happiness.
Victoria Volk
00:08:26 – 00:08:44
Or I embrace my uniqueness and shine my light. 2. Gratitude practice. Take a moment to reflect on everything you appreciate about you. Write down 3 things you love about yourself each day.
Victoria Volk
00:08:45 – 00:09:15
It could be your resilience, your creativity, or compassion. Cultivating gratitude for your own qualities and accomplishments can boost your self-esteem and foster a deeper sense of self-love. 3. Self-care spa. Treat yourself to a luxurious self-care spa day. Draw a warm bath with your favorite bath salts and essential oils, Light some candles, play some soothing music, and indulge in a nourishing face mask or body scrub.
Victoria Volk
00:09:15 – 00:09:39
Allow yourself to fully relax and pamper Your body, mind, and spirit. 4. Mindful movement. Engage in activities that make you feel connected to your body and Promote self-love. Try a gentle yoga or meditation session to cultivate mindfulness and self compassion. Focus on your breath and listen to what your body needs in the present moment.
Victoria Volk
00:09:41 – 00:10:01
5. Creative expression. Tap into your creative energy as a form of self expression and self-love. Engage in painting, writing, dancing, or playing an instrument. Allow yourself to explore your passions and express your innermost thoughts and emotions. 6.
Victoria Volk
00:10:02 – 00:10:33
Nourishing nutrition. Show some love to your body by nourishing it with wholesome foods, Or treat yourself to a trial of a home food delivery kit, like HelloFresh. They are not sponsoring this episode, but I would just wanted to share. But I think this is a great idea for people to give themselves their time back. Take off some stress, Those busy weeknights when you just don’t know what to make or you haven’t had a chance to run to the store, this is a gift you give yourself.
Victoria Volk
00:10:34 – 00:11:02
I think it’s a great idea for lunches. You know, if you have to if you’re working from home or if you take lunch with you, just it’s It’s one less meal that you have to think about that’s also nutrient dense. 7. Digital detox. Take a break from technology and social media to create space for self reflection and self discovery. Disconnecting from the digital world allows you to connect with your Self, and your desires, dreams, and aspirations.
Victoria Volk
00:11:04 – 00:11:37
And last but not least, Address your feelings. And I think this is one of the most important. Whether you are angry at someone, holding on to resentment from long ago, Or experiencing feelings of guilt, shame, or sadness, all of these hold a deep well of wisdom for you. Our feelings are what drive our behaviors. Change the thoughts that create your feelings, which drive your behavior by learning new knowledge and new tools, and what you get is emotional completeness.
Victoria Volk
00:11:38 – 00:12:11
In other words, More joy, hope, and emotional freedom. All of which you receive when you go through my program, Do Grief differently, which will be linked in the show notes. But remember, self-love is an ongoing practice That requires patience and compassion. Be gentle with yourself and embrace the journey of self discovery by prioritizing self love, you are cultivating a strong foundation for all other relationships in your life.
Victoria Volk
00:12:12 – 00:12:37
So this Valentine’s Day and every day, let’s celebrate the love that resides within each of us. Embrace these self-love rituals and make them a part of your daily routine, not just on Valentine’s Day, but every day. You deserve love, care, and kindness. It all starts with loving yourself. Again, Thank you so much for being here, for listening.
Victoria Volk
00:12:38 – 00:13:07
I wish you a wonderful Valentine’s Day filled with self-love and joy, and every day. Because remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Childhood Grief, Grieving Voices Podcast, Parent Loss, Personal, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In the quiet moments of reflection, we often find ourselves face-to-face with our deepest losses. Join me today as I embark on a unique episode of “Grieving Voices,” where I read an excerpt from my self-published book, “The Guided Heart: Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace.” Let’s discover how my own experiences with loss from a young age have unknowingly mirrored the language of grief recovery even before I formally encountered it.
In this heartfelt session, I explore:
- The personal impact of losing my father at eight years old.
- How grief manifested in different aspects of my life.
- The therapeutic power of journaling during my high school years.
- Insights into emotional unavailability and its effects on family dynamics.
In this episode, I also draw connections between the content in my book written before learning about grief recovery methods and the concepts found within them. I share thoughts on letting go, acknowledging pain points, and coping mechanisms that can span decades.
Grief isn’t selective; it touches all corners of life, including relationships, careers, finances, and more. The way we cope can either mend or strain our emotional health. My story is not unique – it echoes many others’ struggles with life after loss.
Reflect on your path by following along in an exercise I propose—writing down your feelings to confront the emotional weight you carry. It’s not just cathartic; it’s a step toward understanding and clarity.
As we continue exploring various dimensions of grief throughout future episodes of “Grieving Voices,” remember that each person’s path toward healing is unique. Whether through reconnecting with faith or finding solace within oneself after experiencing profound losses—as I did—the goal remains constant: acknowledging our pain so that we may embrace life more fully and presently.
RESOURCES:
Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code “GRIEVINGVOICES” to receive 20% off
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Embracing Grief: Finding Solace in Your Journey of Loss
Grief is a universal experience, yet it’s one that each individual navigates differently. In today’s post, inspired by the personal reflections and insights from my book “The Guided Heart,” we will delve deeper into the complex tapestry of grief and explore how embracing our grief stories can lead to spiritual solace and growth.
Understanding Grief Through Personal Narratives
At the heart of every grief journey lies a story – often untold, deeply personal, and uniquely impactful. As I share my own narrative about losing my father at a tender age, I sheds light on an essential truth: our earliest encounters with loss shape our future selves. The absence of emotional support during such formative years can carve out coping mechanisms that endure throughout life.
Journaling or writing poetry as I did are more than outlets for expression; they’re lifelines for those adrift in the sea of sorrow. They help us anchor ourselves amidst turbulent emotions and offer glimpses into our subconscious minds where healing begins.
The Multifaceted Nature of Grief
Loss does not discriminate nor confine itself to physical death alone. It seeps through life’s crevices – be it through divorce, financial hardship, career upheaval or struggles like infertility. Each variant brings its unique brand of pain and requires its distinct mode of healing.
My book prompts readers to recognize these variations as part of their broader grief story. By acknowledging them rather than suppressing them, we pave the way for genuine well-being instead of temporary fixes.
Writing Out Our Feelings: A Therapeutic Exercise
One practical takeaway from “The Guided Heart” is the exercise to write down what you feel when faced with loss or change – much like journaling but with directed intent towards understanding your emotional landscape better. This simple act serves two purposes: catharsis and clarity — releasing pent-up emotions while also helping map out your internal world during times when everything seems chaotic externally.
Spiritual Solace Amidst Sorrow
Spirituality often intertwines with grieving processes because both deal with questions beyond mere existence — purpose, connection, transcendence. For some people like myself who reconnected profoundly with faith after another significant loss at 21 years old – spirituality offers not just comfort but guidance too; it becomes both compass and companion along their path toward recovery.
Every person’s spiritual journey varies greatly based on beliefs systems cultivated over time combined together experiences encountered along life paths chosen (or sometimes thrust upon us).
Support Systems Like Do Grief Differently Program
For those seeking structured assistance navigating their mourning period may find solace programs such “Do Grief Differently” which provide frameworks within which individuals work methodically through emotional challenges associated significant losses experienced personally thereby enabling participants emerge stronger ready face whatever comes next chapter lives waiting be written anew hope resilience newfound wisdom gained hard-won battles fought within hearts minds souls searching meaning midst despair found instead profound realization:
By confronting embracing grieving process head-on unflinchingly courageously wholeheartedly —we unlock potential live fuller present existences enriched by memories loved ones lost never forgotten always cherished revered honored lived up legacies left behind inspire current future generations alike continue quest understand intricate complexities human condition called Life filled equal parts joy sadness triumph tragedy love longing laughter tears silence screams whispers roars echoes reverberating across time space forevermore…
Remember take care of yourself during this difficult time listen to body mind spirit needs most importantly give permission to grieve own pace own way safe knowledge community others walking similar paths alongside offering support encouragement empathy compassion whenever needed most.
In conclusion, embrace the journey and allow a guide heart true north star guiding the night sky darkest hours dawn new day horizon promising fresh beginnings possibilities limitless imagination dare dream once again…
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk
00:00:00 – 00:00:41
Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening, whatever time it is that you are listening to this. Thank you for being here. I’m your host, Victoria V, and this is episode 180 of grieving voices. And I decided to do something different for an episode and read an excerpt from my book, The Guided Heart, Moving Through Grief and Finding Spiritual Solace, which I self-published in 2017., And I just picked up the book off of my shelf and flipped it open to its Part 2, chapter 1.
Victoria Volk
00:00:42 – 00:01:22
And, I started reading, and to be truth be told, I have not read my book since I’ve self-published it. So it’s been quite a few years. But in reading this chapter, I realized that there were a lot of things I share in it that actually is the language of grief recovery. And so before I even discovered grief recovery, this book was written, and it’s like I had this knowing about grief, I mean, I grew up with it. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:01:22 – 00:02:43
Like, I grew up with grief from a very young age, and just in reading about my experience of my different grief experiences, I just could pinpoint this language that we use in grief recovery, and I just find that interesting because for someone who felt like they were doing okay or that they felt like they didn’t need help, which was me very much so for many years. I still had this understanding of it, and yet so I think back now in hindsight, it’s like why couldn’t I figure why couldn’t I figure out that it wasn’t me that was messed up? Like, it wasn’t my fault that I felt messed up or that something was wrong with me. It was it was grief. And, yeah, and the grace that I sent to myself back then just reading this.
