Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources, Spirituality |
There is one thing we can do, that can be challenging to find (especially working parents), but is always available to us if we make it a priority – silence.
If we consider how much time we spend watching television, on our phones, or listening to and taking in other media (podcasts, audiobooks, or music) – we can likely find ten minutes to find some silence.
Silence is one of my favorite things. During the day, if I’m working from home, I rarely have the television on, and, if I have music, it’s music for concentration.
We don’t need to practice meditation to discover solutions to our most pressing problems (although it is beneficial for that). We don’t need to ask every other person in our life for advice. All we need to do is get quiet, silently ask ourselves what our hut (heart + gut) is trying to tell us, and bring awareness to how our bodies respond to the situation at hand that is keeping us stuck.
This concept may sound simplistic, but I feel like I complicated making decisions for much of my life. I struggled with making the wrong decision; thereby, indecision became the natural thing to do. The one thing that changed was I started getting intentionally quiet and started asking myself better questions – digging more deeply into my heart to find the answers.
So, how do we tap into our inner-knowing (our hut)?
There are many resources out there and various ways of tapping into our hearts. Tapping (no pun intended), for example, is one way. Journaling is another way to free-write your way to answers to your most pressing questions. There are lots of journal options out there with journal prompts, if free-writing isn’t your thing. You could also check out the app, Jour: Journal for Mindfulness, if digitally, at your fingertips is a preference.
The main point is to ask, get quiet, and allow what comes to you, being open to receiving guidance from your inner-knowing.
Does this all sound woo-woo to you? Before 2014, I would’ve probably blown this off. But, I was also very disconnected from my heart, too. There is so much wisdom within us that we rarely (if ever) need to look to outside sources. Sure, an in-depth conversation with a friend can spark a thought, idea, or solution. But, nothing replaces connecting to our own heart. That is where our truth is – and no one knows that better than we do ourselves.
Childhood Grief, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
When you think of your treasures as being your time, money, feelings, beliefs, how do you want others to treat them? How do you want others not to treat them?
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. – Proverbs 4:23
Think of your heart as the home of your treasures. Wouldn’t you value your treasures and do all that you can to keep them protected?
It is the things we don’t value that we don’t worry about guarding. However, if we think about the treasures of our heart as a bank, we’d have the security around our bank pretty tight, right? At least, much tighter than that of a junkyard.
What happens though, if we’re raised not knowing or believing this? What if we grow up not feeling treasured? What if we are victims of sexual abuse? What happens to us when traumatic childhood experiences impact our treasures?
We neither grow up knowing what it means to feel treasured, nor do we know how to treat our treasures moving forward. Our boundaries are trampled on, and we do not learn or know how to positively create and enforce personal boundaries.
What do you think happens to the soul and heart of someone who doesn’t protect their treasures?
Think about all the scenarios where your time had been taken for granted, where it was assumed you would “take care of it” because well, you always did. Think about all the relationships you’ve gone through, only to find yourself time and time again, with someone who continues to participate in self-destructive behavior. Only, it’s not self-destructive, because being with that person impacts you, too.
How about when our beliefs and values are criticized? We often find ourselves giving in to others and conforming to the beliefs and values of others, too, because we haven’t learned how to speak up for ourselves. We may not even know what we value and believe. Or, may think things about ourselves that are not true, too.
Let the Past Be a Teacher
We must recognize when our treasures are being invaded and take steps to learn ways to enforce boundaries around our hearts. Every transgression against us can leave an imprint that may take years (or decades) to erase. Making our hearts a priority in well-being changes the game of life – it changes our lives.
We often learn through traumatic childhood experiences that giving, giving, giving is expected – there’s something within you for the taking. But what do we learn to give ourselves during those years? Not much. It isn’t until adulthood, where all the awareness of what was lost comes to light – and where healing needs to take place.
I’ve gained much awareness about boundaries that I did not have growing up. This awareness has taught me exactly where boundaries were necessary for my well-being. Taking time for ourselves isn’t selfish. And, speaking up for what is not okay with us, enables us to become more confident. There is so much power in boundaries — which are less about control and more about self-love.
In what ways do you recognize that your time, money, beliefs have been disregarded or lost altogether through boundary inflictions? In what ways have you ignored your established boundaries for the sake of others?