Victoria Volk
00:02:46 – 00:03:24
Anyway, you’ll get what I’m saying when I read this, but, I would also encourage you to read the grief recovery handbook, and I’ll put a link to that in the show notes. And then you’ll really understand what it is I’m talking about here in drawing the connection between what I will have learned 2 years after publishing this book. And yet, that language is still in this book. And so I knew grief and understood grief better than I thought I did. I guess that’s the point I’m trying to make.
Victoria Volk
00:03:26 – 00:03:50
Anyway, I digress. Let me get on with this week’s episode and reading an excerpt from my book, which is not on Audible, but perhaps maybe I should just sit down and record reading my book, and so that it is. Anyway, let’s get started. And I’m mistaken. It’s actually part 1.
Victoria Volk
00:03:51 – 00:04:08
We all have a story. Chapter 1. What is your grief story? Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well. It’s a quote by Robert Louis Stevenson.
Victoria Volk
00:04:10 – 00:04:39
She doesn’t understand anyway, I heard someone say, talking about me as if I wasn’t even there. March 31, 1987 is the anniversary of my father’s death. On July 30th that year, he would have turned 45 years old. He spent the last 2 years of his life, after having been given only 6 months to live, fighting a battle he knew he wouldn’t win. The doctors said there was nothing they could do.
Victoria Volk
00:04:39 – 00:05:16
The cancer had spread to surrounding tissues and organs. Colon cancer took my father away, and my mother became a widow at 43 years old. Being left to raise 2 children still living at home, myself, age 8, and my brother, 14 at the time. I’m not sure any woman in her position or any woman who has been in her position would know what to do, how to do it, or how to navigate raising grieving children while grieving themselves. It was impossible for me to understand then the profound effect my father’s death would have on me.
Victoria Volk
00:05:16 – 00:05:39
By the time I was 10 years old, I would begin to grasp exactly that. 2 years after the death of my father, my mother remarried. The new man in her life was a long-haul trucker and was home typically every other weekend. Theirs was a tumultuous relationship. There are many disputes during their 9-year marriage, and it ultimately ended in divorce.
Victoria Volk
00:05:40 – 00:06:14
I learned during that time and from the time of my father’s death that my mother was emotionally incapable of being there for both my brother and myself. I grew up quickly, as did my brother. I wasn’t wasn’t a child who lashed out or got into mischief. Rather, I was the wallflower, the introvert, the shy girl in the corner who spoke up when spoken to. And honestly, to this day, I’m not quite sure how I managed my grief as a young girl, particularly in elementary school, other than stuffing it all down.
Victoria Volk
00:06:16 – 00:06:41
My mother did not know what to do for my brother or myself. There was no grief counseling. And for reasons still unclear to this day, my father’s family ceased to exist in my life following the funeral. So from a young age, my family was my immediate family, as well as some family on my mother’s side, quite small in comparison to what I would later marry into in adulthood. Learning to cope.
Victoria Volk
00:06:42 – 00:07:12
It wasn’t until journaling was a requirement for English class in high school that I started to express my feelings. I wrote poetry, started journaling for myself in addition to journaling for class. And for the first time, I began to feel some of what I stuffed down for so many years. During this period in my life, there were several occasions where I lashed out at my mother, often out of frustration that had built up within me over the years. I don’t know if my mother knew how to be there for me.
Victoria Volk
00:07:12 – 00:07:38
She couldn’t emotionally care for herself. I detached myself as much as I could. Being a teenager is hard enough, but being a female teenager of an emotionally trapped mother is even harder. Therefore, we never developed a mother daughter bond that I would have loved to have shared with her. I think she realized the daughter who had taken emotional care of her all those years was eventually leaving too.
Victoria Volk
00:07:39 – 00:08:01
My childhood is where my grief story began. However, it’s certainly not where it ended. There would be several more lessons to follow in my life. I believe there are different faces grief presents during our lives, and often, it presents itself in ways you least expect. The faces of grief.
Victoria Volk
00:08:03 – 00:08:41
On some level, I still grieve for the normal childhood I could have had had my father’s untimely death not happened, but in reality, I’ll never know what that other life would have been. So it’s not the not knowing, not getting the chance that I would come to deal with years later as well. I grieve for all the moments in my life my dad was never a part of, protecting me as fathers do, walking me down the aisle, seeing and knowing his grandchildren, and, likewise, my children knowing their grandfather. These are the things I still grieve for grief, in my opinion, never leaves.
Victoria Volk
00:08:41 – 00:09:16
It is not something to get over. It is something to sit with, work through, and live with, just in a different way as the years go on. At some point in life, all of us experience grief, whether it be losing someone we love, a divorce, a devastating financial loss, loss of career, even infertility, all cause some form of emotional pain. How we cope with it can mean months or even years, maybe even decades of loss of well-being. That to me is tragic.
Victoria Volk
00:09:17 – 00:09:44
When we remain emotionally paralyzed, we do ourselves, those still in our lives, our communities, in our world, a disservice. Through my life, I can pinpoint at least 9 pain points where I experienced a feeling of loss. Many have to do with the death due to illness. However, not all. I have grieved lost opportunity, not knowing my father’s family or having a relationship with them.
Victoria Volk
00:09:45 – 00:10:15
Lost time with my kids because in my previous business, I was driven to prove something as well as a loss of friendships and relationships. No matter how grief appears in your life, it’s sure to make you feel as though you’re no longer in control. You may become aware of your own mortality, which can cause self-reflection. When we self-reflect, we often realize our shortcomings or focus on the negative. It is being faced with uncomfortable feelings that arise from grief that shake us.
Victoria Volk
00:10:16 – 00:10:32
Often, we just don’t know what to do with those feelings. At least I know my mother didn’t. As a result, neither did I. And so this dynamic played out for decades. Your grief story.
Victoria Volk
00:10:34 – 00:11:08
What is your grief story? If you haven’t experience the loss of a loved one, which I presume is why you picked up this book and decided to turn its pages, but rather experience the loss of love, career, or even health, these are still losses that cause some level of grief. Have you considered all that has been handed your way in life that has caused you emotional pain in some way? What are those moments that have stuck with you, which have given you a lingering feeling of loss. Maybe it wasn’t what was, but what could have been?
Victoria Volk
00:11:10 – 00:12:17
I don’t think there is a person out there who hasn’t experienced any form of grief. As a parent myself, I cannot even fathom the helplessness and hopelessness my dad must have felt and the thoughts that ran through his mind when he received his diagnosis. To know that you won’t be around to watch your children grow, that you will never see your grandchildren or witness your kids get married, all of the hopes and dreams of living a life, a full life with your spouse are shattered in one sentence spoken by a doctor sitting across from you in a sterile and personal office. It’s easy to think of my grief, but it deepens my sadness when I acknowledge what my father must have experienced, sometimes just trying to place ourselves in the shoes of another changes our perspective. In my case, I am humbled when I think of the strength my father showed out showed all of us, the fight within him to hang on for just one more day, month and ultimately, 2 more years.
Victoria Volk
00:12:18 – 00:13:09
My grief consumed me for many years. I will touch on certain aspects of what I mean as the chapters progress. For now, the first three chapters will focus on grief itself from a spiritual perspective, the ways it can present itself in our lives and a preface of getting it resolved., Before we move forward talking about a spiritual journey with grief in the excerpt of my book, I just want to share, The sponsor of this week’s episode, which is Magic Mind. And one of the ingredients in Magic Mind is cordyceps mushrooms, which is an adaptogen that reduces inflammation, strengthens your immune system, and supports higher energy levels and physical endurance by ramping up the production of ATP in your mitochondria.
Victoria Volk
00:13:10 – 00:13:51
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Victoria Volk
00:13:52 – 00:14:22
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Victoria Volk
00:14:22 – 00:15:06
And, again, I’ve been using this for several months now, and it really does help me get stuff done because I feel a sense of calm even if I feel overwhelmed by everything that I need to get accomplished in a day. This stuff helps me just I don’t know. It’s these ingredients just help me calm my nervous system and get me into a state of focus. And I think as grievers and, you know, life throws challenges our way and, you know, curve balls and things, like anything that can help support us, not only to get stuff done, but also our immune system. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:15:06 – 00:15:24
So that we can feel good too and maintain our health and wellness. And so check it out. Grieving voices is the coupon code. Magicmind.com slash grieving voices is the website and I will put a link to that in the show notes. Alright.
Victoria Volk
00:15:24 – 00:15:47
Let’s get back to the excerpt from my book. A spiritual journey with grief. I think it is important I make it abundantly clear that I’m coming from a spiritual place in my heart. I do not wish to stuff my beliefs down your throat as much as I don’t want judgment past for feeling the way I do. All of us have a unique spiritual path we follow.
Victoria Volk
00:15:48 – 00:16:08
Mine has certainly been full of twists and turns before my father’s passing, we were a typical Lutheran family, attending church every Sunday as well as Sunday school. After my dad’s death, however, all of that changed. We stopped going to church altogether. I did attend confirmation classes and was confirmed Lutheran.
Victoria Volk
00:16:08 – 00:16:31
However, it would either have to be a funeral or a wedding for me to set foot in a church of any kind until I was 23 when my husband and I began a relationship. I was bitter for many years. Granted, I had a lot of years to be bitter. Fortunately, life worked out for me the way it did as I prayed, received. And, really, it’s as simple as that.
Victoria Volk
00:16:32 – 00:16:56
After many years of not having the ability to pray from the heart, life had finally handed me more grief than I could bear. Feeling tapped out emotionally and overwhelmed, I prayed because I simply did not know what else to do. The rest is history, so to speak., Everything changed moving forward. Before my husband came into my life as more than a friend, I was on a self-destructive path.
Victoria Volk
00:16:57 – 00:17:21
I was becoming an expert at goodbyes, and I led a very narcissistic lifestyle. I don’t know what my husband saw in me, honestly. At that point, we had known each other for 7 years since we met in high school, but he was a far better human being than I was, bar none. It was one more experience with grief when I was 21. That was, in simple terms, the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Victoria Volk
00:17:22 – 00:17:54
A 5 year relationship was over, as was the life I thought we were going to have. Later, this loss would prove to be a blessing in disguise, which, as my life illustrates, can be the case at times., Surely, when it comes to relationship, you may relate as well. Sometimes we just don’t understand what it is that is best for us. Our minds tell us one thing, while our hearts and intuition tell us another, and we tend to choose the path of least resistance and pain.
Victoria Volk
00:17:54 – 00:18:19
It’s also difficult to discern the best decision when you are caught up in emotion. We tend to check rationality at the door when we have a grandiose view of ourselves, the world, and those we perch up on pedestals. My self-worth was nonexistent. Thankfully, God showed me a better way. More on my spiritual journey with grief in detail in chapter 3.
Victoria Volk
00:18:19 – 00:18:45
In the meantime, know that for me, a higher power seemed like a very out of reach concept for me. Acknowledgment of all that had gone wrong and all that had gone right. This was the first baby step on my journey to resolving my grief. Steps towards resolving grief. As I’ve previously mentioned, grief has many faces.
Victoria Volk
00:18:46 – 00:19:16
I touched on a few ways. I’ve experienced different forms of grief different forms of it myself. For instance, losing my photography business after 6 Sears was one of the most difficult decisions I had I have made. I know how much of myself I poured into creating and maintaining my business all those years. The time, money, sweat equity, not to mention the sleep deprivation while raising 3 young children ages 4 and under at the time, it certainly was a labor of love.
Victoria Volk
00:19:17 – 00:19:45
I grieved for months leading up to my decision as I knew it was what needed to be done at that stage in my life. I continued to wallow in my sadness until I finally decided to make it official with the selling of most of my gear over a year later. I found the act of officially letting go the hardest part. Isn’t that what grief ultimately causes us to do? Let go of what was and what will never be again.
Victoria Volk
00:19:47 – 00:20:11
Isn’t that too what grief itself is? The emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind. We fight to hold on, and we fight to let go. That is the dilemma of grief, isn’t it? What I would like you to do is think of a moment in your life that caused you to have an emotional reaction to loss or a change of any kind.
Victoria Volk
00:20:12 – 00:20:47
Close this book and reflect on the feelings that arise when your mind takes you back to a time such as this in your life. Go ahead and open these pages again when ready. Now, if you want to feel more strongly the impact that loss or change had on you, grab a notebook, a writing utensil, and head to a quiet space, or do this exercise as soon as it is convenient. Set a timer for 30 minutes and just write. If you’re stumped on where to begin, finish this sentence.
Victoria Volk
00:20:49 – 00:21:42
The loss of blank made me feel as though blank. One thing to consider before doing this is to understand my intention, which is having you write out, possibly for the first time, your feelings surrounding the event that has shaken you to your core. When we release our feelings on paper, and I speak from personal experience, they tend to have less power over us, especially if we’re in a place of not knowing who we can truly talk to. The act of writing our fears, worries, and emotional pain forces us to sit with those feelings and can be very therapeutic. I wholeheartedly believe that writing for our personal well-being is the cheapest therapy one can find, but I know few, even in my own life, who practice this.
Victoria Volk
00:21:45 – 00:21:56
How did that feel? Pretty raw, I imagine. It’s painful to reflect in our pains. I get that. Truly, this is an exercise in acknowledgment.
Victoria Volk
00:21:57 – 00:22:41
Taking inventory of the emotional baggage weighing us down day in and day out gives us a clearer picture of where we are emotionally right now. This inevitably aids you in figuring out where you would rather be. And that my friends concludes the excerpt from my book, and if you would like to read more or learn more, you can head to my website, the unleashedheart.com., There is a link to it in the show notes, and I’ll also link to the book on Amazon there as well. And if you find as you go through that little exercise towards the end of this episode that you’re not okay, which is okay, by the way.
Victoria Volk
00:22:42 – 00:23:22
But if you’re not okay, and you know you want to be for the long term, there is support, and I hope that if this is your first time listening to my podcast, that maybe you’re learning about what I can offer for the first time and so there is a service that I offer. There’s a program. It’s called Do Grief Differently. We walk through 2 emotionally difficult challenging relationships of your life, and it’s a 12-week program. And I tell you what, you will learn more about yourself and about grief because it is as very much an educational program as it is a therapeutic one.
Victoria Volk
00:23:22 – 00:24:02
Even though it’s not therapy, it’s very therapeutic. But I’m there with you, guiding you and facilitating the deep work that so many people talk about, like, you just have to do the work. This is the work. And just it’s my job to create a safe space for you to release and to let go and to move forward with a different perspective, with new knowledge, new tools that you carry with you for the rest of your life. And so if that resonates with you, I encourage you to check out my website.
Victoria Volk
00:24:02 – 00:24:36
Again, the link will be in the show notes, and I’ll also link to Do Grief Differently in the show notes as well. So thank you so much for your time and listening today. I hope this, resonated with something in your heart and that little exercise helped bring to light, something that’s lingering within you. That’s just really wanting to come out, and know that there is support. You’re not alone, and there is hope.
Victoria Volk
00:24:37 – 00:24:43
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Educational, Emotions, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Podcast, Pespective, Podcast, solo episode |
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Today’s episode of GrievingVoices takes a deep dive into the complex emotion of anger, especially for us Human Design Manifestor-types navigating loss and trauma. I open up about my battle with anger following life’s curveballs and how it can be misunderstood or mishandled.
As someone who has walked through the fire of personal loss and trauma, I’ve learned firsthand how anger can be both destructive and transformative. It’s not just an outburst; it’s a signal calling us to introspection.
Why does this affect me so deeply?
What boundaries have been crossed?
Many turn to short-term fixes or STERBs (short-term energy-relieving behaviors) like anger to cope with grief. But these are merely band-aids on deeper emotional wounds. The key lies in processing anger constructively. This isn’t about suppressing emotions but rather understanding them—identifying what needs protection or restoration within ourselves before we react impulsively.
Key Takeaways:
-Anger should prompt introspection rather than projection onto others.
-Short-term coping mechanisms like STERBs provide temporary relief but do not address underlying emotional pain.
– Constructive processing of anger involves self-protection and restoration efforts.
– Emotional intelligence grows through understanding our reactions and setting healthy boundaries.
Establishing clear boundaries emerged as another critical theme. The absence of boundary-setting skills during childhood can lead to adult challenges such as unchecked anger. To navigate this complex terrain, the book “Boundaries” is recommended for those seeking guidance on creating and implementing boundaries.
Engagement with our emotions in real-time fosters balance and wellness. Tools like visualization and mindful breathing are practical strategies for dissipating anger without confrontation. We pave the way toward transformative life changes by embracing self-awareness and actively managing our emotions.
Join me in embracing self-awareness and mastering emotional management as pathways toward transforming our lives after loss.
RESOURCES:
Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code “GRIEVINGVOICES” to receive one month free with a 3-month subscription. This special promotion is only for January!
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NEED HELP?
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If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Navigating the Stormy Seas of Grief: Understanding and Managing Anger
Grief is an ocean of emotion, vast and unpredictable. For many who have lost a loved one or experienced significant life changes, anger can be a tempestuous wave that crashes over them without warning. On today’s episode of “Grieving Voices,” hosted by myself from theunleashedheart.com, I delve deep into this fiery aspect of grief.
As not an only advanced grief recovery method specialist but also as someone who has weathered my own storms of loss. With over three decades under my belt navigating personal grieving experiences—including the loss of my father—I bring both professional insight and heartfelt empathy to our discussion on dealing with anger in grief.
Why Does Anger Manifest in Grief?
Anger during grief often arises from a place within us that feels violated; it may stem from feelings of injustice or powerlessness following a loss. It’s important to recognize that anger isn’t inherently negative—it’s a natural response to pain and can signal areas where we require healing or change.
However, when misunderstood or repressed, anger becomes unhealthy. It festers like an untreated wound, leading potentially to bitterness or even physical ailments due to the stress it imposes on our bodies.
The Pitfalls of Short-Term Energy Relieving Behaviors (STERBs)
In trying times, grievers might turn towards behaviors such as outbursts of rage—or STERBs—to momentarily alleviate their suffering. While these actions might offer temporary solace by releasing pent-up energy, they do little for long-term emotional well-being.
The real challenge lies in confronting what remains emotionally unresolved within us—the core issues beneath the surface-level expressions of distress—and addressing those directly.