I’m not saying to close up your heart; quite the opposite. You see, when we learn and establish boundaries for ourselves, we give from a place of freedom and love, rather than from a place of guilt or fear.
Need a little help as I did in the boundaries department? I highly recommend the book Boundaries. It is an eye-opener. It was also the perfect follow-up to the internal work I’ve done (and continue to do) in grief recovery. You can find Boundaries on Amazon or with the companion workbook here.
As we get ready to flip the calendar to another year and another decade, what do you wish would be there for you? Perhaps some boundaries to guard your treasures? You don’t have to wish, my friend. The beauty of moving into 2020 is that knowledge is always within reach; education is literally at our fingertips. There are so many resources out there for growth; it’s mind-blowing if you think about it. We are living in a time of great fortune, because, how fortunate are we to have the access that we do?
There is no excuse not to grow these days. And because growth is a conscious choice, I challenge us all to think about the areas of our lives where growth is necessary to our happiness. I have several books on my shelf to choose from to read next (I just finished Boundaries, yay!) and I’m having quite a difficult time deciding. But one thing I know to be true is this: I do not regret choosing growth. Grief recovery work, and other means of growth, have directly impacted all areas of my life. I feel so darn good about going into 2020, which is a stark contrast to how I was feeling going into 2019.
How about you? In what areas of your life do you want to grow in 2020?
Onward and upward, friend. If you want to grow in your heart and release and let go of the pain that is holding your heart back from growing, you know where to find me. <3
Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness |
Happy Friday, friend!
In a recent meditation, the word abundance came to mind. The thought that followed was the realization that our abundance is in our minds.
When we think about abundance, our minds often think about tangible things.
I wrote the following passage in my journal after my meditation, and it completely shifted my view of abundance — just like that. Admittedly, this isn’t the first time I’ve probably heard or read something similar to this, but today, I don’t know — it seemed to stick like glue. So much so, I felt the need to share it, in case it may help shift how you see abundance moving forward, too.
Abundance is in the mind — literally. Our minds are full of so much knowledge and experience; giving us the capacity to dream, problem-solve, and co-create with our creator. It’s a brilliant and complex gift – all this abundance – already there and, too, waiting to be discovered. Abundance isn’t only about wealth, attainment, or the material things of our world. What if we viewed abundance as being our knowledge and unique life experience that sets the foundation for creativity, ingenuity, and growth? What if we fully believed and felt abundance is already ours and always there for us? We would feel limitless. We would be limitless and act is if we were limitless.
So often, I’ve found myself focusing on things without much attention — to the intention. It’s a mindfulness practice to daily check-in with ourselves, giving some intentional thought to what we’re focusing on at the moment. I’ve struggled lately with this – what I’m focusing on or giving my thoughts to, and having this thought about abundance today helped me zoom out a bit to the bigger picture.
I am abundant because I AM abundance. And, so are YOU. I don’t know if you need to hear this, too (as I’ve found myself saying this a few times this week to others), but as the entrepreneur, Marie Forleo says: Everything is figureoutable. And, it is, because you’ve got all the abundance of knowledge you already need, the experiences only you know deeply, and the ability to tap into it all – any time you need. Any questions you find yourself asking others, grab yourself a paper and pen, write those same questions down, and sit with them in silence with zero distractions. Allow yourself to uncover (and discover) the answers for yourself. Remember, you’re abundant.
Did this resonate with you? If so, please share! I’d love to dig into this more deeply with you in the comments. 🙂
P.S. I’ll be speaking this Sunday, December 22nd, at Our Redeemer’s Lutheran Church in Edgeley, ND, during their 9:30 service, if you live in the area. Learn more about grief in 25 minutes than you’ve likely learned your whole life. xx
Grief Tips, Mind/Body Wellness |
When was the last time you reflected on all the good you bring to the lives of others?
When was the last time you patted yourself on the back for getting the kids through another day unscathed, fed, and nurtured?
When was the last time you wrote down all of the things you have accomplished in your life? And, even though you may be thinking there isn’t much to write, I challenge you to consider all the things that don’t necessarily equal monetary gain or accolades. Did you take the initiative to deepen a relationship with a friend or a loved one, perhaps?