Establishing Healthy Boundaries
A key factor contributing to feelings like resentment is poor boundary setting—a topic all too familiar for many individuals brought up without an understanding of healthy personal limits. Without clear boundaries, you may find yourself slipping into roles that don’t serve you well: becoming overly accommodating at your expense (people-pleasing) or struggling with asserting your needs effectively (difficulty saying no).
For those eager to learn more about establishing healthier interpersonal dynamics—which can significantly reduce instances where anger stems from feeling taken advantage of—I recommend reading the book *Boundaries* which provides profound insights into this critical skill set for maintaining emotional health.
Embracing Your Emotional Compass
As we wrap up today’s conversation on “Grieving Voices,” remember that each emotion carries its message—one worth listening to if we are brave enough to face it head-on. Whether through acknowledging our hurt openly instead of masking it behind aggression or learning how to better manage stressful situations using tools like Magic Mind—we must strive toward understanding ourselves deeper.
In facing these challenging emotions related specifically to sadness & fury associated with w/losses big & small alike, let’s take heart in my closing mantra: Unleash your heart so you may unleash your life! Share this podcast episode if it resonates with you & continue spreading compassion simply by being “a heart with ears.”
Episode Transcription:
Victoria Volk
00:01:29 – 00:01:51
Hello friends. Welcome to another episode of Grieving Voices if you’ve been listening all along. Today is episode 179, and that seems crazy to say.
Victoria Volk
00:01:51 – 00:02:16
This is the 179th time that I’m sitting down to record for you. And what a blessing and what a ride it’s been, and so thank you for being here. And if this is your first time listening, I hope you come back for another episode. Today, I wanna talk about anger. And the question is, that a lot of grievers have.
Victoria Volk
00:02:18 – 00:03:19
It’s something that I’ve personally struggled with a lot of my life. And, you know, in learning about human design and being a manifestor, our not self theme as a manifestor is anger. And so every time, you know, when I reflect on my past and my life up to this point, there’s a lot of moments where I can distinctly remember where my anger got the best of me. And particularly with a grieving experience, you know, after my dad had passed away and then being molested, a year later and subsequently, later after that, I was holding a lot of anger in my body. There was no way for me to channel it.
Victoria Volk
00:03:19 – 00:03:47
And actually, it wasn’t really an emotion that I learned was healthy. You know, so many of us grew up in homes where anger is expressed but yet we’re shamed for it or, it’s like something to keep to yourself. Right?, like, it’s, you know, don’t express it to other people because, I mean, it’s hurt it can be hurtful too. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:03:47 – 00:04:46
Like anger projected onto other people can Inflict emotional wounds on others. We can be very, what’s the word? Victimizing of others with our anger, and also, we’re also suffering when we do that because I believe that we are all sparks of love and light, and, you know, we come into this world in love, and I believe we go out of this world in love and so I would say anger is a not love theme too for all of us, but it’s there to serve a purpose, I believe, as well. Anger shows us where we have some work to do on ourselves. Not where other people need to work on themselves or where other people need to heal something within us.
Victoria Volk
00:04:47 – 00:05:30
I think when anger comes up, it is like a stop sign like, woah, hold the bus. Why is this upsetting me? Why do I feel activated by you or this conversation or this thing you did or the feelings that I’m feeling, why am I feeling fired up inside? Why am I feeling passionate about this that, you know, it can come up as anger too when we feel like this injustice is being done or I mean, there’s plenty of that around the world right now, and we can feel angry about it. We can feel angry at God for the suffering that we experience in our lives, like I was for many years.
Victoria Volk
00:05:32 – 00:06:03
Why would God allow such, you know, things to happen. Why would God take a young child’s parent away? Why would God allow sexual abuse of children. There’s so many questions that come up within our grief and our trauma, and the anger can be so overwhelming and all consuming. We have nowhere to put it.
Victoria Volk
00:06:03 – 00:06:52
We don’t know what to do with it. And I can’t talk about anger without talking about STERBS or short term energy relieving behaviors, which is what we call them in grief recovery. These are things that we do as gravers to relieve or dispel this overwhelming build up of emotional energy that is caused by the death of a person for whom we are grieving or something someone did to us. And the problem with STERBs is that that’s their short-term. There’s no long-term relief when we just use up energy to distract ourselves from our pain.
Victoria Volk
00:06:53 – 00:07:23
It doesn’t make the pain go away. And one of the most common short-term relievers is anger. And the problem with anger is that you can never finish or complete it. It’s like this key it keeps looping like a hamster on a wheel. And the more time you spend using your energy to express the anger, you know, and lashing out to the other person or even taking it to the gym.
Victoria Volk
00:07:23 – 00:08:08
Right?, And just was going to town on a on a punching bag, the less time you spend on what would help you discover and resolve what was left emotionally unfinished for you, either by the death of a loved one or by not addressing what is really at the crux of whatever loss it is that you experienced. And the other issues, with STERBS, we can, you know, related to sterbs and anger is, you know, we want we wanna get rid of that anger. We don’t know what to do with it. We wanna get rid of it, but so what we do is we just kind of attempt to disassociate ourselves from it.
Victoria Volk
00:08:08 – 00:08:44
Like, I just need to get away from the situation. I just need to try and forget about it. And so we start, we might actually slip into these other these other emotions come into play. Right? And then we can feel depressed about where we are in our situation, and we might be sleeping more and spending endless hours watching TV or reading novels that help us escape from our day to day lives and our emotions that we’re experiencing such as strong emotions of anger and, of course, grief.
Victoria Volk
00:08:45 – 00:09:33
But those nonaction activities do nothing to help you discover and complete what is emotionally unfinished for you? It’s with action that you can turn things around. Being able to find the language and articulate what it is that you are angry about. And often, so often, anger shows us, and doing the the steps of grief recovery show us where we don’t have boundaries or where a boundary has been violated. Before we get on the topic of boundaries, I have a shout-out for my sponsor of this episode, Magic Mind.
Victoria Volk
00:09:33 – 00:10:15
You take it alongside your usual morning coffee or tea for 7 plus hours of flow. It benefits will build up with consecutive daily use, and most people feel 90% of the effects by day 3. And if you have a sensitive stomach, you can take it with a bit of food or a glass of water. And if matcha taste is not for you, you can try it with your favorite milk or add it to sparkling water. I personally enjoy the taste of Magic Mind, I think it’s got just a hint of a sweet taste in this little 2 ounce shot, but it’s filled with magical twelve active ingredients scientifically proven to provide sustainable energy, improve focus, and decrease stress and anxiety.
Victoria Volk
00:10:16 – 00:10:40
One shot gets you into your most productive flow state. Customers report a 40% boost to productivity on average. They say athletes have gatorade and now creators have creator aid. And so I just wanna give a shout out to them. And if you are listening to this and you wanna give it a try, they have a special promotion right now for my listeners only in January.
Victoria Volk
00:10:41 – 00:11:15
You get 1 month for free when you subscribe for 3 months at the go to the website, magicmind.com/jangrievingvoices. That’s magicmind.com/jangrievingvoices and use my code grieving voices, and that gets you an extra 20% off, which gets you to a total of 75% off. And remember, this only lasts until the end of January, so hurry up before this offer goes away. And I hope that you find it just as useful for you as I have in my morning routine. Alright.
Victoria Volk
00:11:15 – 00:11:52
Back to the episode and talking about boundaries. Alright. So far, we’ve talked about anger as being a stirr up, a short-term energy relieving behavior. And I’ve mentioned how when anger arises within ourselves and we feel it coming up in our body and rising up, it’s usually in response to something someone did or something someone said or something that we’re really activated by. It could be something even we’re passionate about, maybe even in injustice in the world, and when we feel this coming up within us, it’s coming up for to be in within our awareness.
Victoria Volk
00:11:53 – 00:13:31
And, really, the question we could be asking ourselves when we are feeling anger is, a, what must be protected, and b, What must be restored? These are two questions you can ask yourself when you’re feeling activated with anger. And you can choose to either respond to the other person if they’ve said or done something towards you, but really that’s not going to resolve anything that will probably make that other person just feel defensive and, you know, unless they’re emotionally intelligent and have worked so much on themselves and have addressed so much anger in their life, they’re likely to respond like most of society would respond, and that would be in a defensive pattern, with probably more anger back towards you. And then not only is it something that you’re angry about what they just said or did, but now It’s even severed that relationship or hindered or wounded that relationship even more. So we deepen these wounds when we don’t stop long enough to think about and have some introspection about why we’re angry and what is it that is bringing up so much disease within us, this fiery response that we feel in every cell of our our bodies that, you know, we feel like we just gotta punch something or we want to we have to like we have to do something with this activated energy.
Victoria Volk
00:13:32 – 00:14:24
And so we can either move it physically or you can move it with your mind. Right?, like, energetically. Like, I’ve learned a lot about this just in the energetics of emotions and The energy healing work that I’ve been doing and for my personal my own personal emotional hygiene is we can our minds are amazing, miraculous things and a tool that is sorely underestimated, but because we give it so much power that in circumstances like these when we’re feeling angry and it’s like poop, the monkey mind just takes over and we have this initial response and we don’t pause long enough to and we don’t pause long enough to check-in with our emotional body. And it is our emotional body responding to, like I said, these a boundary or something that needs to be protected or something that needs to be restored.
Victoria Volk
00:14:24 – 00:15:15
And so asking ourselves those questions can lead us to better answers. And so if you want to you can either physically move that energy with your mind or your body and then through your breath, which is underestimated as well. Like, we can you can take your your mind through this mental process of putting imagine when you feel activated by someone or something, imagine this fiery energy just surrounding you. Feel feel imagine yourself as like this flame and allowing it to intensify, allowing those emotions to intensify this flame that you’re feeling, it seems counterintuitive, but just stay with me. So you feel this energy building up and this the fire within you and this boundary fire.
Victoria Volk
00:15:15 – 00:15:31
Right? Like, it let’s let’s think of it as active energy. Right? Because again, what needs to be protected? There’s something within you that is being activated because there’s a boundary being dishonored in some way.
Victoria Volk
00:15:31 – 00:15:52
You know, maybe it was you’re bound you’re maybe you value honesty, and this person just lied to you. That’s gonna activate some anger within you, don’t you think? Like, if that’s a real high value for you. And the thing is honesty, and we talk about this in Youmap when we talk about values. Honesty is a reciprocal value.
Victoria Volk
00:15:52 – 00:16:20
We expect that other people are going to be honest. It’s a typical reciprocal value, and so when others aren’t honest with us, we get activated with anger. And so a response to that could be not spewing anger back at the person, but taking that energy and letting it just kinda rise up within you, see your energy field putting up this protective. This protective wall. Not a wall.
Victoria Volk
00:16:22 – 00:16:46
Barrier. We’ll call it a barrier. Protective barrier around you. And see that energy building up, and then you can do it in your mind, or you can really walk away from the situation and do this or reflect on it later and do this on the situation. But through your breath, put out that fire.
Victoria Volk
00:16:46 – 00:17:08
Like, imagine you’re, like, spitting water on this fire, And you can literally dissolve that anger that you felt in that moment that is built up within you, that you’re feeling this energy. Put it out with your breath, but imagine that breath as water because what does oxygen do? It stokes a fire. Right? We wanna put it out.
Victoria Volk
00:17:08 – 00:17:53
So imagine you’re just blowing water onto this fire, this flame. It’s crazy how these visualizations can shift your energetic body in a matter of moments. The mind is so capable that we underestimate it so much. A visual I use a lot of visualizations in the energy work that I do just because it helps people connect to a part of themselves they don’t normally connect to. We just don’t take that, and that’s where meditation is huge in disconnecting, you know, our monkey mind from our body and tapping into the body and tapping into the emotional body.
Victoria Volk
00:17:54 – 00:18:48
So then after we’ve done this, we can then recognize what are the boundaries that were being violated we’re dishonored. I think it’s so hard for people to articulate what their boundaries are because so many of us grew up without our autonomy, without our boundaries being respected, for example, let’s say you’re at a family function. Let’s say when you were a kid, you’re at a family function, and I see this I’ve seen this myself a lot. And at first, I did this when my kids were young too. Oh, give so and so a hug, or let grandma give you a hug and kiss on the cheek, or whatever the case was, and they didn’t want that physical touch in that moment and said no, or I don’t want to give grandma a hug, or I don’t want to give my uncle a hug, or aunt, or whoever it is, it doesn’t matter.
Victoria Volk
00:18:49 – 00:19:15
And the child says no, and the parent dishonors that no, and makes them do that anyway, that is a violation of a boundary that a child had and where their no wasn’t respected. Now if you’re listening to this and you’re like, oh my gosh. This happened to me all the time Think about if you’re a parent, have you done this? Like, this is something we learn.
Victoria Volk
00:19:15 – 00:19:50
Right? This is a pattern that we continue through time, but we don’t think of these things as laying a foundation of not respecting our own boundaries. So then you become an adult who becomes a people pleaser to make others so others feel better. So it’s almost as if, well, go give grandma a hug now because she’ll feel better. She’ll be happier, regardless of how you feel about it.
Victoria Volk
00:19:50 – 00:20:21
Now how does this translate as an adult? Saying yes when you mean no. It’s a violation of your own boundary of protecting your personal space. And sometimes you might feel just fine giving the hug or showing the other person affection, but maybe there’s a moment where you don’t. The last thing anybody wants is to be forced to do so and to not have our no respected.
Victoria Volk
00:20:22 – 00:21:21
And so then when you think about sexual abuse or things like that, well, that’s a definite violation of personal space and safety and all of these other things that create these traumatic emotional wounds around boundaries. So many of us don’t wouldn’t know a boundary if it slapped us in the face. And then when we have others in our lives who start having this awareness around boundaries, who know themselves well, and who know their needs and desires and where they draw the line well and start implementing boundaries to others and communicating those, what do you think people are met with boundaries? Or when it’s perceived as well, what’s this change about? Like, what when you start Implementing boundaries in your life?
Victoria Volk
00:21:21 – 00:21:30
You’re gonna have people that are gonna be activated by that. Right? You’re changed. There’s something different. I don’t like this.
Victoria Volk
00:21:31 – 00:21:58
Why aren’t you letting me walk all over you like you used to? Right? I used to be able to control you, and now, you have these boundaries and now you’re standing up for yourself and I don’t know what to do with this. This makes me angry. So we can meet anger too just by creating boundaries, and how are we gonna be prepared for that?
Victoria Volk
00:21:59 – 00:22:42
When it comes to boundaries, I highly recommend The book “Boundaries”, I’ve actually it’s been several years since I’ve read it, but, I think I’m going to actually, read it again. I actually, I read it after I went through grief recovery. Because like I said, it’s a great follow-up to grief recovery because you realize in grief recovery where you did not have boundaries and where your parents did not teach you about boundaries because, you know, they probably didn’t even have their own. Right? It’s like, you know, parents with a date night if parents never have a date night, and they’re always with their children 247.
Victoria Volk
00:22:42 – 00:22:55
And then, all of a sudden, they decide they’re gonna have a date night. What do you think that child’s gonna feel? Maybe some anger? Maybe some abandonment. Like, why are you doing this now?
Victoria Volk
00:22:55 – 00:23:14
I want you to stay with me. You’ve always been with me. Now all of a sudden you’re gonna go out and you’re gonna spend time alone, and I’m gonna be here by myself or with this babysitter, and it’s probably gonna bring him some anger. But that’s a good thing. This is how we learn how to work with our emotions, that all emotions are valid.
Victoria Volk
00:23:14 – 00:23:49
So it’s not to say to the child, well, there’s nothing to be angry about, and dismiss the anger. Rather, explain to the child about boundaries. Rather, teach the child how to breathe through their anger, how to channel it physically or, you know, with their breath or physically with their body to rid themselves of that energy. These are practical things that we just are never taught in school. Right?
Victoria Volk
00:23:49 – 00:24:11
About boundaries, about anger, about our emotions. I mean, we are so complex when it comes to our emotions. This stuff isn’t taught in school. So I hope you check into the resource, the book boundaries. It has a little bit of a Christian spin, but it’s not like shoved down your throat or anything.
Victoria Volk
00:24:12 – 00:25:28
But I hope you check out that book Boundaries., I will link to it in the show notes. And Just one final thought about anger is that and just like grief, you cannot relate to another person, if you don’t know who you are or where you began and that other person ends, just as you cannot nurture peace or honor the needs of others until you understand and meet your own needs. And that relates to anger, that relates to grief, and that relates to just any emotion that you’re experiencing and the boundaries that you may or may not have. And I think that’s been I think that’s one of my missions too, along with changing the conversation around grief and talking about it like we talk about the weather is the mission of knowing yourself, understanding yourself, and putting yourself in the way of resources and people and tools and maybe guides or therapists or modalities that can get you closer to knowing yourself, identifying your emotional climate when it comes up, whether it be, well, this is grief, or this is anger, and what do you do with it?
Victoria Volk
00:25:28 – 00:25:54
You know, you can run away from it. It’s gonna come up eventually, or you can just you can face it. You can address it, and you can do something about it. So it doesn’t impact your life moving forward, because how many times have you had an anger outburst or an interaction with somebody that it left you feeling angry after. And you’re thinking about it days later.
Victoria Volk
00:25:54 – 00:26:19
Days later. That’s no good for you. That’s no good for anybody. You know, so then you have these this emotional incompleteness with this other person now, and it’s almost like this contract of anger that you have with this person, and I’m here to say that you can blow that up. You can do something about it without having to confront them.
Victoria Volk
00:26:20 – 00:26:35
And you can do it with your mind. You can do it with visualization. You can do it with writing and burn it. There are ways we can physically move through the emotions that are there for a reason. They are there communicating with you.
Victoria Volk
00:26:35 – 00:27:12
It is your body communicating with you, whether it’s grief, whether it’s anger, joy, sadness, everything in between. There are resource resources out there. You just gotta look for them and be open to learning. And that’s what I will leave you with today. I hope you are curious now about the book “Boundaries” and about what boundaries might you not have and might you need and learning more about, you know, really just emotional equilibrium.
Victoria Volk
00:27:13 – 00:27:56
Right? It’s not about stuffing down, controlling, or disregarding or minimizing or running away from, you know, we faith when you face this stuff as it arises, not like, oh, I’ll deal with that later once I get this, that, and the other thing done, or I’ll deal with that later once I just sit down and have a drink. That’s not gonna help you, my friend. Your mind is a miraculous tool and a thing that I think most of us waste in a lot of ways. So, yeah, I’m just sharing some things that I’ve learned along the way, and I hope you find it helpful.