2019 has been a year of self-growth and evolution for me. I experienced big shifts that greatly opened up my heart to possibility, my intuition, and experiences that have collectively aided in so much personal growth. I feel as though 2019 was the year a foundation has been laid for a fantastic 2020 ahead.
I want you, too, to experience significant shifts within you. But, we often don’t allow ourselves to think too far ahead and, also, find it challenging to live in the present when we are feeling bogged down by the past. What feels more accurate for you; your past feels like a ball and chain? Or, it feels like a backpack of rocks or a huge boulder you’re carrying?
Regardless of how your past is feeling today, how can you begin to lighten that load? I bet you’re not sure where to start, huh? I know – I’ve been there – and was for many, many years.
2020 can be, no – it will be a fantastic year for you – if you choose it to be so, regardless of your circumstances. Yes, you are that powerful. You can transcend, flip your story around, and elevate your life experience – you absolutely do.
One Step Forward to 2020
Start with the belief that it’s possible. Then, instead of looking at the past and feeling shame, anger, or sadness, find and pick out the parts of you that shined in 2019. Go back to the initial questions above.
Sometimes, our shadow-side feels so much bigger than our light. It’s not who you are – it’s how you treat people. It’s not what you say – it’s what you do. And, I know, if you’re reading this, you’ve done some pretty great things in 2019.
Today, take a moment to celebrate you. I celebrate you. Consider the joy you bring to your dear ones. The humor you may bring to a conversation. The listening ear you give to a friend in need. Or, perhaps it’s merely consciously choosing to be kind to others.
I have a sneaking suspicion that you may not even see your potential. I bet, too, that you learned in childhood that celebrating your wins was anything but humble, and you shouldn’t boast too loudly. Or, that love is won by making someone else proud/happy/insert your word.
Grab a paper and pen and do yourself a favor and celebrate you today – all the things you consider a win that spans your lifetime.
Include all the ways you’ve impacted the lives of others.
When life feels like it’s closing in and it’s feeling a little dark, we must never give up on searching for our own light.
Pain: Both a history teacher and a fortune teller.
What story do you want to tell about yourself next year – or in the next decade?
P.S. Love this post? Share it! And hit “reply” to share what you’re celebrating about YOU! I’d love to hear your stories! xx
P.P.S. Tomorrow, 12/7 at Luminate Studios in Bismarck, ND from 3-4:30, me and two other fab gals are giving a workshop on stress & grief during the holidays. Get your tickets HERE!
P.P.P.S. This Sunday, 12/8, from 2-7 PM, you can find me in Strasburg, ND at Mitch’s Blue Room, where I’ll have a booth set up for a Holiday Vendor Show. I will be offering a very special promotion on all of the group and 1-on-1 programs that day only! So, stop by and see me! If you’re not in the area or able to attend but want to reserve your spot at special pricing, contact me via email at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com that day between 2-7 PM! I will also have my Young Living Essential Oils there as well.
P.P.P.P.S. One final note: I created a “Resources” page that now has all of the FREE Ebooks under one tab. Enter your details for immediate download. Grab one or grab them all – no problem! I will be adding more info under “Resources” as well – stay tuned!
Grief, Grief Tips, Growth, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Spirituality |
Do you know how kids tend to have no filters? Well, maybe it’s about time we adults remove the filters we have around our grief.
Notice how I didn’t say feelings? Yes, all emotions are valid and have value; however, the one I am most concerned about is the feeling of grief. I mean, I am the grief lady, after all! Lol!
In all seriousness, though, this phrase has almost felt like a mantra for me this week. Such as, when I felt myself cower and shrivel a little when I felt my values and integrity were being challenged. Respectfully, I stated my case, stuck to my values, and slept well that night.
Or, in conversation with my accountability group that consists of a beautiful, supportive group of women from all walks of life. This theme popped up for me again as women shared how particular challenges were arising and causing them feelings of grief. Although grief was not the word used, grief is what we feel of relationships that we wish would be/had been different, better, or more.
Also, the courage the women in my current 8-week grief recovery, showed when they shared the truth of their sorrow and pain.