Victoria Volk
00:27:56 – 00:28:25
And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Emotions, Grief Tips, Grieving Voices Podcast, Growth, Mind/Body Wellness, Pespective, Podcast, solo episode, Spirituality |
Searching for Alignment
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
Have you ever felt like a ship adrift, disconnected from your true north? In this profound journey we call life, alignment with our authentic selves is often clouded by the fog of grief and loss. But what if I told you there’s a compass waiting to guide you back to yourself?
Tune in to this week’s episode of “Grieving Voices,” where I unveil the transformative potential of the Youmap framework.
In this heartfelt session:
– Explore what it means to live in alignment with our authentic selves and how misalignment can lead to grief.
– Discover the four pillars – strengths, values, skills, personality – that form the foundation of living an aligned life in the Youmap framework.
– Learn about the various forms of grief that arise when we stray from our true path.
– Emphasize the importance of self-understanding as a tool for unlocking one’s potential.
Who Can Benefit From Youmap?
– The newly widowed seeking new beginnings
– Those who’ve experienced job loss
– New divorcees aiming for self-discovery
It also holds value for college-bound students navigating their future paths.
Whether facing significant life transitions or seeking deeper self-understanding, Youmap offers clarity and direction. And for those supporting others through loss? It’s essential knowledge.
Special Anniversary Giveaway Announcement:
The Unleashed Heart is turning 5! 🥳 In Celebrating five years of transforming lives and supporting grievers, I’m giving a special giveaway. Get a chance to win 2 prizes: a 60-minute Distance Energy Healing Session and a 60-minute Distance Heart with Ears Session 🎉 The giveaway starts this January 11, 2024, and ends on January 23, 2024. The winners will be announced on the 5th-anniversary date, January 23. I encouraged listeners to join and participate. For more details on entering the giveaway, check the resources below.
Dive deep into who you are and discover what makes you tick; it’s time to live a life aligned with your purpose!
Key Takeaway:
Misalignment with our authentic selves can manifest as various forms of grief – from career dissatisfaction to deep personal regret. But there’s hope!
Remember: “You always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself.”
RESOURCES:
- YouMap
- Episode Sponsor: Magic Mind | Use the code “GRIEVINGVOICES” to receive one month free with a 3-month subscription. This special promotion is only for January!
- 5th Anniversary Giveaway! Register before 1/23/2024 at 11 AM CST to win a 60-minute Distance Energy Healing Session OR a 60-minute Distance Heart with Ears Session! ✨
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk
00:01:29 – 00:01:56
Welcome back to another episode of Grieving Voices. I am your host, Victoria V. And today, I have a thought-provoking topic to explore, finding alignment in our lives and the grief that can arise when we stray from our authentic selves.
Victoria Volk
00:01:57 – 00:02:56
In this episode, I’ll dive into alignment, its impact on our well-being, and the steps to align our lives with our strengths, values, skills, and personality, which these are the 4 pillars of what’s called the Youmap. So grab a cup of tea, find a comfortable spot, and let’s dig in, shall we? I wanna begin to explore what it means to live a life in alignment with our authentic selves. Alignment is the state of being where our actions, choices, and pursuits align with our core strengths, values, skills, and personality, essentially, the essence of who we are, which is provided as a snapshot in what’s called a Youmap. For those who are new to this podcast or who haven’t heard of Youmap before, Youmap is a comprehensive framework and a tool that helps individuals better understand themselves and align their lives with their authentic selves.
Victoria Volk
00:02:57 – 00:04:08
It comprises 4 pillars, your top five strengths, values, preferred and least preferred skills, and how you’re wired or your personality. By exploring these aspects of ourselves, we gain clarity on our unique gifts, what is most important to us, our abilities, and how we are inspired. Youmap provides a language and framework to articulate our strengths and gifts to the world, and it helps us make informed decisions and pursue opportunities that align with who we truly are. When we deviate from this alignment that’s expressed in our unique Youmap, grief can emerge as we mourn the loss of our true selves and the missed opportunities that come with it. A quick rundown of the different grief experiences that can arise from living a life that is not in sync with our Youmap, saying yes or mistakenly no, like likely due to the lack of clarity, uncertainty, and or fear to opportunities, pursuing the wrong partners or careers, dishonoring our own values, burnout from not understanding or misapplying your skill set, overuse of your strengths.
Victoria Volk
00:04:08 – 00:04:51
For example, if one of your top five strengths is responsibility, you’ve likely found yourself in burnout, especially if you also have the belief strength in your top five. Moving on, why does knowing all of this even matter? The awareness and understanding of self is the gateway, I believe, to all of the potential, your potential, that life has to offer. The Youmap Framework provides us with a powerful tool for understanding ourselves and cultivating alignment in our lives. The 4 pillars, again, strengths, values, skills and personality are discovered through 4 different assessments that typically take 2 hours or less to complete.
Victoria Volk
00:04:51 – 00:05:27
At the end of it, you have the Youmap snapshot of who you are, providing you with the language of what you have to offer the world and others. You discover what is most important to you through your values. As a result and through coaching, you’ll recognize where there may be need for boundaries to be put into place. And overall, the magic and the uniqueness that is you, that you bring to those around you. By clarifying our strengths, values, skills, and personality, we can make informed decisions, pursue meaningful opportunities, and create a life that resonates with our true selves.
Victoria Volk
00:05:27 – 00:06:01
The whole point of the Youmap is to bring to the forefront what makes you, you. That being said, because we are souls having a human experience, we also navigate the mess and challenges of life, and the shadows of our gifts can also be expressed in covert subconscious ways. Living a life out of alignment can lead to a deep sense of grief. We may mourn the loss of time, energy, and potential that could have been directed toward Suits that align with our true selves. The emotional toll of misalignment impacts us and those with whom we live in close proximity and in relationships.
Victoria Volk
00:06:01 – 00:06:33
You’re probably not living in full expression of your magic. On the other side of that coin, maybe you believe you are living in alignment or are making great strides towards doing so. Have you then been told you’re too much, or do you have people in your life who are uncomfortable seeing you succeed at living in alignment? It’s such a mind trip figuring this all out, but I never said awareness would be painless. These realizations and revelations of what you want for your life are often met with resistance and naysaying from others.
Victoria Volk
00:06:33 – 00:07:03
As a result, we can fall back into those old familiar belief patterns that then hold us back. Acknowledging and processing our grief around these awarenesses can pave the way for a more fulfilling and purpose driven existence. Before I go on to share who Youmap is for, let me pause to share about the sponsor of this episode, Magicmind. Magicmind helped me write about this podcast episode. I don’t usually write out an episode, rather I usually record off the cuff.
Victoria Volk
00:07:03 – 00:07:25
However, I felt inspired to write this episode out, and perhaps in part, due to the magic mind shot I took this morning. The words have just flowed, so I ran with it. Magicmind is a 2 ounce shot that gives 7 hours of flow state. Customers report a 40% boost to productivity on average.,Take it alongside your usual morning coffee or tea or in place of.
Victoria Volk
00:07:25 – 00:08:09
Reduce stress, gain focus and clarity, steady and calm energy, which I can attest to and without jitters, by the way, and see the benefits build with daily use. And for you, my dear listeners, only for the month of January, Magicmind is offering 1 month free with a 3-month subscription when you use my link atmagicmind.com/Jan GrievingVoices, j a n, grieving voices, and with my code, grieving voices. That’s an extra 20% off, which gets you to 75% off to give it a good try. Again, this only lasts until the end of January, so hurry up before it goes away. Magicmind.com/jangrievingvoices and code grieving voices.
Victoria Volk
00:08:09 – 00:08:40
The link is also in the show notes. Now let’s focus and get back to the Youmap, now that you understand the importance of alignment and the grief that can arise from misalignment, there’s one thing you can do right now, discover yourself in your Youmap. Youmap isn’t just for the young or middle aged adult who is newly widowed and has been awakened to the fragility of life after loss and wants to embark on something new. It’s not just for the adult suffered a job loss and feels like a needle in the haystack of other applicants.
Victoria Volk
00:08:40 – 00:09:13
And it’s not just for the new divorcee who wants to understand themselves better and is in need of a change. Youmap is also for college bound students. You may have heard this story before in a previous episode where I discussed Youmap, but if not, my son, now 18, dreamed of enlisting in the marine since he was around age 12. However, life threw him a curve ball that made that dream impossible when he was going on 17. He decided to pursue nursing through that life-altering experience and with the newfound awareness his Youmap gave him.
Victoria Volk
00:09:13 – 00:09:52
He’s currently a freshman at college and loves what he is learning. He has also become the certified nursing assistant and finds a lot of joy in working with the elderly. However, he has chosen to pursue the area of neonatal and pediatrics instead. I also recently had my soon to be college bound daughter complete it, and it was uncanny how spot on her strengths were, which are all people facing and relating strengths, which is rare to have all 5 strengths in 1 category. I know that 1 pitfall she may experience due to all 5 being in relating is that she will never feel within herself that she is making a difference.
Victoria Volk
00:09:52 – 00:10:15
She will need to ask for feedback from others on how she has helped them to feel within herself that she’s having a positive impact. She is also planning to pursue a degree in nursing. However, she has an interest in the field of psychology. Finding alignment is a lifelong process. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a willingness to embrace change.
Victoria Volk
00:10:15 – 00:10:47
By cultivating awareness of our strengths, values, skills and personality, we can navigate the grief of misalignment and embark on a transform transformative journey toward living a life that is a true reflection of who we are, remember, you can create a life of purpose and alignment. And as the good witch, Glenda, in The Wizard of Oz says to Dorothy, I will say to you now. You always had the power, my dear. You just had to learn it for yourself. To learn more about Youmap, head to my website.
Victoria Volk
00:10:47 – 00:11:10
And under services, you will find a link to Youmap with more information at theunleashedheart.com under services, the link will also be in the show notes. Around the new year, you’ll see new your new you said a lot. Rather, I will say, new year evolved you. It’s more conducive, I think, to the human experience. We are always a work in progress.
Victoria Volk
00:11:10 – 00:11:39
Youmap is a tool among several others that I offer that can help you with your evolution. Hey. Speaking of evolution, before I let you go today, I just wanted to share that last week on January 11th, I launched a giveaway. On the 23rd of this month is my business’s 5th anniversary. And to celebrate, I’m giving away A 60-minute distance healing session and also a 60-minute distance heart with ears session.
Victoria Volk
00:11:39 – 00:12:18
There are multiple ways to enter, And this will run into through next week, 23rd, at 11 AM Central Standard Time. So head on over to theunleashed heart.com/5th anniversarygiveaway, or there’s gonna be a link in the show notes where you can easily sign up and register there. And check out social media @theunleashedheart on Instagram, Victoria The Unleashed Heart on Facebook, and it’ll be shared in all those places as well. And I hope you enter. And if you are lucky to win, I look forward to meeting you.
Victoria Volk
00:12:18 – 00:12:45
I just wanted to do something fun to celebrate 5 years, which has been very much an evolution in my business as well, and to share my joy and my passion and to give back to the community that has been so supportive of me and my podcast and the work that I do. So good luck, my friends. Until next time, remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life. Much love.
Grieving Voices Podcast, Podcast, solo episode |
Seven Takeaways From 2023
SHOW NOTES SUMMARY:
In a world constantly throwing curveballs our way, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. But what if we could find wisdom in unexpected places?
In this week’s episode, I share some personal key takeaways from my 2023 life experience that might just inspire you to view your daily challenges through a new lens.
From never underestimating the power of saving pennies to your future feeling like it could come down to a coin toss, there are lessons weaved through all of our life’s experiences – including parenting!
Children have this remarkable ability to bounce back from setbacks with an enviable positivity—something adults often struggle with. They can also be some of our best teachers, too! A couple of my favorite life takeaways come from my parenting experiences.
Additionally, through this week’s episode, you will learn how persistence can pay off, not just in terms of goals or ambitions but also in terms of advocating for your health. And that embracing authenticity, self-awareness, and looking at relationships as mirrors are all unexpected places we can gain wisdom.
It is my hope, that by the end of this week’s episode, you’ll feel inspired to learn more deeply about yourself, perhaps look at situations in your life with a renewed or fresh perspective, and be open to the learning that is always available to us. Whether the teachings happen through parenting, other relationships, courses, programs, mentors, or just plain old crappy situations, the opportunities to grow are boundless.
In 2024, may you discover more of what makes you amazing, the shadow parts that may need some healing and love, and what matters most to you. Remember: self-knowledge empowers us beyond others’ perceptions.
RESOURCES:
_______
NEED HELP?
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255
- Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor
If you are struggling with grief due to any of the 40+ losses, free resources are available HERE.
CONNECT WITH VICTORIA:
Victoria Volk
(00:00:03 – 00:00:18)
Hello. Hello. Thank you for tuning in to Grieving Voices, Voice, and Happy New Year. Happy 2023. I hope this coming year is filled with health and prosperity for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:19 – 00:00:58)
And today, I just wanted to share seven takeaways from 2023, and I’m just gonna dig right in. So this first takeaway and a nugget of wisdom it’s from my 98-year-old aunt who passed away in early 2023. And the takeaway is change is money too. In a world where cash is becoming less and less king, where many places don’t even take cash, which is mind-blowing to me. She managed to tuck away more than $20,000 over her lifetime in loose change.
Victoria Volk
(00:00:59 – 00:01:23)
She would keep it in her deep freeze in a coffee can. And, I guess when you’ve lived through the great depression and had nothing, you learn the value of saving and making every penny count. And, yeah, change is money too. Right? When I find a penny on the ground, I pick it up because all day long, you’ll have good luck.
Victoria Volk
(00:01:23 – 00:01:30)
Right? But I always say to my kids, change is money too. Pennies are money too. It all adds up. Takeaway number 2.
Victoria Volk
(00:01:31 – 00:02:01)
Our kids can be our best teachers if we pay attention. And although I support my kids playing sports, I am not a parent with the mindset that sports are life. I believe the magic of who we are is in the mind, not in our physical abilities. But, anyway, even though my son didn’t get to play much in basketball and mostly sat on the bench, he still showed up at practice every single day. He still put in the work.
Victoria Volk
(00:02:01 – 00:02:20)
And during the games, he was the loudest cheerleader for his teammates. He was the one who pumped everyone up, and I have zero doubts that his attitude made a difference. He didn’t pout. He didn’t whine or complain. He showed up as himself, which was enough.
Victoria Volk
(00:02:21 – 00:03:09)
As adults, things don’t always go according to plan or how we hope, but how we respond to life’s challenges reveals to us where we may have some growth opportunity. It’s not lost on me that just the year before, my son had had a life-changing accident that had caused a massive shift in his attitude. And he couldn’t play football that same year, which he loved, but he showed up anyway for his team as their water boy. So just as kids go through adversity and they often will learn and grow, as adults, we too can see challenges as an opportunity to grow and evolve or allow them to beat us down. So When adversity comes your child’s way, just be an observer.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:09 – 00:03:35)
See how they respond. Because if they’re responding in a way that isn’t necessarily in a growth trajectory, maybe there’s something there for you to learn. What are you emulating for your children in terms of how you respond to life’s challenges? Because they are always watching. They were always listening, and they are always observing.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:38 – 00:03:59)
Takeaway number 3. Never give up on a mission. One of my missions was to become a certified excuse me. Certified veteran-owned small business. That’s a mouthful. Since I had started the Unleashed Heart, in January 2019, which hello.
Victoria Volk
(00:03:59 – 00:04:30)
My 5 year anniversary is coming up on the 19th., It was a goal of mine since then, since I started this business. It took 4 years, but I accomplished just that in January of this year. One of the main reasons it took so long was partly my own mental blocks and beliefs around how hard or arduous I believed and viewed getting it done, which it was it’s a lot of paperwork. And the process just seemed very daunting to me.
Victoria Volk
(00:04:31 – 00:05:06)
However, President Biden had actually passed some sort of bill or something. I can’t recall right now what it was, but that made the process easier and more streamlined. And literally in one day, I had the information submitted and heard back within a few days that it was a done deal. So I am a certified veteran-owned small business, so that’s pretty awesome. But before we dive into takeaway number 4, if you need some support in completing a mission, perhaps Magicmind may be for you.
Victoria Volk
(00:05:07 – 00:05:42)
Magicmind is sponsoring this episode. And as a user myself, this little 2 ounce shot of green magic that helps me get into a 7 hour flow state. It helps you dial in on what you’re setting out to get it to accomplish with lion’s mane mushroom, cytocholine, and more for focus, cordyceps mushroom, and ceremonial matcha, and more for energy, and ashwagandha and turmeric and even more for less stress. You’ll be wondering where it’s been all your life. Listeners of Grieving Voices can now get an exclusive offer.
Victoria Volk
(00:05:43 – 00:06:03)
Head to magicmind.com/grievingvoices, and enter the code grieving voices at checkout for 20% off your order. Yes. You heard that right. 20% off just for being a part of my podcast community. And this month in January, they’re also launching in all sprouts markets.
Victoria Volk
(00:06:04 – 00:06:28)
Why settle for the ordinary when you can experience the extraordinary with MagicMind?, Elevate your mind, elevate your life. Visit magicmind.com/jangrieving voices and use the code grieving voices to save 20% on a one-time purchase or even more when you choose the subscription option. The link is in the show notes. Alright.
Victoria Volk
(00:06:28 – 00:06:49)
So takeaway number 4, be yourself. Everyone else is taken. This gem is another takeaway from an experience with my son. He had applied for a nursing scholarship program at a university. And of the over 100 applicants, he was chosen as an alternate.
Victoria Volk
(00:06:50 – 00:07:22)
He is still in that program, but the only the one thing I had told him when he was being interviewed was to be himself. I knew the growth he had had in the year prior set him up for that day, and he learned so much about life and himself. And our relationship exponentially improved, including our communication. And being interviewed by that panel for the scholarship didn’t require him to embellish or stretch any truth. Surely, he could have done that, but stating why he was there, being honest, and sharing from his heart was all that was required.
Victoria Volk
(00:07:23 – 00:08:08)
I too have found that the more I lean into the fact that who I am is enough, that I don’t have to change myself for the approval of others, and that knowing that what I have to offer the world and having and expressing passion for my endeavors is enough. The world can feel like 1 giant popularity contest, particularly in social structures of work, relationships, and certainly in business. However, imagine the freedom of just being yourself and that being enough. That may seem naive and Pollyanna of me, but rejection is a wound most of us are familiar with; it doesn’t feel good. And we carry that wound – often for a lifetime.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:09 – 00:08:31)
So, again, be yourself. Those who are meant to be in your life will be, and those who aren’t will fade into the background. Which brings me to takeaway number 5. No one will ever care more about you and your health and body more than you. Advocating for yourself is self-care.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:32 – 00:08:58)
This one is still a little raw for me. I’m still processing the experience I had with my health for the majority of 2023. Basically, for 10 months straight, I felt like I was in a fight or flight state, feeling like I was in medical limbo. It started with a mammogram in early February. It would take 10 months for me to get a clear-cut answer as to whether or not I had breast cancer.