Speak your truth, to me, is not some modern, new personal-development phrase to throw around. When I say it to someone else or when you say it to someone and ask the other person to share their truth with you, you must mean it. Because what is shared back is their truth. And, if you’re not a heart with ears, prepared to hear it, and know what to do with what’s said, then please don’t ask them to share it. And, when someone does speak their truth, thank them for sharing – that’s all you need to do. Don’t analyze, criticize, judge, and by all means, do not compare your story to theirs. Honor their truth with a thank you for sharing and ask if they accept hugs. Hugs are good for the soul; they release the good chemicals in the brain, as do tears. Allow those healing droplets to flow.
Care to speak your truth and need a heart with ears? Speak your truth in recorded audio and email it to me at victoria [at] theunleashedheart [dot] com. This idea isn’t a challenge or anything, and neither the audio nor the email address attached to it will be used in any other way. Sometimes, we need to give our truth a voice and need someone to hear it – and nothing else. If this applies to you, I’m all ears.
P.S. I shared in this social post that I would share what’s next for me this next year in this week’s blog post. Between the time of that social share and sitting down to write this week’s blog post, I felt this topic was what I needed to write, rather than a reflection-of-the-year post that I thought I would write. At any rate, know that I will share a blog post probably next month, I think, where I will do a recap of the year and what I see for 2020. We will soon enter an entirely new decade – are you ready for it? I personally can’t wait! xx
Grief, Living Unleashed, Mind/Body Wellness, Resources |
What comes to mind when I ask the questions: What does it mean to you to live an unleashed life? What does an unleashed life look like to you?
Perhaps no one has ever asked you that question or, maybe it was worded differently? Either way, it may be helpful to think about what it is in life that seems to be tying you down, holding you back, or keeping you stuck.
For me, I discovered it was grief. Grief had a hold on me up until this year, if I’m honest. Living unleashed has been a process of…unlearning. An unlearning of all the ways I would revert to old thought patterns and behaviors, as well as the misinformation and myths of grief passed on through generations.
It didn’t matter what decision I had to make early in my adulthood; I always reverted to the thought patterns and teachings of my childhood. I was leashed to my past in so many ways. I had yet to heal the loss and trauma I had experienced and lacked self-worth, confidence, and I also didn’t trust myself.
Living unleashed, or living an unleashed life, to me, means living a life that fully embodies the qualities of my soul and spirit. When our spirit feels crushed, and our hearts are broken, how can we ever see our light? How can we make decisions based on our soul’s desires instead of fear, if what we’ve been educated about grief is to keep busy, stay strong, that it just takes time, or that we need to bury and replace it?
I feel unleashed of grief for the first time and have grown more confident in my decision-making. Fear and self-doubt don’t over-rule my intuition. And, although my life hasn’t dramatically changed to others on the outside, I know my inner-world has. And, I’ve made moves and decisions that feel aligned with where I only dreamed of being five years ago.
There was a time, I longed for the day to have the inner-knowing I feel today. I felt so lost. So many significant changes were happening at the same time, and I didn’t have the tools to cope. And I also didn’t realize at that time that what I was experiencing was grief.
Significant changes in our lives often bring us grief – we don’t think of our daily experience as the by-product of grief. When self-care is thrown out the window, when you find yourself feeling as though life is passing you by, and you’re not able to live in the present – that’s very likely grief taking hold of your heart. You do your best to avoid, distract, or keep busy – all the while, the only thing you’re distracting yourself from is your heart.
I created Living Unleashed from the place of trying to find my way out of my grief hole. I have come so far, and I know that if it’s possible for me after 30+ years, it’s possible for you – no matter the loss or trauma you’ve experienced. I’ve relied on many means to heal along the way, and Living Unleashed is my way of sharing what I discovered about my grief along the way. The Grief Recovery Method experience I had, picked up where I left off and forced me to get real with my feelings, digging deeper than I had when I was developing Living Unleashed. Reiki has been another tool to deepen my Grief Recovery experience that I feel so grateful to share with others.
What works for me may not work for you – and that’s okay. But, I do confidently say, if you do the work outlined in the Grief Recovery Method, you will find relief, and you will find hope again. And, if you’re not quite ready to unleash your heart in the most in-depth way possible, there’s always Living Unleashed, that can get you started on your healing journey today.