Victoria Volk
(00:08:59 – 00:09:43)
I felt like my life came down to the flip of a coin. I had gotten a BI-RADS 3, probably benign result, which just google it. You’ll find the answer, what that really is, because there’s a scale they have. But, however, after even a follow-up 3 months later, after and after my one breast was becoming larger than the other, it was still not determined what the lumps, which I had 1 in each breast, actually were. In fact, 3 months later, after pushing for a second opinion reading of the radiology which, hello, is a patient’s right, and I felt shamed for wanting and pushing for it.
Victoria Volk
(00:09:43 – 00:10:13)
It still could not be determined by that 2nd radiologist what the lumps actually were. It would take another 6 months in going to a different facility with different and better equipment. In my opinion, after seeing the difference side by side that I got the clear answers I was seeking and that I felt confident in those answers. And that’s really all I wanted. I wanted to feel confident in the results, and I didn’t feel confident.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:14 – 00:10:47)
Because number 1, no one explained anything. Number 2, they were unclear. And 3, having dense breasts and knowing the changes I had experienced only added to my concern. And I have to give a shout out to the VA and my doctor and the care that was given to me and having my concerns listened to. Without my VA doctor being on board with my concerns, validating that there was something there that should be looked into further, I would probably still feel like my future was down to the flip of a coin.
Victoria Volk
(00:10:48 – 00:11:32)
I can’t even put into words the mind fuck that 2023 was for me because of this. But it was because of this experience that I decided to take my health into my own hands and control what I could control. If I was going to have cancer, I wanted my body to be prepared for a fight. I got myself a nutrition and fitness coach, and in 3 months, transformed my relationship with food, learned all about macros, the importance of protein, particularly how women don’t eat near enough, and I definitely wasn’t eating near enough, and lost a total of 15 inches even though I only lost 5 pounds. But I felt the strongest I had in years.
Victoria Volk
(00:11:33 – 00:12:06)
I’m still working with that coach, and I’m currently in a cut, which hasn’t gone as I hoped as I had some setbacks. Again, coming back to the whole mind fuck this whole ordeal was. So with the holidays behind me, I’m getting back on track, and that feels good. I feel like I can go into 2024 with this whole deal behind me, but I want to share that as I was going through breast cancer. This whole scare of it being just a mere possibility.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:07 – 00:12:34)
2 of my previous podcast guests had found out that they did and do have breast cancer. Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. Please go check out their GoFundMe links in the show notes. Lindsay Joy has made it to the other side of her treatment, and Maha is just at the start of her cancer journey. When I found out about Maha’s diagnosis just in the last 2 weeks, I found myself going into warrior mode.
Victoria Volk
(00:12:34 – 00:13:20)
I realized that I had prepared myself for the worst news of my life. And when I received the good news, it was as if that warrior energy had nowhere to go. I’ve had to recognize how my experience from the situation or how my experience was influencing how I was showing up in conversation with. Only in zooming out from the situation have I been able to see that I still have some healing to do around that whole experience. It turns out when you feel like you’re preparing for something not good, when your intuition and gut tells you something isn’t right, but then that turns out to be wrong even in the best way, it screws you up a little.
Victoria Volk
(00:13:21 – 00:13:48)
So I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately, struggling with how can I ever learn to trust my intuition again when I had it so wrong, and that’s where I’m working to heal? Meanwhile, someone I know 2,000 miles away has been completely blindsided. Some people may ask, why me? Here I sit wondering in some weird fucked up way. Why not me?
Victoria Volk
(00:13:49 – 00:14:19)
So, yeah, that really did a number on me, and I’ve been leaning on the tools in my toolbox. But the one thing that has helped me most is having the awareness around it all. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge, which brings me to takeaway number 6, relationships are mirrors. When my girls fight like cats and dogs, I remind them that friends will come and go, but you always have your sister. Friendships are just playing fucking hard sometimes.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:19 – 00:14:42)
People will disappoint you. People will not show up how you need them to. Your triggers will show up as projections and fears, and others will respond. It’s the way of the world. What I didn’t understand until I dove headfirst into human design later in 2023 is that as a manifestor type, I’m always initiating others.
Victoria Volk
(00:14:42 – 00:15:00)
Always. Manifestors are here as the initiators. It’s not a surprise to me that I find myself initiating transformation in the lives of others as that relates to their grief and emotional stories. I was built for this work. It is the energy I chose when I came into this physical body.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:01 – 00:15:47)
I’m here to initiate change and action and bring ideas and things into physical form. This is not an energy I can turn off. It just happens, and it just is. Discovering this about myself and having this newfound awareness, reflecting and looking within helped me to recognize where this was causing suffering in my life within the context of relationships. It wasn’t the initiating that was causing the suffering being who I am, but rather not being conscious of it, not showing up to relationships without the conscious awareness of it is what was causing me unnecessary suffering because sometimes, others are simply not ready for it or just flat out reject it or me.
Victoria Volk
(00:15:47 – 00:16:28)
I am not here to respond like most of the world who are manifesting generators and generators. So having to wait to respond or approaching relationships from a place of wounding, which number 1, being rejection, which is a core wound for manifestors just because of how our energy works was only being mirrored back to me and showing me where I had my own inner work to do. I worked through this over the course of months. And when I came to a neutral place after only riding my emotional authority wave for literal months, which will only make sense to you if you’re familiar with human design. But if you’re an emotional authority, hello.
Victoria Volk
(00:16:28 – 00:17:19)
I see you. But only after riding that wave and then using my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform, did I feel emotional freedom? I was no longer approaching things from wounding, but rather a clearly communicated line in the sand that I would no longer be waiting to respond and that I would no longer be waiting to be wanted and included in those relationships. Relationships are a huge theme that I will be continuing to explore in 2024 as a manifestor because I’ve all already learned how valuable the information news when it’s actually put into practice. I will continue to experiment with my strategy of informing and learning how I can be more aligned according to my energy type in all aspects of my life.
Victoria Volk
(00:17:20 – 00:17:40)
There’s so much gold there to learn and discover. I Highly recommend checking out your human design. And if you’re ready, dig deep and see how it can help you better understand yourself and others you know and love. And there will be a link in the show notes to that. And finally, takeaway number 7.
Victoria Volk
(00:17:41 – 00:18:13)
On the note of awareness, if there’s something you want to learn, there’s a program, course, or mentor for it. Seek out the teachings for the support. In 2023, I got a speaking coach to help me learn how to write a captivating speech and become a better presenter and speaker because one of my goals is to do more public speaking. Again, this comes back to my strategy as a manifestor, which is to inform. I get to inform through this podcast, through online content, and the work I do with clients.
Victoria Volk
(00:18:14 – 00:18:44)
Public speaking is just another avenue where I get to align my life with my strategy to inform. I’ve also taken a few other programs that are helping me to explore my wishing more deeply because hello. I really got it wrong, so I’m trying to learn more about that. I’ve also been reading books on human design and a program for manifestors specifically. And I’m also, exploring other teachings to help me build my authority as a grief expert.
Victoria Volk
(00:18:46 – 00:19:06)
We live in an amazing time where information is literally at our fingertips. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. I have never understood boredom. But with 3 thinking themes in my Youmap and a thirst for knowledge and information. In my mind, there is always more to learn.
Victoria Volk
(00:19:06 – 00:19:57)
And with my manifestor energy, there’s always something to do even if it’s meditating and learning to just be, which is also something I intend to incorporate more back into my life in 2024. Meditation is amazing for getting to a neutral state. And as an emotional type, it behooves me to empower myself in that department. So these are my takeaways, my 7 takeaways from 2023, some a bit heavy, some a bit lighter. But I think all of them are little golden nuggets of pieces that I’ve personally taken away, through my 2023 experience and have learned from and will continue to learn from moving forward into 2024.
Victoria Volk
(00:19:58 – 00:20:39)
So in the show notes, you will find, information for the sponsor for Magicmind. You will find the GoFundMe for Lindsay Joy and Maha Bodi. There will also be a link to learn your human design and also a link to Youmap information. I just briefly touched on the Youmap, but the thing is the more you know yourself, the less you look to others to tell you who you are. So whether that is through Youmap, through human design, through all of these things that are available this information available at your fingertips to help you to better understand yourself.
Victoria Volk
(00:20:40 – 00:21:03)
And that’s actually been one of my missions probably since about 2014 to really understand myself, which is an ongoing process. And I don’t imagine I’ll be stopping anytime soon. So thank you for listening to this week’s episode., I hope you found it helpful. I hope you found it inspirational.
Victoria Volk
(00:21:04 – 00:21:39)
Maybe some pieces resonated with you that, you’d like to share with me. I would love for you as a listener to inform me. If you found this helpful or any other episode for that matter, it is my service to you in doing this, and it lights me up. And so thank you so much for being here, for listening in 2023, for sharing the episodes if you did, for leaving a review if you found it bowl. And remember, when you unleash your heart, you unleash your life.
